After a whirlwind day of travel, cell phone tag, and introspection, I found myself in the elevator of Sibley Memorial Hospital at 8:30pm, thinking..."this could very well be the last time I ever see my Nana alive."
Soon, I was allowed entry into her room. There were a few rules.
- I could only stay for 5 minutes
- I could not cry or get emotional
These were Nana's instructions.
At first, Nana asked me about the weekend in Dallas and how the kids were recuperating. I answered and expressed Tamar's regret at not being able to visit.
Eventually, I summoned up enough courage to ask her, "So, Nan, how are you doing?"
She replied, "It's my time. It's imminent."
Not sure how to respond to that, I said, "so, uh, how does it feel? Do you
have a heightened sense of awareness about time now?"She understood that I wasn't trying to make conversation or be flip but to
somehow empathize with her as she ventured towards the unknown."It's terrifying. I feel very weak," she confessed.
"I guess no matter how old you get, you never get experience in this area, do
you?"She laughed. "Nana," I continued, "I'm really not sure what to say here...can
you give me some advice?""You've been wonderful to me and I love you very much."
I started to get choked up.
"You know, my mom said you didn't want me to cry, but I'm having a really
hard time.""Don't cry," she instructed, "it makes me depressed."
We both chuckled at that. We heard the voices of my sisters outside and she
said, "go home and see your family. Give them a big hug for me."
I leaned over to her and gave her a kiss. We both knew how significant the moment was. I turned to leave and the moment I crossed the threshold in the hall, I burst into my tears on the shoulder of my brother, Barak. Then, I started laughing since her attitude just seemed so surreal. I didn't know which to do, so I continued to do both.
The day had started well enough. In Dallas, we were all (save my mom, Tamar, and my kids) the wrap-up of a wonderful weekend at my cousin's Bat-Mitzvah. All of us were at a brunch this morning, taking numerous pictures of the various generations. Our flight was scheduled for 4.30pm CST, with a return at 8.40pm EST.
We were all laughing and enjoying ourselves. By a fluke, I took out my phone to look at the time. I had 2 emails and 2 text messages from Tamar. It read:
Subject: Urgent
Please call me or your mom ASAP – you need to arrange to take an earlier
flight if you want to see your Nana before she passes away – things are imminent
at this point.
I called Tamar immediately to get the news and then ran to each family member, showing him/her the email. We sprang into action and within minutes, were on our way to the airport.
Amazingly enough, we were able to ALL get on an earlier flight, thanks to some fantastic assistance from American Airlines (redeeming themselves from earlier this week)...and it was fortunate that we did.
We landed at 6.15 at BWI in the middle of a snowstorm. It took over an hour to get home (usually 35 mins) and we were all able to make it to the hospital to see Nana.
After the hospital, I headed over to see my Poppy to see how he was doing and just spend some time.
As I sat next to him, we talked about the beautiful life he had had with Nana...70 years and how much she meant to him.
We both started crying.
"You're supposed to make it easier for me," he said.
"I guess I am not so good at this consoling effort. Maybe one of my siblings
will do a better job when he gets here."He chuckled. "You know what is great about you guys....you never let a day go
by when you didn't tell her that you loved her. No regrets, right?""No regrets."
"You know, since you guys met on Yom Kippur and you skipped synagogue to pick
up women, I think you're a pretty good advertisement for non-attendance."Again, he laughed. "Thank you for coming over."
The conversation didn't matter really. Here was a man on the verge of losing the "love of his life." There's no way to console someone, just to be there.
I think what impresses me most about the way they are facing up to this last of life's challenges is with eyes wide open. They are emotional (he more than she), but realistic.
It's one of those moments in life where, ironically, you feel really, really alive, since you know, somewhere deep inside, that this is part of what it is all about.
Subscribe to RSS Feed