Mini- Empty Nesters

It's one of those days that you know is a milestone which, I suspect, in hindsight may be even more momentous.

Today, for the first time ever, we shipped off all 3 members of Team Finland (ages 14, 12, and 10) to sleepaway camp for a month.

The consequence is that the NFO and I have the house to ourselves.

The practical benefits are many...fewer dishwasher cycles, loads of laundry, less hassle in the evenings and mornings. Certainly, the workload will decrease.  I, for one, am ok with that.

At the same time, it's a pretty strong reminder of how fleeting, in aggregate, the parenting experience is.  With Paco's Bar Mitzvah on the horizon later this summer, I can't help but have a series of "Sunrise, Sunset" moments flashing back to their birth and early childhood.  In an instant, we are here and they are all off for a month. Soon, I realize, they will be off for a longer period of time.

As my mom has said from the beginning, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I guess this is one of those mornings where it really dawns on you just how true that is.

It's really, really tough (though I feel like I am getting better at it) to savor the moments as they happen during the normal hustle and bustle of life.

It's particularly challenging for me because of my inclination towards Type A, achievement oriented behaviors. Sometimes, I am quite guilty of losing the forest for the trees.

Then, you see all three of your children board a camp bus (where you know they are going to have an amazing time) and you are jolted back into the most present of presents. 

Last week, I was in Israel and was talking with one of my cab drivers about children and family.  He was saying, "remember, the most important thing, at all times, is to make sure that your children know you love them."

Though my kids are well aware of my overarching paternal doctrine of "I am not here to make you happy," I think they are also aware of how I feel about them even if, at times, I don't express it so well or, worse, my other emotions such as anger or frustration get the better of me.

Last week was also Father's Day. I was only home for a few hours before leaving for Israel but before I did, I got 3 beautiful cards from Tikkanen, Jokinen, and Lakkanen.  What I particularly loved about them is that their words told me that, the things I was trying to teach them (consciously and unconsciously) are getting through.

I suppose that is really all you can ask for as a Dad.  I often say that, like technology, part of my job is to "make myself obsolete," to give them the tools so that they can survive and thrive- on their own- in the world because, aside from taxes (of course), we all know the other certainty of life.

It is my job to prepare them to live in the world without me and that means that, even though it is sad, not giving them experiences of being on their own and learning to deal with situations where the NFO and I aren't there, would be dereliction of duty.

I don't know if there is ever a point that you reach as a father where you think, "ok, it seems like my mission as it relates to my children is done."  But I do know that you have to continue to loosen the grip.

Today was a grip loosening day