Giving up something you love for someone you love...

I really enjoy smoking cigars (see post of last week). Tamar hates it. Really hates it, for a variety of reasons. Some logical, others not so.

When we first got married, we came up with a methodology for determining our social engagements. If we were invited to a party, for example, of a friend of Tamar's and I didn't want to go, we would rate it on a scale of 1-10. If Tamar said, "this is a 10," I would go even if I didn't want to. A "3" and I could stay at home.

We had a long talk about cigar smoking and it became obvious that on the list of things that Tamar hates, it's a 10. I enjoy it, but I don't consider it a 10, maybe a 4 or a 5.

Since smoking cigars 1-2 times per year (for whatever reason :-) )causes her a lot of anxiety, I've decided to give it up altogether.

Once upon a time, I would have seen this as an infringement on my independence, my rights as a man, my independence, but thanks to 10 Stupid Things Do To Mess Up Their Lives and to Stephen Covey's classic, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , I've come to appreciate the value-and importance and benefit- of Interdependence.

It's rewarding to do something because of how it makes someone else feel, not how it makes me feel.