A friend of mine has been going to her husband’s family’s Thanksgiving celebration for every year they have been married (over 10).
Last year, shortly after the holiday, we were discussing the fact that she never had the opportunity to spend the holiday with her own family.
She wanted to.
I suggested to her that she “hold on to that feeling” and 6 months before Thanksgiving, announce to the family that she would like to do something a bit different this year.
Otherwise, when it was too close to the holiday, she would just “cave” and end up going, despite her own wishes.
I should add that Thanksgiving at her in-laws is a BIG deal, with over 30 people from multiple generations and branches attending.
So, I gave her the strategy and she executed.
Made a note on her calendar and reached out to her mother-in-law, well in advance.
The response?
Not so warm.
Mixed, actually.
Her husband’s grandparents took it in stride. “Life happens, goes on” was kind of their philosophy.
Her mother-in-law was pretty hurt.
Her husband’s cousins were FURIOUS!
“You’ve ruined the holiday!”
“You won’t ever be forgiven!”
Now, many others have taken the attitude, “well, if she and her family aren’t coming, maybe we won’t” and the family tradition could be at an end.
On the one hand, maybe it was well past time for it to end.
On the other, maybe she (and I, indirectly) should have just left it alone.