Lessons from the People Manager All-Star Team, Part 2

I’ve embarked on a journey to become a much better people manager. 

As part of that, I’m interviewing peer-recommended “best people managers”.  This is Part 2. If you missed Part 1, here it is.

REQUEST: If you know of someone who is a great developer of talent, I’d love the referral and the chance to interview him/her.

First off, let me recommend this podcast that Josh Duncan sent my way. It’s great. Be a Super Boss and also this article on Facebook’s favorite job interview question.

Now, on to the show.

In round 2, I had the chance to chat with Susie Sedlacek, (nominated by Shira Shimoni) and Evan Bernstein(doubly nominated by the husband/wife team of Adam&Yael Faleder)

So what did I learn this time about becoming a great people manager?

A few (new) themes emerged which I might narrow down as:

1. Nobody’s Perfect
2. Show your Human Side
3. Over-invest in the Relationship
   

Nobody’s Perfect

Susie could not stress enough how important it is to hire right in the first place. However, you can’t always pick your entire team.  Regardless, you want to figure out what each person’s weakness and vulnerability is as soon as you can.

You don’t do this to expose them, you do this to protect them, the organization, and yourself.

“The sooner you find someone’s vulnerability, the sooner you can make sure it’s not exposed….everyone has one

,” she said.

To help identify it, Susie is very upfront about her own vulnerabilities and weaknesses.  That openness and honesty builds immense trust and loyalty.

People feel pressure to be perfect, both in interviews and as bosses. Once you get rid of that, you are getting to the “real” part faster and you’ll get results faster.

The converse is also true though.  Everyone has one thing that they can uniquely add. Your job as a coach is to find it and build on it, so that the weaknesses become irrelevant and you can push them to the background.

Evan echoed this sentiment, albeit in a slightly different way.  When something goes wrong, he says, he always “gives the benefit of the doubt and seeks to find out what is going on.” Always.

Show Your Human Side

Evan is an elementary school principal in Montgomery County, MD.  Not only does he have support staff and teaching staff, he has two other constituencies, the kids and their parents.

He makes sure he is visible to all of them, but not in a pro-forma way.  He’s outside every morning greeting as many of the 750 kids by name as he can. He has gotten on the PA system and done a rap about a school event and even had himself duct-taped to a wall.

His focus on the relationship is complete and total. Which brings us to the next point.

Over-invest in the Relationship

The “diamond” moment in my conversation with Evan came when he said, “to be a good manager, you need high expectations and collaboration, but you can’t get any of that without a relationship.”

So ANY investment you make in that is well worth it.

As Susie said, “every human being has something value, you need understand what motivates them, spend time w/people to get to know them. Try to understand the human being.

“And give people the benefit of the doubt. You never know what is going on in their lives, so taking that time before rushing to judgment will buy you understanding and loyalty.”  Something that Susie echoed as well.

When all is said and done, people want to be heard and understood.

Evan left me with 2 recommendations.

The first? Read Lincoln on Leadership.

The second? Ask these 3 questions of everyone on your team.

1. tell me something you love about your job that you don’t want to change
2. ]tell me something we can do better
3. tell me something about yourself

Two more great interviews. Thanks to both of them for generously contributing their time and expertise.

"What I Learned About Networking from Sprinklr VP of Marketing, Jeremy Epstein, During my Summer Internship"

One of Sprinklr's interns, Diego Conteras, wrote a short story about working with me.

Posting it more for posterity sake than anything else, but you may find it amusing.

Lessons from the People Manager All-Star Team

Over the past few weeks, I’ve interviewed nearly 6 peer-nominated “all-star people managers” to help me reach my personal and professional developmental goals for 2016.

Since some have asked (and because writing it will make it stick), I’m going to share some of the themes that have emerged.

Hope you find this helpful.


It All Starts With Smart Hiring
Obvious, I know, but every single one of the interviewees talked about making sure you have a rigorous hiring process to screen for the right candidates.

It’s the proverbial “Get the right people on the bus.”

While there were some differences, the idea of a “Growth Mindset” as Carol Dweck advocates came up A LOT.

Lori said “Look for people who are confident, but not cocky. Ambitious with a passion for learning.”

Les said “Look for strong players who are self-motivated. The best people on teams want the feedback. They crave it.”

I’ve seen this myself…the cost of a bad hire is enormous and the difference between a “B” player and an “A” player is not a multiple, it’s an order of magnitude.

Les further stated that you want to find people who have a process that is repeatable, as that is an indication that they really understand their craft.

Even better (as Jim advocated)…involve the whole team in the hiring process, as that will pay dividends down the road, because the team will hold each other accountable, saving you (the coach) from having to do so.


Understand Their Goals and Ambitions
The best way to motivate people is to remember what it was like to be in their shoes, as Jim said. In fact, that came up a lot. Put yourself in their position.

They may not care about your ambitions and goals, but if you understand theirs, you’re in a much better place to help them achieve it…and tap into their intrinsic motivation so they can achieve both team and personal goals.


Remember the Person…Always
Every one of the interviews stressed the importance of knowing the whole person.

“If someone is having a personal challenge, you need to know about it,” said one of them. “Otherwise, you can’t give them the flexibility they need when they need it. And, if you can do that…it will come back 10-fold when you really need them.”

Jeff boiled it down beautifully into his own version of the “4 Questions:”

·       Who do you care about?

·       What do you care about?

·       What do you have to work with?

·       What battle can you not afford to lose?

He then went on to challenge me (and all managers) with the following:

•   People want to be recognized for who they are…are you doing that?

•   People want to belong to a community…do you make them feel that way?

•   People ask themselves: do I like myself better when I am around you? Are you leaving them with that feeling?  

Candid Feedback…But It Comes In Different Ways
So this one was really interesting for me, probably because it helped extend my toolkit most.

Every one of my interviewees said that you need to give direct feedback often.

Lori nailed it, I thought, when she said, “practice transparency with diplomacy. Make feedback a regular event, not a quarterly or an annual event

In fact, in every conversation, you have the opportunity to give it.
[For a great article on this (and really an overall management style that makes a lot of sense to me, see: Radical Candor.]

What was really helpful was the advice on how to coach people who may have a more difficult time taking the feedback right off the bat.

Two of the interviewees recommended that you engage by asking questions along the lines of “how do you think you are doing?” instead of just beginning the feedback (which works for some people).

Even better…creating a blank report card that you and your direct report fill out separately and then reviewing it together to look for areas of discrepancy.  That provides the grist for the conversation.

For those who don’t mind or “crave it,” just jump right in, but this approach prevents a “one size fits all” angle to feedback and ultimately serves the employee better.


Get Rid of Weak Performers….FAST
When you keep weak performers, you are doing even more damage than you realize.

1. You are hurting the company. Obviously.
2. You are hurting that employee, but not giving them an opportunity to achieve fulfillment in their jobs.
3. You are sending the message that sub-par performance is acceptable.
4. You are cheating your “A” players of valuable time to make them even stronger…because you are spending too much of your time with (or compensating for) the weak performers.
    

Promote and Celebrate
Finally, it’s not about you.

In fact, you should go above and beyond to get your people the right visibility…even if it means leaving your team.  In fact, according to Lori, “sometimes you make trade-offs that favor the person at the cost of the organization.

A corollary to this is “remove obstacles for your team.” The more you do this, the more they will be in a successful position where you can celebrate them.

It’s a different mindset from being an individual contributor… your put others first, whenever you can.

As Jim said, ““when the team is winning, you’re in back. When team is losing, you’re in front."

Meet The All-Star People Manager Team
·       Lori Deo (nominated by Adam Schorr, Dawn Kidd)
·       Jim Macchitelli (nominated by Adam Evers)
·       Jeffrey Lang (nominated by Karin Schwartz)
·       Les Russell (nominated by Eric Marterella)
·       Kristen Kavalier (nominated by Sprinklrites)
·       Dan Swift (nominated by Sprinklrites)

Looking for a Good Book (or 3)?

Plowed through 3 books recently. All enjoyable and for different reasons. Thought I'd share if you are looking for a good read.

E-A Novel
What makes this so clever is that the entire book is written as a series of emails. Every single thing is an email. The novel unfolds as you see the intra-office politics played out via emails that are bcc'd, cc'd, and forwarded. If you work in an email intensive office, you'll love this.


The Circle
Obviously our lives have been changed dramatically by social media (heck, it's why I have a job, right?)  This book is a look at what happens if we continue along one path of continued sharing.  It's pretty intense and reminds us of the need to strike a balance between sharing and privacy in a stark, powerful way.


How the Mighty Fall
A bit more traditional business book, but a great study by one of the authors of Good to Great and Built to Last.  In this book, he examines the 5 stages through which great companies go as they descend into irrelevance. Some lessons for all of us so we can identify the warning signs..and some advice on how to avoid it.

Think: Kodak, Polaroid, Compaq, and others.

The Story of How I Arrived at Sprinklr

I was asked by the People Development team at Sprinklr to share some of my experiences for others in the company.  I thought it might be fun/illustrative to share it here. 

Perhaps not. Let me know.

Feedback welcome.

What do you currently do at Sprinklr? 

I'm currently the VP of Marketing. I'm responsible for global field marketing, marketing operations, analyst relations, partner marketing, events, and marketing for the Advertising business unit. 

 Where did you start out? How has your career grown?

I started out as the VP of Marketing over 4 years ago, so I suppose you shouldn't really take much advice from me as clearly I haven't been able to get promoted since then.

What's been remarkable in that time, however, is that when I started I was the only person in marketing, Sprinklr had 30 people, and we had no brand awareness or reputation of any consequence.  

The amount of skills I have picked up across the entire marketing spectrum is mind-boggling to me. 

My career has grown because with every single day, I have had the opportunity to take on new challenges and new opportunities.  The single most important element is that I've been surrounded by people who courageously gave me constructive criticism in order to make Sprinklr and me better.

That's actually been a hallmark of my career at every step. I live and die by my professional and personal network. I am always trying to meet new people, ask them questions, and understand their worldview. Then, I try and keep in touch with them in a passionate and genuine way so that I can learn from them over time.

One thing I've done for over 20 years now is to call people on their birthday. I make about 1800 calls a year. It gives me a chance to keep in touch, but also helps me understand how they see the world.  By hearing all of these different voices--and reading a ton--I feel like I have a respectable understanding of how the world is changing. That prepares me to do my job better and adapt to change quickly.

 What path & opportunities have you taken? How did you get them?

My professional career began in Tokyo. I dropped out of graduate school to join a company doing what we might now call "Digital Marketing."  After doing that for a year, I moved to New York to join an e-commerce start-up during Internet 1.0. I worked in sales for 2 years. 

After 2 years of that, I left to start my own company with my brother. After the Internet 1.0 bubble crashed, we raised $500,000 and ran our company for two years.

Eventually, I moved to Washington, DC where I live now. I worked at Microsoft for 6 years, doing mostly marketing for the partner community.

One day, I was sitting in a meeting with about 25 people in Redmond, WA. We were going around the table sharing ideas of how we could do marketing better and I suggested that we use something called "Facebook."  There was a guy there...we'll call him B*** since that's his name...who said "Facebook? That's the craziest idea I ever heard. We don't control the platform. It's built on a competing technology. We can't do that. It's a stupid idea."

I walked out of the room feeling a bit embarrassed and also recognizing that although Microsoft had been very successful for a long time, their view of the future of marketing and mine were very different. So, soon thereafter, I decided to quit and start my own consulting firm.

I called it "Never Stop Marketing," which I like to say is not just a company, but a mantra and a way of life.

The focus was on helping clients understand not just that social media was here to stay but on HOW the world (and marketing) would change because of its arrival.  I started doing that and the best part was 2 years later when Microsoft called me to hire me to teach their marketers how to do it.

How did you get or what led you to your current role?

It was through my work for Microsoft that one of the attendees in a class said to me, "you know, I have a friend named Ragy Thomas. He says a lot of the same things you do. You guys should talk."

I still remember the day that Ragy called me (and where I was) when he called me. I answered the phone and he didn't even introduce himself. He just said, "Hey Jeremy....I read your blog. It's brilliant. You need to come work for me.'

And I was thinking..."this guy is crazy" (and I was right about that).  I said, "you don't understand...I have a pretty good gig here. I make great money, get to travel around the world, or I get to stay at home, wear shorts, and walk my kids to school in the morning."  

He said..."YOU don't understand. I'm going to build the next big enterprise software company."

The "You don't understand," "No, YOU don't understand" went back and forth for about 4 months until one day I went to New York and met with him in the office on 30th Street.

I saw the platform and fell in love...well, it was profile properties and profile tagging to be exact, and I said, "ok, this guy has figured out how to scale what I've been talking about."

He said, "there are a lot of marketers our there, but none of them who understand Social. I need someone who does. I need you."

I agreed, went home, told my wife that I was taking a 70% pay cut, and shut down my business.  Been here ever since.

What's your advice for people who want a role like yours? 

There are a few things I would say.

1. Always, always, always grow and cultivate your network of contacts...in a genuine way. No matter what, it is people who make the world go round.

2. Read a ton about anything you can. Never stop learning.

3. Change is the only constant in your life and your career.  It's FAR better to force the change upon yourself than to have it forced upon you.  Practice adapting to change by seeking it out instead of being afraid of it.

4. Take smart risks. That's the best and fastest way to learn new skills which you can apply.

On the road to State #49...

It may not be a lofty goal, but it is one nonetheless. Visit all 50 states (airports DO NOT count).

I've got 48. Here's the most recent one.

The schedule for 49 (Nebraska) is set. End of March. With my dad. We're going to see the sandhill crane migration.

I'll keep you posted.

#50 is, appropriately enough, Hawaii.

End of the Jewish-American Golden Era?

I vividly recall a conversation I had with Josh Feigelson  around the year 2000. In it, we acknowledged that as Jews in America, we just might be living in the absolute high point of Jewish history.

Religious freedoms were guaranteed and protected (still are). As a community, by and large, a degree of economic security had been obtained. Socially, there were no repercussions to being Jewish within urban upper middle class or upper class demographic groups.

In short, Jews who had come of age in the 80s and 90s were living in a true Golden Era of safety and security.

That was then....

Fast forward 16 years and the picture is very different.

While much of those characteristics remain, it's pretty clear that a strong wind of anti-Semitism (disguised as anti-Zionism) is gathering force across America.

It's beginning on college campuses where the demonization and delegitimization of Israel as the Jewish state is becoming part of acceptable discourse.  What's more, those who disagree, are intimidated and threatened. (See ADL report on SJP, for one).

That's not a good sign for the future of Jews or the future of the Republic, I might add.

It's becoming acceptable, if not cool/desirable, to hate on Israel and the Jews who support her right to existence.

Some of the challenges, for many of us who grew up in the Golden Era, are:

• do we have the strength and wherewithal to ensure that the ideals that the US and Israel share are protected and cherished?
• can we help the "masses in the middle" understand that anti-Zionism is anti-Semitism and that it's very existence is the hatred against which most of us stand?

I believe we do...though it may take some growing pains.

While the anti-Israel movement is trying to coopt the language of America, freedom, and liberty... I think it has many flaws.

The flaws need to be exposed and I hope, for my kids and for America's sake, tha we can.

Want more? Watch this video. Riveting.

The Night the NYPD Broke Up My Bachelor Party

Last night, I visited the Russian & Turkish Baths on E. 10th St. in NYC with my bud, Adam Schorr.

It was the first time I had been there in 15 years, so I had cause to reminisce with him about my

previous visit..the night of my bachelor party.

My brothers were excited about the idea of a Bachelor Party, but we knew we wanted to do something different.

So, around 3 in the afternoon (it was a Tuesday, I think), we invited anyone who could to join us for 2 hours or so for a "shvitz," a visit to the saunas (there are many of them).

I'm a big fan of saunas and we ended up with maybe 7 or 8 people who joined us for that part.  From there, we walked all the way up to West 72nd and Broadway where another 10 people or so joined us for sushi.

Finally, the party ended up on 112th St. in the apartment into which the NFO and I would be living.

Now this apartment was one that lifelong New Yorkers would tell you is one of the most impressive apartments they had ever seen.

There was a staircase from within the apartment up to a private section of the roof. I would work up there, hang out, read. Heck, we built a Sukkah up there.

Thanks to Google Earth, you can see it yourself.

Anyway, by this point, there were 20 or so guys and it was 11pm or so.  My pal, Rabbi Shu Eliovson, somehow materialized with his bongo drum and everyone is hanging out on the roof, chatting, having a few beers (nothing crazy, I promise you! I'm not joking) and having a good time.

That is until two of New York's Finest show up from one of the other doors on the roof and tell us that, since it's past midnight, we probably need to stop the party.

Fortunately, there was no resisting arrest and there were no arrests. The party dispersed amicably and those who needed to, slept in an apartment that, as I recall, didn't have properly working heat...but that's another story.

Anyway...if you have interest in going to the saunas with me, let me know. We'll keep the cops out of it, I promise. ;-)

Theory: Why Washington DC Comes to a Halt in the Snow

With a major storm approaching, I was thinking about the allegation by many people from Northern states that "DC comes to a grinding halt when there is only 1 inch of snow."

While it's not quite that bad, things definitely don't move as smoothly here as they do, say, in Minneapolis, Albany, or Buffalo during the Winter.

I have a theory why.

Blame the Foreigners.

Ok, that's a bit hyperbolic, but it's a combination of demographics and network theory.

Think about cities like Minneapolis, Buffalo, or Albany...what percentage of the population living there this year ALSO lived there last year?

I don't know, but it's probably pretty high.

Now, compare that percentage to a city like DC which has:

• elected official turnover every 2 years, bringing in many new staffers
• a large military presence (Pentagon, etc.) where transfers go in/out
• a large international presence (World Bank, diplomats, etc.)

Now, factor in the high probability that many of these people come from places where they have little to NO snow at all. 

So, when people from Africa or most of Asia, or parts of Latin America or, even San Diego, come to DC and must drive in the snow, what do they do?

They naturally go VERY, VERY slowly. Extra cautious...which makes sense.

Now for the network theory portion of it.

Have you ever been on a highway and one person brakes sharply or turns to look at an accident?

It creates a domino effect that can backup/slow down traffic for miles.

Now, imagine you have all of these people from non-snow intensive areas on main roads. And they are going extra slowly because it's either new or somewhat new to them.

The ripple effect can be massive...

And that's one possible reason why DC during a snowstorm is particularly bad.

Now, 24 inch storms like the one we're supposed to get this weekend are a different thing entirely...

Stay warm!

Does College Prepare Students for the World Today?

Continuing with my efforts to call into question the structure of Higher Education as it stands today (not the need for it), I offer this post.

It argues that college doesn't prepare students for the job market.

For background: When will American higher education system fall apart?

Chincoteague, Horses, the Ocean, and Harriet Tubman-- Winter 2015 Vacation

For our Winter vacation, we just took a short jaunt down to Chincoteague Island, most famous for its wild horses (they are really on Assateague) which were, supposedly, the survivors of a shipwrecked Spanish galleon.

We didn't see the wild horses, but we did get the Epsteins on horseback in a throwback to our heritage (my dad was born in Texas).

We also had a chance to experience the beach at a special time...when it's windy and a bit cold.  To me, the power of the ocean is always wonderful and the solitude of the wintertime affords time for great reflection and contemplation, perfect for this time of year.

We took advantage of the pool at the wonderful Hampton Inn (4 times!) and during our jaunt through the Eastern Shore of Maryland, we stopped at the Harriet Tubman Organization's HQ in Cambridge, MD--located miles from the plantation where she lived.

There was a great film for the kids and the exhibit about her life and the Underground Railroad-particularly for the small space-was very well done, reminding us and the kids of the horrors of the experience of African enslavement in the United States.

BTW...that's not the NFO in any picture, it is just someone who resembles her closely ;-)

Reinventing Education...My MOOC Experience

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to become a better team leader at work.

OK, so I got a head start by beginning a few months ago, but what can I say? I'm aggressive that way ;-)

So, I signed up for a course via Coursera (for free) taught by 2 University of Michigan,  Ross School of Business professors called "Leading Teams."

The course itself is very interesting and informative. The lectures are delivered in bite-size chunks and they creatively integrate the coach of the Men's basketball team. There are quizzes, video, external articles, and the discussion forum.

Much like a traditional classroom setting, the discussions are what you make of them. Participate and you get something out of it.

I'm about 50% of the way through the class, but the MOOC (Massive Open Online Course) experience so far has been very valuable for me, with a ton of useful information.

But what it really has done for me is further convince me of the possibilities of how education will be reinvented (here's my most recent rant).

1. I have access to some of the best business minds in the world...from my basement.
2. I'm connected with a self-selecting group of learners who enrich it...from my phone.
3. I'm learning.

Yes, you still need the face to face and opportunity to get exposed to other/new ideas...but I just have to believe there are going to be more cost-effective ways to do that than the traditional model.

Experiencing Wonder

The other day, at the suggestion of my sister and mom, I took the kids (with my dad) to the Wonder exhibit at the newly refurbished Renwick Gallery.

It is comprised of approximately 9, full-room installations where a number of different artists take common materials (paper, insects, tires, thread and more) to create awe-inspiring and thought-provoking experiences.

They were immersive and engaging which was great for both kids and adults, but more importantly, I think the exhibit did a wonderful job of overpowering young senses in order to drive home the meaning and power of art to expand one's mind and appreciation of the world around us.

If you have a chance, I highly recommend it.

When will American Higher Education system finally fall apart?

The other night I saw "the Big Short," based on Michael Lewis' book.

I enjoyed it a lot, so I probably am a bit delusional in seeing myself in the "heroes" of that story.

Granted, I don't have as much of the data points, but there are so many trends converging on the topic of:

the disruption and ultimate disintegration of the American system of higher education.

Unlike the folks in the "Big Short," the timing isn't as clear (for them, it was Q2, 2007).

Here are some of the things I have observed...

1. Changing Economy Requires Different Skills...Colleges Don't Give Us Them
   the economy continues to evolve towards an even greater need for entrepreneurial and creative skills (see: is college worth it?) and I'm not sure our colleges truly prepare us for that.
   
2. The Value of a Liberal Education Exists, but Not at the Current Pricepoint
   the economics of most colleges, in terms of debt accumulated, and average incomes don't work out...and some colleges are already hurting because of it.
   
3. You Don't Need A Physical Place to Disseminate Knowledge
   new technologies (e.g. Khan Academy, CodeAcademy) make it easier and cheaper than ever to get the best knowledge to more people...here's a fantastic 6 minute video on the Future of Higher Education by a top VC

I used to think that this challenge really sat at so-called 2nd-tier schools and below and that the top-tier/Ivy League were immune.

Now, because of these two scathing indictments, I'm not even sure about that. His arguments resonate with me.

The Ivy League, Mental Illness, and the Meaning of Life

and

Don't Send Your Kid to the Ivy League.

It's going to happen...I just don't know when. Probably, the sooner, the better.

Previous posts on this topic

• Should kids skip college?
• Pay kids not to go to college?
• Does college really make sense?

Bat Mitzvah Reflections from the Proud Papa

I had no idea what to expect going into last weekend's Bat Mitzvah of Tonka/Tikkanen
(that's my eldest daughter's nickname).

For most of the time leading up to it, the NFO (that's my wife's nickname) was busy doing almost all of the preparation work. As things got closer, I certainly tried to chip in and do my share, but I didn't have much time to think about what the emotional experience would be like.

And I really couldn't have anticipated it.

As I blogged recently, I believe in the "moments, not milestones" concept, but the idea of a Bat Mitzvah as milestone serves as a forcing function to reflect. It's like a plateau on a hike.  A moment to see how far you've come, appreciate it, and think about the next step.

What I saw in front of me was really a young girl who is in the process of becoming a young woman.  It was a "sunrise/sunset" moment as I thought back to the day of her birth and how I as so emotionally charged that I, as the NFO would say, "cried nonstop for 24 hours."

Then, I thought about the next milestone (at least in the lifecycle sense)...her wedding.  That got me choked up as well.

But back to the here and now.

Standing in front of me, our friends, our family, our community, I saw a young woman who was able to overcome her immense fears of public speaking, lead services, read from the family's 200+ year old Torah that survived the Holocaust (story here and here).

In fact, I told her that part of becoming an adult is the ability to recognize your fears and conquer them, to do things that you may not want to do, but do them because you have to do them.

I saw a young woman who worked so diligently over the past year to learn Torah, Mishnah, prayer services.

She gave 4 speeches on multiple themes

• Saturday morning on the topic of miracles [abbreviated version, full version]
• Sunday morning on Anger, 
• Sunday afternoon on the value of human life

She also prepared a video montage of her life by herself and built a powerpoint to accompany one of the speeches (on the topic of anger).

She handled the stress with poise, elegance, and grace and I could not be more proud of her.

I also took a moment to think about the task of raising children.  To say that the NFO and I think alike would be like saying that Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders think alike.

Ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but in our daughter, we were able to see the outgrowth of our co-parenting efforts, to see how each of us bring our unique viewpoints to a developing person and how she takes the best from each of us and has the wisdom to discard the unnecessary flotsam and jetsam.  It was pretty cool, like we were collaborating (and more and more with Tonka herself) on creating a beautiful human being.

I stood in awe of the NFO as I never appreciated her as much as I did this past weekend.  Not only how she paid attention to every single tactical, logistical weekend and did everything she could to make our guests/community feel welcome and inspired, but even more than that.

When I saw Tonka deliver at such a high level, I recognized just how much of that was there because of what the NFO taught her and how the NFO just is, her very essence.

I was definitely the proud papa. It helped center me on my family, my children, and ultimately, I suppose in some way, my legacy of how I contributed to making the world a better place.  Tonka made me feel great and I am so thankful to all of the people who helped us and her (no matter how big the contribution) in becoming the person she is today.


Additional
If you'd like to see the pictures of the event (that I took), you can click here.

For some of the videos, see below.

And my dad gave a brilliant speech (in the form of a play), which you can read here...consistent with Tonka's love of Pandas.

And here are my mom's blessings.


Video Montage

Entire Bat Mitzvah (Sunday morning) ceremony

Presentation on Anger (to go with speech on Anger)

Teaching Kids to Program/Code

One of the things that is important to me for my children to learn is how to program a computer.

I've been very influenced by Douglas Rushkoff's thinking in "Program or Be Programmed."

My oldest daughter, aka Tonka, has been using Scratch from MIT to learn the basics.

And while we won't say who...today is someone in our family's birthday, so Tonka programmed this card for that person.

If, for some reason, you can't see it, you can click on this link. Otherwise, click the green flag below.

Moments, not Milestones...Fatherhood and Stomach Viruses

One of my friends, Ted Rubin, likes to say that fatherhood is about "moments, not milestones."

We put a huge emphasis on graduations and birthdays and the like, but the real moments, when you earn your fatherhood merit badges are in the unexpected moments.

Last night, for example, males in the Epstein household were both simultaneously afflicted with a pretty nasty stomach virus.

 

Now, no one enjoys throwing up and no one enjoys cleaning it up, but at 3:30am when your son is hurting and you're the one he needs for support...and you're there to give it to him, that makes you feel great.

Yes, I know...it's crazy, but even at that point, you don't mind cleaning up vomit, because these are the times where your child knows you are there for him/her, when you know you are there to be supportive, and where you have absolute clarity about what's really important in life.

He'll remember the fact that you kept him company at 4am. 

What's your vacation strategy?

As we have more connected devices in more places, it seems that there are 2 types of vacation strategies emerging.

The Integrated 
Put on your out of office message, don't sign up for meetings, etc., but be available by phone if necessary (assuming people respect that), and do "email triage" so you are staying on top of things, but you're not spending your vacation tied to your phone.

The Check Out
Don't check email, don't take calls...nothing.  Of course, as I was saying to someone yesterday, "if you check out, be prepared to dig out."

I tend to do the "Integrated," you?

Southwest Airlines LUVs football fans...

I have to give a shout-out to Southwest Airlines.

On a flight back from Dallas a few weeks ago, I saw that they offered free in-flight TV, so I selected to watch a football game (Kansas City vs. Denver).

Then, seeing that Macs now have the "snap" feature to have 2 apps running side by side, I opened up a second browser window and watched a 2nd game (NYG vs. New England).

Let's just say that my seatmate was loving me for that one...and I was "LUVing" SWA.

Sorry--screenshot was taken during commercial obviously, but notice SWA logo in back. ;-)