Family Pandemonium....

We just got back from 2.5 days in Albany with Tamar's nuclear family. For many people, that's a couple of people. For us, that means 27 people (including 12 of them five and under) eating and living (for the most part) in the same house.

Yes, it was crazy. Yes, there was always something going on, someone asking for food, spitting up, wanting to eat, or crying (and then of course there were the demands of the kids).

But it's a beautiful thing, a family like this, where everyone cares for everyone else. People are always willing to chip in to help and our kids have so many first cousins their own age.

It's these moments of tight family bonding that are the foundation of a lifetime of good memories.

Siblings...

I fought so much with my brother growing up that our mother was concerned that "one of us wouldn't make it."

My grandmother would admonish me: "you need to be nice to your brother because he's your brother for your life."

I read an article once that put it in perspective pretty well. If things work out as they should, your siblings are the people you know longer than anyone else. Your parents pass away and you meet your spouse later in life.

Tamar and I are both blessed with many siblings and chersih our relationships with them. It's been great to watch how Calanit has responded to Erez and we think, how he responds to her. It seems like this lifelong relationship is off to a good start.

Yom Kippur Lessons...

I had the best of intentions.

We'd go to bed early after Kol Nidre and Tamar and I would switch off attendance at shul the next morning for Yom Kippur. She'd go early. I'd go from 9-11 and so on.

Well, life with kids doesn't always work out as you plan.

Erez was up. Calanit (who usually sleeps through the night) was up. We were EXHAUSTED. We were in a Twilight Zone. I didn't even wake up until 9.45am and when I did, two thoughts crossed my mind.

1. wow, I'm embarrassed to walk in this late
2. my wife is exhausted and asking her to wake up so I can go pray seemed pretty selfish.

So, I decided that keeping my wife happy trumps everything and on the day of atonement and forgiveness that G-d would understand.

Got to be flexible and go with the flow.

Another great technology story...at least I think so

I love the feeling when I do something new and/or innovative with a piece of technology.

So, I'm planning an event in Charleston, WV. I have a list of customers in WV, but I'm not that familiar with the geography. I don't know how far cities are from other cities.

The list I have is in Excel. I import that list into Microsoft MapPoint (the desktop version) and plot the addresses on a map of WV. Then, I instruct MapPoint that I want a visual of all of the customers within a 65 minute driving distance of Charleston.

I then export the list back to Excel and bang! I have the target list of customers for the event.

LOVE IT!!!

The Double Team...

Last night, Tamar left for 48 hours to attend a dance camp for the first time since Erez was born. He's 8 weeks old.

She pulled the same stunt when it was only Calanit :-) but she was 8 months at the time.

So, now I am playing zone defense on the two kids, or as my friend Tevi says, "you're double teamed."

Well, we're just past the 25% mark and I have to say, so far so good.

Like work and life, it comes down to good planning and focused execution.

We dropped Tamar off at the train station at 8.40pm and headed for home. Erez did his part for the team by sleeping until midnight. As for Calanit...well, let's just say I don't know what parents did in the days before DVD's! I figure, it's only Dad (aka 'Abba') at home so the standards are a bit relaxed. By 10.45pm she had had enough of her DVD's and was saying "Nap! Nap!" which is her way of saying "I'm exhausted."

We skipped the bath and I put her in her crib.

During the time she was watching TV and Erez was sleeping, I made a few lists of the KEY items which had to be done and assembled (we're sleeping over at my parents' on Sunday night--I can only take 1 full day on my own, right?). Every down moment that didn't involve tending to kids was focused on this list. We're doing quite well.

The big variable was...what would be Erez's sleeping pattern? On Friday night, he had gotten up 5 times and Tamar does the bulk of the heavy lifting normally. In other words, I was out of shape for this task.

At 12am, I woke him up and then pumped him full of two bottles of pre-expressed breast milk. He's on Zantac now (we think he may have reflux) and he doesn't like the taste so I put some in the bottle as well as some "Little Tummies" which is Tums/Rolaids for infants. After two bottles, he was wiped out and drunk and crashed. By 12.40am, he was out and he slept until 4.15am.

I got up with him and started to feed him, when I heard Calanit--who has a good track record of sleeping through the night. Anyway, I gave her a bottle of milk at the same time and gave Erez another overdose (sort of) to induce food coma. They both went to sleep and he woke up at 8.15am, she at 9am.

In other words, my plan has worked to this point.

I've also managed to do a few things that aren't on the list as a bonus primarily because I'm neglecting my kids (Erez is crying right now---ok, I'm almost done).

I certainly appreciate Tamar a lot more and one big difference is that when she has the kids, she tries to engage them in stimulating activities like the library. My goal is to clothe and feed them. Much more modest.

So, Calanit is on my lap playing with acorns and sharing the blog moment with me as we listen to the "Capitol Steps' album called "Between Iraq and a Hard Place".

OK, off to feed the boy.

Innocence of Childhood...

One of my absolute most favorite activities as a father is moving a sleeping child to his/her place of rest. It's not that I like the fact that they are quiet (though sometimes I need that relief, of course), it's something deep in my paternal nature as protector and something that is so innocent in their demeanor. I love how they are exhausted and oblivious to the world and this is just another one of those countless moments that my kids will probably never think about (until they have kids, I suppose) that comprise my role as a parent.

It's comforting, knowing that I am doing something that is essential to their well being and which, at the same, time gives me such a feeling of peace and tranquility.

Shana Tova to all of you/Happy New Year.

Building a sukkah...

Today, I built my own sukkah (for more info, www.jewfaq.org) which to me is the Jewish equivalent of hanging X-mas lights.

Regardless, with some help from Calanit and Erez in the Baby Bjorn, we're pretty much done.

A nice feeling, a feeling of permanence (ironic given that a sukkah is by its nature impermanent), since we are building one in our own home for the first time and it is an experience that I shared with my kids.

This came at a particularly nice time since the last week or so for me at work has been emotionally trying for a few reasons. I won't go in to them, but having something that I know transcends time and this short-term (I hope) disturbance that my kids and I will, I expect, do every year and which they will remember long after I am gone, helps me re-focus-tough as that is to do.

Real Life...

For so long, we are conditioned to think that we are "preparing for 'real life'". Go to college to prepare for it, get your first job, etc.

It dawned on me today that with a wife, 2 kids, a house/mortgage and a job, this is about as "Real Life" as it gets. I'm here, wherever here is.

Health insurance and the impact on worker mobility...

I'm very fortunate at this stage in my life to work for a company that has tremendous health care benefits. I know that many do not.

But there's a downside. As I get older and perhaps become more risk averse-primarily due to my increased responsibilities as a father, I am weighed down by these "golden handcuffs." What that means is that should a better opportunity come along (however that is defined) from a societal perspective, I may not choose to take it because of the dangers associated with exposing my family on the health care side.

Makes me think more about portable health care as opposed to employer sponsored health care.

The Six Degrees of Jeremy Epstein

The Six Degrees of Jeremy Epstein

Too funny. Posted by my friend, Jeff Doshna.

Direct, Honest, and Harsh...

Though I am seeking to recognize that the "one size fits all" approach is not the best when communicating with people, I also recognize that my natural style of being direct, honest, and harsh (in my honesty that is), can also yield results.

Today, my cousin was married. He is 40 years old.

Last night, at the rehearsal dinner, he made a point of recalling a conversation I had with him 2-3 years ago in which I basically said: "So, you want to get married? What are you DOING about it?"

He says that he was taken aback at the time, but that in hindsight, it gave him some of the clarity he needed to pursue his objective and lead him to his wedding day.

Feeling vindicated....

The Plumber and the Tablet PC...

Anyway, the plumber, yes the plumber, shows up at my house. When he’s finished, he brings out his ruggedized Tablet PC for me to digitally sign to obtain my receipt. Naturally, this gets me VERY excited and I ask him about it. In short, HE LOVES IT!!!

He loves how it has simplified his life and reduced the paperwork and time he has to spend doing administrative stuff. Now, he gets to more appointments, faster.

He’s got a docking station in the car with a keyboard and a printer. Using the Verizon Wi-max, he’s got GPS-like capabilities and he can optimize the routes he takes to customers and send the data back to HQ. Best of all, he’s NEVER had a problem with the software.

THIS is what I love about the potential of technology and Microsoft software for businesses and consumers.

I hope my kids know...

how much I love them.

Tamar goes out three nights a week (Mon-a class; Tues-teaching; Thurs-dancing) and it's 1 on 2 for me. It's been a long day, I'm tired and invariably, both of them are crying. Trying to manage, it's easy to default to the TV as babysitter or something else to keep them occupied. Plus, there are the mechanics of Life to deal with, like cleaning up the kitchen.

Tonight, for some reason-maybe the funeral I attended yesterday-I took a pause and we had quiet time. I was feeding Erez and I actually had a conversation with Calanit about what she had done that day. It was quite remarkable as she answered my questions.

Then, I told Erez about some of the challenges I am facing at work and he did a great job of listening.

Everyone who is older tells you "it goes by so quickly," but when I say to my friends, "you'll be at your son's wedding before you know it," they laugh. I am well past the point of thinking that I have more perspective on life than anyone else, but perhaps a different perspective? Who knows?

Anyway, I took a deep breath and a mental snapshot of the scene, appreciating the crying and everything for all it's worth and as I put Calanit to bed, found myself getting very emotional, thinking about how time does fly by and before I know it, she'll be out of the house.

Yes, the days are long and the years are short, as my mother says.

I just hope that on those days when I am very tired and I encourage Calanit to watch SportsCenter with me as a way of not having to actively engage with them, that she recognizes that I'm human and I do love her and Erez very much.

I know that I should be fully engaged 100% with the lives of my kids and I am starting to appreciate just how difficult that is.

Perhaps tonight is the first step.

Slow motion day....

Knowing that I was going to a funeral this morning somehow made the day go by in slow motion.  I appreciated the little things more…like breaking the eggs for my omelet, the tug on the rowing machine, the feel of the carpet beneath my bare feet.

Our friend’s death, as sad as it is (and it is VERY sad), made me stop and pause, cherish the life that I have and realize that things don’t always (or ever) work out as you plan.

Appreciating my wife more each day....

It is absolutely amazing to me how much my wife puts up with on a daily basis, how much energy and stamina she possesses, and the boundless love and dedication she has for our kids.

After one 8 hour stint with the two of them, I am beat. Far more than anything I do at work---and she does this every day!! A true super woman. I would say that I stand in awe, but I'm too tired. I sit, lie down actually, in awe, amazement and appreciation.

Playing Zone....

A number of people have enjoyed commeting on the difference between 1 kid (double-teaming), 2 kids (man to man) and 3 kids (playing zone).

As of last week, Tamar is back to work on Sundays, so I'm playing zone with the two of them. Is it tough? You bet it is! I have realized, however, that I need to keep my goals modest, to plan well, and to execute relentlessly.

Need to think ahead at every moment...what are we going to need on this outing? Which crying kid should I handle first? Then, just do it and refuse to get distracted.

Things worked pretty smoothly today, but poor Erez had a lot of gas today and that waylaid many of plans as I had to comfort him the bulk of the time.

Anyway, next week, I'll have a chance to work on my zone defense!

A reader shares a comment on travels...

Jeremy,

Hi…hope all is well with you and Tamar and family. I just wanted to tell you something interesting and how you changed my life. Well…not really “changed” my life, but added something to it anyhow.

I read your trip-log when you and Tamar did that trip all around the US and you inspired me to do the same. While I have not had a chance to go all around the US, for the past couple of summers, I have taken a couple weeks and made big circles around potions of the US. Last year was the Southwest and this year was around Yellowstone National Park (Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, & South Dakota). On both of these trips I stopped at interesting cities/towns and national/state parks along the way.

On this most recent trip, I flew in-to and out-of Salt Lake City. I remembered what you had wrote about the Mormons and taking their tour and all and it being very interesting. So, I spent a couple days in SLC and one of those days I spent with the Mormons, on their tour, at their visitors center, etc, talking with them and finding out all about their religion and pilgrimage West.

So, thank you for the inspiration to see this great country of ours and for making such an impression on me about the Mormons, in particular.

Jason

Predator and Governor

Don't know if you ever saw the movie "Predator." It's a '80's flick that is a classic shoot 'em up violence movie.

I saw it for a few minutes last night and remember seeing it about 15 years ago or so. Who would have thought at that time that this movie would feature two future state governors? (Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura)!!

Life doesn't necessarily work out as you plan...

When you're young, you think you're going to live forever. When you have kids, you just assume that you'll live until you see your grandchildren, at least.

It doesn't always work out that way, does it? And even though we know it intellectually, it seems like we think that it is something that will happen to someone else.

And for a time, it does.

We have a friend who is in his 50's, one of the funniest, nicest, most caring people we know. The picture of energy and youth.

He's been struggling with lymphoma for a few years now and has had some ups and downs, but recently, more downs than ups. The prognosis isn't good from what I hear.

There's really not much to say, I guess. The cliche's seem just that...cliche. Live each day to the fullest. Appreciate the moment. Carpe Diem. Whatever, I suppose. It doesn't help our friend and I wonder if it changes us?

Tefillin and the sign of the cross....

Just wondering if the custom of kissing the boxes of tefillin (phylacteries) [first the forehead and then the arm] is the forebearer or somehow related to making the sign of the cross? Very, very similar.

Shit vs. Exhaustion...

People who don't have kids get squeamish sometimes at the thought of changing diapers, getting peed on, or having a kid throw up on you.

I'll just say this...I will change diapers all day long (you get used to it) if I didn't have to be in a constant state of fatigue.

Last night, after Monday Night Football and some other misc activities, I went to bed at 12.30 (ok, my fault you say, but I would like to have some modicum of a life outside of my kids-maybe that's my first false assumption). Erez woke up at 5am and I took him (Tamar had been up most of the night feeding and burping the guy) and well, I've been up since then (it's now 8am) and have a long day ahead of me.

And the worst part....though there is an end at some point, it's not in sight since we have NO idea when it arrive.

Shit vs. Exhaustion. I'll take the shit any day.

The Passion of Technologists...

HDTV is really something.
I had the privilege of joining some friends for a football game tonight and watch it in HD. During halftime, the host showed us a Discovery channel program about the Space Shuttle-in Hi Def. It was remarkable.

During the program itself, a story about driving a probe into a comet moving really, really fast.

When it was successful, one of the scientists was moved to tears. He was that excited about this work! How often do you see that on a daily basis?

One of the things I love about technolgists is that they share that same passion-ok, maybe not that same passion, but pretty close.

These are people who work all day on technology and then come home and play with technology. Of course, some parts of work are frustrating, but at the end of the day, they are passionate about it. There may be some, but I don't know how many lawyers go home and keep studying law. (My financial advisor is probably the exception-that guy loves figuring out tax-optimization financial vehicles).

Anyway, it's great to have a cadre of guys (mostly) with whom I can share the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat when it comes to technical endeavors and I don't mind being on the other end of hearing their stories.

The gift that wasn't....

Someone sent us some great gifts for our kids. Only thing is, we don't know who. They were from Amazon.com and we know the price of them, but we have no idea who sent them. What's more, I spent 15 minutes on the site and there's no way (no phone number either) for me to figure it out.

I'll try again, but if it was you...thanks!!

Sick with two kids...

Yesterday was probably the most difficult day for me in terms of leaving Tamar at home with two kids. During morning prayers, I was on the verge of crying thinking about her being sick and having to cope with them. If there were ever a justification for why I'd like to have a lot of money, it’s so that on days like today, I can stay home and let her sleep!

I love my wife so much and I was sorry that she was feeling well. I know that we will get into a nice groove with the two of them but I know we’re not there yet and it’s going to take some time.

2nd child-short shrift...

I can see why 2nd (and later) children get the short end of the stick...

First of all, for the most part, we've seen a lot of this before, so the hours upon hours we used to spend staring into Calanit's face, well we just don't do that anymore.

Second, Calanit requires a lot of attention and is highly interactive. She's talking while Erez is nursing, sleeping, crying, and pooping. Who would you hang out with? :-)

Obviously, we love them the same, it's just interesting to see how we have changed our behavior this time around.

Me Shot

The "time out" concept...

Anyone who has kids has heard of the idea of a "time out." When your kid misbehaves, instead of a "punishment," you give the kid time to reflect on his actions by insisting that he stand to the side or the corner of a room for a specified period of time.

Well, we have finally implemented this with Calanit as she's approaching 2 and we know she's capable of better behavior, but with a twist.

As a sports fan and perhaps a bit old school re: discipline (Captain von Trapp is my role model), I've instituted the "penalty box."

This way, I get to say, "That's an excessive whining penalty on Calanit. Two minutes in the penalty box. Time of the penalty, 7:05pm"

Existing on two levels....

The events of this past week in New Orleans help remind us of what is most precious in life. It's easy to take from a tragedy like this that we should spend the bulk of our time on earth focusing on the most important things there are...family, health, etc. and ignore the seemingly mundane things, like doing the laundry.

For whatever reason, I can't do that, at least not all of the time. I guess I feel like paying attention to those little details like organizing your desk makes it easier for me to have the peace of mind to focus on the larger stuff, the more important thoughts. I'm not sure why, but I know that it is the case.

Of course, there's danger in swinging the pendulum all the way to that side as well.

Damn, there it is again, balance as the key. :-)

Playing politics with Katrina...

It took me a while, but I realized what it was that I didn't like about the Katrina coverage. The networks and many politicians were using the tragedy to play politics. Unlike 9/11 where people really came together, many saw this as an opportunity to attack the Bush administration (where one could argue that the state had more culpability).

It's unfortunate, but not all that surprising, I suppose.

More on the politics of Katrina

http://www.chronwatch.com/content/contentDisplay.asp?aid=16600
little known facts re: what Bush can and can't do w/the National Guard

Is criticism the human condition?

Clearly, what is happening on the Gulf Coast is a tragedy of epic proportions. Let's not minimize that at all.

Beyond that story, in my mind, a few questions come up.

1. Given the size and fury of the storm, what is a reasonable expectation for relief? It's easy to complain that things don't happen fast enough after the fact.

2. Isn't there some accountability for people not listening to the evacuation notices? I realize some of the poor had no money nor place to go, but it seems like you can't ignore notices and then be upset that things don't work the way you want them to.

3. It's easy to say "hey, how come the levees were only built to survive category 3 hurricanes, why not category 5?" but when those come only once in 100 years and the cost is probably huge, wouldn't the same people before the fact say "why are we wasting tax payer dollars on something that only would happen once in 100 years?"

4. Given the size and scale of this disaster, why is it so difficult to believe that agencies weren't prepared. Before 9/11 no one could foresee a terrorist disaster like that, so why would they be ready? They may have been ready for a 7 out of 10, thinking that is all that would happen (hey, the people who stayed behind made the same assumption) so when a 10 out of 10 hits, it's to be expected. Many of us would have reacted the same way...it's difficult to foresee and prepare for the absolute worst case scenario.

Look, I know things are abominable and it's tragic, I just can't stand the negativity that I'm hearing that the Feds, State, etc. are incompetents because they didn't prepare adequately. I'm sure there is some truth to that, but no one seems to be talking about the context. It's just much easier to join the pile on.

Leaving well enough alone...

Today is one those days that I hate being a technophile. Why I can't leave well enough alone is beyond me. A friend of mine gave me an idea for an improvement in my home network and what basically ended up happening is that I launched a cyber-attack on myself. My network is down as is my phone since I rely on my network for my phone. I'm such an idiot.

What's worse is that this setback comes on the heels of my commitment to prioritize and be more productive but instead, I spent 6 hours trying to resolve the problem (which I didn't) and now I'm in a holding pattern as I wait for a replacement.

I feel like I went out on the field and got trounced 49-0. It's humiliating. I know, I know, it's days like these that make you stronger and you learn from the mistakes more than the successes....

Productivity as the driver of growth...

Economists often cite productivity improvement as one of the key indicators of improving economic welfare.

I've been thinking about the need to improve productivity a lot recently. Here are the two equations that I'm working with:

Let a=the time I devote to work
Let b=the time I devote to my family
Let c=the output I am required to deliver at my job

Pre-Erez, it was something like this

a(work)+ b(home)= C

Post-Erez, the equation has changed. I have to increase the amount of time I devote to my family, since it requires more of me, but actually increase the amount of output at my job even though I have less time. I have to increase not only because I need to remain constant, but because of the calibration associated with increased expectations given that I've set a standard for performance and it is natural to demand improvement.

So, it is something like
.9a(work) +1.1b(home)=1.4C

The question then is, HOW the hell do I do that?

It's going to take a while and yes, it's scary, but I think a lot of it has to do with the two P's of Productivity and Prioritization.

That's what friends are for...

Special call out to our friends who did unusual support activities for us in the post-birth tiemframe.

This of course does not minimize those who did more "traditional" activities such as preparing meals, loaning chairs and tables, etc. They are far too numerous, but the unique requests that were made and acted upon include:

-Natan Zimand who made the trek to Home Depot for an eye-latch hook and a programmable thermostate
-Joe/Debbie Cohn for thank you note stationery
-Marci Bloch for bacitracin
-Felix Kushnir for a video camera (twice)

We are so fortunate to be surrounded by so many fantastic, generous, and un-selfish people.

A night out for the team...

Tamar is generally recognized as one of the best Israeli folk dancers in the world. No joke.

When Calanit was 3 months old, we took her to the weekly session where Tamar goes and had her dance in the Baby Bjorn (fantastic invention). This past week, Erez, got his chance on the floor, with big sister Calanit doing some more sophisticated moves.

I joke that with the bar so high because of Tamar's talents, that our family is a bit like the Chinese gymnast program. From an early age, we have our kids focused on becoming gold medalists in Israeli folk dance, though there are no competitions to speak of given its Socialist roots.

As children grow...

Erez's arrival has reinforced for me how time flies when kids grow. I look Calanit and think about how big she is now. We were on a walk last night and ran into a couple whose son had just gotten married. Naturally, the conversation turned as parents to the major lifecycle milestones.

Last night, I got very emotional thinking about the day when Calanit will be all grown up or when the time will come when she doesn't run to me saying "Abba" at every possible moment. "Abba," which is father in Hebrew, is her answer to most things. It makes me feel great.

The last couple of nights, she's been having some difficulty sleeping and when I walk in her room in the middle of the night, she reaches over the bar of her crib, wraps her arms around me and just holds on. I pull her out of the crib and she clutches on to me for safety.

Make no mistake about it, I don't enjoy getting up at 2.30am, but somehow, the feeling of your daughter looking to you for comfort makes it worthwhile. It's tough to cherish htose moments when you're exhausted, but as I think about how time will fly, I work harder to appreciate how much she needs me and unconditionally loves me right now.

It's these little things that I try to remember. On our walk, I must have sung the alphabet for her about 100 times (she kept saying 'again') and towards the end, she was picking it up (not entirely of course), but these are the little moments that make up a life, I suppose.

First family (of four) outing....

After spending most of the last few days in the house, I decided that we needed to get out and about. The humidity has broken and the days are beautiful. Paternity leave won't last forever and neither will the summer.

It took us a while to get going (we're still figuring out the multiple kid thing), but eventually we made our way to Glen Echo Park. It's possible I'd been there as a kid, but I don't remember. There was nothing spectacular about it-it used to be a playground for the rich trying to escape DC summer and now it's got a mini-artist colony, a theater, and a playground.

We found the theater and looked around inside. It was air conditioned and just as Tamar was about to nurse Erez, we heard voices. Until then, we had been alone and Calanit was running around the stage and seats.

Anyway, I turn to see who it is and I did a double take...it was former Congreswoman Connie Morella.

There were 6 adults in the room and we just started chatting about her new role (ambassador the OECD in Paris), the fact that she was robbed in the last election, and that I had interned in her office 15 years ago. She said hi to Calanit.

It got even funnier when her escort, the daughter of a former congressman (Gude) told me she was looking for an oral historian...which is what my mom does.

Just a funny anecdote. Who would have thunk it?

Macgyver would be proud...

One of the natural disasters which struck us this summer (actually twice) was that the storm drain outside the basement door was covered by leaves during a tremendous rainstorm which resulted in water entering the basement in significant quantities.

Now, this would be bad enough, but it got worse due to the fact that the “man cave” where I spend A lot of time and a huge investment in technology resides is only feet away from this storm drain and what’s more, when the water did enter, it came to rest (thanks to some rugs) only a few feet away from the machines, preventing a major disaster.

I’ve since sprung into action. All of the technology components have been raised off the floor, including the computer on an old ironing board. The door has been packed with old t-shirts. I’ve talked to a few people whose suggestions were basically “keep clearing out the leaves” and came up with a cheap, homegrown solution that would make Macgyer proud.

Using some plastic gates that Amy and Chuck Fox gave us to prevent Calanit and Erez from sliding through the staircase banisters, some old stereo wire, rocks, a brick, metal mesh and metal wire, I’ve created a cantilever canopy and a plastic dyke that allows water, but not leaves through. I’ve also created a mini-canal to prevent the overflow of debris into the well during major storms.

I guess this is what happens when you watch a lot of “Modern Marvels.”

Making the moment last

Sunday was a great day in the family’s history. Erez, our new son, had his bris (ritual circumcision) and we were surrounded by friends and families for hours. There was good food and conversation and I did my best to take a mental snapshot of the moment (as well as numerous digital pics) to savor the day.

As afternoon turned to evening turned to night, I found myself not wanting to go to sleep. I wanted the day, the moment to last forever, since I knew it was a once in a lifetime moment.  I ended up just doing things, cleaning up, organizing, whatever so that I wouldn’t have to go to bed.

It’s so hard to keep hold of those very precious moments.

Our son's name...

Our son’s name is Erez Yavniel Epstein. Erez is the Hebrew word for Cedar Tree. Yavniel means “G-d will build.”

As many of you know, Erez possesses the distinction of being born on Tisha B’av, the 9th day of the Hebrew month of Av, which is quite possibly the most devastating and solemn date on the Jewish calendar. It is a day during which we fast for 25 hours and mourn the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem in 586 BCE at the hands of the Babylonians and in 70 CE at the hands of the Romans.
The date has also been witness to a number of other lowpoints of Jewish history including the torching of the city of Betar, massacres in Europe during the Crusades, and the issuance of God’s decree forbidding “Dor HaMidbar” the generation that experienced the exodus from Egypt firsthand, from entering the Promised Land..

However, within the ashes of the destruction of the Temples lies the hope of Redemption. Our tradition teaches that the Messiah is supposed to be born on the 9th of Av.  Many of you and others have remarked on this tradition and offered us encouragement along the lines of “maybe he’s the Messiah?”

And as a potentially interesting side note, there is a story in the 28th chapter of Genesis about Yehuda (which is Jeremy’s Hebrew name) and Tamar and another tradition dictates that the Messiah is a descendant of this union.

So, we had two things in our favor and at first, we (meaning Jeremy) thought, “now that would be cool to be the parents of the Messiah,” but then a few things dawned on us. I’d like to give special mention to David Bloch for helping me flush out the potential downsides to being the parents of the Messiah. Lawyers are very talented at showing you the glass half-empty side to things. No offense, Tamar or Dad (

First of all…you have to recognize that there’s a Venn diagram going on here. The Messiah is born on the 9th of Av, but not everyone born on the 9th of Av is the Messiah. It’s kind of like being nominated for an Oscar, you’re in the running and that’s a nice honor, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll win. You don’t want to count your Messiah chicks before they’ve hatched.

Second… how do you discipline the potential Messiah? I mean, do you say, “I don’t care how many souls have to be redeemed or people raised from the dead, you need to eat your broccoli.”  Or, since our tradition states that the Messiah will arrive on a white donkey, you might be in a position of “No, you can’t go outside and ride your white donkey until you finish your homework!”

Third…you have to deal with the fallout from other parents.  I can see getting calls along the lines of “look you really need your son to pick up the pace in Chemistry. I can’t have my kid coming home saying, ‘hey mom, a 75 isn’t so bad, the potential Messiah only got a 68 on his test!”

As it is, however, we’re not going to have to confront that issue because for better or for worse, Erez is not your guy as far as open position of Messiah goes.  The reason I know that is because there’s the small technicality that there’s a subset of Jews who, by definition, can’t be the Messiah. The tradition has it that the Messiah is a male descendant of King David, who was a member of the tribe of Judah. Since our family is a descendant of the tribe of Levi, my boy is out of the running.

The Bible tells us that King Solomon chose the Erez, the Cedar Tree as a key building component when he erected the first temple in Jerusalem. The Erez connotes youthful sturdiness and is the subject of awe due to its sheer height. Indeed, the Midrash-a commentary on the Torah-states that the Tamar, the palm tree, and the Erez are equated with righteous individuals because, as opposed to most other trees, they can be recognized from afar. It is our hope that Erez will aspire to the lofty heights of righteousness that so many of his ancestors exemplified and that he will, in time, gain the trust of family and friends as a sturdy, reliable confidant and supporter.

It’s not easy being the most prominent tree in the forest and that status brings with it the challenge of exercising humility over arrogance. Therefore we have given Erez the middle name of Yavniel-meaning God will build-to remind him of both the source and purpose of his life. It is God who provides the nurturing of the Erez and the Erez is only as valuable as the purpose for which is it used by the builder. Even the tallest tree stands below heaven. We pray that Erez will provide shelter and comfort as he exercises Ahavat Habriyot- love of people while maintaining Yirat Hashem-fear of God and the recognition that he too stands below G-d.

Just as God chose the Erez as the primary material for both the Tabernacle and the First Temple, we hope God will use Erez to promote his divine presence wherever he goes and enable Erez to do his part (Messiah or not () to bring about the ultimate redemption.

In bestowing Erez’s name upon him, we recall my beloved grandmother, Bella Silton. Known for her spark and her “I call them as I see them” philosophy, Nana Silton’s life was irreversibly changed when her son’s soul departed prematurely from this world. Though we miss her terribly, we pray that she has found comfort as their souls have reunited.
     When a woman of 95 years passes away, it leaves a void if for no other reason than the fact of her raw endurance. Even in this era of seemingly routine miracles of science, a lifespan of 95 years is quite impressive. We think of this towering feat of endurance and tribute to the will to live as we name our son. We hope that his days are as least as numerous as Nana Silton’s.

Though there won’t be too many days when you will find me quoting Hillary Clinton in a positive light ( I will echo her sentiments that it does take a village to raise a child.  I want to just tell you how appreciative Tamar, Calanit, Erez, and I are for the communities of which we are members. This week, we truly discovered what it means to be part of a community. The KMS community was overflowing in its generosity, offering to make meals, bring over extra chairs, and tables, and run errands like picking up bacitracin ointment for the little guy.  Our families have been a source of non-stop support from the moment my mom arrived to stand watch as we raced to the hospital to this past full weekend where my mother in law-a veteran of 7 kids herself-imparted her wisdom on how to handle more than 1 kid.

My team at work makes me want to cry with joy. Seriously, how many people can say that? My colleagues were insistent that I take this time with my family and have more than willingly stepped up to handle all of my responsibilities.  I guess the downside is that we’ve confirmed that I am dispensable and Erez’s Bar Mitzvah will be in Bangalore, India.

Those of you here are part of the village that will help raise Erez (and his big sister) to a life of study of Torah, Chuppah-the wedding canopy, and Ma’asim Tovim-good works.  In your next fulfillment of this role, we’d like to ask those of you who are physically able and who can bear the heat and humidity (which I guess leaves four of you or so) to serve as his escorts as he makes the 7 minute walk from the synagogue to enter our home as the newest link in the chain of Jewish males who have the physical mark of the covenant between God and the Jewish people.

The walk will commence immediately following the conclusion of the next, VERY brief set of remarks from from Erez’s paternal grandfather (his maternal grandfather, as you saw, has already done enough for one day!)

Thank you very much for taking the time to share this simcha with us.

The New Guys Big Day

The “New Guy’s” Big Day….

Since Jewish custom is to refrain from calling a boy by his given name until he actually becomes a “member of the team” when he undergoes the Bris-ritual circumcision, Tamar and I have been calling him “the new guy,” “baby boy,” and a variety of others, including “Paco.”

Today, at 4pm, he will become a member of the Jewish people, aka MOT-member of the tribe and will get his name. Stay tuned.

It’s been wild to see how Calanit has been reacting. During the day, fantastic. Kissing him and giving him hugs, helping to rock the baby seat. At night, she’s been having trouble going to sleep and been getting up in the middle of the night. Don’t know if/what the connection is, but that’s the fact.

Two is obviously more work than one, but so far, we’re still not sure how much exactly since the outpouring of support from our community and families has been stupendous.

Career transition point...

I remember when I was in my mid 20's that it seemed to me that many of my male friends in their early 30's were in physical therapy for injuries sustained due basically to the fact that they were no longer 15!

Needless to say, I have a nagging injury right now and I think I need to get a PT.

My latest observation-and I'm not saying it is widespread-is men in their late 30's and early 40's who are facing a career change or job transition.

I'm wondering if that's the point in your career when you're not senior enough as to be invaluable for your accumulated wisdom and you're not junior enough to work for low wages and ridiculously long hours.

There's also a career pyramid which narrows as you progress and obviously, more people than not, will be on the "out" side of "up or out."

The question then is: how do you prevent this from happening?
Focus solely on the career to the detriment of your family?
Start your own company w/all of those attendant risks and be the boss?
Do whatever you can to win that effort but have a back-up plan in case you don't?

I did an interview today with a guy who's got a family of 5 and with a new baby, I sure felt sympathetic, but he wasn't the right fit. It was tough. I felt for him, I did, but it wasn't the right business decision. Sucks, huh? But that's the game.

Change of kid perspective...

Calanit spent the last two days with her grandparents as we adjusted to the newest guy.

I picked her up and brought her home tonight (she'll meet her brother tomorrow for the first time).

But what is amazing is how my perspective on her has changed from little girl to big girl. She talks, she stands, and tonight, for the first time, she got all of her colors right in the little book that we read. I wanted to start crying as I realized fully that she is now a big sister. Her identity is being shaped and she doesn't even know it.

A beautiful community....

I'll tell you. I really appreciate the community we live in. Ever since the baby was born, we've been getting calls from people:
"What can I do to help?" "What food can I prepare?"

It really is something.

And you know me, I'm not shy :-) I've been selectively outsourcing tasks large and small ranging from pick up some bacitracin ointment at CVS to dinner next Wed. And people are more than happy to do it.

It gives me such an appreciation for the values that we share and our willingness to help share the load during challenging, transitional times.

A special call out to my colleagues at work--they've been awesome as well, picking up the slack as I move out on paternity leave.

Makes you appreciate the word "team" and how an individual doesn't make a society.

Baby Boy Epstein has arrived...

The nurse was right on the money: 2.47am

Sunday, August 14 2005
Hebrew date-9 Av, 5765
7 lbs 6 oz.
19 inches
Mother and baby are healthy.

In the hospital ...

I feel like we're at the end of a TV reality show?.

Since we don't know what we're having (in terms of boy or girl), but we have the names of each, it's like we have two finalists on stage and we're saying?."and the envelope please," so we will know who it is.

Anyway, we're in the hospital. Tamar's just received the epidural and the "night and day" transformation has occurred. She's doing well enough and we're playing the waiting game. The nurse has predicted a baby arrival between 2.30 and 3.30 am.

The anesthesiologist is a very entertaining guy of Korean origin was entertained by my limited knowledge of his native language, particularly the term "Imjinwueran" which refers to the occupation of Korea by Japan in 1592.

I tried to piggyback on the hospital network like last time, but to no avail. I'm going to send this from my PocketPC. We'll see if it works.

1.33am-Tamar's water just broke! Won't be long now.

Holding out...

The other night, we wanted the baby to come, but since Friday, we wanted it to wait. Why?

Well, Tamar did not want to be in the hospital for Shabbat (the Sabbath) and then we had a few pre-existing scheduled items. I gave the sermon at services this morning and while, of course, I would have skipped it...I did work hard on it and was looking forward to giving it.

Tamar had committed to lead a portion of services this evening and so, she wanted it to wait until she had fulfilled her commitment.

And lastly, Tamar's father would normally be the person to perform the ritual circumcision in the event that it is a boy (we don't know yet). The circumcision (bris)(assuming the baby is healthy) takes place 8 days after the boy is born. There's a lot to explain here, but had the baby been born during the day on Saturday (and due to travel considerations), her father would not have been able to perform the bris because he has a HUGE wedding to perform next Saturday night.

Anyway, we made it past all of those milestones.

Tamar has just come home from the synagogue and tells me that her contractions are evenly spaced 5 mintues apart for 1 minute each. She just called the doctor.

I'll keep you posted.

Past midnight and still going, but w/o a strategy...

After a short break, she resumed with some squats and now is doing splits and floor stretches.

Our big problem, I just realized, is that we're winging it without a clear strategy towards our goal.

Still trucking...

She claims she's stopping at 11.45. That will be 35 minutes non-stop (that's more exercise than I got today). We'll see. Got to push her to the wall. :-)

Attempting to induce labor....contd-2

Just took a video of her going around the house....and I'm giving her high fives as she laps through the kitchen.

Attempting to induce labor....contd

She just asked for water and I handed her a cup while she was walking. On her next lap, she tossed it to the side of the road. It's like Lance Armstrong in the Tour de France.

Attempting to induce labor....

Tamar's had enough. Lesson here: try to avoid having your wife at full term in August.

She's ready to go and it's 11.30pm on Tuesday night and for the last 15 minutes, she's been climbing up and down the steps and doing laps in the basement and on the main floor. I'm acting as her coach...."you can do this!"

"Heart of a champion! Eye of the tiger, baby!!"

She's showing a lot of heart right now, I must say.

"Pump those arms!"

This is a tremendous display of will, desire, and guts.
It's Tamar vs. Nature and knowing Tamar, as I do, Nature doesn't stand a chance.

Meanwhile, I'm drinking tea and blogging on the laptop in the kitchen.

Tamar vs. Nature, round 2. Ding, ding....

Envy...

What is it about the human condition that causes envy?

It's not that I spend hours and hours envying others for what they have, but these thoughts do cross my mind.

I look around at all that I am blessed with and pinch myself...why should I envy anyone else? But I. It doesn't make sense.

Virtual Travel

Getting a nice return on the investment of my three years abroad.

I'm not spending much time travelling internationally these days, of course, but I've taped a few shows recently from the Travel Channel called "Passport to Europe" that has highlighted places I've been such as Bavaria, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, and others.

Many of the places they go, I too have visited and it makes me appreciate even more the opportunity I had when I was younger.

Playing the Waiting Game...

I feel like a guy who is cramming for a final exam. It's just around the corner and the time available to prepare is shrinking and thus, by perception, it's accelerating.

The baby's due any day now and I am doing whatever I can to deal with the various details of life, both large and relative minutiae, because I know we're going to have significantly limited time in the not too distant future.

No Internet...

About a week ago, our area was hit by a huge storm, which knocked out our Internet and Cable TV (and b/c I use Vonage...my phone as well). Not necessarily the best for a family with an impending baby arrival.

It was a strange experience. The first few days were rough, but after I scheduled the service call, a calm resignation set in and I ended up enjoying the peace and quiet. I spend a lot of time reading and doing some things around the house which I had put off (weren't critical, but nice to haves).

2nd Child Syndrome?

I can already see how the first and second children differ…and we don’t even have the kid in hand yet.

With pregnancy number one, our lives revolved around the fetus, monitoring progress, filming Tamar’s growing belly on a weekly basis. Everything was about the baby.

With this one, there’s just so much going on..primarily the fact that we’ve got a 19 month live one running around the house that keeps us occupied.

My parents always said that they treated each kid fairly, but not necessarily equally. I’m starting to get the drift.

Me vs. House

House 3, Jer 0.

It seems like I am bound to lose this battle, valiantly though I may fight.

This past Friday night, an absolutely MASSIVE storm hit us at 1.30am. I thought it was the wrath of God/beginning of the Apocalypse.

Anyway, 30 minutes later, we lost electricity, which necessitated a family move to the basement to avoid the heat-and of course a mid-sleep move of the toddler.

As I was walking around the basement, I discovered that as a result of leaves covering the storm drain, water had penetrated the basement door, gone into my office, and under a wall into the main room. We narrowly averted disaster in that a few feet more and my entire computer set up would have been in the water's path. I shudder to think about the consequences. Since then, it's been constant towels, vacuuming, fans, and now a de-humidifier to get things right (plus, I packed the door with additional insulation-old t-shirts- and will have to get something to prevent the drain from getting covered again.)

Focus vs. Big Ideas

The secret is out that, at least in some respect, one of life's purposes is the search for balance between extremes.

I wonder if another two extremes are between periods of intense focus and those of intense whatever the opposite of focus is (unfocus? scatterbrained-edness? open-minded-ness?)

I think this occurs on a macro level as well as a micro level.

These days, I'm a very focused on a macro level. I've got my family and my job. That's pretty much all I think about. On a micro level, there are days when I lose focus or can't stay focused, but by and large, I'm focused.

While I was in college, I was focused on a macro level on academic achievement. While I travelled in Europe and Asia, I was hardly focused--well, I was focused on just seeing the world. Hmmm....maybe you're always focused, it's just not always so clear.

I've got to think about this one a bit more. I'm not so focused right now :-)

An interesting parental moment

Somehow my daughter managed to get a kernel of corn up her small nostril tonight.

Averting a trip to the ER and with the help of a straw (suctioning the kernel down to the end) and a pair of tweezers from my Swiss Army Knife (to shred and remove the piees), we successfully removed the nasal obstruction.

And contrary to what you might expect, she was laughing the whole time, thinking it was funny that her father had a straw up her nose.

One of many "I never thought I'd ever be doing that" moments.

Social Networking

Many people within my personal network have recently received an inviation to join my "LinkedIn" virtual/digital network. The reaction-which is pretty much the one I have as well-has been quite unanimous.

"I'll do it, but I'm not sure what the value is."

Frankly, I'm not sure what the immediate value is either, but here's my take on it.

LinkedIn (and there are others that attempt to do the same, both in the business world (like Spoke) and personal world (like Friendster)) provides you an opportunity to demonstrate a unique value proposition that you bring to the world-namely your network (and extended network) of contacts.

As I've written before, I spend a lot of time thinking about what aspect of my job can/should be outsourced to India. One area that can't be outsourced is my relationship to other people and the feelings that they have for me.

When you are at the center of a network, your perceived value to the network increases. People need YOU to make connections to others. Now, as my friend pointed out, he could go directly to someone and say "Jeremy sent me," but we all know it's much more valuable if I write to you and say "hey, you REALLY need to talk with this guy." (assuming of course you value my opinion in the first place :-)]

Now, the problem with LinkedIn and the others is that it's not quite clear to most people HOW exactly you benefit from it and what is the best way to utilize it. That's the short term problem.

In the long term, however, I do beleive that being able to demonstrate the power and viability of your network is something that is going to be critical.

High Quality Wedding Speeches

"I could tell you a good story about the groom, but I won't...."

How many times have you been to a wedding where the best man or maid of honor says something like that? I mean, who the hell cares?

Either tell us a good story or don't tell us that you COULD tell us one. We all know that.

I'm tired of lame wedding speeches, but fortunately, yesterday, Tamar and I were priviliged to hear 3 fantastic speeches in a row. They drew pictures, they allowed us to see the personal side of the groom and bride from people who had great perspectives on them, and they were entertaining.

Some key memorable lines from the groom:

"A woman always has the last word in an argument. When a man speaks after the last word, it is the first word of a new argument."

To his bride: "you are the most beautiful, talented, amazing woman I've ever met. You're thoughtful, sensitive, and, uh, honey, I can't read your handwriting here."

"I've learned a few lessons in the few months of dating my wife. "When you're wrong, admit it. When you're right, well, I haven't had that happen yet."

Infant Training Camp

We have some great friends who live two blocks away from us. Their names are: Jeremy and Tamar. Yes, you read that correctly.

Even better, the other Tamar is having a baby and she's due basically the same day as "my" Tamar is due.

I was speaking with Tamar #2 this morning and the usual polite conversation regarding how each of the Tamars was feeling during the penultimate month of the pregnancy arose.

Tamar 2 is experiencing the same problems that Tamar 1 is. It's difficult and uncomfortable for her to sleep.

I expressed sympathy.

"It's all part of God's plan," Tamar said. "If a woman goes from a solid 8 hours a night to having to get up every two hours, it would be too much of a shock to the system. This way, she's ready for when the baby is born."

"I like that," I said, "kind of like training camp."

Then, I realized the next logical step in the argument.
"Well, if that's the case, then it would seem that men, who are going from a solid 8 hours would suffer too much of a shock to the system and probably shouldn't get up in the middle of the night to do the feedings."

"I hadn't quite taken it to that step," Tamar replied.

[This pre-supposes that theere is not another child in the house that gets up early-witness the fact that it is 4am now and Calanit is sitting next to me eating Cheerios]

Later, I shared the 'Training Camp' idea with my Tamar, who indicated that she had shared the same viewpoint with me many times, further highlighting my poor spousal listening skills.

After backing myself into a hole by essentially admitting-again-that I don't hear when my wife talks, I valiantly tried to explain that it would be too great of a shock to my system to get up in the middle of the night for feedigns since I hadn't gone through the Training Camp.

My wife, the lawyer, denied my appeal.

Picture at right: most recent sonogram of Baby #2

Affluenza and Competitiveness

Competition is good. Change is healthy.

I think you'd better believe that if you expect to prosper in the future.

I spend a lot of time thinking about outsourcing and the rise of China and India. I ask myself at least weekly, "what part of my job can/should be outsourced at a cheaper rate?"

As Americans, we have a sense of entitlement to ever rising standards of living, wages, and material gain. Our affluence, however, may be backfiring, as we spend less time educating our minds and, like the grasshopper of a different parable, saving for the future.

Read a great article in Fortune recently. It suggests that our kids spend more time watching TV, playing video games, and not exercising their brains than their counterparts in China, India, and South Korea. In those countries, parents push and push for excellence in science, math, and technology. Without technological leadership, the article argues, economic prosperity becomes a challenge. In those countries, they push kids away from the arts.

Now, I think there is a role for the arts, don't get me wrong, because a solid liberal arts education provides critical thinking and sythensizing capabilities that a purely technical one will not, which to me, is a key for adapting to change. That being said, however, I would agree that our society has moved farther and farther away from a serious commitment to general mathematic and scientific competency.

This is cause for concern.

The real question is: what do I do so that my kids are ready to compete? Actual, the real question may be: what do I need to do so that I remain competitive?

The other side of business...

A former boss of mine in Japan said to me "I only do business with people I like."

The obvious component of business success is a relentless focus on the objectives and the metrics. The other is the people. There are those on your direct team, your co-workers and employees, but there are those with whom you do business.

Once upon a time, I would go to a conference and dilligently attend the sessions, looking to acquire as much theoretical knowledge as possible. Now, however, I realize that equally important is understanding (and I mean really understanding) the people outside of your business with whom you work-your partners and customers.

Instead of getting out early, I stayed out late, nothing crazy, but just chatting with people, figuring out what makes them tick and what they want in life and business. It's about having the comfort so that when those tough moments come in business-and they invariably will-you can call someone up and say, "man, this isn't working right" and the person on the other end of the line trusts you.

Minneapolis...

Best remark by a local: "we have two seasons, construction and winter."

As my friend and I rode into town last week, we asked ourselves "what is the essence of Minneapolis?"

Well, after 5 days there (arguably during the best two months of the year), I'm not sure I've got the essence of it, but it's a great city/town. The downtown is neat (in fact there are overhead, covered walkways that enable the citizens of the city to walk throughout downtown during the winter months without ever having to go outside) and is split by a bus only, mostly pedestrian street (Nicollette) and is bordered on the east by the Mississippi river.

The people are friendly and somewhat surprisingly multi-cultural (had a haircut by a Vietnamese woman and my taxi driver was from Kenya-a far cry from Minnesota!).

I was quite impressed.

On Friendship

Got a great response from Andrew Bonime re: Friendship

I quote in part:

"IN thinking about the different TYPES of friendship, I am reminded of Aristotle's three definitions:

Friendship based on sensuality
Friendship based on mutual utility, and
Teleia Philia (the completed friendship).

Here is a very good discussion on the three types that is more succinct than I could make it:

Referring to Aristotle's essay on friendship, relationships based on sensuality will endure as long as the parties are in receipt of such commodity; likewise, those based on utility will remain operative as long as the parties involved find each other mutually useful. There is, however, a "friendship grounded in virtue, such that one desires for one's friend what is best for one's friend, and this for the sake of one's friend. This is perfected or completed friendship (teleia philia), for its aims do not go outside the friendship itself... teleia philia is not characteristic of most friendships... A perfected friendship is possible only between those who are relevantly equal, though the measure of equality is not quantitative but proportional: as the audience and the great performer are not equal, but each grants to the other what is due: that is sufficient equality." [i.e. there is mutual respect; more than this, an appreciation, e.g., for the talents of others based on the observer's study and dedication to refinement.]

I have had few of the third type, but those I have are as precious as they are rare."

As a Man, the world is your bathroom...

I used to say that and 9 out of 10 times, it's true and being a man is an advantage.

The 10th time is on an airplane going through turbulence.

September 11th-Just another day?

I was struck the other day when I heard an ad on the radio talking about a sale that ends on "September 11th." It was said in such a run of the mill fashion and I thought to myself...I guess 4 years is how long it takes to get back to "normal."

And then this morning's attack in London. It seems like the Brits have a big choice in how to respond--and I hope it is not like the way the Spaniards did.

On Planting a Tree

Somewhere along the line, I heard a great story about a man planting a tree.

A passer-by stopped and said, "Hey, you're an old man, this tree won't even give fruit for 50 years, what are you doing?"

The man replied, "just like my grandfather planted a tree for me so I would have fruit, I am doing the same for my grandchildren."

Another story I read was a piece of advice saying that you should plant a tree when a child is born. Well, I didn't quite do that, but since this is our first summer in our new home, I did take the opportunity to plant a tree in the backyard. I was quite emotional as I did, as this little maple tree now begins to mark my life and as it grows, so does my family, but G-d willing, it will continue well beyond my years.

I plant a tree so that Calanit and her siblings will have it at full strength when they are adults.

There's a tree in my parents' front yard that was planted by my brother, Barak, with my father many years ago. It is quite an impressive site now to behold.

Friends and what they mean...

Calanit endured 5 hours in the car on Sunday so that I could extend the friendship with one of my dearest, oldest friends to the next generation.

It was a bittersweet visit for the simple reason that he and his family are moving to Atlanta from Charlottesville, VA and we won't be able to visit them so often. Not that we did that much, what with kids, house, and all, but we knew we could...and we did on occasion.

I realized, again, how valuable old, true friends are, as we seemed to pick up right where we left off and rapidly discussed many topics, with a common foundation which need not be revisited. It was wonderful to see how his kids and Calanit could play and share in common activities...like watching Elmo.

It was also a bit emotional as I realized how great the friends from childhood are and how time, distance, and circumstances can make the visits less and less frequent and feeling that is only intensified by the power of the connection during the visit.

However, that is life and these are the roads we travel.

I am glad I took her and that we all have this milestone in our collective memories to look back upon as we go down the path.

Movie Review: Hotel Rwanda

Hotel Rwanda

Saw the movie last night. Don't know where to begin.

Maybe because it's the story of a different genocide (other than the Holocaust) and one that I'm not used to, I found myself reacting quite emotionally, viscerally, and in tears.

As I age and appreciate the inherent beauty of life even more, it becomes more and more difficult for me to comprehend this type of human behavior.

And as Tamar pointed out, "it's going on now in Darfur."

My brother, Barak, is organizing to raise awareness, but somehow, it's so easy for us to, as they say in the movie "see it on TV, say 'isn't that terrible,' and then go back to eating their dinner.'

We've seen what happens when the US gets involved, like we did in Somalia and from a removed, strategic perspective, it's easy to explain why the US/West doesn't/can't get involved. But, there is a human level here and something has to be done. That is the lesson of the Holocaust.

Many writers have commented on the uniqueness of Al-Qaeda as a supra-national network that is organized for militant evil.

What if there were a supra-national network organized for good?

It's clear, to me at least, that in cases like Rwanda and Darfur, we're not going to be able to negotiate the end of the massacre.

Wouldn't it be cool and almost super-hero-esque to have a group of people who were dedicated to the idea of protecting the innocent from massacre, without thinking about geo-political consequences (and not even being part of a state for that matter) but who had the weaponry and firepower to go and just kill the perpetrators of the Darfur massacre. That would send a message.

I bet there would be people willing to finance it, too.

I'm still shaken by this movie.

No matter what, you need to wake up and start running

I just finished Tom Friedman's book "The Lexus and the Olive Tree" about Globalization. It was fantastic and aided my understanding of many of the trends that I've seen.

Perhaps I'm paranoid (or just a student of Andy Grove), but I do ask myself on a weekly basis "what part of my job could be done in India?"

He relates a great story about the challenges of the age of Globalization.

In Africa, every night the lion goes to sleep knowing that in the morning, he must run faster than the slowest gazelle if he's going to eat. The gazelle goes to sleep knowing that he must run faster than the fastest lion if he's going to live.

The one thing they both know is that when they wake up, they had better both start running!

Now, the kicker is....how do you run at full speed, but watch everything go by in slow motion so you can make those tremendous insights based on observation?

One thing I've come to appreciate is people who can seriously seek the underlying concepts to what would otherwise appear to be ridiculous topics...while at the same time recognizing the inherent sarcasm in the intellectual pursuit in which they are engaged.

"I want to say something worthy of being put on your Blog."
-Gadi Rozmaryn, June 9, 2005

That's worthy enough for me.

Father-Daughter Travel

When I look back at my life’s activities and experiences, I have no doubt that yesterday; Sunday, June 5, 2004 will be remembered as one of the greatest I’ve had.

Growing up, I was fortunate to have many 1:1 travel experiences with my father. Not only did it bring me closer, but it empowered me as a self-reliant individual and gave me a thirst for knowledge and experience.

A few weeks ago, I received an invitation to what was essentially the 3rd birthday party of our godson, Nadiv Lev Rose, whose parents are very dear friends of mine and who will be moving to St. Louis later this summer from Long Island. I hadn’t seen them in a long time and realized that a trip to the Midwest was not imminent. The game plan involved a day trip up and back to Long Island for the festivities and then to parlay that event into a rendezvous with some college/high-school friends whom I had not seen in a while.

Initially, I was going to drive, but then the idea hit me that with Sunday being a day when Tamar works and I’m responsible for Calanit, I would bring her along. That necessitated a flight from BWI to Long Island (I seriously contemplated 6 hours in the car each way, but came to my senses…eventually).

Calanit and I woke at 5.30am and were at the airport by 7am. We rented a car with a car seat for her and were in Old Westbury by 9:50am. Then, Roslyn Heights at 12.30pm, Great Neck at 2:40pm and Locust Valley at 4.30 and back to the airport by 6pm. The weather was beautiful, 90 degrees, and Calanit was AMAZING.

At each stop, she was more engaging and entertaining than the previous one. She was a tremendous trooper, behaved quite well on the plane, didn’t mind having her diaper changed in strange places like a car, the men’s bathroom, or other people’s homes. She was even great when sitting in her stroller while I was standing at the urinal!

What a traveler this kid was. At the birthday party, she played with kids and balloons (ate like a champ also). At one house, for one minute she had a fit because her bathing suit was too tight and she didn’t want to go in the pool, but other than that, played ball with two boys, played peek-a-boo with an expectant father, and engaged with a 7 month old infant. And she did all of this with two 20 minute naps.

I couldn’t believe my good fortune. We played and laughed with each other while in the car as I explained why some of the names on Long Island had native American origins and the economics as they related to New York City.

I was thrilled to show her the importance and value that I place on maintaining relationships with people who have influenced you and been a good friend to you over the course of your life.

All day, it was as if my heart was expanding in love for my daughter. I was so proud to continue what I consider to be an Epstein family tradition of father-child travel.

Our planning and execution were flawless (well one minor one, but who’s counting?)

We got to the airport at 6pm for our 7.40 flight…only to be told that it was delayed until 9! Then 10:30!
“Ugh, what am I going to do to keep her entertained for 3 hours?”

Well, Calanit was up to the task. She ran around the terminal, found 2 friends and chased them in an out of the railings and chairs. She was laughing and playing the whole time.

Finally, at 11pm, we got on the flight to Baltimore and 25 minutes later, with a few whimpers, she crashed hard on the seat, out cold. I jostled her briefly into her stroller, then into the car, and then into the crib (12.45am), but she wasn’t bothered.

Initially, I was thinking that my luck had to turn, but then I realized that this experience was good for her. I had explained earlier in the day that travel can be made easier by good planning and we demonstrated that.

Then, there is the part of travel (as in life) that is outside of your control. The weather in Chicago (the origin of our plane) falls in that category and sometimes you just have to deal. I thought that as an initiation to travel, it was an added bonus that she saw that not everything always goes as planned.

It didn’t faze her at all.

I just felt so fortunate to have taken this time to take my daughter on a trip where we really “lived” and made the most of the day, a Carpe Diem type of day; where she met some friends of mine and made friends of her own, and where the two of us had a chance to bond.

Hopefully, this is the first of many.

Blogging Hits the Mainstream

I remember back during the Internet boom days that there were two instances that told me that the Internet hype was out of control. One was on the New York City subway where I heard two old ladies talking about Lycos and another, on the Long Island Rail Road, where two people were talking about their investments in some remote website (I'd heard of it, because that was my industry, but it was certainly not something that I thought the average person needed to know about).

Anyway, I'm not saying that Blogging has hit the same mania, but two recent pieces of evidence suggest that it's become mainstream.

First, my brother in law, who is a periodontist (and don't get me wrong, I love him dearly) tells me that the way he is going to fight back against credit card payment processors is by starting a blog for other dentists/small business owners.

Then, my 10th grade English teacher (whom I saw at a school alumni event) tells me that she has just returned from Israel. I say "hey, I'd love to see your write up of your experiences, can you email it to me?"
"Oh, I haven't done that yet, though it would make sense since I am an English teacher," she replies, "but I was thinking of starting a blog."

Back on Top

What is about sports teams that makes us experience events vicariously?

When I was a kid, I lived and died with the fortunes of the Washington Redskins. At some point, that changed, and when I got to college, I became a die-hard fan of the Johns Hopkins lacrosse team. As the only Division 1 sport at the school and with a very proud legacy (more national titles than any other school), we had reason to be optimistic.

Yet, the championship eluded us every year since 1987. An unbearable 18 years passed before we ascended to the top spot this past Monday.

What’s worse is that each spring was filled with hope and the team performed quite well in the regular season. Frequently, we were #1 and in my senior season, er, year, we were undefeated (I went to every game that year-home AND away). Yet, we’d always run into a “hot” goalie or some other obstacle that would cause us to lose. Each spring would start with the best beliefs and end with a “next year.”

This year, however, was “next year.”

This year, we were coached by a returning son, who had played on the last championship team and whose sole mission was to restore Hopkins to its rightful place at the top of college lacrosse.

On Saturday, we faced a familiar nemesis, UVA, which had quashed our most recent hopes in the Finals 2 years ago. After a miraculous come from behind victory, we encountered a newcomer to the upper echelons of the college lacrosse world, Duke, which had motive for revenge following a close defeat one month prior as well as possessing the nation’s best offense.

Yet somehow, this year, we had the “hot” goalie and in a game that was in doubt until the very end, we came out on top.

During the entire game, my heart was pounding. I was jumping for joy when we scored. I wore my jersey. The kid in me lived on. I reconnected with people I hadn’t talked to in a while simply because my, no ‘our’ team had become the champions.

We didn’t score a goal, play defense, or attend practice, yet somehow, I feel this victory is as much mine as the guys who played.

Why is that? What is it about the allegiance to a sports team that creates this emotional bond?

Decisiveness vs. Impulsiveness

In his book, "Only the Paranoid Survive," Andy Grove, the former CEO of Intel suggests that one of the most common mistakes in business (and arguably in life) is waiting too long to make a decision. Usually, people know what they have to do, but for emotional reasons, can't bring themselves to do it.

I try to take this to heart, but sometimes I feel like in my rush to make a decision, I don't always think through all of the options.

The other day, I had a guy out to my house to clean my chimney. He told me that the chimney was fine, but the liner was cracked and it would cost a chunk of money to repair it.

I said "yes," without even really thinking it over or getting another estimate just because I wanted it done.

Upon further reflection, I realized I had made a mistake. This was not something that had to be done right now, I just wanted it over with and didn't really think it through.

Now, I've got to undo it.

Man, it seems like I keep saying that the challenge is balance between 2 extremes!

Becoming the Corporate Yuppie

I've become the guy I resented.

I will explain. Having grown up as a die-hard Redskins fan, one of the things I used to love was going to the games at RFK stadium (a dingy, old, dirty place) with my brothers. IT was like going camping. We wore jeans, boots, and sweatshirts to the game.

In the early 90's the team moved to a new stadium and we went to the first game there, dressed as we always did.

When we got there, we saw that the environment had changed. I can still see a guy in his dockers and loafers with his cell phone and I was thinking, "man, this place has gone all corporate!" The real fans were left in SE DC.

Well now, a few years down the road, I find myself taking business associates to game and dressing that way. I was at Camden Yards a few weeks ago and next week, I am going back to RFK-the corporate yuppie has returned.

I've spent a LOT of time thinking, studying, and reading about the Holocaust. Lived in Germany. Visited concentration camps. Talked with survivors. It's a subject that can't be comprehended intellectually, in my opinion.

This afternoon, as my daughter was taking her nap, I took a moment to watch a documentary that a former babysitter of mine had produced based on the diaries of children survivors and non-survivors of the Holocaust.

One scene is etched into my mind. It was parents putting their young children on a train to save them from the coming Nazi menace, knowing that in all likelihood, they would never see their kids again.

I thought about my daughter upstairs and a new wave of emotion, one I had never experienced before when thinking about the Holocaust, overcame me. As a father, I now had an even deeper appreciation for the pain that people must have felt as they did everything they could to keep their children safe.

When she woke up, I told her how much I loved her, and gave her a big kiss and hug. And I just read this entry to her while she is having her dinner.

Whoa! I never realized how fast grass grows.

The lawn guy quoted me $500 for the entire summer and I thought about it, but at this stage, I've got to go with the philosophy that I point my money towards things that reduce costs and improve value. I can cut my own lawn (and ok, for a few days, the grass is really long), but resources are limited and need to be allocated wisely.

If there's one thing I've learned as a homeowner, it's that there's no end to the amount of money you can spend on upkeep of your home.

Calanit Says "No"

Somehow, my daughter has figured out how to say "NO." And she says it to everything, no matter what.

"Time to go to sleep."
"No!"

"Want to eat now?"
"No!"

Finally, I had a good time saying things like:
"how about you stay up all night and forget about your bath?"
"NO!"

"Ok," I said, "we can work with that."

I guess kids require some creativity. :-)

Balancing Present vs. Future Consumption

I minored in Economics in college and that subject definitely helps shape my perspective on the world. I remember from one of my classes, Macro, I think, that the trade-off between present and future consumption lies at the core of the discipline.

For many years, I was motivated by future consumption. I saved...relentlessly, thinking about the big expenses I would face down the road. Perhaps it was taught by my parents to me...deferred gratification or something like that, but I was very disciplined about it. I'm glad, because in many ways, it has made some of the things I've acquired less stressful.

On the other hand is present consumption. Now, I don't think I consume wantonly or just for the sake of consumption (at least I don't think I do), but as I've matured (or maybe just gotten older), I see that life is fragile and while we do need to live/save for the future, there is something to be said for rewarding ourselves in the present, because, as you know, you never know when it will end.

I don't mean to be morbid, of course, it's just a fact. The real challenge that I see is, as with everything, what's the balance? What is "instant gratification" or irrational consumption versus a legitimate enjoyment of the fruits of your labor. You can always say "I'll need the money later" and you will, but sometimes later never comes. Obviously, there's the flip side.

I just want to be responsible to myself today and myself tomorrow. Tough one.

You can view things as transactions or a chance to build a lasting relationship. It's your choice.

Went to my 10 year college reunion on Saturday night and I'm really glad I did.

It's great to have these periodic check-ins with people who affected (to varying degrees) the person I have become.

It's also interesting to see how different lives are playing out. Some people...well, they are doing exactly what I thought they would be doing. Others, a bit less so, and others, well, their lives are nowhere where I'd thought they be. This is great, because it forces me to think about judging people too early.

I was very glad to see many of these folks. It occured to me that the people who do take the time to come to reunions are those who view college as a relationship, not as a transaction, and frankly, we're all better off that way. Good for us, that we valued our time there and we made friends, developed into the people we are becoming, and continue to learn from each other.

The Knowledge Economy

Listening recently to a series of lectures on economics by a professor at U of Minnesota. It's gotten me thinking about how to stay competitive in the "Knowledge Economy."

It's clear from the data that those w/more education tend to receive higher wages. The question though is: what type of education? When is the right time? How do you know that you're going after the right credentials? Which credentials are the best?

Staying Hungry

I read an article recently by Tom Friedman in the NYT called, "The World is Flat." It's about the increasing competition from places like India and the hunger that people there have for the American lifestyle.

Meanwhile, in America, it's easy to get soft. I mean, you have your Tivo, er, Media Center PC (a Microsoft product), you have entire industries catering to leisure activities, and you think you are entitled to things like vacation, cheap gas, and Internet service. With the affluence that many of us have (we may not be super rich and of course we have monetary concerns, but we're not starving and many of our basic and advanced needs aremet), is it easy to get soft?

The question then: how do you keep hungry? Money is, to some extent a motivator, but who's going to give more of himself, the immigrant off the boat (or the remote technician in Bangalore) who is trying to save enough money to buy a house or send his kid to college, or the Ivy league educated lawyer who's got a house, 2 cars, takes vacations to Europe, and does yardwork on the weekends for fun?

For a while, that works. But Friedman points out that the challenges we face are greater now, there is more competition and you can't stand still. The paradigm for "making it" and having a career have changed. I've been told that when people reach a certain age or status, they start to "coast." Friedman's point is, you can never coast.

Is knowing that enough? How do you convince others?

I read about high school kids who drink and use drugs and have wild parties and wonder if that's symptomatic of having too much affluence. Are the other kids who have to prove themselves, learn English or whatever, going out and partying or are they home studying?

I saw a friend last night who's a bright guy, roughly my age, who said, "I don't read anymore. When I come home from a hard day's work, I want to be entertained, so I watch 24."

Some TV is good, but are we entitled to entertainment? I'm wondering if there's another guy who wants my friend's job is out there studying up on the field, thinking up the next big idea, and while 24 is on, is going to put my friend's livelihood on the line.

Maybe I've read too much of Andy Grove's "Only the Paranoid Survive."

One barrier to adoption of Vonage is the possible lack of “always on” phone.

We lost our Comcast for about 12 hours…and though we’re used to it, it’s still annoying. I think the ‘average user” is just not going to put up with that uncertainty, particularly when you’ve come to expect 100% uptime from your dial tone service.

Just a thought.

During WWII, the Flying Tigers were a group of US airmen stationed in India and SW China who were responsible for bombing the Japanese out of mainland China. My grandfather was a bombardier in that group.

Twice now, I've met immigrants from mainland China who, after learning that my grandfather was a Flying Tiger, reached over to me, vigorously and earnestly shook my hand, and said, multiple times, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

What a show of gratitude. What a contrast to the way we are viewed by the Europeans or the South Koreans.

Core Competency

We hear the term “core competency” thrown around a lot. I think about what my personal core competency should be so as to maximize my value to others over the long haul.

For a while now, I’ve said that “Change is the only constant,” and I think I’ve hit on what skill I am seeking to refine: Versatility.

Exactly how to do that? Maybe next entry.

I know she's young, but I've started to think about the balance between my goals and dreams for Calanit and the fact that, when all's said and done, she's got to live her own life.

I've been reading some articles recently about the pending knowledge worker battle that is happening between folks in the Western world and folks in China, India, Russia. The basic theory is that the West is getting soft on math and science. I was thinking how I'd love the Pooka to develop strengths in those areas so she can ultimately compete in the tougher job market that is invariably coming.

Of course, I know she's going to do what she's passionate about (as she should) and live her own life, but then again, I can be a positive force for her in giving her some wisdom/perspective, without making her feel like she's suffocating, right?

Calanit and I explored a very large park that is basically in our backyard. We discovered a large lake and at that point, I took her out of the stroller to let her walk around a bit and stretch her legs. At one point, as I was taking pictures of her, with the lake in the background, I saw the sun glimmering off of water at just the right angle that I couldn't help but I think I was living in an Impressionist painting. I had the emotion at that moment that those artists, I think tried to convey.

As we saw the various flowers, trees, people, dogs, and more and I rejoiced at the excitement of Calanit seeing it all for the first time, I wondered if one of the roles that kids and grandkids play is to give adults a periodic "refresh" for how we look at the world.

It seems like it is so easy to get worn down by life, get jaded, and become withdrawn, but with kids, we have the option to get fully engaged, to enrich them, and in so doing, enrich ourselves and go through our own re-birth, if you will.

Kids know nothing, formally, about competition, but parents do. We ran into a 17 month old girl who had, by comparison, a very strong vocabulary. Calanit understands a ton, but really doesn't have more than a few words she says. Mostly she points and gets what she wants. It was all I could to hold back and remember, 'every kid is different and I'm sure that Calanit is doing fine," but still, for a moment, I felt the tinge of jealousy.

On the ride back, Calanit, as if motivated by the other kid, was really trying to 'find her voice.' I have an audio if you're interested, but it was as if she was a singer warming up before a show. Very cute.

A magical weekend, made even more so by my wonderful daughter.

Life Travels

In my 20's, I was fortunate to travel to many countries around the world. I loved the thrill of a new culture and new experiences. I was confident that one of the best ways to broaden your perspective was through jaunts to faraway lands.

That may be true, but I've realized another one.

It's the travels into the depths of your soul that comes from watching your child grow; from the feelings that come about when you have quiet moments alone and there's just music playing in the background and you think about the future, but not your own, somebody else's. This journey into the land of perspective helps you empathize with others, want to make the world a better place, and to treat others with kindness.

I loved my days globetrotting, but now I'm soul-diving.

It's difficult to quantify how painful it is to watch Calanit in so much pain. It's probably some equation like

Take the most emotionally challenging experience of my life...

and multiply it by about 10,000

I feel so bad for her. She's in pain, doesn't know what's going on with her or why we won't let her have some of her normal foods. She's on the mend since Monday, but still not 100% and every few hours, has a bout of intestinal gas that causes her to writhe in pain.

It's all Tamar and I can do to just hold her...and cry for our inability to do anything to help her.

When we first had Calanit, someone told us that one of the most painful things you ever experience as a parent is when you have a sick child..."the whole world stops."

Well, we made it about 16.5 months before Calanit had any really serious sickness, but yesterday and today, she's had it bad. Throwing up, diarrhea, the whole nine yards and man, it is the worst. There's not much we can do for you and we just feel terrible. It's not that we don't think she'll overcome it, we're sure she will, it's just hat we hate to see her suffering.

It's really tough to watch and what's worse is, I know we'll have many more (and probably worse) of these.