Listening to Youth: Letter to your Future Self

When you’re in your 20s, you tend to think you know everything. The challenge is that you don’t know when you don’t know something. As a result, you don’t shut up when you should and let people with more experience do it.

When you’re in your 40s, you’ve realized that you knew something in your 20s, but may have been naïve about other things. At the same time, you realize there are people in their 60s and 70s who know a hell of a lot more. The challenge is figuring out which is which.

And, I’m guessing, the challenge when you get into your 50s and 60s is that sometimes you overweight experience.

I have been wanting to write a letter to my future self to remind me that, once upon a time, I was in my 20s. I had a pretty good understanding of technology, the Internet, and what would be its impact on the world (although, I didn’t see all of it, of course). Where I was really naïve was in how to commercialize it, how long it would take, among other things, but I was on the right track.

So, I want my future self to know that, one day, I am going to meet a 20 year old who will be full of energy, talking about how the world will change and that, while he or she may be off on a few key things, s/he will be spot on about others.

I just hope I am wise enough to pay attention.

What’s wrong with this list?

I download the list of school supplies for my 3rd and 4th graders today and it made me sad. Here’s the list. Try to guess why.

Then, read at the bottom for my thoughts. Feel free to comment and tell me why I am wrong.

So, here’s why.

With the exception of a small number of items, it’s pretty much the same list I got when I was in 3rd grade.

Given the amount of innovation that has happened since then, I just find it really hard to believe that the tools necessary to get educated are the same.

It makes me very worried about whether my kids are getting as prepared as possible. With technology and globalization the competition is more intense and the need for great education is even higher.

Particularly acute given how much I am spending (granted that some of this cost is devoted to religious/cultural education, so I accept that).

Then, I saw my friend Mike’s status and I was envious:

In an email from my rising 6th grader's teacher: "Students will need daily internet access and a computer in order to complete their homework assignments." Oh, have times changed!

The Dead Presidents—Ohio Day 3

I had one of those “oh wait, I think so-and-so lives here” as we drove through suburban Cleveland.


I saw the Cleveland Clinic and remembered that a friend from college-whom I had not seen in 18 years-Sandhia Varyani, lived near by. So, I called her and got to see her-and introduce her to the kids. A nice side benefit.

As much fun as that was, it wasn’t our primary goal when we stayed in Solon, OH (named after a Greek leader? I should look).

The reason we selected it was because of its proximity to Mentor, OH, the home of America’s 20th President, James A. Garfield.

The Park Ranger was first rate and very kid-friendly in the hour long tour of the home. Garfield, who only made it to Day 200 of his Presidency before he was assassinated by a guy with delusions of grandeur, was extremely well read. His library had over 5,000 books and he could speak French and German as well as reading Latin and Greek.

The Junior Park Ranger program gave the kids some great activities as they went through the house and they also got a sense of what life was like in the 1880’s. The “deep dive” was just what we had in mind when we visited.
2.5 hours later, after a drive across central Ohio, we found ourselves in Marion, home of the 29th President, Warren G. Harding.  While the house was closed (we still counted it as a visit), we did get to sit on his porch and read some facts about him from Wikipedia (where else?)

Harding was known for many scandals during his administration and has consistently ranked near the bottom of US Presidents. However, it seems like some folks are now looking at his stance on the 8-hour work day, women’s issues, and Civil Rights to try and portray him in a different light.

Like Garfield and McKinley, he didn’t make it out of office…though he wasn’t assassinated.
We stopped at a great park on a beautiful day. It felt like Heartland America in small town America. Very quaint.

After sufficient energy was burned off, we drove to Columbus where we had some Graeter’s ice cream (I had to go with Buckeye flavor) and then spent some quality time with my cousins, Lee and Shelby Nathans.

Our Holiday Inn Express had a mini water park (slides and fountains, etc.), so we had a chance to catch up over pizza while the kids seriously frolicked. The NFO is on point during our trips for securing lodging and she rocks it when it comes to finding a place with a pool and a fridge…so we got to swim every night. (I also helped the kids understand why I like hot tubs).

The next morning-and our final official activity on the trip-took us to COSI-Columbus Museum of Science and Industry-which is definitely one of the best museums of its kind that I’ve seen.  The exhibits were fantastic and the bonus was that we had a chance to spend some time with the NFO’s cousin, Bruria Martin and her kids, who are living in Columbus for 2 years (from Israel). Outside, the kids had the opportunity to sit in some tractors, which they loved.

The kids are at a good age now. A degree of self-sufficiency that makes movement easier. They can cooperate and assist and with the iPads, they are generally placid for the ride.
All of this makes the ultimate objective-instilling curiosity and a passion for discovery-easier to accomplish.
The theme of “visiting the homes of Presidents” makes it easy for us to get motivated and have a core focus.
Whatever it is…I would call this trip a success.

Halls of Fame and Presidents—A Summer Road Trip to Ohio

A few years ago, after a visit to Jefferson’s home at Monticello and Madison’s at Montpelier, the kids developed an appreciation for history and excitement for the Presidents.

Somehow, we came up with the idea that a worthwhile goal would be to visit the home (or some place) associated with each President (and, no, the White House doesn’t count.)

So, when we were thinking about summer vacations, we were using this as a criteria and we discovered that Ohio has connection to 8 Presidents (albeit, some looser than others).

Still, it seemed like a good idea and when we combined our love of football (a visit to the Pro Football Hall of Fame) and Music (the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame), it seemed like a manageable trip.

Day 1 took us from DC to Canton and with summer hours going to 8, we were able to explore the Football HOF with plenty of time to spare. The kids-all of them-loved the history and the interactive exhibits. Even the NFO got into the swing of things.  Any time you have tablet computers and videos, you’re going to do well…which is exactly what happened.

I stopped to pay homage to Joe Gibbs and explain some of the great moments of the game. I am proud to say that it seems to have worked.

Once we were in Canton, OH, it was a very short hop to the William McKinley Memorial and Library. The 25th President was assassinated in 1901 and it’s interesting to think what would have happened if that hadn’t happened…his VP was Teddy Roosevelt.

The Memorial is built on a hill with a significant number of steps leading up to it. Entombed with him are his wife and 2 daughters who, sadly, died when before reaching age 4. It included an impressive biography of his life as well. Adjacent to the Memorial is the Presidential Center which had a mock “street” demonstrating what life looked like in the early 1900s…printing press, saloon, and all.

There was a also a great Science Center which the kids loved.

Afterwards, we headed to the First Ladies’ Historical Site, situated in the family home of Ida McKinley. Alas, it was closed on Monday, but we did get a chance to visit the gift shop, so all was not lost.

Moving at rapid pace, we then visited the Harry London chocolate factory, part of the Fannie Mae family (and now owned by 800Flowers.com) where we not only got to sample some great chocolate (of course), we had the chance to see it being made.  The kids LOVED this in all facets.

They’ve been great travelers, minimal complaints, and enjoying most visits. Of course, family trips with iPads and GPS aren’t what they used to be.

Since the point of this trip (and really all travel) is to widen horizons and instill curiosity, we figured a trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland would fit the bill (and, let’s be honest, I wanted to go there).

While the kids only really knew The Beatles and Elvis Presley (they were surprised that Carly Rae Jepsen and Beyonce weren’t in the HOF yet), they still had a great time. Even Paco (the erstwhile sports fan) said he had more fun at the R&R than at the Football HOF. Go figure.

The most fun part, if you ask me, of any visit is asking the kids what their favorite part was and hearing the unexpected answers, but walking through the big mouth/tongue to the Rolling Stones exhibit did make the cut.

We did have to navigate the museum with some care as (to be expected) there were a few exhibits/comments that weren’t, shall we say, family friendly…

I don’t think the guys picked up on it and we were no worse for the wear. At least now they know who the Rolling Stones are and I think they also know names like The Kinks, Supremes, Stevie Wonder, the Who, the Doors, and ZZ Top, so I would consider it successful.

Tomorrow is our next big Presidential day when we try to get James Garfield in Mentor, OH (interestingly enough, he was also assassinated) and Warren Harding in Merion.

Resilience

Beginning way back in 1998 when I read the book “Adversity Quotient,” I’ve settled on the idea that one of the key determinants for success (beyond talent and skills, etc.) is RESILIENCE.

The ability to dig deep, leave it all on the field, never give up, push on in the face of tremendous odds.

For me, the Tough Mudder was just a practice run for that in real life.

The latest book to drive that home came to me courtesy of my wonderful (seriously) mother-in-law.

It is called The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes - and Whyand provides anecdotes and evidence about why, ultimately, it’s resilience that matters when a disaster (9/11, Katrina, etc.) occurs.

Do you believe you will make it?

Have you thought about it in the past and previously practiced/convinced yourself that you will make it?

These are critical factors and traits I hope to instill in my kids. That’s why I was super proud when I saw Paco’s basketball camp report card…and the praise he got for pushing as hard as he did.

Shooting, dribbling, etc. All of that comes…but grit. That has to be cultivated.

And it seems like there is a good reason why.

Don’t take advice….

Thanks to a wonderful gift from my pal, Jacob, I’ve been reading/enjoying Jessica Hagy’s book How to Be Interesting: (In 10 Simple Steps)

I particularly liked this chart.

Perspective, courtesy of North Korean refugee

This is powerful.

Reminds you how lucky you are…and how unlucky some are.

 

Jesus’ Home Court Advantage

My son and his friends went to basketball camp at one of the local high school powerhouses last week, Good Counsel.

The actual name of the school is Our Lady of Good Counsel, but somewhere along the line, they misread the sign and started calling it “OLD Lady of Good Counsel.”

But that’s only half the story.

They began to discuss who would win in various sports contests: God or Jesus.

They concluded that, because He is all-powerful, God would be able to take Jesus in basketball, golf, and, well, most events.

However, when asked, “what if the basketball game was played at Good Counsel?” Paco had an astute answer.

“I think God would still win, but it would be close because Jesus would have home court advantage.”

Big Finish

Sometimes you just have to document the funny moments.

I took the girls to the pool the other day and Nadia was enjoying jumping off the side, spread-eagled into the water before swimming over to me.

I told her, “ok, two more.”

She did one, climbed out of the pool and announced, “Time for the BIG FINISH!!”

She’s 5.5.

Good stuff.

1 degree of separation from Chuck D, Flavor Flav, and Public Enemy

I pride myself on my networking skills, but I have to say, I have now taken it to a whole new level.

At the pool the other day, I overhead a couple chatting and made an inserting remark into their conversation.

We got to talking and it turns out that the guy is a member of the rap group, Public Enemy.

James “Bomb” Allen (should I call you “Mr. Bomb?”) and I had a long chat about the history of rap and who the artists they most respected were (Run DMC, LL Cool J, and Beastie Boys) and some of the craziest moments in the band’s history (Redding UK festival where they had no idea where Flavor Flav was and then he just came flying onto the stage).

We also talked about the anti-Semitic controversy in the early 90’s (all a misunderstanding, apparently, according to James.)

Seriously cool guy and down to earth. So was his wife. It was a fun peek into a group that has impacted America.

And all the while, our kids are playing in the pool.

And, in the “street cred” department…before this, I was one step removed from ppl like Obama and Netanyahu, but these are easy.

Now, I’m one degree from Chuck D and Flavor Flav.

BTW, you can follow James on Twitter, if you want.

My 9.5 Year Old on Boys vs. Girls

It's one thing for me to say that men are simple and women are, well, a bit more complex. Not a bad thing, just more complex.

However, it's another thing for my 9 year old daughter.

"Daddy, how come boys have it so easy and girls make things so difficult?

For boys, all you have to do is give them a football and they are happy. With girls, there's always someone fighting or upset with someone. We can't even walk around the track without someone getting upset with someone else."

As her dad, I do my best to help her navigate life's challenges. On this one, I didn't really have an answer.

A Question About Zimmerman Case from a Guy Who Didn’t Really Follow It

I will be the first to say that I didn’t follow the Martin/Zimmerman trial at all.

I heard about it when the shooting occurred and then, believe it or not, didn’t hear anything until Sat. night when Facebook exploded with comments.

So, I really don’t know that much about the particulars of the case. So, in reality, everything after this could be ignorance in a bottle.

That being said, I saw my friend Tjada’s comment and there was something that troubled me about it. (Truth be told, there were others along this line, but this one stood out…Also, Tjada and I go way back on discussing tough issues, so I know she can handle it

For the sake of argument, let’s just all agree for now that the Zimmerman verdict was a total miscarriage of justice.

Here’s where I am running into issues.

If the Zimmerman verdict was a miscarriage of justice and let’s say that race did play a factor, does that necessarily mean that all courts, police officers, and prosecutors are racially biased?

And, isn’t reaching that conclusion the very essence of the Zimmerman case, in some way? (or at least how I understand it).

From what I can gather Zimmerman saw a young black man and immediately drew a generalized conclusion “young black man in wrong neighborhood can only be up to no good” because of a stereotype he had formed.

So, is it equally dangerous to have an incident where one court case in one city in one state that involves the murder of a black man has a miscarriage of justice and then automatically assume that all court cases where a black man is the victim are, by definition, going to be equally unfair/corrupt, etc.?

I suppose I am thinking that the reaction to the court case is precisely because of the danger of stereotypes, yet a statement like ‘scared for all black boys’ implies a stereotype that there’s no real justice in the court system anywhere in America.

Or, maybe I am just missing something here on a deeper level? Definitely possible and won’t be the first time, so help me understand.

Always Eat Left-Handed-Read the Book

My friend, Rohit, has done it again.

I’m often asked about tips and suggestions for being more efficient in my personal/professional life and in engaging others in conversation.

What Rohit has done in his latest book, Always Eat Left Handed: 15 Surprisingly Simple Secrets Of Success is package up many of his tips (which are similar to mine) in a fun, easy to read book. I put the whole thing away in about 3 short sittings and found myself nodding in full agreement (with 1 or 2 exceptions).

What I like about Rohit (as you’ll see in my reviews of his previous books Personality Not Included and Likeonomics) is his refreshing style of writing (it has a lot of personality) and the practicality of his advice.

This one is in Kindle format, is pretty cheap, and will make an immediate impact.

Parenting, the fear of failure, and my failure…

Some of you may recall my challenge 2 years ago when I was trying to help Tonka get over her fear of going down the slide at the pool.

Your advice then was: “back off.”

Well, I’ve failed on that one.

On Friday, July 5th, the girls had camp, so Paco and I decided we would go to Six Flags and have a “guys day.”

We went on a roller coaster and some water slides. Then, we confronted the “Tornado,” which meant we would be in a tube, do a decent sized drop, and fly up the wall on the other side.

When we got to the top—and there was no line!—Paco said he was scared.

I wanted him to confront his fears. I told him….”it’s ok to be afraid, it’s not ok to be paralyzed by fear.”

It may sound melodramatic, but I have a nagging sense that if I let him (or any of my kids) let fear stand in their way, that it will become a habit.

Frankly, I don’t have much patience for adults who can’t get over irrational fears.

At its essence, this is one of my core fathering responsibilities, in my opinion.

We had a 20 minute stand-off at the top of the ride.

He was crying, I was tense. I tried to cajole, empathize, threaten, force, and bribe him…eventually, I lost and we walked down.

Honestly, I felt like a failure.

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Maybe next year he’ll be fine.

What I don’t want is a 25 year old son who can’t get over his unnecessary fears so that he can accomplish what that of which he is truly capable.

You tell me the word…

Need a word to describe this situation: 

I'm sitting on a train (i.e. public place) and there's a dude talking way too loudly on his cell phone. I look at the woman across from me and we don't say anything, but it's pretty clear that we're both thinking, "why the heck does this guy have to talk so loud on his phone?"

So, the word I'm looking for describes the moment when you and a total stranger have a moment of non-verbal connection and you both know that you both are thinking the exact same thing.

And Poof, It’s Gone

In the past 2 months, Nadia (age 5.5) has exploded as a reader. She’s also figured out how to shower herself.

So bedtime, which used to consist of the NFO and me giving baths and reading books, has morphed somewhat.

We’ll still read a book to her on occasion, but more often than not, she’s reading to us or just to herself.

All those years of giving baths to the kids have come to an end.

Sure, on occasion, we’ll still do it, but it’s more the exception than the rule now.

I’m ok with it. After all, I didn’t plan on giving them baths at age 25, so it had to end sometime. Still, appreciate the milestone.

On to the next one

Another Reason to Blog…

Elysa Coles Sicard.

Well, sort of.

You see, Elysa and I knew each other when we were both students in Japan in 1997. We saw each other once after that when she lived in DC, but it’s been at least 12 or 13 years…if not more.

She’s been living in Poland and now in France.

We talk every 4 years or so.

The other day was one of them and I was astounded as she recollected and commented on blog posts and observations I had made over the years.

The blog served as a social glue, of sorts, connecting us as friends over time and distance of conversations. Asynchronous friendships. Not the real-time stuff of Facebook, but deeper, allowing her to reflect and ruminate on what I had written and then talk about it live.

There are days when I look at the blog traffic and think, “well, hardly anyone reads,” but then I remind myself that the personal blog is not a professional blog.

It’s a repository for friends to peruse when they feel like it and whether it is one or one hundred posts, it’s a chance to build the connection.

Thank you, Elysa for reminding me of that.

Father-Daughter Tea Party and Solar Exploration…

For the 4th year in a row, Tikkanen and I hosted a Father-Daughter Tea Party. Inspired by the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, we decided it was a great opportunity to have quality 1:1 time and help her friends and their fathers do the same…and serve my special “extra cheesy Mac and Cheese.”

As is our custom, we went around the table and each father/daughter combination said 1 or a few things about the other which s/he appreciated. What was interesting is how the girls have become more comfortable speaking up over the years.

We also had some activities that included:

• decorating cookies together
• making souvenir t-shirts
• writing inspiring notes for each other on stickers
• painting fingernails (well, the dads didn’t get their nails painted, but hey)

These year, we also extended the party into a Solar City House Party, thanks to our pals at Solar City. Each guest had a nice tote bag, made from recycled plastic and we had an opportunity to talk about solar power (albeit not a huge amount b/c, well, 3rd grade girls and solar power are not necessarily the best combination, though it did look like some of the cookies had solar-inspired designs) However, the dads got a big of info and the packet came with a solar power worksheet, some napkins (“Go Solar!”) and a DVD…which we didn’t watch, I’ll admit.

So, this was the first year that the Tea Party had a sponsor and I want to thank Solar City for that. I have to say…from a branding perspective, it’s brilliant because now, with a highly competitive field of solar providers, I think Solar City is moving to the front of the pack in terms of name recall and awareness. Two of the dads are going to investigate for their roofs, so there you go.

Afterwards, I did take a few minutes to explain to Tonka about how solar works.

Anyway, that was a nice side benefit. The real benefit is spending quality time with the girls particularly as they get older, staying involved in a meaningful way, and showing them that it is in fact possible to have a good time with your friends even if the napkins don’t match with the tablecloth and when you serve mac and cheese out of a big bowl.

Allowing Part of Your Life to Waste Away...

Had a demoralizing talk with a longtime friend when I was in New York the other day.

He's been practicing corporate law for almost 20 years. Big Law, as they say, at a firm. Hasn't made partner and finds really no joy in his work.

As he said, "I don't look to work to provide me inspiration."  He has 3 kids, all in private school, and despite jumping around to a few firms, has never been able to find his groove.

In short, he's stuck.

It's sad, but I get where he's coming from. He's got a lifestyle now that requires the income he makes-even if he isn't excited about it-so he can't go anything about it.

I imagine there are parts of most people's lives that feel this way. It could be work, relationships, health, or psychological.

I listened to him and wished I could help him with some sage advice, but what should I tell him?

Obviously, he wants to be satisfied and challenged to his potential...he's that kind of guy...but he's not and, well, I don't see what he could do to bust out of the cycle and fulfill his obligations at the same time.

What am I missing here?

Honoring the True Heroes on Father's Day

If I am not mistaken, the first and only time I visited the World War II Memorial before today was with my grandfather, Stanley Robinson, on Father's Day, 2006.

To honor his memory and his service, I thought it would be nice to take the kids down there today. The two older ones had gone last time, but were too young to remember, and the youngest wasn't born yet.

It gave me a chance to remember him and reflect on his heroism while flying in planes over China, surviving 75 missions, and tell my kids about the sacrifices of the "Greatest Generation."

While we there, we were privileged to see a number of vets who had flown in on the Southwest Airlines Honor Flight (this one from New England) and receive a hero's welcome. It brought tears to my eyes.

Being a father can be a heroic undertaking, but standing in the shadows of these men makes you really appreciate the meaning of the word.

Here's the video.