Of all the industries that are being turned upside down by the Internet revolution (heads up on cell phones), none is more fascinating to me than music.
What he described is going on in his world as a music producer is precisely what Chris Anderson describes in The Long Tail...to a "T"
So, what is it?
Well, there are a growing number of artists who are not mega-stars, but who are making a decent living ($100k-$150k per year), making their own music, selling downloads via MySpace, pressing their own CD's, and performing in live venues. You don't need the major labels anymore...the micro-markets are facilitated by a huge group of people in a niche (and looking to fill that niche.) All of this is enabled by technology.
Now, I'm not a huge music person...at all, but a few years ago, I was riding in a car with Rob Hirschmann (who is) and he talked about the "Art of the Album."
I don't remember where, but a few weeks ago, I read about how the Beatles were the last great Album Artists, in that they deliberately laid out the songs in an Album to create a type of Musical Mosaic that had meaning from start to finish.
Then, the labels took over, created a few mega-hits and would just throw fluff songs on record/tape/CD and sell it as an "Album."
So, Andy's new project is part-music, part-Art. His site isn't up yet (too bad), but his working concept is a compilation of specific artists with specific songs/tunes in the Album as art form.
What does it all mean?
It means that in times of disruptive technological change, the value doesn't evaporate, it moves...and you have to find it.
The value in music isn't in finding the talent, marketing it through mass distribution channels, or in creating the media (CD, tape, etc.), it's in the experience (album or concert).
There are those who say that the music will be free and that concerts, etc. is how you will make the money in music.
Interestingly enough, I was thinking about this as my kids and I watched Sesame Street this AM. Here's core content being given away...for free...and how do they make money? Not off commercials...off the licensing of products (see my kids' diapers!) and sales of DVD's, etc.
When I talk to people about the flexibility I have in my job, particularly in terms of working from home, they are taken aback (especially government workers).
It's not for everyone, but in a results-oriented culture (post-industrial), as opposed to time-oriented (industrial), it makes sense.
Over the past few weeks, I've gotten together with some folks who make, by my standards, A LOT of money.
Don't get me wrong...they deserve it and work their butts off for it. Good for them.
But it comes at a price.
The price is flexibility.
It's like we said back in the SilentFrog days...we're trying to match up people who have time with those who are willing to pay for it. That's why we called them "TimeBuyers."
In one conversation, I think, I was sitting there saying, "wow, she really makes a lot of money" and she was sitting there thinking, "I can't believe how flexible his (my) work schedule is."
Last May, I heard about a fascinating person-person lending site called Prosper. The basic idea is that, by going around the banks as middlemen, lenders can get higher interest rates and borrowers lower ones.
Of course, the lenders pay for that risk with a higher chance that your loan won't be repaid.
I figured I'd give it a whirl, with a grand total of $150. So far, so good. My average rate of return on loans is 16.27%
I started a group for friends/colleagues/acquaintances.
The benefit is that you have a bit of a trusted network to start with...no guarantees, of course.
Take a look, join my group, and start making...or saving some money.
One of the things I love about Netflix is that I will get a movie recommendation from someone at some point, put it on my queue and then, 4 months later, actually watch it.
Of course, by then, I've forgotten who recommended it to me, so, if you are the one who told me about Invincible...thanks.
It's a familiar story...guy, down on his luck, shoots for the stars...and achieves beyond all possible dreams.
30 year old bartender, Vince Papale, goes to an open tryout for the Philadelphia Eagles in 1976. Improbably, he makes the team, despite never having played college football, becomes a hero to his hometown, and plays for 3 seasons...and the best part...it's a true story.
While Rudy may be the greatest emotional sports movie of all time, this was a solid flick and I enjoyed Mark Wahlberg's acting. The scenery and looks were very 70s. I love football, of course, but in general, a solid 3 star movie.
Thanks to a free offer by Seth Godin and some quick typing by yours truly, I received a copy of Seth's soon-to-be published next book, The Dip.
The basic idea...it's ok (even great) to quit. You just have to know when it's strategic quitting and when it's not.
His argument, your time is your most valuable resource and you need to apply it to the area where you can be "the best in the world." Otherwise, you are wasting your time and burning cycles.
It was a quick read (under an hour) and my wife is now in the middle of it. Best off, I consciously applied "the dip" to a situation I faced over the weekend.
Comcast had sent me a free digital converter box (they want me on the platform-paranoid of Verizon FIOS). I'm fairly technical. Set it up, called the activation number, was told to wait 45 minutes and I'd be good.
Went to bed. Next morning...no picture.
That evening, I tried again. Called tech support 3 times. No good.
Finally, I said, I've spent 59 minutes too long on this. I'm quitting. The tech is coming by to pick it up tomorrow.
Bottom line...I'm not that big of a TV watcher, a few extra channels won't do much for me. It wasn't as easy as it should be (nice to see that Microsoft isn't the only one with this problem), so I quit. My time is better spent on other pursuits (like blogging!) then messing around with TV.
The concept that Seth describes is not rocket science, but as usual, he frames it in a digestible way...and my favorite part, get his most rabid fans (those who read his blog) to be his evangelists to encourage others to buy.
I've been asked a lot about why I feel like it's important or worthwhile to post some of my personal experiences on the blog.
My basic answer is that: I feel like many of us are going through similar experiences. I just want to pull out the common parts of mine, share them, and get your feedback.
Now, obviously, not every experience falls into that category...
Not to be self-validating, but to be self-validating, I share the following anecdote.
An acquaintance approached me and told me that she had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She thanked me for all of my posts on the blog (which she had read) and felt like she was better prepared for the upcoming process.
I guess I feel like in the challenge that is life, if I can help you think about something in a different way (and vice versa) because of the blog (or in the case of the cancer patient, be better prepared), then the blog has served its purpose.
Calanit was screaming and crying for a good 15 minutes yesterday as I tried to get her out of synagogue.
I ignored her.
As I stoically walked my way through the foyer, I wondered...how much of our embarrassment in a given situation stems directly from how you perceive others think?
A lot, of course.
I removed my concern about others perception of the situation. Instead saying to myself, "those with kids know that kids throw tantrums and of those who don't, some know and some don't. It happens. Nothing to worry about."
Once I did that, the pressure was off and I felt much more at peace.
Working for Microsoft is like being a magnet for criticism and unsolicited feedback.
There's one guy I know socially who, in particular, loves to find anything he doesn't like about Microsoft...a product, the way an event was held, a website, a commercial...and tell me what he thinks.
I don't love hearing it....but then again, I do.
You have to search out the criticism, make people feel comfortable telling you about it, because if you do, you've got the dialogue started and you're one step closer to a better product or service.
It's great if all you hear is good news, but then again, it's a delusion. Get the angry folks to talk with you. Whatever it takes.
Anyone who has seen Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke, can recite the movie's key tagline. You're probably thinking it right now...
"What we've got here is failure to communicate."
A few years back, Microsoft's mission was simple...."A PC on every desk and in every home." For all intents and purposes...that vision has been met. This is a concrete goal. The question: now what?
I just finished Chip and Dean Heath's book "Made to Stick" about ideas that stay with you vs. those that don't. Microsoft's problem now...we don't have an idea about what we're doing that "sticks."
While I get emotional about the "Your Potential. Our Passion" ads and since I've drunk the Microsoft Kool Aid :-), the idea of "Software for the People-Ready Business" makes sense to me...but I think they are way too ephemeral. They're too hard for customers and partners to grasp as to what's in it for them.
And what's worse....Microsoft has a GREAT story to tell...it just needs to be crystal clear in terms of mission and what it means to customers.
Let me tell you a story about my recent upgrade to my home computer network.
The center of my universe at home was an XPSP2 Media Center Edition PC in my home office (aka the "man cave"). Upstairs in the living room was an XBOX which allowed me to play all of the recorded content from the Media Center. This way, my kids could Backyardigans and Dora the Explorer and we could all watch all of our family pics and listen to music. Not too shabby.
Here's what it looked like...
And if I wanted to work from home....I'd just open my TabletPC (work laptop) to do that.
What it took to upgrade...
Of course, as a good MS employee, I decided I should upgrade the "center of my universe PC" to Windows Vista. Now, I'm not stupid, so I did a dual-boot scenario....keeping my XP install intact...just in case.
But I didn't need it...I was impressed, Vista installed in 30 minutes. Office 2007 is sweet and the new interface works for me really well. Every day, I find something new that I use...and like in both the OS and the apps..
my Lexmark printer/copier/scanner didn't work (Lexmark isn't going to release a Vista compatible driver)
only the Xbox 360 works with Vista as a 'media center extender,' not the original Xbox
I couldn't blame MS for the Lexmark issue (it is a 4 year old printer). And I'll bite the bullet on the Xbox 360.
So, I figure..."ok, I'll upgrade to the Xbox 360 as well" and sell my old Xbox on eBay. And I do have to say, it's A LOT better than the original Xbox.
Then, I took it to the next level...
I set up a direct connection (for the geeks, using RPC/HTTP) from my home machine to my work server (Exchange 2007).
What that means...I can read all of my email on my home machine and don't need to open my work laptop to check my email at home. It all synchs. (BTW, I also synch all of my files between my work laptop and home PC using FolderShare)
It took a few days and, yes, there were a few frustrating glitches at each stage, but when I stepped back and looked at the network and what I accomplished, here's what I found....
Net cost to me, about $400, thanks to some employee discounts, and probably about 15-20 hours or so of work.
Not inconsequential at all and not easy for everyone (granted, I am more technical than most), but here's what I realized....
What I've got as a result
As a knowledge/information worker...this is what I need more than anything. It's about my network and access to information at any time, from any place...on any device...and keeping everything in harmony. I've got that....and more. And I think many, many people would like this as well.
Is it perfect? No. Could it be easier? Absolutely! Is every Microsoft piece of this puzzle the absolute best of breed? Definitely not.
But you know what?
They all work together...(and heck, the Dash synchs beautifully with Vista/Windows Media Player 11, so I have synchronized music playlists on my PC and phone as well) and, compared to what it would take if I wasn't using Microsoft, well, I daresay it'd be a lot more difficult (and more expensive)...
So what?
And here's the rub....how does Microsoft explain the value of all of this software that really is "better together" in a way that doesn't require someone to be super-technical or go through the lengthy explanation you just read?
What's the one concrete sentence that explains why this is so great? I don't know, but I think this is Microsoft's "Cool Hand Luke" Problem.
Last week, I got into a bit of a "flame war" with some folks in Microsoft who hadn't bothered to upgrade their PC's to Vista yet.
They are a distinct minority, but they basically felt that the time it would require (a few hours, granted) would take them away from the more serious work of "fixing bugs" and "testing" etc. They wanted to be convinced, as a customer would, that it was "worth their time."
I disagreed vehemently...hence the flame war.
My point was...as an employee (and an owner through stock), you've got to make that investment..to understand what the product does to 1. make it better and 2. help sell it.
I may have a different attitude than most...I co-founded a company...and remember distinctly the feeling of ownership.
Today, I spend Microsoft's money the same way I spent my company's money...the same way I spend my own money. For the time being, I am an owner of Microsoft and, as a result, have certain responsibilities and obligations.
Some of these folks, it seems to me, were along for the ride.
I'm not here to beat on them, what I'm here to ask is:
how do you foster a sense of ownership in anything?
How do you do it in a 70,000 person organization?
How do you do it in a synagogue or church?
Or a civic organization?
When you feel like an owner, you behave differently (better, I think), than someone collecting a paycheck or just taking advantages of services.
It's rare that I will review a book before I've finished reading it. It's also rare that I will decide to read a book again immediately after I finish reading it.
The authors tackle the idea of what "sticks" in our minds and what doesn't. They argue that there is a process you can use to help craft ideas that will stay with your intended audience. This has huge implications not only in business, but in politics, non-profits...and beyond.
It's more than a business book, it's truly a how-to guide for securing a place in someone's memory.
They break down the criteria into 6 components using the acronym SUCCESs
S- Simple-what is the core of your idea?
U- Unexpected-people pay attention when something defies their expectations
C- Concrete-solid images and real data make your idea more believable
C- Credible-who is telling the story is important.
E- Emotional-let's not kid ourselves. We are emotional beings at our core
S- Story-People love stories and pay more attention when they want to find out "what happens at the end."
I am so excited about this book that, as I said, I am going to read it again...I have to, because I want to make sure I get all of the ideas in it so I can USE them!
It's got Windows Mobile 5 on it, direct email (a la Blackberry) with a full keyboard, ability to see Word, Excel, Powerpoint, camera, video, music, etc. Heck, you can even watch recorded TV shows.
It's got built in Wi-fi, so I can surf the Net from the phone using any wireless connection (like the one in my house...or Starbucks...or your house).
I signed into Skype...and using the wireless connection, made a Skype call on my phone.
Now, I can call anyone, anywhere in the world (who has Skype) from my mobile phone...with no extra charges (I have an unlimited $19.99/month data plan).
While the kids were drawing with chalk on the driveway and running around the frontyard, I was reminiscing about where I was 6 years ago today...at my wedding.
I knew I'd like to have a family, of course, but there was no way I could possibly picture what my children would actually look like.
And, like hitting skip on a DVD (which we did tonight as we re-lived the wedding by watching the video), here I am...husband-which I became 6 years ago today...and now father of 2.
I don't want to say that life has passed me by, rather that life passes by.
On the video, we saw that the 4 remaining grandparents who were at our wedding are now, as of a few weeks ago, no longer with us.
According to him, most people watch online videos during work hours...not at home.
Just got my stats for last week's blog readership...roughly parallel. Interesting...are we working less or doing more work during non-traditional work hours?
Maybe it's ok...as we move to a society that is not paid by the hour, but paid by the result?
Every 2 years or so, roughly, I make (relatively) big upgrade investments in my technology infrastructure. The investment is in both time and money. I'm almost at the end of this cycle which began with the Vista install process, which part of the reason I'm selling my Xbox on ebay (listing here)
Overall, I think I'm/we're better off.
I've got a much better PC experience (Vista/office 2007) and TV (Xbox 360). My wife has my old scanner/copier/printer so she's got more potential (the one hole is I will need to replace that), and I've repurposed my DVD recorder/player to another TV which didn't have it before.
Over the years, I've done a number of these and each time, I find a way to maximize the return on my investment. Greater productivity, flexibility, and capability.
Now, how to make everyone see the world my way? :-)
March is the season that Members typically receive courtside or sky box seats for NCAA games across the country -- for free. Public universities offer these as thank you gifts for lucrative earmarks.
Perhaps you recall that Congress is promising a lobbying reform that will bar Members from receiving gifts from lobbyists. Make that from some lobbyists.
Public universities, local governments and Indian tribes would be conveniently exempt from that gift ban -- for the largely political and bizarre reason that the Members seem to think that only "private" purposes are corrupting.
Do you have a bathroom scale? You know, the one that you avoid stepping on...
This week has been about getting my "house back in order." Workwise, tax-wise, and yes, weight-wise.
I tend to snack when I'm stressed or sometimes for no reason at all. And while I can stll do 12 sets of 22 pullups or go on the Nordic Track at an intense pace for 30 minutes, I can't avoid simple math.
If you eat more calories than you burn, you will put on weight.
I'm 10 pounds above my average and 15 above my ideal.
A few years back, I was at my all-time worst, 207.
I spent a weekend in Seattle with Jon Jacobson. I saw a picture of him a few years prior...the guy had lost 40 some odd pounds. He motivated me and I dropped 30.
Well, Jon, bring out the picture again, because I'm back in the saddle...and this time, for extra accountability, I am blogging it.
Soon thereafter, he dropped off the "When Harry Met Sally" DVD.
During the game, our conversations wove in and out of the action on the ice and would continue uninterrupted after a good play.
He was reminded of the scene when Harry and his friend were at the Giants game talking about serious relationship stuff and the conversation was interrupted by the Wave.
So, I got to watch the movie again...for the first time in 15 years or so...and though Meg Ryan sort of impressed me (the diner scene is a classic, of course), Billy Crystal's performance was really magnificent...and the dialogue very, very witty. Worth going back to.
And, as Jacob pointed out, quite nicely, I might add.
In light of recent events it sounds like your grandparents would have been a wonderful addition to the vignettes at the beginning of the movie where couples talk about how they met and fell in love.
There's a balance between partner satisfaction and smart marketing.
A partner approached me to be a sponsor at an upcoming open house. They are tincupping to multiple vendors and claim they will have a few hundred people at the event. No problem with that.
They have already made reservations for the Microsoft RV, so MS will have a pretty good presence there.
They've asked me for $1500.
I'm leaning towards no, despite the fact that it will make them "feel good." And trust me, I value relationships…but it has to be of mutual value.
Here's why…
I've extended them 4 event offers, 3 were recalled because of failure to execute
For the one other event, I bent over backwards to get them a presenter. They assured me they'd have 25 customers. They had 9.
They refuse to use click to attend for registration (or even a bulk upload)-which every other partner does and won't use it for the upcoming event. This is critical to visibility and joint sales efforts.
No ROI
The average cost of a breadth event is about $350. We've done 75 of them, generated $2mm in pipeline and are tracking 1000 activities w/partners.
This partner is asking for 5 times that number and offering me NOTHING except for "presence" in front of their customers…which I feel like we'll have addressed with the RV.
I once read a great book called The End of Marketing As We Know It by Sergio Zyman, the former CMO of Coca Cola. He said…if you don't know where your money is going or what it is going to do for you, don't spend it.
So, I'll say this… If I can't track our marketing $, I don't want to spend them.
But it wasn't so much the language as the culture and history for Ancient Rome...which is critical, I believe to understanding part of the modern world (like how the attack from nihilistic forces today resembles that of the Goths, Vandals, and Huns of yesteryear; and the similarities in terms of internal cultural rot, but I digress.)
The Xbox360 is a phenomenal add-on to Vista. It's a blazing fast machine, the graphics are INCREDIBLE, it's much more intuitive to watch our family videos, listen to all of our music, and watch recorded TV (in the living room, whereas my PC is in the basement).
While set-up was about 1000% easier than with XP Media Center and the original Xbox, I did have 2 hiccups that made me say, "damn, this has got to be easier."
something happened that forced me to reset my router. Not a huge deal, but annoying
when programming the universal remote, there was something counterintuitive about how to use TV alone vs. TV w/Xbox.
I've got it working, but wish it was easier. Also, called the Support line and, frankly, it wasn't impressed.
That being said, it went A LOT smoother than I expected and the experience is very nice.
It's the best way I know of to have all or your media files in multiple places.
My tax bill arrived yesterday (see history here). From the CPA :-)
Yes, it's more than I wanted to spend (both on the CPA and on the taxes), but the removal of hassle (CPA, not taxes) was worth it.
Tax bill is never easy. Too big. I went into a bit of a funk. (though I do need to give props to Nancy, my CPA. She made it easy...now, if I could just get her to use e-file)
Then, I opened the door and saw that my new Xbox360 had arrived (see earlier Vista issues).
I felt that giddiness I feel every time I get a new toy, er gadget.
Xbox was also a bit more than I wanted to spend, but since my Poppy was such a gadget guy, I've justified it by calling it the "Stanley J. Robinson Memorail Xbox360." I think he'd be proud.
A main character in Dracula was Dr. Van Helsing. I fast forwarded through the movie. It was too much. Like a 19th century James Bond meets a bit of the Matrix. No good, not worth it.
I'm in the middle of a fabulous book called Made to Stick (more later when I'm done) and they talk about how curiosity motivates us. They call it the "knowledge gap." When you don't know what happens...at the end of a movie, book, or ball game, there's something inside you that stimulates you to find out.
Even though I knew 10 mins into the movie that it wasn't going to be for me, I wanted to see how it turned out, but at least I had the guts to skip through.
Remember that song by Joan Osbourne, "What if God Was One of Us?"
Updated for the digital era: What if God is a Blog Reader?
I think He must be.
Tom Siegman wrote a nice birthday email.
Hope that your new year is just interesting enough to provide compelling blogging without being so interesting that it's not fun to live through.
Tom set down the criteria and God delivered.
Friday night, we were trying to put Calanit to sleep and she was giving us a really hard time. It was one of the most difficult nights we have faced. I mean, uncontrollable. Combination of fatigue and a sugar high/low, but still quite ugly.
It was actually the first time I'd consciously thought to myself, "remember, becoming a grandparent is the reward you get for not having killed your own kids." [I was frustrated, but not to a point of a homicidal nature, of course]. Eventually, the payoff arrives.
We did all we could to bathe her, had to hold her down to get her pajamas on, and then move her into her room.
By the time our guests arrived to help celebrate the birthday, I said to them (none of whom have kids yet)...
"If you had been here 30 minutes ago, I think you could have been convinced to never have children."
The dinner went off beautifully...no kids crying, none waking up. A great meal with some great people. Josh Halpern asks me, "so, what do you want for your birthday?"
"At my stage, I'd be happy with a nap."
Call it foreshadowing...
We went to bed.
At 5.30am, we hear Erez screaming.
I get into his room and discover him standing up in his "sleepy" pajamas (you know, the kind with the feet coverings...)
Why is he standing?
Well, let's just say his dirty diaper came unhinged inside the pajamas and he was covered in, uh, shall we say, human excrement.
Out of nowhere, Calanit appears. Erez is shrieking...I'm exhausted.
I grab Erez out of the crib, take him into the bathroom and strip him...doing my best to avoid any unnecessary contact, if you get my drift.
Calanit follows us into the bathroom. By this point, there is another adult in the bathroom (can't use her name, however, see here) and I'm yelling
"Code Red! Code Red!"
I take Erez and put him down in the tub. He starts SHRIEKING!
It's only then that I realized that because of the challenges in putting Calanit to bed the night before, we had inadvertently forgotten to drain the tub, so the poor guy is sitting in ICE COLD WATER!
Eventually, the situation stabilizes and three of the people in the house go back to sleep.
I am not among them.
For a variety of reasons, it's not until 1.30pm that I can finally slow down and after getting some beautiful cards from my wife and kids, I finally get my nap.
I wake up at 5.30pm...yes 4 hours!
So, a little pilates tonight with see here, a little blogging, and there you have it...a start to the year that I think meets Tom's criteria.
In fact, it was a double bonus, because tonight, when I was gathering up the garbage, I could just put all the bags directly in. Big timesaver!
Of course, it's not an official Epstein trash can until it is painted with the official crest of the town (and countdom?) of Eppstein.
We had a great time with them and Justin/Emily Damelin, Dan/Maia Magder (shout out for the Drano!), and Josh/Meliha Halpern.
They all helped celebrate my birthday with an "adults-only, let's not worry about the kids" meal focused [almost entirely, but not wholly since Maia is pregnant] on non-kid issue.
I had to explain to Calanit this morning that, given our timecrunch, there was no way she was able to walk to our destination so that we'd make it in time.
She didn't like that and said, "I can walk as fast as you."
"No, you can't, but one day, you will be able to."
Then I realized that one day, not only will she walk as fast, she'll walk faster.
One day (hopefully), this will be the person who cares for me in many of the same ways that I care for her.
This lifecycle thing is humbling, very humbling. Reminds me of the Riddle of the Sphinx.
You start off in diapers...and in many cases, that's where you end up.
It's just a different set of people who are helping you.
Apparently, the goal of getting Black students into Harvard has done that, but it's getting recent Black immigrants into the school, not Black students born in America.
So there are African-Americans, but they are coming from Africa.
The analogy of a brain to a computer provides some context for what's been going on the past few weeks.
When life's big events hit you, they affect you, even when you are not thinking about them. Death, sickness, etc....it's like your brain's processor is working "in the background" which means you have a hard time addressing the tasks on the screen in front of you...say cooking dinner or replacing your stove.
It's easy to get upset with yourself and say "what's wrong with me?"
But, I think, we need to recognize that our processors are maxed out...let the background processes run their course and not keep clicking the mouse expecting something to happen.
We moved Calanit to a different nursery school for this academic year.
Yesterday, I picked her up, and since it was the middle of the day, there were no other cars in the parking lot, so I backed up (against the one-way lane) in order to save a lot of time and not have to go around the block.
"That was some old-school illegal driving there," I said.
"Yeah!" she shouted. "We're going to my old school."
Adding to the Freshman 15 and the Fatherhood 15, is the Shiva Seven(teen).
Multiple nights of noshing can really do some damage to your waistline.
Last night, the final night of Shiva for Poppy, one of our former baby sitters, Alex Zapruder (yes, history buffs, it was her grandfather), made a great comment:
During my dad's shiva, I told someone, 'I think Shiva means fat.'
I can blog about my wife, but I can't publically publish anything until after her death (hey, death's on our minds). Call it a Blogogy, instead of a eulogy perhaps?
This satisfies my need to blog and my wife's need for privacy.
The unsung heroes of Poppy's and Nana's shiva are the friends of our family who have generously offered to make meals and "work the kitchen" during the high tide hours, making sure there's food on the table, cups, ice, etc.
I remember this type of help well from the thyroid cancer treatment days.
The people who step up to take care of the little things are the biggest heroes.
When your friends face challenges, make a specific offer to assist with a mundane task. My unsolicited advice.
My sister-in-law Aviva says it's not the "terrible twos," it's the "terrible threes."
Calanit is generally a very, very well behaved girl, but the last two weeks or so, it's clear that she's testing us. Giving us a much harder time about bedtime, getting ready for school, etc. A bit of defiance.
Tonight, as we tried for the umpteenth time to get her in bed, I offered to 'snug' with her...then I asked her about her day.
We chatted for a few minutes about her day...and I had a revelation.
ATTENTION.
That's what (I think) she is craving.
With a ton of our daily energy focused on Erez, she probably feels like she doesn't have QT with her parents.
When I was young, my mom would spend a few minutes with each of the 5 of us in a "private talk" about whatever.
There is a draft in our kitchen near the sink that sends cool air into the house.
It's driving me crazy as I've tried everything I can think of to plug it...with mixed success.
When it comes to energy efficiency, I'm a bit compulsive. In fact, following my $500 gas bill 2 years ago, I contracted with a firm to do an energy efficiency assessment of the house.
Poppy was, for many years, the family's photographer. With the advent of the digital age, I've assumed that role.
My mom emailed this AM:
I need pictures for the obituaries in the paper before noon today. Please send one of Poppy alone and one of the two of them. I want current photos only not WWII photos.
I flipped through pictures going back to 2001 and began to cry, seeing all of the Thanksgiving, Hannukahs, Father's Day, and more in which Nana and Poppy were pictured.
I came upon this one.
As usual, Nana was managing the process of carving and serving the Thanksgiving turkey.
Too often, I hear of stories where people feel regret about not having "spent more time" or said "I love you," yada, yada, yada.
My sister, Dina, spoke beautifully tonight at the Shiva and mentioned how fortunate we were to know our grandparents into adulthood and how every moment was special with them.
About 11 years ago, Dina came to visit me when I lived in Germany.
For some reason, we ended up talking about the idea of Nana and Poppy dying. It was 3am and we were bawling.
But that night changed us both.
We never took a meal or a conversation with them for granted. We were prepared-at any moment-for a call, the call...that would tell us that one of our grandparents had died.
I read a great book a few years ago called The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. He suggests thinking about the events you don't want or are afraid of. Imagine how you will react at that moment. Then, if/when it comes, you won't be panicked. You'll be at east.
Frankfurt, 1996 did that for me (and perhaps my sister).
Is it sad that they are dead? Of course.
Do I have any regrets or any feelings that I didn't appreciate them while they were here? Absolutely not.
Growing up, my dad would say "Behave as if everything you are doing is going to be on the front page of the New York Times." It was his way of saying: be ethical and upright.
In the pre-Internet era, most things wouldn't make it. Now, everything does.
Here's a story of how Best Buy seems to have a "special Intranet site" for in-store customers that shows different prices than the real website...giving them the ability to deny you a discount/rebate if the web is lower than the price in the store.
These kind of shenanigans catch up with you...even more so today. Resist the tempation.
Growing up, in addition to asking people for their week's "high" and "low" points, my dad would often read a section of a book or otherwise pose a question for his guests to answer, discuss, and debate.
Giving people some substance to really dig their teeth into at the meal (pun intended) raises the event from shared meal to shared experience.
And in an Internet-era twist, those guests who come having read this Blog in the past few weeks are already armed with opinions on topics I've proposed.
It's a conversation stimulant as many of us share the background (the blog post) and we launch into a more meaningful conversation.
Yesterday's marathon (in a good way) lunch session with the Lowenstein's and the "we're not going on the Blog, are we?" family was a great case in point. A tip of the hat to them for inspiring this post.
I wrote an Apprentice spoof for the synagogue Purim spiel (sarcastic and comedic observations on community idiosyncrasies.)
Here's what I'll say if you are going to have a role in a skit you did not author.
Stick to the script Five minutes before showtime when you are seeing it for the first time and others have been working on it for weeks is not the time to make edits.
Resist the urge to ad-lib If you are going to do it, you'd better be damn sure you are going to be funny. Most likely, you are not going to be. See #1.
All in all, I think it went well considering we had 2 weeks notice (I know, Purim is unpredictable in the calendar...like Xmas and 4th of July).
64 years ago today, Nana and Poppy were married. It was fitting then and with a romantic twist lost on no one that Poppy was put into the grave next to his lifelong love.
The whole day was a really a celebration of both of their lives. Clearly the deja vu feeling was thick, but I think there was a common belief that, as Poppy would say, "Gam Zu L'Tova."-This, too, is for the best.
It is better that the two of them died in such close proximity. And the speakers, all of them, did such tremendous justice to their legacy, because though they were each individuals, they were very much a pair. (BTW, I stand corrected on my previous post regarding the speakers.)
Our hero left us today, but as my aunt Susan's friend, Carole, said, "he didn't want to celebrate his anniversary without his girl."
And a hero, he was.
Many of the speakers touched on his service in the WWII Flying Tigers, so it was a touch of patriotic irony that as his coffin touched bottom, we looked up and saw Air Force One taking off from Andrews Air Force Base, as if the Commander in Chief himself were paying his respect to one of the mightiest of the "Greatest Generation."
At the cemetery, we attempted to replicate the efforts of Nana's burial and complete the process of filling in the dirt, but the heavy rains of the past few days made that near impossible, so we relegated the completion of the task to the backhoe.
In typical Epstein fashion-be prepared for any eventuality-my brother, my father and I (each independent of the other) had brought workboots to help with the digging (having learned from Nana's funeral and calculated on the rain's impact.)
What we did not anticipate was the splattering that the mud would make as it hit the top of the casket, sending "collateral damage" pieces of mud and dirt onto me and some others nearby.
As I remarked to my cousin Lee, "I think Poppy would be proud. This is truly an 'All-Madden' funeral. I left it all on the field."
As I drove home after the funeral, cemetery, and visit to the shiva house, I looked at my phone. A reminder popped up on my screen (as it does every Friday thanks to recurring reminders).
"Call Nana and Poppy to wish them a Good Shabbos"
I choked up momentarily and thought about the passing of this generation, but in the next instant, I thought of my little niece, Dalia, who for a short time has to wear a corrective helmet. On it, her mother, Julie, had inscribed Poppy's mantra, one he repeated every day since he returned from the war.
With two funerals, a sick child, some travel for her husband, 3 days of work per week, preparing Mishloach Manot for Purim, and cooking for guests this weekend, she's running at 100% capacity.
Death and funerals have a way of both slowing you down and speeding you up.
You take a day off for the funeral and some time for the shiva, but you spend the day before that getting everything in order.
The answer: probably never. Well, until you die.
There's always something...that's just the way it is, I think.
I feel a bit better, thanks to Bert at the IRS. He says I'm not as big of a failure as I might think.
According to him:
I understand your frustration with the tax code...it is truly overly complex and is the major cause of the issues you ran into. As for using a CPA or Tax Professional, do not despair, 62% of all taxpayers choose that option. You are part of the majority of taxpayers. We just need to convince your CPA to eFile.
This is a Public Service Announcement for anyone attending the funeral on Friday.
We met with the Rabbi today. He has stressed in the past that the funeral is for the mourners and we should speak as much as necessary.
I disagree with this policy, but I'm not running a synagogue.
By my estimation, there will be 6-7 speakers at the funeral. Some will invariably be less interesting than others. It's also my experience that people think that 5 minutes or whatever timeframe is longer than it is actually.
My advice: Prepare yourself. Bring a magazine or a Sudoku.
Poppy and Nana wouldn't have and probably would think it rude if you did, but they certainly had no patience for long funeral services with uninteresting speeches so you could have perhaps convinced them that it was ok.
(Note: checking email on a mobile device is permitted at funerals and weddings which go on too long--defined by you)
At 8.41pm last night, the following email came in from my dad:
Mom has asked me to inform you that based on Poppy's condition today and the comments of the visiting hospice nurse, it appears that he is now in what is termed an "end stage."
Poppy's condition took a marked turn for the worse around mid-day. The efforts are all directed to various forms of relieving the varioius sources of his discomfort. Poppy no longer recognizes anyone.
At 11:20 am this morning, while at an event, Tamar called me and simply said.
"Poppy just passed away."
At 11:21, the email from my dad, simply:
I just received a telephone call from Ellen that her father died moments ago.
And just like that, I no longer have any living grandparents. Almost 87 years of life came to an end, only 5 weeks after my Nana died. Certainly no one would have predicted this a year or two ago.
If I look at the person I have become today, much of it can be traced back to Poppy.
He was President of the Union Wallpaper and Paint Company and also my first employer. At age 7, I would walk the 2 blocks from JDS to his store after school (alone!) and he would pay me a quarter for whatever service I provided. I think the service was "hanging out with my Poppy."
Poppy was a self-made businessman.
He went to college for 2 years (at U of MD), but had learned about life the hard way when his father died when he was 15. Born in 1920, he was a child of the Depression and a true War Hero. Our friend, Congressman Waxman (D-CA), was kind enough to insert a moving tribute to him on the occasion of his 83rd birthday in the Congressional Record.
His days in the famed "Flying Tigers" shaped him in many ways, most of all with his questionably safe "evasive action maneuver" as he intentionally swerved the car back and forth, throwing us around in the backseat like a roller coaster, driving us home after a long day of watching football at his apartment.
His financial savvy wasn't learned in academic books, it was learned through careful study. He taught us about investments, stocks, smart management, not to be "penny wise but pound foolish" and the value of a dollar.
Another passion of his was gadgets...yes, it's hereditary.
Our outings would frequently end up Radio Shack or some other store as we played with [and often bought] the newest technology. He could fix most anything and loved trying new things out. I remember taking a great deal of pride in the fact that 6 years ago, I could IM and email with my grandfather, and he had a Palm Pilot (which he knew how to use better than most.)
He had a car that talked to him...in 1988, the first CD player most people ever saw, and was debating with me a few years ago whether it was worth it for him to upgrade the Operating System on his Apple Macintosh. Yes, we concluded, an 85 year old man did have a distinct need for OS X with a broadband connection.
He was my "go-to" career advisor and his best advice, simple, but profound is one that is eternal--Remember...it all starts with the sale. Without that, you have nothing.
Many of you have received a call from me on your birthday...know why I do that? Because Poppy had the birthdays of everyone he knew in some sort of organizer (I've just automated it a bit).
As a businessman, his credibility was immaculate and he always stuck by his word. "Your word is your bond."
But, straight-laced, he wasn't. He had a healthy disrespect for some rules and saw the jokes and opportunity for humor in much of life.
At restaurants, he would sign his credit card receipts as "George Washington" and when I was learning how to drive, we went to the parking lot at NIH, saw some orange cones which he thought would make good parallel parking practice and decided that it was our duty to "liberate" them.
My dad made him take them back.
When I do something that one might say "pushes the envelope", I say, "that is something Stanley Robinson would have done," which sends chills down my dad's (and tamar's) spine.
He liked to wager on football, not a lot, but enough to make it interesting. Thanks to Poppy, I know what a point spread is.
I learned Gin, Backgammon, and Connect Four from him, but more than that, I learned generosity and caring for others.
There's a story that he was interviewing a man for a job on the phone once and the man said:
"Mr. Robinson, I have to tell you. I'm colored." "Oh really, what color are you?" he replied. "I don't care if you are purple or pink. Can you do the job?"
I guess it comes down to convention...Poppy bought into it, when it made sense to him and laughed at it, healthily, when it didn't.
For his 85th birthday, I made a video tribute. You're welcome to view it, but it will only be relevant to those who knew him and his social circle. It's below.
And his social circle was HUGE. He was involved in the Temple, President of the Country Club, volunteered at Sibley (where he was a HIT with the nurses) for many years, and made everyone into a friend.
Well, except for a few :-)
Apparently, there was a Rabbi at his synagogue whom he didn't particularly care for. The Rabbi died and Poppy went to the funeral. Someone said to him:
"Stanley, I thought you didn't like the Rabbi." "I didn't. I'm just here to make sure he's in the box."
He wasn't afraid to share his opinions (athletes make too much money and they don't do it for the love of the game), but he was willing to listen to yours (even if he had no intention of agreeing) and he respected you for them.
He embraced Tamar when she joined the family and I remember the look on his face at seeing his first great-grandchild. That's because I have a picture of it. They were overjoyed and I felt so happy to have given them this moment (with an assist from Tamar, of course).
I'm kind of spent right now, so I'll take a break.
OK, now I admit to hating when reviewers go on and on saying that they aren't parallel. That's fine, though, because if Stoker wanted it to be a movie, he would have written a screenplay.
That being said, it was a mediocre viewing experience. I can see why it won Academy Awards for make-up, etc. and the cast (Reeves, Hopkins, Ryder) was certainly big time, but it felt a bit forced.
Again, who knows how much was because I really enjoyed the book?
On my Windows XP media center machine, if I wanted to burn a recorded show to a DVD, I couldn't do it w/Windows. I bought a program called DVD Santa, which got the job done. It wasn't the best, but it worked.
Last night, I had to burn some shows of the Backyardigans for my nephew's birthday.
Using Vista, I opened up DVD Santa and while it was sitting there, chugging along, the dialog box comes up for "Windows DVD Maker"
I figure, what the heck...
Not only did it work, and faster than DVD Santa, I could make customizable menus and text. It was VERY slick.
Calling it a tragedy is melodramatic hogwash, but the fact that I know so many solid people who are single, above the age of 30 and unable to find a soulmate really causes a pit in my stomach.
I obviously enjoy connecting people (and getting the credit for it!), but all personal interest aside, when I talk to our single friends, I have a much deeper appreciation for what I have in my wife...despite her numerous faults :-) [which are dwarfed by mine, of course...compulsive blogging being one of them.]
This post has grown out of a serious of coincidental conversations.
About 4 weeks ago, one of Tamar's colleagues at work indicated that he was ready to start dating again following the break-up of a multi-year relationship. He's Turkish, very open-minded, funny, handsome, smart, multi-lingual, and has a great sense of humor, but he was struggling.
Tired of the bar scene, he didn't know where to turn next.
Given the smaller pool of eligible people, it's obviously more severe within the Jewish community.
I got an email from a long-time acquaintance, Rinny Yourman, who had previously written a great article (contact her at "cek AT rinny.com" for a copy) in the Washington Jewish Week about the importance of introducing your single friends to each other.
She wrote:
On my end, almost all of the single people I know these days are women in their 30s.
A few in the low and late 30s, but most in the mid-30s. Women at this age have a much harder time finding dates (men in their 30s can easily date women in their 20s, but generally not vice versa).
My female friends range in religious level from conservative to frum with most around conservadox. It sounds to me like they're all having trouble finding dates.
Do you have any single male friends in their 30s and 40s who would be willing to date women in their 30s? The women I'm looking out for live in DC, Philadelphia, NYC, and Chicago.
I keep thinking this is a double mitzvah for my friends because dating is so much harder for them than for men and women in their 20s.
And she's right, of course. May be time for Tamar and me to bring out the spreadsheet, but we can't do it alone.
A few days later, I called a friend of ours (orig. Tamar) for her birthday.
Karen lives in NYC, has an MBA, is wicked hot (don't tell Tamar I said that), and "just wants to skip the dating scene and find a guy who is serious." Basically, she wants to ask on the first date, "are you ready to settle down, get married, and have a family?"
She doesn't have time to waste (she's 38, but looks 28), nor should she. It's a crime that a woman like this hasn't found someone.
ENOUGH BULLSHIT! is the cry I am hearing from all angles...why can't people just say exactly what they mean when it comes to arguably the most important decision you'll make (kids may be 1st).
And then, tonight, I get this email:
On another note…I wanted to ask you for some help…I created this website:
and I'd like to get your feeback - constructive criticism - what to do, what to say, how to make it better, what to include, etc.
Maybe you could also give me a quote for a "references" section of the website…examples that I just made up… "I've known Jason for 5 years and he is a really great guy." - Fran D.
"Jason and I were in a hiking club together, I haven't known him so long... But can that guy climb rocks!" - Todd M.
Also - feel free to pass on to any eligible bachlorettes :)
What to do? How to help?
Of course, if you're interested in any of the folks listed here, leave a comment and I'll see about facilitating :-)
[Tamar and I reserve the right to discriminate about potential matches based on perceived 'fit'] This refers to the B-52/Tomahawk Theory of Dating (basically 'carpet bombing' of potential mates vs. 'precision guided' suggestions.]
After 90 minutes of pulling my hair out on Sunday night, I'm giving up on another one of my quixotic pursuits (at least for me) to do my own taxes this year.
Somewhere between trying to figure out the breakdown of the shares I sold between ESPP and ISO and TurboTax online hanging/crashing on me, I said, "this is enough."
I can make the $700 I'm going to save in the the time I'm devoting to doing my own taxes.
Or at least I tell myself that...
The other justification I am falling back on is by quoting the "Millionaire Mind," where the author cites a key differentiator of millionaires as willing to pay for "education, health, and financial advice."
And the last justification...I struggle with work/life balance to begin with, I don't need the stress of having to spend 15-20 hours of my time at home on something I hate. So I pay for the convenience of having someone else do it. Opportunity cost? Maybe, but life's short, I'd rather hang out w/my kids and wife.
So, Nancy (my accountant), you win, because I am a loser (or at least I feel like one).
I'm not a millionaire, but as I tell Tamar about cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping..."these are not my core competencies, so I have no choice but to outsource them."
I don't mind paying for solid advice.
As a citizen, I mind that I can't get this job done in 2 hours or less. And I sing this song a lot.
I guess I don't do well with life's guarantees (at least when it comes to me). :-)
At the very least, maybe I can get Nancy to do e-filing so I don't feel like I'm not living consistent with my values. And, perhaps I can convince her to give me a discount b/c I sent her a referral! :-)
Had an intro call with a new business partner. He made my day by telling me that he'd read this blog and it wasn't the "usual PR junk you would expect from Microsoft."
To paraphrase, he found it "entertaining" and he could see that there was a real person at Microsoft who was going to work for his success.
Doubly pleasing because this is the point of the book that Dave Sobel at Evolve sent me called Naked Conversationsco-written by famous Microsoft blogger, Robert Scoble (with Shel Israel), arguing for the power of blogging and the ability to change the ways that companies interact with their customers and partners.
I've gotten some value out of the book (about 40% of the way done) but arguably it's more for the newbie. I'm a believer, so Scoble and Israel are preaching to the choir. However, if you're interested in the power of blogs, this is a good read for you.
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