On spending time with your kid(s)...
One of the things that I've struggled with most is the issue of balance between spending time with Calanit and spending time away from Calanit so that I can provide for her.
On the one hand, I look down the road and see these HUGE costs that are coming my way in terms of tuition, day care, hopefully more kids, etc. etc. etc.
On the other hand, I know that my daughter is growing up, and growing up fast. She's going to be one on Friday and I'll never have this time again.
She taught me a huge lesson the other day.
On Sundays, Tamar works all day and Calanit and I spend the day together. To be fair, more of it is Calanit going along with whatever I need to do, be it work, running errands, or dealing with the house. Well, not really what I need to do, but what I choose to do.
She's a great, low-maintenance kid and I don't want you to get the impression that I ignore her. We read, play, eat, and do many other things together, but there's plenty of time when she's in the room and I'm pre-occupied. Now, I don't think necessarily that every minute of every day needs to be centered on her, but I do need to be aware of the balance.
After a relatively busy day of running around and dealing with the electrician and locksmith, we came back and just lay down and started watching football. I was drained (since I also tend to stay up late on Sat. nights and now have to get up early on Sunday mornings), so I wasn't doing much with her.
She was getting fussy. I gave her a bottle. Didn't want it. I put her in her seat, didn't want to eat. I tried a bunch of things. Finally, I realized, "hey, she just wants me to pay attention to her." I did and we had a great time.
Even though she can't communicate verbally, she does communicate. What's more, she understands A LOT. I'll say "Touch Abba's nose" [Abba is father in Hebrew] and though we don't have a 100% success rate, she knows what to do. She really gets a lot of what you are telling her.
When Tamar was pregnant, I was in the habit of lying on the bed and talking to the fetus about my day. My first lecture was about Microsoft .Net and the importance of web services.
After she was born, however, here was an infant and I infantilized here (surprisingly enough). I've now swung back and will talk to her about whatever I want. Today, for example, I told her about the decision behind, and consequences of, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor (as it is December 7th-the 63rd anniversary of the event). I told her about my day and the challenges I'm working to overcome at work and regarding the anxiety of home ownership. It's fun to see her reaction. Then, of course, she can just be a kid and laugh when I hold an orange under my chin and let it roll down my chest.
I got a final dose of perspective when I called a long-time, dear friend, Jay Schwartzberg, who's celebrating his 43rd birthday today, but who has also been battling a brain tumor for about 7 years now. He's got an 11 and 7 year old. Very few people deliver perspective like Jay and he helped re-center my priorities around my life.