Not any ol' Tuesday...

Tonka really enjoys ballet and the other day I stopped by to watch her class through the glass window. I did the same for Paco on Thursday in his gymnastics class.

Somehow, the effect of the glass separating us created a feeling of greater distance for me, as if I was watching it from another dimension.

Sounds a bit weird, I realize, but in the past, all of the recitals I had attended were in the same room. We were conscious of each other.  This time, it was different and I felt the joy and the emotion of being the parent of this developing human being who was so obviously enjoying herself (and himself, for Paco).

Some days, I work so hard and there are moments when I'm exhausted and I question...why?

Then, I have a few minutes where I see the fruits of my labor, both financial (in terms of paying for the classes), but more so physical/spiritual in terms of  seeing them grow as people.

It's humbling and awe-inspiring.  It's gratifying as well. It's a cause for celebration as I realize that my kids are discovering things that they love to do...that they love life and love exploring new horizons.

Taking this momentary step back from the day to day grind and you realize that it's not always the huge, obvious lifecycle events that are required for the proverbial "smell the roses moment."

The gravestone of the future...

Image via Wikipedia

Somehow the NFO and I got on the subject of what should be listed on my gravestone. It was my idea, I'm sure, and clearly something I've thought about before.

It was Father's Day and maybe I was thinking about my legacy, I don't know.

We were laughing about it and Tonka asked us what we were discussing.

We are very upfront with our kids about death and dying...we don't want to scare them, of course, but we want them to know that it's a part of life. After all, parenting is really planned obsolescence, right?

Eventually, the kids got into it...yes, this sounds crazy, I know.

We used to have a contest where I would say "Tonka (or Paco)..." , they would respond "Yes?" and I'd say "I love you!!" and then "I won."

Soon, it evolved into them saying "I love you!" instead of "Yes?"

Eventually, we agreed that no matter who said it first, it was a tie.

So, we said, "hey, what if the gravestone said, 'I love you! Tie!'

That got a big laugh.

Of course, we realized that gravestones of the future would be very different than those of today.

A few items on the wish list

1. GPS chip, so people can easily find it and not have to wander around a cemetery looking at old maps
2. a digital, ticker like sign so you can have multiple messages "Father, Husband, 'I love you! Tie!', etc.
3. maybe even sports, weather, and stock information
4. personalized messages based on the RFID tags in the phones of those visiting you "hey Tonka, good to see you." or "Paco...please call your mother."

When I suggested a webcam, however, the NFO shut down the conversation.

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Father-Daughter Only Tea Party…

A few weeks ago, Tonka and I were up early and I realized how infrequent the two of us have 1:1 quality time. 

Gianni obviously requires the most attention and Paco, being younger than Tonka, relatively needs more.

I said to her that we should do something “together, just the two of us.” 

So, we hatched (and completed) a plan for a “Father-Daughter Only” Tea Party with Tonka, 5 of her friends, and their dads.

We served macaroni and cheese with carrots for lunch.

Then we went around the table and each father said something he appreciated about his daughter and vice versa.

That was followed by a joint art project where the father drew a picture of himself and the daughter drew one of herself.

And we wrapped up with some cookies.

The next day, I was about to hang up the picture in the basement “art gallery,” and I paused to admire it. More cherish it than admire it, actually.

It was less the quality of the art work than what it represented (in fact, I hadn’t seen the addition of the stickers since they came after my design was done.)

In Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (which I think was an underlying driver for this entire experiment), the author says that girls “just like to spend time with their fathers,” not even doing any particular activity.

I can’t speak for the other attendees, but I know that Tonka felt closer to me last night…she basically said as much, which was great.

 

Taking one for the team...

When I read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, the book made a point of how critical it was for fathers to make special time with their daughters.

To create memories for them.

To help them understand that women are to be valued.

I've taken that to heart.

A few weeks ago, I gave a presentation and one of the attendees was the Director of Marketing for the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders.

Afterwards, she invited me (and Tonka) to attend a special VIP practice session at FedEx Field in Landover, MD.

Now, there are plenty of things I'd rather be doing than stand in a dance studio for 90 minutes watching 40 scantily-clad, extremely fit women perform dance moves, but since I know that my 5 year old daughter really likes cheerleaders, I figured I would take a deep breath and just do what my paternal responsibility required.

It was difficult, I took a bunch of pictures and videos to prove it. Here's one of them.







This parenting thing is tough work ;-)

Happy Birthday Tonka...

She made me a father.

Has shaped what Father's Day means to me.

and I've used (some of) the great advice I was fortunate enough to receive from all of you.

So, 5 years down the road, join me in marking the day.

And if you are interested in a trip down memory lane, here's the write-up of Day 1.

3rd Child QT

I think it is fair to say that Gianni (nickname for child #3) doesn't get as much attention as Tonka (#1's nickname) or Paco (#2's nickname) at a comparable age.

It's not fair, but the words of every parent are "Life's not fair."

While the NFO works on Sunday and I have focused time with all three kids, it's rare that I have focused time just with Gianni.

So, when the Nanny called to say she was sick and the NFO had to go to work, I had the opportunity to take Gianni on some errands (CVS and the bank) and play one on one with her.

She's almost 10 months old and really beginning to develop into her own little person.

It's tougher with later kids to appreciate all of the milestones (because you are so busy with all of the other kids), but it was fun to have a "strong fathers, strong daughters" moment with her...if only for a few before she crashed for her nap.

Of course, there are trade-offs and seeing how the siblings play and interact with each other is but one of the many ones.

And, as my friend said, "don't feel too bad, you did give her LIFE."

True. True.

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Daddy, What Do You Do?

Image via WikipediaTonka came to me the other day and said, "Michael's daddy is a doctor. What do you do?"

Hmmmm....

That took a while. I struggled...for a while. (In fact, I'm still thinking about it.)

Finally I said to her, "well, I help people tell good stories...so that other people will want to buy things from them."

She seemed to get it.

But, it made me think...if you can't explain your business to a 4 year old, is the concept simple enough for an "elevator pitch?"

End of Innocence Moment...

We had some friends over for lunch the other day. They have 2 boys (2nd grade and kindergarten).

The kids were playing with our kids very nicely in the basement.

Today, I was asking Tonka about it.

She told me about the games they were playing. Then, she said that [names changed], "Michael tried to kiss his brother, Josh. Then, when Josh said, no, Michael gave Josh a wedgie!"

Tonka is 4.5 years old and she's talking about "wedgies."

Here we go....

Abstract Rainbow...

Never really appreciated abstract art until Tonka showed me this. She said "it's a rainbow."

Football by any other name…

Long time blog readers know that there is a steadfast rule in my house that the kids can only eat in the den if we are watching football.

This builds the excitement and appreciation for my favorite sport.

Well, having lived in Europe for a year, I did develop an appreciation for “the beautiful game” (aka soccer) and was looking forward to watching the Euro 2008 Champioships today.

After swim lessons, visiting with our aunt, a birthday party, and taking 2 kids to Home Depot, I didn’t feel like I had ignored the kids.

Bottom line, if you ask Tonka (and possibly Paco): “what do they call soccer in other countries?” you will get the correct answer.

Hence, we were able to enjoy popsicles and snacks while watching Spain defeat Germany, 1-0.

We must be doing something right...

Tonka was about to leave for a birthday party and said, "I want a snack."

"You're about to go to a party and you'll eat there," I said.

"I know," she said, "but I want something healthy now, since I'll probably eat a lot of junk there!"

Mind of the 4 year old...

What is not to love?





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Now playing: U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
via FoxyTunes

The Privilege of Fatherhood...

Sometimes I watch my kids from afar and get the feeling that I am a voyeur on their lives. Like they are in actors in a movie or a play that I have the privilege of watching.

Scenes get etched in  my memory, seared almost, and I seek to hold onto them, knowing that the play will continue and there's no 'rewind' button.

I took all three of the crew to the "jelly" playground. (We have codenames so we don't have to spend time saying, 'no, the one with the slide!!')

On the way home, Tonka and Paco ran off ahead  of me on the sidewalk.

As far as days go, from a weather perspective, today was as idyllic as it gets. It was 5pm and the combination of weather, sun, trees flowers, and 2 young kids, running without the proverbial care in the world, as fast as they could to the end of the sidewalk....well, it was just magical.

I saw them running away from me, a metaphor for the growth process, of course. It didn't make me sad, but it did fill me with a sense of appreciation for the moment and awe for my role in this ongoing human micro-drama.

I looked at Gianni in the stroller, thought about the day she'd run with them and just took a deep breath, trying to take it all in.

BTW, Tonka, Paco, and Gianni are  their nicknames :-)

Just like that...

For the last year and a half or so, Tonka and Paco have taken a bath together. They play very nicely and it's quite relaxing for me. I sit there, read a book, and let them play.

The last few days, however, Tonka has insisted on a shower. It's become her new routine.

Now, Paco takes a bath by himself and he's done quickly. Then, Tonka's shower is up.

Just like that, the period of joint baths is over. The kids are growing up.

Parental Feedback...

As a marketer, I know that the most important thing I can do is ask for feedback from my customers. If it's honest, I'll get. some advice that will help me.

Sunday morning, Tonka and I were both awake at 4:30am. Not sure why.

She was coloring at the kitchen table, I was blogging.

I turned to her, got down to her level and said:

"Tonka, can I ask you a question?"
"Yes."
"Do you think I am a good Abba [father]?"
"Yes."
"Anything I can do to be a better Abba?"
"No."
"Do you promise to tell me if there's something you think I can do?"
"Yes."

And she gave me a big hug.

Why We're Here...

One of the hardest parts of being a father, I think, is finding the balance between doing things for your kids and spending time with your kids.

You feel compelled to work hard, to give them the things you want them to have, and that can become a mild (or major) obsession.

But you have to step back and remember...you are doing this for them and TIME is the most valuable thing you can give them.

Today, I took Paco with me to Costco. Man on Man. We had a blast.

He sat in the large part of the cart and I instructed him what items to put in the basket. We chatted about the concept of the "big box retailer," how they make up margin with volume, and how trucks are so critical to America's commercial infrastructure.

On the way home, he yawned, and I said, "Paco, no sleeping!"

He smiled...and then did a fake yawn.

"Paco, no sleeping!"

This kept up for the ENTIRE ride home. Neither of us got tired of it.

After he went down for his nap, Tonka got back from her playdate.

Much like knowing your customer, you need to know your kids.

Tonka likes are, so we worked on one picture for 1.5 hours....all the while discussing colors, friends, and the like...and just laughing. We played some games as well.

I felt really good about the quality of time I had with them today...It's easy to get caught up in the day to day, but we can never forget why we're here.

Update: And on another note... in my role as developer of independent beings, I am excited to say that BOTH of them are sleeping over at my sisters' apartment in Dupont Circle tonight (and each of them has had/will have a 1 night sleepover at my parents).

Reflections on 4 years of fatherhood...

I've said it often, quoting my mom, "the days are long and the years are short."

I barely remember last year's bday (thank goodness for the blog), but I vividly remember the day she was born.

And, today, while she was watching a DVD wearing her gift ballerina outfit, I looked at her and paused.

I hoped I know her as well as I think I know her and as I want her to know me.

She looked so big, particularly in relation to how small she once was.

It was today, also, that I signed her up for a County-led art class, for the first time, I think (aside from a few sessions at school), that we consciously said, "let's develop the strengths of this young being."

And the march to adulthood continues.

What a privilege it is to be a father to this girl.

Why I'm Not a Radiologist...

The bad news: I had to take Tonka to the ER the other day because she hurt her foot while dancing.

The good news: it was only a sprain.

I saw the X-ray come in and paused...there were a lot of gaps in her foot bones. I was concerned.

Then, I find out that that's normal for kids.

I know, don't give up my day job.