Bonus Points and Avoiding Sibling Rivalry

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The NFO rightly felt that redeeming bonus points for lost privileges sent the wrong message, i.e. If you have enough ‘money,’ you can buy yourself out of punishments.

So, the system has been modified and updated.

There is a base level of expected behavior that I have for each of my kids.

If the child goes “above and beyond” the call of duty (entirely subjective) by me, I will award a number of bonus points (between 1 and 5).

If the child behaves in an inappropriate manner, the child is “fined” and loses bonus points, again determined by me.

Each child keeps track of his running tally.

Now, here’s the beauty of the system.

Bonus points are not redeemed for prizes, rather they are the means through which sibling disagreements are resolved.

For example, Tonka and Paco were both playing with the paints. They both decided…at the same time, of course, that they wanted the pink colored paint.

Instead of serving as the negotiator between the two of them, I simply let the market decide by establishing an auction.

Each child may bid up to his/her maximum number of bonus points (which will be deducted, of course) for the right to the disputed item.

The best part…and the key lesson here…is that I want my kids to understand that at a certain point, even if they have the money and can afford it, they should know that it is just not worth it to do so.

In the case of the paint, Tonka had 47 bonus points and Paco had 21 (they accumulate at the same rate, but Paco is fined more often).

I instructed them to begin the bidding at 1 (since we’d never want to overpay, would we?)

Well, at 9 bonus points, Paco decided that it wasn’t worth it to spend 10, so he let Tonka have it.

She then had 38 bonus points and Paco still had 21.

Peaceful resolution.

And, it’s worked two other times  as well.

It’s far from scientific, since there are times where, after a series of fines, I might be inclined to award a higher than average number of points to Paco to balance his self-esteem or to “age adjust” and award Tonka fewer than I would Paco for the same type of “above and beyond behavior” (e.g. “the playroom looks messy, I will clean it up”), but so far it seems to be working.

 

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