What others know about you...

I tend to think that we think other people think about us more than they actually do.

And, what's more, we make assumptions about what they think about us.

I know that others think and talk about me. I know that I think and talk about others. But that's about it. I tend to think that people make a bigger deal out of things than they need to.

Three examples:
Spoke to one friend who met her newest boyfriend on "JDate," but didn't want people to know.

Know someone else whose girlfriend is converting to Judaism and his parents don't want people to know about it.

There's a family I know where one of the children is being hospitalized for mental illness issues and it's a big secret. They want that information kept private.

I understand there are some private things out there, but I tend to think that the stress of trying to keep things a secret, while letting some folks in on it, is a very challenging one. If you're going to tell people (outside of your spouse, I suppose), you are almost inviting them to share the information in a "I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but..." or an "I'm only telling you" scenario.

From my vantage point, people spend a LOT of time and energy trying to keep these things out of the "public domain," energy that would be better spent in other endeavors...and the ironic thing is that the reactions would be far below the "worst-case-fear-expectations" of the individuals trying to keep the secret. What's more...how many people actually, truly care? Not many.

Here's my reaction to the three above:

1. OK, 10 years ago, maybe, I could see the JDate stigma. No longer. Get over it.
2. I get that some observant Jewish communities may say "what is it that led a child of such a family to date someone who isn't Jewish?" but mine is: "Great, they are both going to lead a committed Jewish lifestyle.
3. Yes, it's a tragedy and a sad thing, but it's not a referendum on the parents or the family. You're not dysfunctional. These things happen.

When we say, "yeah, but I don't want anyone to know" (as it relates to MOST things), my hunch is we're walking around with a greater sense of self-importance than may be necessary.

Am I off my rocker here?