After going to Canada for the weekend and flying with Calanit, I've developed a simple, but what I think is an effective formula for traveling with children. Take however much time you think you need to do whatever it is (get to the airport, clear customs, etc.) and just multiply it by 2.5. With enough time, I believe, travelling with children can be hassle/stress free, but the TIME is the critical element. Don't wait until the last minute.

Canada is really an interesting place. I can't get a read on what their national identity is. To me, it looks like their primary objective is to be the un-American (ok, maybe a bit softer, gentler), but it's basically the US with some subtle differences, like Kilometers, Celsius, some mild pronunciations (the letter 'o') and cute expressions like 'eh'. They've got their own money and maybe things are a bit cleaner, but other than that (and mind you, I'm not talking about French Canada) there's not much uniquely Canadian. Tamar and I saw the actor Mike Meyers on TV the other night talking sort of along the same lines and his most memorable quote was "you don't hear people saying too often, 'hey, let's go out for Canadian food.'"

The people are friendly and all, but I can't place my finger on what it means to be a Canadian.

Since I was there during the Olympics, it was particularly fascinating to see how the Canadian media worked. From an American perspective, it looks like (almost) that Canada is a country that if it doesn't celebrate mediocrity, certainly is willing to tolerate it or explain it away.

When we arrived, Canada had won just one bronze (they subsequently won a silver and a gold) and the paper/TV highlighted athletes who "did their best just to get there" or "didn't have the full financial backing of the government." Athletes who finished 16th were on the news and were portrayed as heroes.

I guess in America, we're so focused on winning the gold that if you win the silver, it's really "losing the gold."

Don't know what it means, but it was interesting to see how the media celebrated someone finishing 20th or whatever. Obviously, even being in the Olympics is a major accomplishment, but maybe for a country that continually seeks to avoid the shadow of its neighbor to the south, that's one of the ways they differentiate themselves.

A Tale of 2 computers

So for a while, I've been living with the dilemma of the fact that I work for Microsoft and yet was maintaining two computers at home, neither of which were on the latest, greatest Operating System. The fact that my needs were met entirely by a machine running (yes) Windows Millenium and my wife's (Win98) underscored one of the problems that we at MS face when it comes to our technology, namely, how do we convince customers to upgrade their desktop Operating Systems?

I felt I could relate to many customers when I surveyed my landscape at home and saw that, "hey, it's good enough, I don't need anything better."

Well, for reasons that have nothing to do with software and have to do entirely with human error, about 2 weeks ago, my hard drive crashed. I had no choice but to format the hard drive. I took the opportunity to install a brand new Windows XP operating system on my 4 year old laptop. I installed the latest and greatest of everything, security, add-ons, you name it and let me just say this...I am glad that I did. I am kicking myself that I didn't do it sooner.

I realized that when most people or even I say "I don't need anything else," we have no idea what we are talking about. Most of us have no clue what the technology is even capable of until we try it out and only after we investigate, play around, and try out new things, do we realilze the potential inherent in it. It's like I rediscovered my passion for the technology within the past two weeks and I am in reveling in it. Were there hiccups and bumps along the way? Sure, but is it worth it? I believe so.


Not knowing what you've got until you see the possibilities (it's good enough/don't need anymore)

Self-Identity and Early Adopter

My self identity is tied up in the idea, to some extent, that I am an early adopter of technology. I don't know why. Perhaps it has something to do with the feeling of wanting to know something before other people do and then getting to tell them about it. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I see the possibilities for the new technology and seek to implement them as quickly as possible.

I've long prided myself that I've had email since 1991, when according to some statistics there were only 750,000 people in the world who used it. The other night, I read an article about Voice over IP telephony (that's using the Internet to make your phone calls) and I was thrilled to see that about 50,000 consumers in the US had it at the beginning of 2003--I was one of them, and we've been saving about $35 on our phone bill every month since then.

I recently purchased a GPS system for my car (it integrates with my Pocket PC phone edition) and Tamar and I are in the midsts of a massive family digitization process which involves copying our VHS tapes to DVD and our cassettes to digital music. It's working quite well, for the most part--with of course the usual hiccups, but we'll be fine, I'm certain.

Anyway, whatever it is, it keeps me going. I am like a kid in some ways as I do get a rush from trying out a new technological advancement, but for the most part, I find value in them and don't just do them for their own sake. There's a benefit that we derive in the short and long term.

As for being an early adopter and why I pride myself on it...I don't know. I just am, in this regard, I suppose.

the best job in the world

We had brunch this morning with some friends and while we were there, the husband got word that he was to become an Uncle for the first time. Our friends have no kids of their own.

 

I tell you, being an Uncle with no kids of your own is the best job in the world. First of all, for an Uncle in particular, there are no expectations. You change one diaper and you’re a hero for life. Do anyting, and you’re a hero. It’s different for Aunts, I think.  Furthermore, if the kid gets grouchy, well, it’s not your problem. You can spoil them. Give the kids sugar at 9pm…hey, you didn’t know any better. Honest mistake. All the fun, no responsibility and no accountability. 

 

Once you have kids, being an Uncle is fun, but not as much. You can’t get away with playing dumb, you know better.

 

Anyway, enjoy it while you can.

 

Fasting

We just completed the Fast of the 9^th Av (Tisha B’Av) which commemorates the destruction of the 1^st (586 BCE) and 2^nd (70 CE) Temples in Jerusalem.  This culminated a three week period of mourning that began with another Fast, albeit a minor one (minor ones are from dawn to dusk), whereas Tisha B’Av along with Yom Kippur are 25 hour fasts.

 

I find fasting to be rather spiritual, particularly as we get to the end of the day and your body starts to consume its stored energy. You really do reach a higher spiritual plane.  Tisha B’Av is supposed to be a melancholy time as the House of the Lord was laid to ruin.  As I was sitting on the floor last night at synagogue (another sign of mourning), listening to the words of Eichah, the book of Lamentations written by Jeremiah, which we read on this somber day, I was reminded of all of the places around the world I’ve been on this holiday, including Tokyo among them.  I then thought of a quote that has been attributed to Napoleon, who was walking by a synagogue in Acre when the French were there and asked what the wailing coming from within was. He was told that the Jews inside were mourning the loss of their Temple and he said something along the lines of “A people who remember with such intensity will never forget.”

 

Well, we had some intensity today. My wife didn’t fare as well. I begged her to eat, seeing as she’s a nursing mother. Stubborn as she is, however, she didn’t and eventually got so dehydrated, I think, that she had dry heaves and then threw up. Not a pleasant sight, but certainly a strong reminder of the pain and suffering that our ancestors must have felt on this day.

 

And now...it's pouring, and I do mean, pouring outside. It's like G-d is saying to us, "ok, now we're beginning the spiritual cleansing process that will lead us over the next 7 weeks to the Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year.)"

I just got a new passport. Normally, that wouldn't be a major event, but it accompanied the retirement of my old passport.  So what, you say. Well, the old passport probably had 50 or so stamps in it, a bunch of visas, and few other official stickers. It had an addendum to the normal section. I mean, it was a work of art, but more than that, it symbolized an amazing era of my life. I was young, relatively carefree, and able to jet-set around the world. I saw most of Europe, a nice portion of Asia, parts of Africa and South America, (and we don't even talk about the US).  Those days are gone, not for good, but for the time being.  Now, when I have an impulse to travel somewhere, I think about the opportunity cost of the trip...yes, I could go to Chile or wherever for 1.5 weeks, but I could also save that money for my daughter's education.  What's more, if I did go for 1.5 weeks, I'd miss my family terribly.  Does that mean I won't travel anymore? I doubt it, there will be trips, but only those that are necessary, either for work, or for some key event, like a trip to Israel, perhaps.  But, though it may seem ignorant, I feel like I've seen what I need to see. Not that I've seen it all or ever could, but I do believe that for now, the physical travel experiences I've had have provided me with the wide perspective that I need at this juncture.
 
In the meantime, I've decided on another type of journey. I've been re-reading a book called I Dare You by a man named Danforth (he's the founder of Ralston Purina and his son was a US Senator from Missouri). He talk about the four buckets of your life, one of which is the spiritual bucket. Danforth challenges his readers to go on a spiritual adventure, which got me thinking.
 
I remember sitting in my dorm room in Regensburg, Germany, meticulously planning my summer trips through Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, looking at timetables and reading every guide book.  I had no real idea how to travel on my own and I was a bit intimidated and overcautious, I suspect.  At the beginning, I thought it was about seeing the sites and checking off a checklist. Ok, I saw the fountains in Bern, Switzerland! 
 
Over time, however, I recognized that travel was more than a checklist and I realized that it was the journey, not necessarily the destination.  It was the people, not always the places. It was being able to sit and reflect just in a new surrounding.
 
I feel like I am ready for a spiritual adventure, the idea of it excites me, but for now I am also like that young 21 year old in a dorm room in Regensburg. I don't really know how to do it, so I will be very methodical and cautious, but I do know that the only way to do it is to do it.
 
More on this later, I am sure.

Big milestone for Calanit today. First Cheerio!! She gnawed on a roll on Saturday, but devoured the cereal today. Very exciting and very cute.

Went to the funeral of my wife's grandmother today. She had 14 grandchildren and over 20 great grandchildren. Almost all of the grandchildren spoke...and beautifully, I might add. What was sad, however, was the fact that two of her children have a very difficult relationship and there was an undercurrent of tension, at least that I felt, during the ceremony. It's so sad when families have internal strife.

My grandfather once told me that the three biggest decisions you make in your life are
1. who you marry
2. when you have your first child
3. when you buy your first home

Well, 2 of them are done, and we're starting to contemplate the 3rd. I think it's fear of commitment all over again. More on this in the days and weeks to come, I'm sure, but man, this feels like a very big decision.

Has anyone been watching the Ken Jennings Show recently? I mean, "Jeopardy." This guy is unbelievable. He's won 27 days in a row and the scores he's racking up are impressive. At one point, he was averaging $33,000 per show. Crazy. He's like the Hank Aaron of Jeopardy or Muhammad Ali. Someone will defeat him at some point, the only question is how long will this go on and how much money will he make before he's finished?

If you can digitize it, do it.
That's basically my motto. I recently bought a DVD Recorder on eBay as well as some DVD+R and DVD+RW disks (as opposed to DVD-R, a difference I have now learned) and my wife and I are in the process of transferring all of our VHS tapes to DVD. It's great. We're saving space and improving productivity, since with the creation of our DVD library (on an Excel spreadsheet), we're in a position to find the video we want much more quickly. I am very excited about this process as it is consistent with my digital lifestyle.

Let's not forget what July 4th is all about. So easy to take things for granted. The USA is an amazing concept. Appreciate that by reading the Declaration of Independence.

One of my major objectives as a husband has been to pull my wife more and more into the digital age. As an avid dancer, she has about 100 videotapes of her past performances. Whenever she needs to choreograph, she looks through all of them to find the right dance. It's very inefficient.

I purchased a DVD recorder/player (region-free so we can watch Israeli DVD's also) so she can transfer and videos and more efficiently manager her collection.

There was some reservation, but last night, she began the process and it is my hope that she will slowly continue to do it (I taught her the methodology for transferring.)

As I watcher her type in the names of the dances, I was swelling up with joy and pride!

One digital day at a time.

There are just some things you have to experience to fully understand. You can read all you want, but it's just not the same. Entrepreneurship and being your own boss is one of them. You don't know what it's like until you're there. Being a parent is another one. It's just impossible to explain to someone who isn't a parent what it is really like. I've tried, but having been on that side of the abyss, I know it's not all getting through.

At one point I said that "when a couple has a baby, the man responsible for it suddenly loses all knowledge and the woman gains it."

Two days ago, Calanit had a cold. Runny nose and a bit of a cough, but nothing ridiculous. She was generally herself, but with a bit of a cold.

Tamar said, "I want to take her to the doctor." I challenged her. Though I'm no expert, I spent 12 hours in the Pediatric ER with Tamar's brother, a Pediatrician and saw 80% of the parents just go home because their kids had a virus. I said "there's nothing wrong with her, you're overreacting and a hypochondriac."

"Sometimes kids get ear infections with colds. I want to be sure."

I called a Nurse healthline to which we have access and relayed the information. They said, "she's sick, only go to the doctor if her fever is over 105 (which it wasn't)."

Tamar insisted. Sure enough, she took Calanit to the doctor who discovered the beginnings of an ear infection, which antibiotics will hopefully treat and spare her some discomfort.

Shows how much I know...

Appreciate what you have when you have it.

My cousins are visiting from Australia. There are three childern, ages 9, 11, and 14. Their mother just died of breast cancer a few months ago. Their father is taking care of them. It is so sad for them not to have their mother. I tell you, the brief encounter I had with them over dinner tonight made me appreciate my wife and daughter even more. You never think this kind of thing will happen to you, but you never know. Cherish life and cherish those you cherish.

Politics: I'm going on the offensive

For a while now, I've found myself in the position of having to explain in a defensive manner why I'm voting for Bush.

These days, however, I'm changing my tactic. My question in response to "how can you vote for Bush?" is simply "How can you not?"

There's just too much at stake. Most people either don't recognize or more likely don't want to recognize that the war is not against terrorism, it's against radical Islam, an ideology that must be defeated because it poses an existential threat to Western civilization. What's more, that issue so far outweighs everything else, that it almost makes them irrelevant.

Don't get me wrong, things like healthcare, the economy, and Social Security are VERY important, but if we don't solve Problem #1, they don't matter.

The Republicans just understand the nature of the threat better. Yes, the implementation could be better, but as an entrepreneur, I've learned that it is important to act and figure it out as you go along instead of being stuck with analysis paralysis.

It's funny...I remember way back when I was single and started getting inundated with pictures from friends (Greg Teitel and Chuck Fox mostly) of their kids and saying "I'll never do that. It's too much." Well, I was wrong.


For pictures, see: http://jer979-calanit.buzznet.com/

Transform a "to-do" to an accomplishment:
for more: www.missioncontrol.com

Question 1
Say anything you want or need to do or handle
Sample Answer 1
Obtain a promotion

Question 2
Say why it is important to you
Sample Answer 2
It is part of my career advancement plan

Question 3
Say why the answer in #2 has a bearing on you
Sample Answer 3
I want to be a senior professional

Question 4
Say why the answer in #3 is relevant to you
Sample Answer 4
I want to be recognized in my organization


Question 5
Pick the statement in 2, 3, or 4 that is most meaningful to you Sample Answer 5
I want to be recognized in my organization

Question 6
Say the statement you picked as something already fulfilled or realized
Sample Answer 6
I am recognized in my organization

Question 7
Add to the end of the statement in #6 the words "because I" and the item from #1 written as something already fulfilled or realized
Sample Answer 7
I am recognized in my organization because I obtained a promotion

So my grandfather calls me on Wed. night and says, "you know, I'd like to go to lunch with you tomorrow."
'Ugh, pop, that's the one day I can't do it."
"What about next week?" he asks.
I start mumbling, "hmmmm, let me see. well, maybe I can move this..."
"You know, Jer, I'm at the age where I don't buy green bananas," he says. [Of course, he's been saying that for 15 years, but I get the idea]
"Ok, Pop, how about Tuesday."

And we're on...

Particularly apropos since I spoke with a colleague whose grandfather just passed away at 96. She said, "you know, we just got so used to having him around...that's what made it tough."

Take nothing for granted, right?

Birth of Eyden Liora Price

Our friends David and Daphne Price had a baby girl yesterday at Georgetown hospital. Mazal Tov. Even more amazing than that was the fact that David and I were trading emails the whole time Daphne was in labor. Then, we saw them today and Daphe said "I hope those emails don't make Jeremy's Blog." So, with that in mind, here's the entire chain of email, starting at 1am on Wed. morning and continuing throughout the day.

(Start at the bottom for the full effect)

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 3:22 PM
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Hey there. Thank you for all your kind words and wishes.

Our phone number is 202 444 6004. Visiting hours are ffrom 11am 9pm.

Have a great night and mazel tov.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 15:27:43 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Mazal Tov!!!!!! Can we bring you dinner? I already have stuff ready to go! If you guys are too tired for it today, I can bring it tomorrow as well. What works for you?

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 3:22 PM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Emergency c sect. Baby girl 7lbs 9oz

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 3:22 PM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Pissed

-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 11:25:19 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Does daphne think it's funny that we've been emailing all morning or is she pissed? I think Tamar would've been pissed.

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 11:17 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Tears now are ok.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 11:05:54 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Man, I'm so excited. I was on the verge of tears. Then, I realized you wouldn't appreciate that, so I stopped.

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 10:50 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Could be. Will keep you posted.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 10:41:06 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Tamar predicted a delivery by noon about 2 hours ago. Nice. -----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 10:31 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Starting to push in about 40min.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 10:25:43 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Ok, update needed. Inquiring minds want to know :-)


-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 9:30 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Thank you.
Jumping into the shower will call you soon.

David

-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 09:19:59 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Also, Tamar and I have VERY open schedules today and she remembers being very hungry w/no food. Just say the word and we'll be down there (whenever you want) with food (for both of you!)


-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 9:09 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Ok. Doc is here cheecking her out.



-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 09:07:26 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Dude...what an honor! This is so exciting, it's better than the Super Bowl. We're calling in 1 minute (I'm yelling at Tamar to get out of the
shower!!!)


-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 9:03 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


Thank you. She is a real trooper and you are the only ones getting the email updates. Please feel free to callif you want. We will answer if we can.

We love you!!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 09:00:06 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Tell her that Tamar and I are sitting here at the computer pushing "send/receive" every few minutes loving the drama of it. How many people are getting the by the minute details? She's probably feeling good now. I want to call, but I know better than to interrupt this moment! We love you guys.


-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 8:57 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


She got pitocin @ 2am and was agonizing pain @ 5am and got the epidural @ 5:15am


-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 08:54:31 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Love the updates. Is she going naturally?

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 4:57 AM
To:
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.


We are 6-7cm dilated.


-----Original Message-----
From: Jeremy Epstein [mailto: ]
Sent: Wed Jun 23 01:30:19 2004
To: David Price
Subject: RE: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.

Awesome baby. Won't be too long now, I suspect. Enjoy every moment, bud. Thanks for the update.

-----Original Message-----
From: David Price [mailto: ]
Sent: Wednesday, June 23, 2004 12:39 AM
To:
Subject: We are at the hospital and all is well. 5cm dilated.



Sent from my GoodLink synchronized handheld (www.good.com)

I took my dad to the O's-Yankees game on Tuesday night. It was a deliberate father-son bonding event. I figured that since I am now in the fatherhood category we could go and share the moment with some newfound perspective. Had a great time and cherished the quintessential Americana moment, particularly since the Yankees walloped the O's 10-4. A-rod had 2 HR's and Derek Jeter had one. It was the largest crowd ever at Camden Yards. Very neat.

So today was my first Father's Day ever. An interesting experience and a nice club to join. I'll tell you, it sure is a special feeling to have a little person who just smiles so wide and bright when she sees you. Tamar gave me two cards and a nice photo flipbook of me with the "Pooka" as she's known doing different things, like pullups, davening, and reading, etc. and each one had a caption about how I taught her something from the experience.

I read an article that said how when people graduate college (and perhaps this is true during the rest of Life as well) that they are generally overly optimistic that so-called "bads" won't happen to them. Someone else will get cancer or have a failed business or get divorced, rarely is it supposed to happen to you. Perhaps that's why some people get so angry when these things do happen.

Anyway, I was sitting on a delayed plane the other day @BWI and just looking around when it dawned on me, just in one of those big perception moments, that when other people figure "someone else will get X," that I'm the other guy.

Nothing earth shattering here, but just a second to remind us of the little shell we live in called our own world.

Good Advocacy Site

http://www.ajcadvocacy.net/

I am a passionate believer in the transformative power of technology on multiple levels. It makes economic sense often times and the geek in me just loves it. However, I have got to say that I cannot believe how it seems like every day there is just something that doesn't work properly. My cell phone connection, my printer, my mouse, a driver on my hard drive...you name it.

All I want...during my waking hours that is...is 6 hours where everything just works perfectly. Is that too much to ask?

Hyundai's Customer Service

Over the past few weeks, I've called a number of companies of which I'm a customer, including Comcast, T-mobile, Hyundai, United Airlines, USAir, and a few others. I am blown away by how difficult most companies make it for customers to give feedback and offer ideas about how they can improve their product or services.

I should mention, however, that Hyundai's response has been incredible. No less than 4 people have responded to my email, they've asked for my input on some new ideas and even asked me to consider being on an "Owners Panel."

This is a company that knows how to listen. It makes me more excited to own my Elantra and optimistic about the type of products/service they will deliver in the future.

Tamar and I have an ongoing discussion about the value of sports. I tell her that sports offer more drama than any episode of Law and Order ever could. My point has always been...the unscripted drama is better than scripted drama since it's better than imagination and NO ONE knows what is going to happen.

She's never been a true believer. Last night, however, when Kobe Bryant made the shot w/2 seconds left to tie the game and send it into overtime, Tamar said, "you know, I've got to say, this is pretty dramatic."

Islam's marked woman

Islam's marked woman

Friends of Jer: On Responsibility

When Calanit was born, my mother said to Tamar and me, "the days are long, but the years are short."

 

[Note: You can read this entire email (and many other thoughts) online at my Blog

http://jer979.blogspot.com/ Plus, you can add your comments there as well.]

 

Now, on with it…

 

You know how when you are at weddings or other lifecycle events and the parents inevitably say something along the lines of "I don’t know where all of the years went." Well, the other day, I had to adjust the straps on the car seat because Calanit has become too big for the smallest size and I started to get pretty emotional. OK, I admit it, I had tears in my eyes and crazy as it may sound, I said to Tamar, "our little girl is growing up."

 

She doesn’t fit into her first set of clothes anymore; She’s double her birth weight; and she’s more alert now, recognizes people (at least us), and is doing a pretty good job standing up. (Pictures available, of course.) Every day, it seems to us, she gets more and more cute and we work to savor and cherish each moment since we see that, though there are times when it is challenging being a parent (I had to change her on the floor of a Starbucks in Manhattan after she peed and pooped all over herself and there was-gasp-no changing station, now that I care about such things), it is oh so worth it and it’s going to fly by in ways that we can’t even imagine.

 

It’s weird, since I want her to grow up and I want to see what kind of person she is going to be, but at the same time, I don’t want to wish away any of the time, since it is becoming more and more clear how precious that time is. What’s more, in a cosmic sense, as she ages and moves towards adulthood, that is also a symbolic passing of the torch to her generation and Tamar and I move on towards the end of our lives. Yes, it’s easy to say that that is far away and hopefully, it is, but in the great span of history, it’s really not.

 

Not to be morbid, but mortality is something that is on my mind. It comes at me as a result of one key word: RESPONSBILITY.

 

You hear the word a lot as a kid and it’s part of your maturation process, but man, until you have someone whose entire existence relies upon you (and your teammate, of course, lest you think I do most of the work, when it is really Tamar), you don’t know nothin’.

 

Not only that tremendous daunting feeling of having to provide for a child financially, but beyond that to instill the values you hold dear, to educate, to teach her how to think, to challenge assumptions, to ask questions, to be kind and considerate. That’s intense.

 

But it is even beyond that. It’s how every aspect of your life now carries that weight with you. For example, I was walking home the other night from a social event and I got caught in a MASSIVE thunderstorm. We’re talking major thunder and lightning. I had no cover. I had no choice but to make a mad dash for home and I realized, that for the first time in a long time, I was really afraid of dying. I know the chances of getting struck by lightning aren’t too high, but they sure are higher when you are outside, soaking wet, with no cover, running in an open parking lot.  I kept thinking about Team Epstein at home and how they depended on me.

 

Then, I thought about the reverse. What would I do if something terrible happened to them? These thoughts also plague me on a day-to-day basis. I used to see news stories about random, freak accidents that took the lives of parts of families and kind of say, "yes, that’s a tragedy," but it is only within the past 6 months that I have started to feel the pain of other people in this respect.

 

Tamar and I have made a large investment of time and energy to put together an infrastructure that will support each other or Calanit in the event of the unthinkable (well, not really, since we have thought about it) in terms of Wills, Life Insurance, Guardians, etc., since to not do so would be the height of irresponsibility in my book, but after all that is said and done, there’s no amount of planning or money that could possibly prepare you for that type of loss.

 

I remember when I first started dating Tamar and we were moving up the scale of seriousness, we talked about how when you open yourself up to feel love, you simultaneously open yourself up to tremendous pain.

 

My brother-in-law, Akiva, said to me during Tamar’s pregnancy. "You can’t imagine the love you are going to feel for your child. Yes, you love your spouse, but your own child, that’s something entirely different."

 

I used that as a basis for my comment to Tamar before my first multi-day business trip after Calanit’s birth, when I said to Tamar, "I’m going to miss you, but I’m REALLY going to miss the Pook."

 

(Note: my current nickname for her is "the Pooka." Common usage is: 'can you check on the Pook?" or "Hey, Pooka, how are you doing today?")

 

So, yes, I do drive a bit slower now, don’t rush through every yellow light, and start seeing household hazards well before they materialized (maybe a bit neurotic, but not too much) and in some ways, I’m turning into my dad, which is a topic for another time and another email.

 

But in spite of all of that pressure and concern that responsibility brings with it and no matter how rough my day has been, when I come home and she sees me and gives me a billion dollar smile, it’s impossible not to feel good. When I make a silly face and she breaks out laughing, that is the "priceless" feeling of parenting. I love seeing how she tries to fight off sleep and keep her eyes open (what a contrast to later in Life, right?) and those quiet moments when she's preoccupied with a book or something and I'm just holding her, feeling her little body expand and contract with each breath. And watching this little human experiment of mine (my dad says that for Tamar, Calanit is a baby, for me, Calanit is a prop) unfold with each passing day and the slow changes to her body and personality, that's a miracle in progress.

 

We're also blessed because the Pook is incredibly low maintenance. She's been sleeping through the night since she was 6 weeks old, only cries for the absolute basics, and in general, doesn't ask for too much.  I've said that she's going to "con us into another one" (no announcement) and the downside is that other parents hate us for it J

 

But, when she does cry for something (for example she's been a bit sick this week) and we don't know what's bothering her, it's just the worst. I hate it. There's a beautiful, but helpless girl here and all I want to do is make things better for her, but I don't know what to do. That's the toughest. Well, that and trying to balance between wanting to spend all of the time I can possibly with her and recognizing that the business of life needs to continue, such as earning a living.

 

And now for a few other interesting pieces of information.

 

1. My phone bill is going down

Over the past year, I've received an email from my phone company on two different occasions telling me that my monthly bill was going down. I use www.vonage.com which, if you have high-speed Internet at home, is a very appealing way to get UNLIMITED LOCAL AND LONG DISTANCE plus all of the features for about $30/month.

 

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, AS A REFERRAL FROM ME WILL GET EACH OF US 1 FREE MONTH.

 

2. How well does your favorite charity do?

If you are in the habit of giving charitable donations, I'd recommend a visit to www.charitynavigator.com It's a great site with rankings for how effectively each charity makes use of the money it solicits (versus how much goes to overhead). If a charity solicits me and it is in the bottom 50% of its peer group, I will email them and tell them that I won't donate until their rating goes up. I want more of my money going to the cause.

 

3. My mother's business got a nice mention in the Washington Post

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A45776-2004Mar10?language=printer

 

 

4. Try this Left brain, right brain trick. It's pretty neat.

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and  make clockwise circles.  Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.  Your foot will change direction and there's  nothing you can do about it.

 

5. I've been taking an online course at Capella University, www.capella.edu

It's amazing to think how the delivery of education has changed so rapidly and will continue to do so. I've never spoken to or met my classmates, but we're reading the same texts, having discussions about them, and learning, all on our own time and from anywhere there's a computer and Internet connection.

 

 

Until next time,

 

Jer (on behalf of Tamar and Calanit)

 

Institute for the Analysis of Global Security (IAGS)
Energy Security

In support of higher Gas Taxes
www.AndrewSullivan.com - Latest Posts

My phone bill is going down
Over the past year, I've received an email from my phone company on two different occasions telling me that my monthly bill was going down. I use www.vonage.com which, if you have high-speed Internet at home, is a very appealing way to get UNLIMITED LOCAL AND LONG DISTANCE plus all of the features for about $30/month.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, AS A REFERRAL FROM ME WILL GET EACH OF US 1 FREE MONTH.

My daughter is very cute and cuddly right now. She fits into my arms so well, but the fact that she can't communicate sometimes is really rough. At night, she'll occasionally have what appears to be a nightmare or during the day, start crying for no reason (though I have to say this kid is really low maintenance in general) and it just kills me that I don't know what is bothering her and I don't know how to help her.

Companies spend a lot of time (particularly in the post 9/11 world) thinking about issues like 'Business Continuity (BC)' and "Disaster Recovery (DR)." They want to know that all things will keep on working smoothly even if the totally unexpected occurs.

On a career level, however, most people don't really do a good job of having that plan in place. The Dalai Lama, in his book, "The Art of Happiness" suggests that people should think about painful situations that may occur to them and how they would react at that time. Then, if that event hits you, you don't panic, and you have a sense of inner calm and you know what to do.

Given the age we live in and knowing, at least rationally, that any day you could walk into your office and get a pink slip, why don't each of us spend time building a BC/DR plan for our careers. Think about what you would do and what plan you would put in place. The time to think about Plan B is not when Plan A fails. Then, if that moment hits you, instead of sitting in a funk for 3 months and trying to figure out how to overcome your sense of worthlessness, you know what you need to do. You take a quick breath and you're off.

We all know that we're all expendable. We all also know that each of us has value to offer. Now is the time to think about how you would create value for another person/organization, etc. if your current revenue stream were to suddenly dry up.

You know when people say that their kids grow up so quickly? Well, it seems cliche, but I'm finally in that boat and Calanit is only 5 months old. On Sunday, I had to adjust the straps on her car seat as she had grown out of the first size and I found myself getting very emotional.

It's such a tough balance. On the one hand, I want to be home with her, play with her, and watch her develop. On the other hand, I've got to be out there and earn the money to support the family and give her all that I want her to have.

It's really amazing and difficult to contemplate how much love you have for this little being, so innocent, so beautiful, and who represents so much.

I love those profound moments when I look at her and just think how she will (G-d willing) outlive me, have children and grandchildren of her own, and one day, like all of us, come to the end. But, there's hopefully so much between now and then, an unwritten book, or a book with nothing but blank pages on which she will write the story of her life. I'm so excited to see it and nervous that I won't be there.

All of these tragedies that people face, untimely death, disease, etc., they weigh so much more heavily now that I have a daughter.

Another truly eye-opening piece by Samuel Z. Anvil.

You’ll be happy to know that Sam Z. Anvil has his own blog now (called “Dhimmi No More” at http://samzanvil.blogspot.com/), where you can check out his columns and find out more about him.


What’s Behind the Double Standard

By Samuel Z. Anvil


Oh, the humiliation! The horror! No wonder the press cries out! Worldwide revulsion, disgust and Moslem rage! Shame on you!

Of course they’re not speaking about what Saddam did to his own people: the gassings, the rapes, the strangulations, the mass graves, etc. Or any of the atrocities countless Moslem leaders inflicted on their fellow Moslems over the years. But why not? Weren’t those things disgusting too? Is there something going on here that ordinary people like you and me don’t understand?

Well, actually there is. But it’s all very simple really, and it makes perfect sense to Moslems. It’s only we infidels who have difficulty understanding it.

You see, in the Islamic view of things, the lives of infidel kafirs like us (Christians, Jews and everybody else), are “worth” something between a Moslem woman and a camel. I’ll bet you didn’t think there was room between those two lowly categories to fit a fingernail, let alone the vast majority of human beings on this planet, but there is. There’s room for each and every one of us. It’s another of Allah’s miracles.

At the top of the heap are Moslem men, Masters of the Universe, the purpose of all creation, the exclusive custodians of the eternal Truth, and the people whose feet we kafirs should all be kissing. Below them are Moslem women, whose job it is to wash those feet. Below them, us, then camels and other useful creatures like sheep that don’t make too much of a fuss when a Moslem man whips out his knife.

So when a Moslem man tears out another Moslem’s fingernails and rapes his daughters and slits all their throats, well that’s just the way things are in Allah’s happy little family. And when a Moslem man shoots dead a pregnant dhimmi woman and her four daughters as they drive through a part of the world he thinks belongs to him (and of course every square inch of this planet rightfully belongs to Moslems and to nobody else), well, that’s his natural-born right as Master of the Universe. Even the kafirs of Europe don’t dare deny him that right.

But if a kafir, a dhimmi, one of those so-called people whose role in this life is to be properly submissive to and respectful of his Moslem betters, should turn around and strike back, well that’s completely unthinkable. It’s against Allah’s holy law. It’s as though a wife should, perish the thought, hit back when her husband beats her. It’s a shameful humiliation, a travesty of Allah’s creation, it can’t be allowed to stand, and it “fuels Islamic rage.”

It’s shameful and humiliating because what the dhimmi is saying when he strikes back is that maybe, just maybe, Moslem men are not the pinnacle of all creation, the reason why the whole universe exists. And when the dhimmi creates a free society in which people have real hope of better lives, while Moslem men use their oil billions to create one hellhole after another, the dhimmi is saying: “Don’t give me this crap about how wonderful you are, and how Allah himself has chosen you to rule the world.”

And that is a message no Master of the Universe wants to hear. Not from his wives, not from his slaves (and yes, they do have slaves in this twenty-first Christian century), and certainly not from the dhimmis, the sons of pigs and monkeys. So he runs for refuge to his holy books, which tell him to – guess what? – kill the infidel! And if it’s not possible to kill the infidel right now, to do what Prophet did: lie to the infidel, make a false peace while you prepare for war, and plan for the long term. Send him your masses to overwhelm his country with the fruits of your wombs, take advantage of the kafir’s unsuspecting nature, use his democratic laws and rights to undermine his society, enlist the help of the dull-witted, remind him of his wars against you and when he mentions your wars against him, call him a racist, and in the end – maybe a hundred years from now, maybe a thousand – you will finally rule the world as Allah intended. Patience. The infidel is too stupid to understand what you are doing.

And that is how the dhimmi world came to recoil in revulsion at photos of Moslem prisoners being abused, while the Islamic world danced for joy at the photos of the charred bodies of murdered dhimmi hanging from a bridge.

Do you understand now?

Militant Islam in Western Europe

Can Lawyers survive the Internet revolution?

I'm definitely coming around to the idea that the Internet revolution (we're only at the beginning) is as big or bigger than the Industrial revolution. The world will be as different as a result.

I've started taking an online graduate course at www.capella.edu It's a fascinating process. We all have a textbook, receive homework, must post comments and respond to our classmates, and submit a term paper. The flexibility is tremendous and with profiles and pictures of my classmates, I have begun to identify with some of them. It costs $1630 per 4 credit course, so it isn't cheap, but there's value and the fact that the class conforms to my schedule-not the other way around-is of tremendous value.

I've heard a lot recently about law firms becoming more and more open, shall we say, about the fact that they are a business and the need for associates who wish to become partner to really show their value-add to the firm. It seems that if you are managing a business, you want to minimize the costs associated with the internal processes. One of these, for a law firm, is the document related work that junior associates perform.

So, it seems like there is a market opportunity for an ABA accredited law school to start offering online courses and degrees to foreign, English speaking students (India, Ireland, or Ghana, for example) as a way to generate additional revenue. Since, I'm told, you don't need to be an American citizen in order to be a member of the Bar, those students could take a course (either online or in person-perhaps a law firm would fund the trip) and get certified for the Bar. Then, instead of the $110k or whatever a 1st year associate gets paid, the firm could pay a foreign-born, foreign-living, American law school-educated, Bar member associate 1/3rd or 1/2 of that. Some of the savings would be passed on to clients, the rest goes into the partners' pockets.

It may not happen overnight, but why not?

Building the Value of YOUR Network...

At this point in our careers, we are well aware of the importance and value of our respective business networks. It’s no secret that a large part of our future success depends on our effectiveness in nurturing and growing our networks.

The question I’m struggling with now is: “what is the best way for any of us to add value to each person in our networks of contacts in a way that can scale up to address a (hopefully) ever-growing number of people?”

The evolving business network oriented sites like http://www.linkedin.com/, www.spoke.com and www.ryze.com seem to be one component of this strategy, but they don’t address the fundamental question. What part is “science” and what part is “art?” It’s great if you know who is in your network, but you need some way to gauge the value that you are delivering to each person based on their unique sets of requirements and expectations.

Companies that implement a CRM (Customer Relationship Management) strategy obviously face this, but on an individual level, we face this as well. And perhaps, we would expect more personal touches from individuals than large, faceless corporations. On the flip side, however, with time constraints facing all of us, the more you can automate, the lower your costs, but what are the trade-offs?

For a simple example, I use Outlook’s feature to record the birthdays and anniversaries of most people I know. Then, I either email or call them on that day. That’s some art, some science. In some cases, I use a template for a “Happy Birthday” email, some science there. But if the entire process were automated and I didn’t even know that it was your birthday and some script on the computer just generated the email, would that be sufficient? Do you care? People generally appreciate hearing from me (or so I am told) on their birthdays and it gives me an annual excuse/impetus to just check-in which I enjoy as well, but is this sufficient to fall under the category of adding value? Would you rather hear some idea that will help you professionally or get a call from me wishing you Happy Birthday?

In Love Is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influence Friends Tim Sanders suggests that it is the process of sharing knowledge and idea to help your network learn and grow that adds value.

That may be true, but is a mass, but personalized email (using Outlook2003 and Word2003) the best forum for doing that? How do I really know what you’d like to learn or hear about? Should I have a comprehensive database that I search and contact when I finish a book like Jim Collins’ Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't, so I can write a mini book report and send it to those who are interested in management ideas and what turns competent companies into superior companies?

Perhaps I can set up a survey at www.surveymonkey.com to ask people, but then there is no easy way for me to track, sort, and communicate based on those responses, without investing a hell of a lot of time. Essentially, perhaps what I am suggesting is that the day is coming (has come) when each of us who are part of the knowledge economy will need to develop a personal Network Relationship Management strategy that will enable each of us to automate those elements that can be put into a process and keep enough room for the ‘Art,’ remembering that we’re dealing with real human beings on the other end of the line.

Looking forward to hearing from you on how we can answer this question.

Received from my grandfather, Stanley Robinson:

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you are about to repeat rumour or hearsay

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it"

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really"

Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.

We just took our first family airline trip with Calanit. I think it's easier to invade Iraq than to travel with an infant. I jest, but it does take a heck of a lot more strategic planning and a bit more muscle to do it. We were gone for five days and I planned about a week in advance, gave ourselves plenty of time, spent a bit more in tips than I usually do, and had to lug a few more bags, but I am very proud of the degree of execution that we accomplished. Team Epstein did a great job.

I've rediscovered the value of the business suit. For years, I swore I'd never wear a tie again, but recently, I've come to see the value of it. I guess I'm getting older (maturing?). It conveys a degree of seriousness and confidence and professionalism. I feel like I act a bit more professional while in it as well. Who knows? If I wore it every day, I may not feel that way.

One of the most majestic things I've experienced since Calanit's is watching the nightly "fight to stay awake." She's exhausted and we know she's going out for the count, but she keeps trying to stay awake. It's like she knows the world is a wonderful place and she doesn't want to miss anything. She wants to keep on seeing things, but she just can't keep her eyes open even though she tries. What a far cry from later in life when we yearn and beg for sleep as a needed break from the world.

Good to Great D'var Torah

This is the d'var torah on Apr. 3rd. I'll be delivering it at the Hashkama minyan (the 7am one) and it'll differ probably in delivery since I will probably ad-lib more, but you'll get the idea.

It's for a uniquely Jewish/business-minded crowd (and of course a few Rabbis).

The students of business among you may be familiar with an author by the name of Jim Collins. Best known perhaps for his book, Built to Last, his most recent best-seller is entitled “Good to Great,” where he describes the characteristics that enable competent companies to make the transition to superior companies.

This week’s Parsha, Tzav, illustrates some of these characteristics. For example, you need
· Level 5 leadership (a selfless persona devoted to the long-term success of the company more than to his own ego),
· to have the “right people on the bus” and the “wrong people off the bus”
· and a culture of disciplined thought and action.

It’s easy to dismiss Parsha Tzav as tedious. Trust me, I know. 18 years ago today, I delivered the obligatory Bar Mitzvah d’var Torah on it. Perhaps that’s why I chose to focus on the lone shalshelet outside of Breishit for my topic.

I mean, what difference does it really make if we put a drop of blood on the right toe of the kohen, what part of the bull can be eaten, what the appropriate amount for a meal offering is, or that if a vessel of clay become impure we must break it, but if it is brass, we must only scour it completely?

These are nice, but are they really relevant? Unfortunately, for those of you craving cholent and scotch right about now, they are.

The operative word in this parsha is Tzav, literally “command.” Rashi suggests that the imperative form of the verb creates a sense of urgency and immediacy. He comments that Tzav implies “zerizut miyad & l'dorot,” meaning do something eagerly, do it immediately AND do it for future generations.

The corporate sponsor for this week should be Nike, “Just do it!”

Even if you don't think it's relevant, you should do it, besides the change now is easier than the change that will be required later. I call this my “Iceberg Theory of Change.”

A few years ago, I saw a documentary about oil rigs in the North Atlantic. The biggest enemy of oil rigs are icebergs. In a confrontation between the two, the iceberg is going to win. So, oil rigs have an elaborate anti-iceberg defense mechanism that involves radars and tugboats. Once they detect an iceberg coming, they send out a tugboat interceptor, which has three options. One is to try and blow the iceberg to smithereens. The other two (literally lassoing the iceberg or throwing the engines in reverse in front of the iceberg to create wake) are designed to alter the course of the iceberg by a miniscule amount. However, at a distance of 300 miles, a deviation of a few degrees or so will make the iceberg miss the rig by 200 miles or something ridiculous like that (the mathematicians out there can give you the exact numbers, but you get the idea.)

So, what’s the point? Well, the sooner you see the need for change and the sooner you make the change, the easier it is going to be. It’s easier to change the course of an iceberg by 1 degree than 30 degrees, which is what you’d need to do as it gets closer to you.

Rashi’s point is that your actions now are going to, in large part, determine your actions in the future. There’s no point in saying “I’ll keep shabbos when I get married” or “ I’ll daven every day when I have kids who are old enough to understand.” If you attach value to it, you should start doing it now.

The details of the process are what sanctify the end result.

Judaism does a great job of infusing the mundane with the sacred by making each step unique and holy and thus making the entire process, not just the end result holy.

In Tzav, we see that you just can’t get up and decide that you will make a sacrifice. In Good to Great, Jim Collins shows us how you just can’t “poof” become a Great company. Similarly, you can’t just show up at a Seder and expect to fulfill the mitzvah of “Higadta Le Vincha.” I would submit that your ability to wholly fulfill this mitzvah is pre-conditioned on the degree of your engagement in the discipline of it all that is required to prepare for the Seder/Chag and in your ability/conscious choice to revel in it.

Why? If you just show up at a seder, it’s a meal like any other meal. Your children are supposed to ask you “Mah Nistahna?” but with no real reason to ask this question, they are just meeting expectations. If, however, they see the joyous effort that goes into the preparation and the opportunity to meaningfully engage in work where others simply bemoan it, there’s a better chance that they will AUTHENTICALLY wonder “hey, what’s going on here? Why am I schlepping all of these dishes? Something is different and I’d like to know what.” Or, as I’d prefer to quote that 80’s classic Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, “strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”

The mitzvah of Vehigadta leVincha requires this genuine discourse and its fulfillment is in line with the trait described by Collins of having a greater commitment to the success of the organization than the self. Perhaps we can take comfort in the fact that despite all of the bad news about Jewish continuity, 92% of American Jews attend at least one seder (that’s more than go to shul on Yom Kippur) and this attendance with its concurrent obligation for everyone to participate either as a speaker or a listener in the Vhigadeta LeVincha mitzvah (it’s almost like a board meeting on a national level) means that most of us are committed to the long-term success of the organization.

And perhaps that is why we come down so harshly on the Rasha. In Collins’ words, he is a wrong person and we need to get him off the bus.

In essence, you’re doing this Mitzvah for the team and, not directly profiting, the same way that the Kohen in this week’s parsha may not benefit from the Olah, the burnt offering.

This whole process of focusing on the details…of preparing the sacrifices, preparing for Pesach, or building enduring companies gives us an opportunity to emulate G-d.

Think back to Bereishit.

First, G-d focuses on the details of each day, which he describes as “Tov,” Good. Then, at the end of the week, when all is done and Shabbat is upon Him, he says “tov meod,” essentially Great. This is the first of Hashem's own Good 2 Great transitions and culminates in what many scholars call the 1st shabbat hagadol.

The other Shabbat HaGadol is, of course, today. My personal favorite explanation for why today has that name is that people returned later from shul on that day because of the unusually long discourse that was customary on that day (perhaps even at the Hashkama minyan!). I was going to use that as an excuse to keep going, but the first rule of speaking is “know your audience,” so I’ll wrap it up.

Collins points out that the Good to Great transition is an ongoing process, not a one-time event, and it’s a state of mind which must be frequently revisited. Pesach represents an opportunity to re-evaluate what we as a people need to do in order to continue b’chol dor va dor, in every generation, to make that leap from Good to Great.

Shabbat Shalom.

This is campaigning in the digital age. Very impressive use of technology and an issue that is personal and relevant. Educates me on the facts and builds loyalty. Nicely done.
http://www.georgewbush.com/Calculator/Default.aspx

It's hard to believe that Tamar has been my wife for three years. Today is our anniversary and though it's clear that the nature of love and life changes dramatically and in many ways so does our relationship, I feel blessed to say that I still am in love with my wife. With Calanit in the picture, it's a different, perhaps more meaningful, mature love. We celebrated in our typical fashion. We each got each other a card (she beat me to the punch by putting her card for me on top of the bag in which I had hidden the ones I got for her-unbeknownst to her) in the morning and then the three of us went out to the Vegetable Garden for dinner. Then, she went dancing and I brought "the Pooka" (as Calanit is now known) home.

Today was also the District meeting at Microsoft and we had an interesting team-building exercise that involved a scavenger hunt. I won't go into details, but the most valuable thing I learned today is one thing I've been continually working on...I need to improve my listening skills and truly seek first to understand and then be understood. I'm not there yet, that's for sure.

All in all, it's been a good week, with some nice accomplishments; some ups, some downs, but one of growth nonetheless.

This shabbat, we're off to Baltimore for a visit with the Moskowitz family.

"The knowledge of our own mortality is the greatest gift God ever gives us.
IT is so easy to waste our lives : our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the pale new growth on an evergreen, the sheen of the limestone on Fifth Avenue, the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of live. Unless you know there is a clock ticking. So many of us changed our lives when we heard a biological clock and dedided to have kids. But that sounds is murmur compared to the tolling of morality." (A Short Guide to a Happy Life, by Anna Quindlen)

I read this quote last night after an emotional session of welcoming the Shabbat (sabbath) while singing, praying, and holding my 3 month-old daughter, Calanit, in my hands. It is absolutely amazing how much perspective you gain on life with a child. Quindlen's quote is right on. Now, when I'm driving or walking or anything, I think much more about how unexpected things could happen and I may never see my family again. I was in NYC on 9/11 and watched the 2nd Tower fall, but the recent bombing in Madrid really impacted me. Here were regular people just going to work, the way that I do everyday, expecting to see their families that evening and then...poof, they're gone. Being so close to the situation in Israel, you'd think I would have felt this sooner, but I don't know, I guess after 3 months, I'm getting used to the idea of being a father and maybe beyond that, getting used to having "the Pooka" (as she is known-for no reason whatsoever) around. The idea that I may never see her pains me. It's not that I'm morbid about it or that I stress about it, it just makes me appreciate every moment more.

There are times, of course, when I lose perspective on things, but I'm definitely learning to stop and smell the roses more. There are other ramifications about this, of course, but we'll save that for another time.

I've had this blog for 2 years, but never really concentrated on doing it with any regularity. Now, however, I'm thinking there's a possibility that this blog could be therapeutic for me. During my travels in Asia/Europe, I wrote a lot--had more time and less responsibility perhaps, and it helped me clarify my thoughts. I am hoping that this blogging will do some of the same. We'll see. Figure 5-10 minutes every couple o' days.

Books I'm currently reading:
Good to Great by Jim Collins
Why Not? by Barry Nalebuff and Ian Ayres
Leading the Revolution by Gary Hamel
Helping Clients Succeed by Mahan Khalsa

Heavy on the business side, but it's seasonal for me. This is just high tide. In the car, I'm listening to:
Managing in a Time of Great Change by Peter Drucker

Birth of Calanit Dora Epstein

Congratulations to Daniel Sharvit-the winner of the Epstein Baby Pool Fundraiser!

With thanks to G-d, we welcome Calanit Dora (pronounced Kah-Lah-Neet). She’s a big eater (like her dad) and all should be returning home Friday morning.


In this email:

1. An explanation of the meaning of the name and the ideas behind it
2. An overview of the day’s events and Jeremy’s reactions to them
3. Key statistics (and how well our winner did)

The Meaning of the Name and the Ideas Behind It
Calanit is a Hebrew word for a species of poppy flower that grows in Israel. It is bright red with black in the middle. Here’s a link for a picture if you can’t see the one in this email http://datafox.mine.nu/israel/kalanit.jpg

Dora is a Hebrew word that literally means “her generation,” and in the name of our daughter serves part of a double entendre.

The festival of Channukah falls during the Jewish month of Kislev (usually late November and December (and the story of the festival centers in part around the outnumbered Maccabees who defeat the superior numbers of Greek/Syrian forces. The Greeks/Syrians were determined in their efforts to compel Jewish assimilation into the larger non-Jewish culture.

A Channukah legend relates that wherever a drop of Maccabee blood spilled during a conflict with the opposition, a bright Calanit bloomed forth in remembrance and glorification of what they represented and of the sacrifices that they made.

We have named Calanit Dora with two people in mind.

One of them is her paternal great-great-grandfather, Charles David (Jeremy’s mother’s mother’s father) with whom she also shares common initials. Charles came to the US when he was about 10 years old. He built a family and a business that beautified the homes of many by selling wallpaper and paint. Through his years of sacrifice, he enabled his offspring to prosper in America. His life was marked by his commitment to family, to Judaism in general, and to the Synagogue Center in Baltimore in particular through his daily attendance at the morning prayer service. Through his devotion and investment in the community, he lived the example of the Maccabees by working to ensure the survival and flourishing of the Jewish community. He was a man of integrity, of character, of honesty, among many other fine qualities and it is our sincere hope that our daughter will seek to emulate the example of her great great grandfather. Calanit represents the first of Charles’s descendants to be born since his death in the late 1970’s/ Jeremy was fortunate to know him for the first 6 years of his life.

Calanit is also named for her maternal great grandmother (Tamar’s mother’s mother), Doris Goldsmith, whose Hebrew name was Raizel (Rose in Yiddish) Dina. Our beloved ‘Savta’ passed away less than a month before her 24th great grandchild’s birth. A woman of immeasurable virtue, she emerged from the Holocaust years having lost her parents and youngest siblings, but summoned the strength and faith to defy those who would attempt to decimate her people by building a family of four daughters, 23 grandchildren, and an ever-expanding number of great grandchildren, all committed to the preservation of Jewish life and tradition. In naming Calanit after this extraordinary woman, we hope to transform our overwhelming feeling of loss and follow Savta’s legacy. Tamar’s sister, Michal, spoke of Savta and lamented the loss by saying, “they just don’t make them like her anymore.” We pray that Calanit Dora will aspire and achieve at least a portion of the virtues of her namesake-that she be cognizant of her place as Dora (in Hebrew-her generation) one of Savta’s dorot (in Hebrew-generations), Savta’s descendants, perhaps the only aspect of Savta’s life regarding which she allowed herself to exhibit pride.

May she be blessed with the merit of her ancestors and may we, as her parents, stay true to the legacies of all those beloved to us, and thereby merit God’s continued blessings.

An Overview of the Day’s Events
I am shocked by how much I have cried in the past 24 hours. I just keep staring and staring at this little girl, this little piece of me, that is in my arms, in Tamar’s arms, in my grandparents’ arms or just sleeping in her little tray thing and I just lose it.

The thoughts are overwhelming. I see a wedding. I see her having children of her own. The fears of all of the evil in the world that could happen to her and from which I want to protect her; The thought of some horny teenage boy who wants to take her out on a date (takes one to know one) and my desire to beat the crap out of him. There are just so many emotions that flow through me right now. I hear Tamar singing to her and I break down. I have never felt tears of joy like these before. It’s intense, well I guess that’s an understatement.

Yesterday morning at 6am when Tamar woke me up to say “my water broke” and I replied “that’s great,” and went back to sleep, seems like another plane of reality. It didn’t dawn on me that it was REALLY happening. In fact, Tamar said “my doctor says I should go to the hospital now,” soon thereafter and I said, “ok, let me do 20 minutes on the Nordic Track first.”

It wasn’t that I was being selfish (well maybe a little bit), but it just didn’t seem real. I knew we had been waiting, but to think that the moment was finally here - well, that seemed a bit too much. Besides, her due date was the 17th, so this 10th thing was probably a false alarm.

When we got to the hospital, things were kind of slow. Contractions were sporadic and the nurse told us that we were at least 10 hours away from a baby. It was 8am. Tamar was so confident that nothing was going to happen that she suggested I get in my car and drive to a planned meeting in Baltimore and get back at noon.

That seemed a bit crazy to me. I mean, having your first child is a once in a lifetime event and if today was going to be the day, well I wanted to be here for all of it, even the slow parts. I did go home for a bit and pick up my laptop and then using my portable Ethernet cable managed to piggyback the Holy Cross Hospital network in order to have email and web access direct from Labor and Delivery room 12. Not bad, eh? I’ve got a pretty understanding wife, that’s for sure.

Tamar had written out a birthing plan and given me responsibility to make sure of a few things.
1. Avoid C-section at all costs
2. Avoid epidural
3. Avoid other narcotics.

By 1 pm, she was still only 1 cm dilated (she needed to be 10) and with a safety window after the water breaking requiring the baby to be born by 4am on Thursday, we had some decisions to make.

The doctors advocated Pitocin, a naturally occurring drug which would enhance the labor process. Tamar initially demurred, but realizing the overall slow progress could raise the risk of C-section, eventually relented.

By 3pm, she was in unbearable pain. I was just watching and I was suffering unimaginably. I couldn’t even guess what she was feeling. However, I had taken an oath to respect her “no epidural wishes.”

Clearly she was hurting, but it’s a classic situation of how do you balance the wishes of someone before vs. during an event (like say an end of care situation)? I was the executor of the birthing plan, if you will. So, I set the bar quite high. Tamar is not known for cursing. Perhaps 1-2 times/year max and then only in highly unusual circumstances. I wish I could be that clean.

“Tamar,” I said, “if I hear you start cursing,” I’m going to give them the OK for the epidural. The code word is “Give me the fucking epidural.”

“I don’t think I can do that,” she said.
“Well, as your fiduciary agent then, I have to respect your stated wishes from your birthing plan.”

The next few contractions intensified and we got a series of “Oh my God! Oh my God!” It was really tremendous

I was crying just watching her in writhing pain. The nurse (Armelle) and the Dr. (Norman) were incredulous. “She’s gone longer than most women even try.” They measured her at 4.30pm. She was only 3 cm dilated. It was getting to crunch time.

At about the same time, the next massive contraction occurred. (There was a monitor that recorded each one so I had the unique ability to make color commentary on each one’s appearance, such as-“whoa, that looked like a big one!” or “come on, this one isn’t nearly as big as the last one. Let’s suck it up!”). Tamar was looking like a boxer after a 15 round fight. She leaned over to the side of the bed, her eyes full of that glazed over, dazed appearance like she hadn’t slept in 48 hours and just sort of whispered…”give me the fucking epidural.”

I turned to the doctor and said, “OK, let’s do it.”

Can you say NIGHT and DAY? 20 minutes after the epidural, it was sunshine time again even on the agenda of possibilities. All along, and during the course of the whole day, the steady 130 some odd beats per minute of the unborn baby were coming through the speakers of the fetal monitor as a kind of constant musical backdrop to our unfolding drama.

At 7.30pm, the doctor returned and checked for dilation. “10 centimeters,” he said, “she’s ready to start pushing.”

I excused my parents from the room and 28 minutes later, we had a baby.

Well, that’s a bit of an oversimplification. Those 28 minutes were transformative.

From the time in the early morning when Tamar said, “it’s time to go to the hospital,” until the doctor said “she’s fully dilated,” I knew intellectually that there was a baby, but somehow, it just didn’t seem real. I mean, I had been having pushing contests in utero with the child, but it just wasn’t there.

The doctor said “oh yeah, you can see the head now.” He opened Tamar open ever so slightly and sure enough, the top of a head was there. I held one of Tamar’s legs up as she pushed like a champ and then a full head popped through. I’ve got a great picture of just the head and for that moment, you know there’s a baby, you just don’t know what gender the baby is.

It’s interesting. All along people asked us if we were going to find out what the gender of the baby would be and we agreed we wouldn’t. We felt like it was akin to reading the last page of the book before you start. I kind of thought of it as the ultimate climax to the pregnancy saga and while I now think that this is indeed true, I am starting to see that it is really the climax to chapter 1 of the saga.

As soon as the baby came out and the doctor (who had a better view than I did) said it was a girl, man, the world just shook on its foundations. I heard the cry. I held her little hand and I immediately started thinking about how I would do anything to keep this person I had just met as safe, sound, and secure as possible. I thought about her wedding, her kids, and worried about what would happen to her with the evil in the world. I started to cry. Bawl, really. I could barely control myself. I was holding the baby, soaking up the moment, taking pictures and videos (I even managed to cut the cord at one point), kiss my wife and have all of these thoughts. It was a tidal wave of stimuli, probably similar to the experience my daughter (whoa, even writing that is surreal) was having after having emerged from the womb.

She is just so cute. She has a stuffy nose and I want to clean it out for her. Yesterday, the thought of changing a diaper was admittedly a bit off-putting to me. Now, all I want to do is keep her comfortable.

I changed her today for the first time and I think I was a just a little bit rough. You know with girls, there are some folds and well, I just wanted to make sure she was clean as could be. She was crying, cold, and she peed on herself. I started crying because I was worried about hurting her. I am crying now just thinking about how I may have hurt her.

On the second change, I noticed that some of the adhesive from the diaper was on her skin-my fault-and I started crying again, begging her forgiveness as I pulled it off. Again, I am crying now just thinking about it.

When she cries from discomfort, I cry. This little 7 pound 19.5 inch piece of me has given me focus and appreciation the likes of which I have never felt before. I now recognize that it is about priorities. As my Uncle Bob said today and, though I’d heard and read this before, for the first time I really appreciate the full meaning of “this is what it is all about.”

I am appreciative, really impressed with the awesome power of God to make this creation process possible. It is said that each of us possesses a part of the Divine and if creating a life is not that spark, then I have no idea what is.

I have tremendous appreciation for our parents and all they have done for us. I am grateful that my mother’s parents were able to see this day and hold their great granddaughter in their arms. I am appreciative of the loving friends and family that we have who have called and visited up until now and for the society in which we live that so values human life and invests so many resources into protecting and nurturing it.

Calanit Dora is now 1 day old and doing well, but it’s not about the milestones, it’s about the inches in between the milestones and every little aspect that make up those inches. In 24 hours, this little girl, my daughter (whoa!) has taught me more about myself than any self-help book or meditation course ever could.

It’s so surreal. I know it has happened and while it has dawned on me at moments, I doubt the full effect of it has. It may never. All I know is that when I get in the car, I am as cautious as when I first got my license. I can’t get killed now. I’ve got two beautiful women counting on me.

I’m absolutely exhausted, but I don’t want to sleep. I want to watch her sleep and watch her breathe. I want to hold her, rock her, sing to her, and explain things to her. I’ve already showed her my laptop and Sunday, we’re going to watch the Redskins-Cowboys game together. I want to read Torah with her and I want to watch her grow and become beautiful, full of good values, self-respect, dignity, and wisdom.

I can’t stop crying now, so I have to stop. The worst part of this email is that I know that no matter how long I write, I can only scratch the surface of the experience.

It’s a ton of responsibility and I know it won’t be easy, but I feel a sense of mission slowly creeping over me. It’s not about me anymore, it’s about her. I also know that I’ll be able to do it. I have to. I have no other choice.


Key Statistics
Date: 12/10/03 (Daniel said same)
Time: 7.58pm (Daniel said 9.46am)
Gender: Girl (Daniel said same)
Weight: 7 lbs (Daniel said 7lbs 8 ozs)
Length: 19 inches (Daniel said 20 inches)