"Uncle John's Band" by the Grateful Dead contains some lyrics that have provided me comfort during times of transition.

It goes:
"Well, the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more. Cuz when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door."

When I first arrived in Germany in September, 1995, I recited these words as I struggled to overcome the challenges of being in a foreign country, not knowing anybody, and not really speaking the language.

I've thought of these words once again recently as I've started to come to terms with the challenges, mostly financial, of homeownership. Can we really do it? All of the things that are coming down the road at us?

I think about the first days being the hardest, take a breath, and move on.

Speaking of TCO....

Maybe I've watched too many movies or fancy myself in a larger role than I am, but I am caught up with the analogy of house as a ship.

Whenever it came out, my dad, brother, and I saw the movie "Master and Commander" and as we've been getting this house into shape, I think of myself as the captain and the house as the vessel that carries my crew through uncharted waters (life) on our way to some distant land.

One of the things about captains (and perhaps it's a misconception) is that they need to know every nook and cranny of their ship. So too with the house.

After my ridiculously high heating bill, I hired a firm that specializes in energy efficiency assessments and after receiving the report back, have begun implementing many of the suggestions. The pride of ownership motivates me as does the idea of lowering TCO over the long haul and making the house more "seaworthy," but I've spent a nice portion of today placing R-30 fiberglass insulation into the joints of the house where the main structure sits on top of the foundation so that air doesn't come in and change the temperature of the house thus negatively impacting my energy bills.

I never would have thought of this before (was up in the attic last week and will be going back soon to finish a job up there), but I'm enjoying getting to know every inch of my ship. As Captain, I need to.

(We can debate later whether I'm really in charge or not, but allow me to live in my fantasy world).

How a $25 discount will probably lead to a $20,000 sale.

As a student of business, I have to highlight the service that I get from my auto dealership, Fitzgerald auto mall.

When I bought my car there two years, I bought a service plan which entitles me to free and discounted service for oil changes, etc.

Since then, I have been blown away by their service. Whenever I call, they have availability. When I arrive, they are courteous. They offer me a free metro card (most times) when I have to leave my car.

On Friday, I went in and since I get low mileage, my months/mileage ratio is a bit off. The woman at the counter said, "just use the free oil change, don't worry about it."

That was at 7.30am. I was back at 2.30pm (they had called to say they were done) and picked up my keys. I noticed a charge for $23. I was a bit puzzled. Before I could say anything, the same woman came over to me and said, "Mr. Epstein, we noticed when we did the check of your car that the wipers were streaking, so we went ahead and changed them for you. We couldn't get in touch with you, so if you want, I can remove the charge."

Whoa. When someone asks like that, am I really going to quibble? No. Go ahead and charge me.

Then, as I examined the bill more closely, I noticed a $25 discount listed. I asked.

"Well, when the technician came in and told me about the wipers, I said, 'Mr. Epstein obviously takes care of his car, he's not going to care about $25 for new wipers.' But when the tech came back, he told me the wipers were $50. I thought that was too much, so I gave you a discount on the spot since you're a good customer."

This all happened without my involvement.

You know, with this next baby on the way, I've been thinking about the next car I'm going to have to buy, a minivan, and one of the concepts I've picked up during my career in the technology industry is TCO=Total Cost of Ownership. Not just how much does the car cost, but how much will it cost to operate, gas, oil changes, etc. What's great about my dealer is that they minimize TCO and hassle (which is a part of TCO).

I decided that though I didn't know what type of minivan I will buy, I'm pretty certain I'll buy it at Fitzgerald.

Anniversary Thoughts...

On the occasion of our 4th wedding Anniversary

My grandparents have been married for 62 years and my grandfather, who is a bit of a jokester, likes to quip, "in all of the years of marriage, I've never once thought about divorce. Murder? Yes, but never divorce."

The funny thing about it, and everyone knows it, is that the two of them can't imagine life without each other.

Five years ago, if you had asked me about interdependence, co-dependence, or anything along those lines, I doubt that I would have been able to explain it in any meaningful way. I certainly didn't have a frame of reference for it.

Now, as I look back over these years, I see that Tamar and I have really begun to truly build a life with each other. There's so much that she does for me on a daily basis (and hey, let's be fair...I do a few things for her) that I'm at the point where life without her is indeed a scary thought.

Feeling that strongly about another person does indeed make you vulnerable. There are times when it's late and she's coming home from dancing and I worry about where she is...and my mind wanders....and naturally I think about the worst case scenario. Then, throw on top of that fact she works in downtown DC and we live in an era of the potential for weapons of mass destruction in the hands of terrorists and that Tamar and I were both in lower Manhattan on 9/11.

And I know it's worse for her, since the depth of her feeling and love is far more intense than mine. That's not to say that I don't love her, of course I do, but the way in which she loves carries such a pure depth to it that I can't even comprehend it, I fear.

Beyond the physical things that she does for me, she has truly "raised my game" in terms of my development as a person. The fact that we're both so committed to each other and to the joint adventure that is our marriage and life together makes the experience even more rich because in order for us to be "successful" I must integrate her feedback into the fiber of my being. It doesn't always go smoothly, of course, but I know I need to deliver or else "customer #1" is going to be unhappy and we can't have that, can we?

As life gets more hectic (or at least it seems that way), it's sometimes difficult to stop and smell the roses and genuinely express my gratitude to G-d for the beautiful (in all facets) woman who is my wife.

I am glad that we have chosen to celebrate wedding anniversaries. At least once a year, we pause and reflect on what we have.

I know we should do it more often, and I try, but at least we have this one moment in time.

Tamar Epstein, I love you. Thank you for marrying me.

Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.

Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.

As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.


While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.

A walk in the park

Sometimes I can’t help but think that old cliché of “my little girl is growing up so quickly.”

 

Yesterday, we took her to a park and for the first time, she was walking around in a pair of shoes. (Last week, she officially entered the Toddler stage). As Tamar and I helped her get used to walking outside and in shoes, I felt a lump in my throat.  My little girl is walking around the playground, doing the things that “bigger kids.”  I felt very paternal as I sat her on my lap and we went down the slide together and sat on the swings together.

 

Knowing all too well that these moments will soon be gone and a distant memory, I did my best to take a digital, mental snapshot of the moment in an effort (hopefully not in vain) to hold on to this feeling and cherish the moment

On the formation of Identity

Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.

Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.

As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.


While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.

On the formation of Identity

Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.

Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.

As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.


While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.

On the formation of Identity

Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.

Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.

As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.


While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.

On the formation of Identity

Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.

Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.

As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.


While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.

Chalk one up for Economics...

There's a concept in economics known as "Expected Value." Last night, it paid off for me.

Got a call from a market research firm. They wanted 20 minutes of my time to answer questions about my new computer purchase. In return, they offered me a 1 in 10 chance of a $50 gift certificate.

That make the "expected value" of my 20 minute $5. In other words, my time is worth $15/hour. Now, you could say, what would I do with the time otherwise? However, I quickly made the calculation and determined that I could potentially earn more than $5 by reviewing some stocks in my portfolio and taking an online course, which I did.

I told the guy that my time was worth more than that, said thanks, and hung up.

Heard a great piece of advice today about success:

"The higher you go, the harder the wind blows."

Getting into the rhythm of the house.

Since the time we decided to buy the house, I've kept a running project plan of things that have to get done. It's usually been about 3-7 items/day. I'm finally at the point (coinciding w/the 3 month mark which I originally set) where I'm down to a few per week. The list is quite long, but now they are "nice to do's" as opposed to "must do."

It's a good feeling.

Of course, I know it's only a matter of time until the next issue arises.

Paradigm Shift

I remember when I first learned the word 'paradigm.' I was in a Maryland state summer 'gifted and talented' program during High School.

The instructor showed us a new type of bicycle seat (one pad for each butt cheek) and talked about a new paradigm.

Recently, I bought a Media Center PC, which is a computer, but also a TV w/TiVo like functionality.

It still hasn't sunk in yet that the way I watch TV is changing, yet slowly it is.

I do pull-ups three times a week and usually do something in between each set (say write a few emails or what have you.) Last night, I was watching West Wing and at some point, it dawned on me that I didn't have to wait for the commercial to do the next set. I just paused it and was off, then returned. Same thing for when the phone rang.

Paradigm shift. What does it mean? Not sure entirely, but very cool.