A Meeting That Took 5 Years…Brought to you by Social Networking

Every now and then, with all of the excitement that surrounds the potential for social media in business, politics, etc., you forget what makes it so amazingly powerful.

Creating and solidifying connections between people.

It’s so simple. And it’s at the core of al the potential, but it gets lost in terms like “reach” and “engagement.”

The other day, however, I had a moment that brought me back, reminding me of the inherent beauty of the democratization of communication.

Five years ago, my friend Tom Harshbarger said, “there’s a guy you need to meet. His name is Brent Leary.”

Since then, Brent and I connected in many ways…email, phone, text, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, podcast interviews, Google+, Foursquare…you get the picture.

But, we had never actually met in person.

Until August 27th, 2013.

I gave Brent the heads up that I would be in Atlanta and he joined me for the event. Here is the video commemorating the moment and serving as the reminder of why he and I are so passionate about not just the technologies, but the possibilities they offer.

How to Show You Care in the Digital Age…

Image via Wikipedia

One of the fantastic things about the digital and social networking age is how easy it is for you to tell all of your friends about good news and bad.

When we know about it, we can DO something about it.

Case in point.

Paco’s recent appendectomy.

Between the blog and Facebook, hundreds of people knew what was going on and many people stepped up to help in a HUGE way…bringing over food, helping out with the kids, etc.

It was great and clutch.

But, there’s a flip side and I think it’s something we all should remember.

I don’t want this to come off as insensitive, ungrateful, or uncaring.

In fact, the point is the opposite one.

When we see a notification that someone is sick, it’s one thing to say “how can I help?”

or “here’s what I am going to do?”

It’s another to send an IM/email/FB message/tweet that just asks “How is the patient doing?”

Why?

I think it creates a burden for the recipient.

On the one hand, that person is dealing with a family tragedy/medical situation, whatever.

On the other, they certainly appreciate the fact that you sent the note and you cared enough to do so.

But, responding to 10, 20, 50 messsages asking “How is he doing?” becomes overwhelming and can pull you away from the more important task of caring for your family.

But, NOT responding could leave the person with the feeling of “hey, he didn’t even care enough about me to respond!”

What I am going to do….

You are free to do whatever you wish, of course, but in situations where I can’t really DO anything to help, my new approach is going to be:

“Hey, I’m thinking about you and your situation. I hope it gets better (or whatever). PLEASE do not feel the obligation to respond to this message.”

The Mayor of Divorce…

For those of you unfamiliar with Foursquare, it’s a service where you “check in” to places (a Starbucks, an event, a restaurant) and then, if you wish, you can share that info (with a comment) to your network on Facebook or Twitter.

The person who checks in most frequently at a location becomes “the mayor.” Sometimes that brings privileges, but mostly not.

It’s interesting to me because it is part of the new era of “Location-based services,” but the other day I saw something that was a first for me.

It’s probably been done before, but Adam checked in at the courthouse and then announced that “at long last. I am now divorced.”

It really is a new world, but certainly an easier way to get the word out.

Urban Legend….

This is a slightly off-color/risque post. If you get offended by these types of things or think you might, don’t read any further.

You’ve been warned.

I met a guy at the Bag Claim in BWI the other night who has 2 girlfriends—and they are ok with the fact that the other one exists. Here’s his unique story.

His email address includes the words “urbanlegend” in it. Indeed.

Why Opposites Attract…

Over the last few years, as the NFO and I have gotten to know each other, I think we’ve come to appreciate how different we are in so many ways.

While the core, fundamental values are the same (thankfully), the other stuff?

Well, 180 degrees.

I mean, she’s the NFO. I’ve got a blog with almost 3000 posts.

She’s not on Facebook. I am…in full force.

And on and on and on…

But, the other day, it dawned on me, possibly, why it is that opposites do, in fact, attract.

It may be a Darwinian thing.

See, if nature is selecting for the best traits, then the mating of two different people will allow their offspring to develop and enhance (in theory) the traits that are most suited for survival and adaptation in the next generation.

If we were completely similar and the societal requirements of our offspring were such that our traits would not be beneficial, that would serve to hurt the future successes of our children.

Clearly, I have NO idea if this makes any sense, but my limited understanding of genetics (coupled with the fact that we occasionally drive each other nuts ;-) brought this idea to my mind.

Who’s Worth Your Time? A Primer.

My friend, Jamie, sends in the following anecdote. It tells you how to asses who is worth your time and who isn’t.

I have a certain "rule" in place when I network with people.

When I left Barnard for my first job, I entered myself in the alumnae database indicating I would be willing to talk to current students about my job/career path. 

As I changed jobs and developed my career, I always updated my information and over the years I got e-mails from students interested in chatting with me about work, mostly they were looking for jobs and wanted to know how I got my job in news and how I could help them get one as well. 

In the beginning, I would email back and forth with some of them but that took a lot of time and energy. 

I decided chatting over the phone was an easier way to disseminate my wisdom; I could do it quickly, perhaps while walking to work or folding my laundry, but more importantly I could tell immediately whether the person was actually serious about hearing from me or was just going through the motions of "networking." 

So, I changed my policy.  I gave them my phone number and told them I would be happy to speak by phone.

An amazing thing happened.  In almost every single case, that ended the connection!  I never heard from the people again.  The ones who followed through either called me or emailed back to set up a time to chat. 

It was a remarkable weeding process since the ones who were willing to chat by phone happened to be really interesting people that I was delighted to help.

I was able to place two of them in internships, one at MSNBC and one at CNN.  I was able to make further connections for others.  And, I was happy to do this because these people were obviously committed to real networking. 

It has proved to be a remarkably efficient process because 9 times out of 10 people don't want to make the effort to call so I'm not wasting much energy.

The Wedding Process

Image via Wikipedia

We were in Albany last weekend for the wedding of one of the NFO's sisters. A glorious affair indeed.

Over the weekend, as we offered our blessings and thoughts for the couple, I had a chance to have some side conversations with people about marriage.

What was interesting is how many people said how naive they were about what marriage really entails at the time of their weddings.

Not in the sense of "oh, it's terrible and I thought it would be 'happily ever after,'" but really more in the sense of how much effort, patience and time it takes to really morph into a couple...in the true sense of the world.

A few weeks back, I was talking to some friends of ours and they were sharing a conversation they'd had about what they would expect the other spouse to do in the event of an untimely/early death of one spouse.

The wife said, "I've spent 20 years breaking this one in, I don't have patience for another one."

It was said in jest...sort of...but I think the larger point, which she realized, is that it just takes a LOT OF TIME for two people to really come together and learn to live with each other in true harmony.

I don't want this to come off as saying there's discontent and dischord all along the way, there's certainly not. There are plenty of amazing moments as well, but recognizing that growing (or should I say wedding?) two people into one doesn't happen on the wedding day, it just starts there.

Maybe we should start talking about 'wedding' as a verb, not a noun. The noun, then, is just the first looping together in a process that takes a while.

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Perspective in Las Vegas

Always on the lookout for electrical outlets, I noticed an empty one next to a bench were a lone female traveller was sitting.

I asked her if she'd be so kind as to move over one seat so I could plug in.

She graciously agreed.

As I was booting up, I turned to her and noticed sadness.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

Turns out that she had come to Vegas to visit her college boyfriend for a week. They hadn't seen each other for 2 months and had 1 more month to go before school resumed at University of Pittsburgh.

As we talked, she began to cry.

Her feelings for him were evident.  It was really moving.

I tried the cliche statements of "how lucky you are" and "many people never feel this way about someone their whole lives," and "it'll be fine," but none seemed to work.

So, I said...

"In 10 years, you'll be bickering with each other about something really stupid. You'll be angry.  When that happens, remember how you felt in this moment and I'm sure you'll feel better then."

That got her laughing.

Also reminded me that it's a good practice for all of us to hearken back to those early days when we have moments of disagreement with our spouses/significant others.

Still not sure about Facebook?

We all know that, when it comes to purchasing decisions, we trust our friends.

This is the essence of my business around Community Driven Marketing (from the corporate side).

And this is why you need to make sure you have a strong network that is willing to refer you based on good work.

Recently, I decided that it was time to refinance my mortgage.

So, what did I do?

I updated my Facebook status.

Within 3 hours, I had 6 referrals via comments (and another 3 via email) of people whom my network trusts.

When you have a large network, you can quickly pull out information from them to make your life easier (and return the favor as well).

The “Chiron” Rule…

It’s sales 101.

The executive assistant is just as important as the executive.

Whoops! I forgot that one.

Have a wonderful opportunity with a highly respected company. The assistant is fantastic. She was funny, greeted me with a hug when I met her the first time, and seriously asked me to bring my kids while I met with her boss.

After meeting with Chiron’s boss, I was given permission to submit a proposal. GREAT!

Then, I promptly ‘disappeared’ only to re-emerge in Chiron’s life when her boss wasn’t answering my calls.

Chiron called me on it. In a BIG way.

“I don’t hear anything from you for two weeks. You don’t say hi. You don’t drop me an email saying ‘what’s up?” and now when you need something, you come calling?”

She was partly joking, partly serious.

And she was right.

I deserved it. I forgot that ‘power’ doesn’t lie only with the title.

I’m not afraid to make mistakes. Make ‘em all the time. I’m afraid when I don’t learn from them.

I’ve learned from this one. Calling it the “Chiron Rule.”

Appreciating America...

Everyone's got their beef with America/Americans. If I have one, it's people taking for granted the freedoms we enjoy.

I've told the story of my time in Berlin when I was 14 that had a profound impact on my life, but I particularly enjoy talking with immigrants to American (especially those from former Communist countries).

They DO NOT take liberty and freedom for granted because they know what it is like to live without it.

My old friend from the Snickelways days, Mike Petrov, brings his family of 6 to Washington, DC every year (not an easy job, to be sure) to help instill in them a pride/appreciation for America.

I hadn't seen Mike in 8 years or so, but we picked up right where we left off, talking technology.

Plus, I had the chance to pontificate about how he should think about the marketing of his company (if you need a reliable IT firm in NYC, he's your guy...who wouldn't trust a former boxer in the Russian army to get the job done?!)

Anyway, always great to reconnect with old friends and, in this case, to appreciate what we've got through the eyes of someone who cherishes it. Thanks, Mike!

Only Hillary Can Unite America...

It's not often that my wonderful liberal friends agree with Op-Ed's from the WSJ, but Peggy Noonan's piece today about Hillary Clinton is an exception.

What's interesting, and this came out in my chat with Tjada a few weeks ago, is that there are many Democrats who are getting fed up with Clinton behavior/style-something Reps talked about 16 years ago.

Regardless, in a twist on the "my enemy's enemy is my friend" concept, we now have Obama supporters, disenchanted Clintonians (Clintonites?) and Republicans all in agreement about one thing...

Nobody likes the Clinton modus operandus.

Obama may preach a desire to bring the country together, but Hillary is delivering on the promise ;-)

7 Years of Being Smarter than my wife

The NFO (Nameless/Faceless One for her lack of desire to be called out or pictured on the blog) and I celebrate 7 years of matrimonial bliss today. (Here's our original love story)

Another year down of evidence that I am smarter than my wife (here's the proof).

The NFO has MANY strengths. One of them is an uncanny ability to purchase cards for an occasion, forget to use them, and then at some point in the future (even 2-3 years down the road), use it at the right moment.

We've gone over Carrying Cost, so we know her calculations are sound in holding on to them for a long timeframe.

I was pleased to receive a card today which was purchased for our anniversary last year and deployed today.

I guess that's better than what I did...which is not have a card or a gift at all.

The way I look at it, if I've been a good husband all year, I don't need to mark the anniversary and if I have to rely on an anniversary gift to tell her how much I appreciate her, well then, I've not done a good job during the other 364 days! :-)

It's interesting how your perceptions of marriage and what it means to be married change over time.

You realize more and more each day that it is the little things that make the difference and that "happily ever after" isn't a given, it's a process and a commitment. And you realize that it's not about 'being right' (and no, I'm not a sore loser because I'm way behind), it's about winning as a team.

Not easy. Definitely not easy. But worth it.

There's no doubt that the truism of "I married up" applies as much today as it did in Albany, NY 7 years ago. I am a blessed man. 

Content Bifurcation...

Coming back to this post on content questions, I am thinking that there is a way to break down my two blogs so that it makes sense.

On this blog, I talk about the topics that are related to how I make money.

And on this blog, I talk about topics that are related to what I am doing while not making money.

How's that for a bifurcation?

Updated: i've added a feed of my "work" blog to the sidebar, so you can always see what is going on there :-)

Heads up on the Jer979.com

I've been thinking a lot about my online "global microbrand"

How do I use it most so that I can maintain my personal relationships (i.e. this blog and my personal CRM strategy) AND use it to build out my professional relationship.

This follows on the heels of the social networking 4 biz post (and JimBud's insightful comment)

As you may know, I've had a very successful blog at Microsoft for the past 2 years (top 8% of all MS bloggers), but I'm concerned about it long term.

Not that I'm going anywhere, but when the day comes for me to move on, what will happen to the "brand equity" I've developed, since my blog will be erased?

I had started a business focused blog (purely marketing, passion for technology, and (social) networking), but wondered if the Jer979 term was appropriate or not (after all, it's on ALL of my online stuff...FB, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc.)

So, I'm going to try something out....let me know what you think.

If you type in http://jer979.blogspot.com, you will come here. That won't change.

But, if you type in www.jer979.com, you will go here (in beta).

Right now I have a home page that will be a guide to the site

• a biz focused blog (calling it "Igniting the Revolution" since that's the working title of my MS blog
• a resume/links
• a link to this blog

What I like about it is that the platform I am using (www.graffiticms.com) offers me a LOT more flexibility to grow my site and Jer979 online experience than a simple blog.

I'm not sure it'll work, but wanted to give a heads up on it and ask for feedback...

Petty Guidelines for Leaving a Voicemail...

Here are my guidelines. It'll help you build your relationships.

1. Don't drone on
2. REPEAT your phone number. It' s really the only thing I have to have.
3. Don't just say "call me." Tell me WHY you are calling.
4. Be quick.

I hate it when people don't tell me what they want b/c odds are, I'm going to get your VM and they we are going to play phone tag for a while.

Waste of time. Neither of us has extra.

If I can answer your question via VM, isn't that just as good?

On Social Networking and Social Lubricants...

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times..."The #1 reason why people go to events is to meet other people."

It's not about the (often boring) powerpoint presentation. It's about your ability as a host to create an environment that is a social lubricant and helps people meet each other.

This morning, after seeing his "tweet" on Twitter and clicking through to the event invite on Facebook, I joined a number of other "fans/friends of Jeff Pulver" at a networking breakfast.

Networking events run the gamut, but Jeff understands his role as well as anyone. He utilized his newly created Jeff Pulver "Real-Time Social Media Networking Kit".

It employs the concept of "tags" and "labels" to facilitate networking.

So, as I am walking around, I see someone named Jimmy Gardner. His label said "passionate technologist." As I often think of myself in these terms, I began the conversation.

Well, was I lucky!

Jimmy's got a little app at www.mydropbin.com which, I think, has some pretty cool potential in terms of the way we save and share REALLY large files.  (Full disclosure: I haven't tested it out yet, so can't vouch for quality, but the concept made a TON of sense to me).

Once you have a conversation with someone, you write a "tag" (a term that describes the nature of the chat or something you associate with that person) on a small sticker and then place it on their "tag cloud."

So, after talking to Thomas Vander Wal, where I found out that he is recognized as the creator of the term "Folksonomy" in Wikipedia, I wrote "Wikipedia" and put it in his tag cloud.

And, lastly, you could, like in Facebook, write something on a person's "public wall." So, Eric Litman, managing director of WashingtonVC, who was looking very slick, IMHO, in his velvet sport jacket, got a "nice jacket!" post on his wall from me.

Just a great morning (including David Vyorst, the producer of "The First Basket" about the role of Jews in the beginnings of professional basketball. Here's the story and some video clips from YouTube)

And Joel Selzer of Ozmosis, trying to bring some much needed better/faster information to physicians and Gordon Peters of Gratis Internet, whose label said "monetizing Facebook" also got me intrigued.

(and a huge call out to Tamar Lustman who helped make my attendance possible)

Jeff's event was a great example of how a network facilitator, or as Seth might say "Community Manager" can create a great (dare I say 'remarkable') experience for the members.

A job I don't want....

Single Father.

Yes, it's a lot more running around than I'm used to.

On Monday, I was at the kids' school 4 times before noon. Details would bore you, but it was a lot of movement.

But, this isn't about me...it's about the appreciation for all of the work the NFO (i.e. Nameless/Faceless One) does on a daily basis.

Beyond that, I feel for her.

The NFO is a very active person. Loves to dance, as you know. Doesn't sit still very well.

Sitting in bed, doing nothing...that's rough.

Abuse of Privilege?

I've blogged before about how (and why) I ask kids to call me "Count von Epstein".

And, one friend, Sam, who always calls me Senator.

And, I'm also chair of the KMS (my synagogue) tech committee. (the one with no meetings)

A few weeks ago, there was an issue with the membership database. I logged in (remotely, of course) to troubleshoot.

Now, even though I have full access, I NEVER look at individual financial records (I'm serious, I don't), but I did feel an awesome power (you know, with great power comes great responsibility). So, with the responsibility part addressed (leaving financials to the side), I decided that the "great power" part had to be addressed.

So I changed my title in the database.

Now, (see the lower left corner), all mail from the synagogue comes addressed to:

"Count and Countess von Epstein"

Note: It is blog posts like this that will keep me from running for President, I know. But, I think it's genetic. There's at least one story of my grandfather telling someone that he was Phil Donahue (they did look similar).

Hope you view this as a harmless joke and not an ethical lapse.

Bittersweet Sunday Evening...

Football fans know the feeling of late season Sundays.

You start watching a game in the afternoon and it's light outside.

By the time you are done, it's pitch dark.

And that feeling that the season is over (yes, I know the playoffs are coming, but there's something about the regular season) as a marker of time passing gives you an emotional milestone in your lives.

It's no secret to blog readers that I'm a big football fan (kudos to the NFL on the Pats-Giants simulcast, btw) and that Passing the Football Through Generations is, in my mind, an important part of our family connectivity.

I had the privilege of watching the Redskins-Cowboys game with my dad and brother, Asher today and we all yelled with pure elation on the last touchdown that it startled the 3 small children in the room (Tonka, Paco, and Dalia-their cousin).

It was a great moment of Epstein male bonding.

Of course, as I've written many times, football=Poppy in my mind so I think back to the Empty Chair on a Sunday Afternoon and feel that hollowness of his absence and what all of those Sundays past meant...and still mean.

It's tough when you lose someone you love so much and who was involved in so many parts of your life. I think this is the first example of that for me, so it's a new feeling.

With the game over and another regular season in the books, I put the kids in the car, did the annual Xmas time drive-by of The Red House and remembered our "missing man."