Calling it a tragedy is melodramatic hogwash, but the fact that I know so many solid people who are single, above the age of 30 and unable to find a soulmate really causes a pit in my stomach.
I obviously enjoy connecting people (and getting the credit for it!), but all personal interest aside, when I talk to our single friends, I have a much deeper appreciation for what I have in my wife...despite her numerous faults :-) [which are dwarfed by mine, of course...compulsive blogging being one of them.]
This post has grown out of a serious of coincidental conversations.
About 4 weeks ago, one of Tamar's colleagues at work indicated that he was ready to start dating again following the break-up of a multi-year relationship. He's Turkish, very open-minded, funny, handsome, smart, multi-lingual, and has a great sense of humor, but he was struggling.
Tired of the bar scene, he didn't know where to turn next.
Given the smaller pool of eligible people, it's obviously more severe within the Jewish community.
I got an email from a long-time acquaintance, Rinny Yourman, who had previously written a great article (contact her at "cek AT rinny.com" for a copy) in the Washington Jewish Week about the importance of introducing your single friends to each other.
She wrote:
On my end, almost all of the single people I know these days are women in their 30s.
A few in the low and late 30s, but most in the mid-30s. Women at this age have a much harder time finding dates (men in their 30s can easily date women in their 20s, but generally not vice versa).
My female friends range in religious level from conservative to frum with most around conservadox. It sounds to me like they're all having trouble finding dates.
Do you have any single male friends in their 30s and 40s who would be willing to date women in their 30s? The women I'm looking out for live in DC, Philadelphia, NYC, and Chicago.
I keep thinking this is a double mitzvah for my friends because dating is so much harder for them than for men and women in their 20s.
And she's right, of course. May be time for Tamar and me to bring out the spreadsheet, but we can't do it alone.
A few days later, I called a friend of ours (orig. Tamar) for her birthday.
Karen lives in NYC, has an MBA, is wicked hot (don't tell Tamar I said that), and "just wants to skip the dating scene and find a guy who is serious." Basically, she wants to ask on the first date, "are you ready to settle down, get married, and have a family?"
She doesn't have time to waste (she's 38, but looks 28), nor should she. It's a crime that a woman like this hasn't found someone.
ENOUGH BULLSHIT! is the cry I am hearing from all angles...why can't people just say exactly what they mean when it comes to arguably the most important decision you'll make (kids may be 1st).
And then, tonight, I get this email:
On another note…I wanted to ask you for some help…I created this website:
and I'd like to get your feeback - constructive criticism - what to do, what to say, how to make it better, what to include, etc.
Maybe you could also give me a quote for a "references" section of the website…examples that I just made up… "I've known Jason for 5 years and he is a really great guy." - Fran D.
"Jason and I were in a hiking club together, I haven't known him so long... But can that guy climb rocks!" - Todd M.
Also - feel free to pass on to any eligible bachlorettes :)
What to do? How to help?
Of course, if you're interested in any of the folks listed here, leave a comment and I'll see about facilitating :-)
[Tamar and I reserve the right to discriminate about potential matches based on perceived 'fit'] This refers to the B-52/Tomahawk Theory of Dating (basically 'carpet bombing' of potential mates vs. 'precision guided' suggestions.]
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