Conversation with a new Widower...

Last night the immediate family and friends of Nana gathered for an emotional therapy session facilitated by Rabbi Lustig of Washington Hebrew Congregation (it also doubled as eulogy research for him!)

There were a lot of good stories about her and it rounded out a lot of my visions and thoughts about her. Too bad, we only did this after she died.

A few days ago, I was approached by a friend who is organizing a bachelor party for a mutual fund. He was soliciting ideas. The usual suggestions had been made, of course, but I suggested that each friend bring 1-2 great stories about their past with the focus of the weekend. That way, we’d have a fuller picture of him. It occurs to me that, in life, we can make these types of sessions, if we wish, and not wait until the person is dead to obtain that perspective.

The session on my Nana was extremely powerful, but it was the 15 minutes before that which are on my mind.

I went into Nana and Poppy’s bedroom and found Poppy lying on the bed. He doesn’t look so great. Since his stroke, his speech has been impaired, even though he understands what you are saying.

He kept apologizing for “breaking down,” but couldn’t stop himself from crying. I assured him, it was ok.

Growing up, he used to grab us and rub his hand in our hair while asking, “Are you tired of living?” It was a 30 year joke, at least.

“Poppy, I think this may be the first time when it’s not so funny if I ask you if you are “tired of living?” He laughed. “I guess the joke isn’t as funny when you get old.” Another laugh. That was a good sign. There’s still a reservoir of life in him.

But he was very, very sad and I felt so bad for him. The void must be tremendous.

“Pop,” I asked, “in all of your years with Nana, did you ever think she would go first?”

“Only when she got sick,” which was in the past year.

“But five years ago?”

He shook his head. No.

Asher was in the room with me, crying as well and at one point said, “Pop, you’ve been so great to us. You’ve taught us everything we know.”

One of those things is to appreciate life at every step.

Another one of Poppy’s sayings, as I wrote here, is “Every Day is a Bonus Day” which came from his WWII experiences.

I turned to him. “Poppy, I know that today must be very, very, very hard.”
“It is. So hard.”
“But you taught us that every day is a Bonus day, right? Even the ones that aren’t so good.”

He nodded.