Learning how to feel...

I'm going to Israel on Sunday for a week. Intellectually, I know, that there's as much risk in going there as driving to the office in my car. Of course, the fact that I'm flying, going to the Middle East raises the perceived risk.

I was feeling pretty anxious tonight as I thought about what could happen and what that would mean for my family.

I came downstairs and started crying. Tamar gave me a hug and then Calanit came over and held me for a while.

I love my family so much and I worry about what would happen to them if, for some reason, something happened to me. I don't like to think about it, of course, but you have to because the responsible thing is to think about it and prepare for it, which I have done.

It's very interesting how these things, whicha few years ago, wouldn't have fazed me, give me pause now because of the people who depend on me...and whom I love.

I've been reading a book recently by Rabbi Harold Kushner called "When all you ever had wasn't enough" and the most recent section discussed learning how to feel so you can really learn how to live. Wonder if this is part of the process.

Speaking of process and the "journey as destination," parenthood makes you think about "what it all means," why we're here, and where we're going.

Yes, there's an element of eternity because your kids live beyond you, but recently I've started to just appreciate the process more. Seeing my kids development, seeing myself develop as a parent. It gives me a nice sense of serenity to think about that instead of asking myself...what's this all about? It's right in front of me.