I just love the power of social and digital to keep relationships alive over time and distance.
When I was in London recently, I saw my former NYC neighbor, Polar Bear club member, and running partner, Robyn Massey for the first time in 13 years.
Without technology, there's NO way we would have stayed in touch.
This is one of the reasons why I am so passionate about technology.
I will admit, I don’t usually put much thought into wedding gifts. My philosophy is “either buy from the registry or give cash.”
That’s what people usually really need when they are starting out.
But, the other day, my friend and former running partner, Robyn, sent me a note to challenge this belief.
“I keep thinking of you and NFO, because you gave us some lovely trays as a wedding gift, "to serve each other."
We use them all the time and, lately, our younger daughter has taken to using them to surprise someone in the family with breakfast in bed. With reciprocation, this has generated quite a few different breakfasts in bed for different members of the family, all on the trays that you gave to us.
It is nice to see Hilary's delight at giving the simple gift of a cup of coffee and a bowl of Cheerios on a tray, or receiving breakfast on a tray herself. Anyways, this new "tradition" that Hilary has started for our family struck me as very much in the spirit of the gift that you gave to us, so I thought that you might like to hear about it.”
Now, it’s possible that these were on Robyn’s wedding registry, but obviously the note that accompanied it (undoubtedly written by the NFO) lodged itself in Robyn’s mind…and though we haven’t seen each other in a LONG time, still serves as a bond.
Maybe towels aren’t the way to go?
What is your wedding gift philosophy?
Elysa Coles Sicard.
Well, sort of.
You see, Elysa and I knew each other when we were both students in Japan in 1997. We saw each other once after that when she lived in DC, but it’s been at least 12 or 13 years…if not more.
She’s been living in Poland and now in France.
We talk every 4 years or so.
The other day was one of them and I was astounded as she recollected and commented on blog posts and observations I had made over the years.
The blog served as a social glue, of sorts, connecting us as friends over time and distance of conversations. Asynchronous friendships. Not the real-time stuff of Facebook, but deeper, allowing her to reflect and ruminate on what I had written and then talk about it live.
There are days when I look at the blog traffic and think, “well, hardly anyone reads,” but then I remind myself that the personal blog is not a professional blog.
It’s a repository for friends to peruse when they feel like it and whether it is one or one hundred posts, it’s a chance to build the connection.
Thank you, Elysa for reminding me of that.
When I travel somewhere, I do my best to coordinate a central meet-up for folks in that city.
In LA, we had a great turnout and I felt so blessed to connect:
What makes a gathering like this work, in my opinion, is that you give people a chance to get out of their normal circles and get exposed to others with new ideas.
For example:
And on top of it all, I walk away feeling all the more inspired and connected.
My friend, Yak, has become a semi-connoisseur in the art of making Ethiopian coffee using traditional tools (with some modern touches thrown in).
It’s strong and good!
Here’s a video I did of him explaining how the magic happens. Enjoy.
Image by Hot Rod Homepage via Flickr
“Do you like Owen Wilson’s characters?” my friend, Joe, asked.
“Like ‘Behind Enemy Lines’ or ‘Wedding Crashers?’”
“More like ‘Wedding Crashers.’”
“Sure,” I said. “Why?”
“I thought of you this week while watching his newest movie. You definitely don’t look like him, but his characters always seem to go off on these philosophical riffs…they remind me of how you talk.”
“Do I riff or do I rant?
I kind of feel like a riff is positive. It’s what jazz musicians do. Rants…not so much.”
“You definitely riff,” he said.
So, the question is: how do you know if you are riffing or ranting?
How can you tell if someone else is riffing or ranting
People who have known you for 60-85% of your life play a special role.
They give you the perspective, in part, on how you have become the person you are.
I can’t remember which book it was that said it, but your friends have a HUGE influence on your personal development.
This past week, I had a chance to reconnect with some of the people who have done that for me for my 20th high school reunion.
My graduating class was small..only 41 seniors and there were those who had started kindergarten with me.
We had a chance to reminisce, of course, but also to reflect.
I got the sense from some (I know I felt this way) that this was one of the first moments in our lives where we’d had the opportunity to say, “whoa…a lot of time has passed.”
It’s easy to do that when you remember playing basketball in first grade with that person.
But, I also think these types of friends and people are some of the ones who can help “keep it real” for us.
So to speak, “they remember us when…” and as a result, are less likely to be impressed by fluff or BS and, in many cases, will “tell it like it is.”
I think we all know that, as we age, the true friends are the ones who have the ability to serve that role for us.
Seeing childhood friends who are willing (and often happy!) to help in that respect, even if it isn’t often enough, is how they continue to influence your development for the rest of your life.
My buddy, Ben Vollmer, said that to me a few weeks ago.
I had been nudging him (consistently) about something.
He responded: “Back off, I’ll get to you in January.”
And he will.
When I thanked him for his direct approach, he said, “Good Friends aren’t afraid to slap one another.”[ ™ Ben Vollmer © 2009]
And he’s right.
Being a good friend means, I think, being willing to put people in their place and say what others won’t.
A few weeks ago, I took my kids to a Hannukah concert.
There were two very special elements to it.
First, the lead singer was Doni Zasloff who has the unique distinction of being my first girlfriend ever. ;-) Her band and music are just phenomenal, judging from the prestigious award they won.
But, more than that, was the way that my kids responded.
I don’t remember ever seeing them get up and dance in such a pure, innocent way as I saw that day.
I also don’t remember feeling so happy by the fact that they were so happy. They were on the stage, singing, dancing, hugging. Even Nadia was bouncing up and down like a little kid (oh wait, she is a little kid).
Seriously, just a great moment when you FEEL the emotions of your kids through you.
Video isn’t great, but here you go:
they can be great.
You’ve read the story of the unfortunate “Of course you do, you’re a Jew!” in Atlanta.
Well, Susanne was kind enough to send me a copy of her book Who Do I Become When I Am No Longer Me?
The book is a collection of true stories from her work as a medical professional, helping people learn to live again after a massive change brought on by debilitating disease, accident, etc.
It is HUMBLING.
Perfect for this time of year (in the Jewish calendar, at least) when self-reflection is paramount.
When I was first diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I remember my reaction was “why not me?”
We tend to think that these things only happen to “other people,” but they can (and we know full well, do) happen to us.
What happens then?
If you are a dancer and you can’t move your legs…who do you become?
If you are a social networker and you can’t talk or type, then what?
A foodie who can’t cut vegetables anymore?
You get my drift.
Stepping back to think about those things helps you appreciate the moments you have, because, it’s cliche, but things change in an instant.
See? Plane chats are great things.
One of the things I love about my current “job” is the opportunity to change the way people think about a few, key things.
I was really touched to get a phone call the other day from a self-described “Raving Fan,” Zakia who just said “I just really love what you write about on your blog (www.ignitingtherevolution.com)”
And then, the same day…it was a good day for me… I got the following note from another friend about reading the blog had changed his job search prospects for the better.
Here's a small endorsement of one of your mantras. Thought you might like it. (Feel free to use it anonymized.)
I have had "be remarkable" on the brain for the last few weeks while doing some old-fashioned job hunting. Seeing the phrase over and over in your tweets has pounded it into my head so much that it came to me this afternoon at a moment when it mattered.
A couple weeks ago I was rec'd for a job by someone I worked with last year. That got me a phone interview, and then they gave me a sort of take-home test (the job is, in part, data-intensive). I turned in the test, got a "thanks" email, then heard nothing. I followed up a week later and still heard nothing.
I finally got an update email today, saying they're still in process and have been busy on "a couple of big projects that are coming to a head." This seemed sort of discouraging -- if they'd really liked me in the interview and liked my work on the test, they would've hired me and I'd be helping on those "big projects" right now, right? And job hunting is a fundamentally discouraging exercise. (As an aside, you might be shocked to hear how many people simply stop communicating, despite polite follow-up, even after taking
But "be remarkable," right? So instead of archiving the update and waiting another week or two, I got cheeky, and replied: "Thanks, [firstname]. Want any help with those projects?"
His reply: "Be careful what you offer, I might take you up on it! Actually, most of the projects are a little hairy right now, but if I can think of a good way to take you up on your offer, I won't hesitate."
Now, maybe I'll get the job and maybe I won't. But in his update email, the employer gave me a small opening -- an opportunity to improve my position. And I took it, because I had "be remarkable" running through my head.
So thanks for improving me by being so damn repetitive.
My answer: Definitely. (unless they are REALLY weird.)
Why?
Well, I’ve had enough instances where I met someone online and then a year (or whatever) later, I meet them in real-life and we are fast friends.
And, now, I have proof.
The whole story is covered in the video below, which Dan took with his super-cool nightvision camera system.
The blog post when I first met Dan is here.
Bottom line: thanks to Facebook, we connected, had a chance to chat, have built a relationship and he was able to meet me at the airport….and I know that my life is richer for it.
And part 2 of the conversation (after I accidentally turned the camera off ;-) is below.
With the help of my personal sushi waitress, the Seattle FOJ’s (or some of them) joined me the other night for a small get together. Instead of pics, we’ve got video this time.
So great to see Susan (and her 11 week old son, Leon), meet her husband, Isaac for the first time, see Allison Heber (whom I’ve now known for 17 years…crazy) and Inbar Gazit (another former Microsoftie)
On the way out, I gave Elizabeth (my waitress) a big hug while she was at another table.
I turned to them and said, “she’s the best waitress in all of Seattle!”
They nodded.
"No, you don’t understand…I live in DC. Every time I come to town, I call to see if she’s working. I have her cell phone number!”
Their eyes lit up…They got it.
After my post on trying to get Tonka to go down the slide at the swimming pool, I received the following note
I just want to let you know that sometimes in person we don't communicate well and you make me feel you don't really like me, but you're a great writer and your blog is really touching.
You moved me to tears today and I think you should feel good that you can really get people to think.
How would you respond?
I’ll share what happened next in a future post…
Image of Jonathan Novich
I found myself alone in the front of the minivan at 9pm with the rest of the team sleeping in back on the last leg of our family vacation.
Since I hadn’t put the word out to schedule late-night conference calls, (see “how to use Twitter and Facebook” to network”), I invented Rolodex Roulette.
The idea?
Commit to calling one person in my phonebook for each letter of the alphabet by last name and allow the randomness of the touch screen scrolling interface to determine whom I would call.
You never know, right?
Well, I ended up making 23 calls (I only know one person whose last name starts with X and he lives in Japan, so that wasn’t going to happen) and we got home before I could get to Y and Z.
The result?
8 GREAT conversations and connecting with people I hadn’t chatted with in a LONG time.
Plus, when you talk to “random” people, you have the opportunity to hear things that are outside of your normal discourse, which broadens your worldview.
Here’s the list (* means that I actually spoke with them)
A 33% hit rate. Not bad.
Clark (#22) suggested that the idea could be an iPhone app and linked into social networks such as a Facebook status update (tweet) that says “I am playing Rolodex Roulette and speaking with Clark Valberg now” (with the appropriate links.)
Anyway, I had a great time and highly recommend the game.
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