Redefining Marriage and the Jewish "Singles" Crisis...

 The last line of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage tells the thesis and the conclusion all at once:

"For better or worse, we must adjust our personal expectations and social support systems to this new reality."

In other words, this marriage isn't your father and mother's marriage.

I never took an anthropology class in college (that I can recall), but if I had, this is the type of well-annotated book that was probably served up.

The author traces marriage's evolution over a multi-century span and (convincingly) explains how the experience has changed for a few key reasons, including urbanization, birth control, and societal influences.

At times, I found the book a bit challenging to wade through (I read it in 5 page increments while sitting in the bathroom watching the 2 kids playing in the tub, so that could be my fault), but one can't argue with the thoroughness of the presentation.

I am sure Ms. Coontz has an agenda, but I didn't feel like it came across with a vengeance in this work.

She takes the attitude towards marriage that I take towards technology. It's here, you have no choice but to deal with it.

The question, then, is if indeed the expectations of marriage are forever altered  and the nature of relationships that individuals can have can take multiple forms (same-sex, co-habitation, divorce/re-marriage), then where are we headed next?

Will plural marriage (as practiced by some Fundamentalist Mormons, for example) be considered just as 'normal' as a same-sex union?

And what about the proclaimed "singles crisis" within the Jewish community?

I wonder if Esther over at JDaters Anonymous would be open to the idea that, maybe, just maybe in the effort to address the crisis (mostly for single Jewish women) that we should repeal the ban (takana) or Rabbeinu Gershom  that prohibits polygamy? 

Suspend conventional thought for a moment and think about it. If Coontz is right, marriage and relationships are being redefined in previously unimaginable (and inconceivable ways).

Particularly with women's increased economic independence, you could have a marriage with one male and more than one female (or vice versa, but I'll focus on multiple women, since that's at the core of the "crisis") that is certainly economically viable, would probably increase the abysmally low Jewish birthrate, and allow many of the women affected by the "crisis" to participate in loving marriages with committed mates...

You wouldn't have to settle for "good enough" and you could have the man of your dreams as long as you could accept the fact that s/he had another spouse.

And while I'm thinking about marriage, let's remember that I married way above myself and have a spouse (the NFO=Nameless/Faceless One b/c she doesn't like to be pictured or cited on the blog) who lets me blog about topics like this :-)

I'll give this book to anyone (no book report required, just add a comment here saying you want it.)