The 7 Diaper Standard of Care...

Each parenting relationship is like a different country and culture with its own set of norms, mores, and levels of appropriate behavior.

What may work in my relationship with Tamar might not for another couple, and vice versa.

We had lunch with some friends this past weekend. They have an 18 month old daughter. At some point, the discussion turned to the husband's contributions on a daily basis to the household.

The wife (let's call her Jax) began an impressive laundry list of activities that the husband (we'll just call him G) did. It read like a "All the Things Jeremy Doesn't Do." I was worried, since it was making me look pretty bad.

The two big ones were that he

• cooks the family dinner every night
• does all the laundry

I was hurting at this point, but redemption was soon at hand for me, and public ridicule and scorn for G and Jax, to her credit, played us like a violin.

"But," she continued, "he doesn't change dirty diapers."

We looked at the 18 month old girl walking around.

G looked at us. "Actually, I've changed 7."

"In a year and a half?"

"Yes," and he proceeded to provide the context for why and how he had determined he didn't and couldn't change dirty diapers (he changes the wet ones).

I looked at Tamar. She was stunned. I couldn't decide if I was more surprised about the fact that I had changed more diapers last week than he had in 18 months or that G is married to a woman who would accept that standard of care.

G's position felt straight out of, oh I don't know, maybe 1905 (!).

He saw our reactions and turned to Tamar and the other female guest.

"Would you rather have a husband who makes dinner for the family every night or who changes dirty diapers?"

Wrong focus group for that question.

I guess other people's parenting relationships are like some countries....they're nice to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there :-)


Note: Fortunately, G and Jax have a good sense of humor, so they'll appreciate this post (I hope).