Strange as it may sound, sometimes I feel unworthy to be Calanit's father. This kid is just so good and pleasant. She's got a tremendous smile and a great curiosity.

Today, I organized a "Father's Helper" Day. Tamar works on Sundays and sometimes, well, I just run out of steam, so I enlisted the aid of 2 5-year olds to come over and play with Calanit. It was met with varying success and I think next time, we'll have two of them at the same time, since it's tough to get them excited about interacting with a 13 month old for too long.

Anyway, it was very cute and emotional to see how she interacted with the "big girls" and how she really wanted to be involved with what they were doing. I kind of imagined that in a flash, she'd be their age and I wouldn't be carrying her around anymore.

I try really hard to focus on her and give her attention. To stimulate her. Sometimes the banal demands of life, like working... take my focus away. I feel bad about that, but it's such a tough balance and there's so much I want to provide for her, but at the same time, I know that time is what I can provide the most and when she's young, is when it's the most important.

She's so good to me and sometimes I just feel like I don't reciprocate the way I should.

the Ocean of Life

I’ve traveled a lot in my day. Been to 50 countries or so. It’s part of my identity.

 

However, those days are behind me. In one of the trade-offs of life, I’ll be staying home for a while, figuring out how to pay for this thing and keep my family well protected.  

 

I guess I kind of look at the house as the ship that will carry us as we travel the Ocean of Life. This is my/our newest, biggest adventure yet.

 

One day, many years from now, I'm sure all of the new technologies I've acquired this week will be taken for granted. They'll just be a part of my day to day lives and the excitement I'm feeling right now will be a part of my past.

But for now, I am living in the moment, and really enjoying the wave of adrenaline.

For 4 years, Tamar and I were living with a 13" TV. We finally upgraded to a nice 32" one.

I also bought my first computer in 4 years, a Media Center PC, which allows me to watch, record, and pause TV, as well as manage pictures and music. It's quite impressive. I've been staying up to all hours just playing with it.

Now, I know that life is not about material things, but it's nice to be able to enjoy things and get benefit from them, when you can.

Kids and money...

As you may know, Tamar and I both come from large families. We were talking the other night about the number of kids we’d like to have (nothing to announce).

I said, “look, assuming I make it to 80 or 90, I know the greatest thing in the world will be to be surrounded by kids and grandkids. I also know that kids are expensive, so while the end will be awesome, I’m going to be stressed about money pretty much every step of the way.”

On helping out around the house...

I was speaking to a younger colleague of mine the other day and she was telling me how she was a bit concerned about her boyfriend. She suggested that he wasn't sensitive or thoughtful enough.

She asked me about my relationship with Tamar. When I was done telling her what I do and do not do, she said, "you know, I feel a lot better about Will now. I think I've been too hard on him."

Some of the winning examples include:
1. Tamar likes getting flowers on Friday afternoon before the Sabbath. When we lived in NYC, I was great at accomplishing this goal. Now, however, after a few weeks of failing when we first moved here, Tamar buys her own flowers and says they are from me.
2. Since we moved here 2.5 years ago, I've been to the grocery store maybe 5 times. I went to Costco for the first time last week (and only because I wanted to buy a TV)
3. The last time I was at Giant was Dec. 12, 2003 (and that was because Calanit was born 2 days before)
4. I haven't done laundry since we moved into the house.

These are but a few examples...now I do manage a lot of the finances and other tasks, it's not that I'm useless, but Tamar and I realize that we should each focus on our core competencies and if it's not one of my core competencies, I have no choice but to outsource (to her)

Also last week, I was talking to two friends of ours who are, unfortunately, contemplating divorce. I went through the same shpiel and by virtue of so doing, made the husband look pretty good. Don't know if it will save the marriage though.

So, now, if Tamar asks me to do something, say clean up after dinner, I tell her that I have to decline simply because these relationships are built upon the fact that I am an insensitive and unthoughtful husband. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

I heard the term "American Spanish" for the first time yesterday. Now, "American English," I'd heard, but never "American Spanish."

It's obvious that Spanish is becoming the 2nd language of the US. I just wonder sometimes what that means. Will we become like Canada? Will there be some people who never learn English? Just fascinating to think about.

Back to real life....

We moved in on the 16th and then immediately hit the Holiday season. It was a great time to move, unpack, and get settled, but it was a little like a fantasyland. As we set up the house, we had plenty of time, we were spending money like it was going out of fashion-not on frivolous things, mind you-but just getting things set up.

My office is closed today, technically, but of course, people are working. Tomorrow is like the first day of school. Now, the long, hard process of actually paying for this house, of earning the right to live here is beginning.

A few years ago at my cousin Benjamin's bar-mitzvah, I had a conversation with his father, my first cousin, Leonard. We were on the topic of "the grass is always greener..." and he said, "don't ever think that, because everyone has 'their shit'". His were family medical problems. I think about this sometimes when I have to deal with certain challenges. Today, for example, I saw my brother in law, Ari Moskowitz, who doubles as my periodontist. He told me that I will need 2 additional surgical grafts this year to prevent the furthering deterioriation of my gumline. (I've already had two of these procedures.) Initially I bemoaned this setback, but then realized that "hey, this is just part of 'my shit.'" Hate to be crass, but I just think that Leonard's words are quite apropos.

Last week I saw the movie/documentary "Super Size Me." It addresses, in part, the growing problem of obesity in America.

I contrast this issue, which we see all around us, due in part, I suspect to our sedentary lifestyles (I spend most of my day in a car or behind a computer keyboard) with the people who have been helping me out with the house.

My contractor is in his mid-50's, as was the home inspector, and the foreman on the moving crew. These guys were all in GREAT shape. No secret why, but it was eye opening. They move briskly, look young, and smile a lot.

Perhaps a long time ago, truly manual labor, like working in the coal mines was a hard life. Now, with power tools and a bit of effort, as opposed to backbreaking effort, these guys live comfortable lives and they stay in shape.

Just something I thought was interesting.