Public-Private Spectrum

"You've got no unpublished thought!"

"Is there anything you WON'T put on your blog?"

"I'm a bit uncomfortable knowing what I know about you from your blog."

It's clear that there is a spectrum of emotions on for each of us and somewhere along that continuum, we draw a line demarcating things we will or will not share with other people.  Based on an unscientific poll, it seems I'm less private (read: more public) than most.  Let's assume this is true for a moment.

I've struggled (given my outlook) with understanding why something that I am comfortable sharing in public is a very private matter for someone else.  I've discussed with other the idea of: Embarrassment and since it seems to be quite subjective, that could be the reason why I am puzzled about others who are embarrassed when I am not and vice versa.

Some examples:

A woman is pregnant and subsequently has a miscarriage. She asks that her immediate friends not share the information with others. She feels embarrassed.

[My thinking: While I would not go out of my way to broadcast this fact, if it came up in conversation...say comforting another woman, I don't see any harm. What's more, as it is a natural occurrence and beyond the control of the woman, why feel embarrassed about it?]

A different woman is pregnant. She finds out that a child may have some type of birth defect. She asks that the information not be shared. She would feel embarrassed.

[Again, this is not because of something that someone has done. It is an act of nature and there's no reason for someone to feel that others would judge them b/c of it.]

A family has a son who is put into a mental hospital. They don't want it discussed.

[It's unfortunate, yes, but the cause for social embarrassment? Maybe, I guess.]

A woman goes out with a run in her stocking and discovers it upon her return home.

[Ideal? No. Shit happens. Clearly few people intentionally go out with a run in their stocking, a hole in their sock, or a stain on a shirt. People make mistakes. You've done it. So have I...many times. You see the run and you say, "ok, she probably didn't notice it when she got dressed or it happened on her way here...what's she going to do? Let's move on.]

Once I finish this post, I'm sure I'll think of a number of others....

My underlying assumption is that people don't spend nearly as much time thinking about you (or me) as we think they do. They're caught up in their own little worlds.

We spend so much time worrying about what others will think when they just don't give a damn.

I guess the argument will come back that the feelings of the person who says that s/he will be embarrassed are genuine and I can't discount them. Perhaps that's true, but am I doing someone a disservice by helping them live a lie?

Harsh, I know, but stuff that goes through my head.

Of course, when I feel embarrassment, it's TOTALLY LEGITIMATE!! :-)

And yes, there are things I keep private and don't publish. I'll tell you what they are in a later post.