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What is about sports teams that makes us experience events vicariously?

When I was a kid, I lived and died with the fortunes of the Washington Redskins. At some point, that changed, and when I got to college, I became a die-hard fan of the Johns Hopkins lacrosse team. As the only Division 1 sport at the school and with a very proud legacy (more national titles than any other school), we had reason to be optimistic.

Yet, the championship eluded us every year since 1987. An unbearable 18 years passed before we ascended to the top spot this past Monday.

What’s worse is that each spring was filled with hope and the team performed quite well in the regular season. Frequently, we were #1 and in my senior season, er, year, we were undefeated (I went to every game that year-home AND away). Yet, we’d always run into a “hot” goalie or some other obstacle that would cause us to lose. Each spring would start with the best beliefs and end with a “next year.”

This year, however, was “next year.”

This year, we were coached by a returning son, who had played on the last championship team and whose sole mission was to restore Hopkins to its rightful place at the top of college lacrosse.

On Saturday, we faced a familiar nemesis, UVA, which had quashed our most recent hopes in the Finals 2 years ago. After a miraculous come from behind victory, we encountered a newcomer to the upper echelons of the college lacrosse world, Duke, which had motive for revenge following a close defeat one month prior as well as possessing the nation’s best offense.

Yet somehow, this year, we had the “hot” goalie and in a game that was in doubt until the very end, we came out on top.

During the entire game, my heart was pounding. I was jumping for joy when we scored. I wore my jersey. The kid in me lived on. I reconnected with people I hadn’t talked to in a while simply because my, no ‘our’ team had become the champions.

We didn’t score a goal, play defense, or attend practice, yet somehow, I feel this victory is as much mine as the guys who played.

Why is that? What is it about the allegiance to a sports team that creates this emotional bond?

Decisiveness vs. Impulsiveness

In his book, "Only the Paranoid Survive," Andy Grove, the former CEO of Intel suggests that one of the most common mistakes in business (and arguably in life) is waiting too long to make a decision. Usually, people know what they have to do, but for emotional reasons, can't bring themselves to do it.

I try to take this to heart, but sometimes I feel like in my rush to make a decision, I don't always think through all of the options.

The other day, I had a guy out to my house to clean my chimney. He told me that the chimney was fine, but the liner was cracked and it would cost a chunk of money to repair it.

I said "yes," without even really thinking it over or getting another estimate just because I wanted it done.

Upon further reflection, I realized I had made a mistake. This was not something that had to be done right now, I just wanted it over with and didn't really think it through.

Now, I've got to undo it.

Man, it seems like I keep saying that the challenge is balance between 2 extremes!

Becoming the Corporate Yuppie

I've become the guy I resented.

I will explain. Having grown up as a die-hard Redskins fan, one of the things I used to love was going to the games at RFK stadium (a dingy, old, dirty place) with my brothers. IT was like going camping. We wore jeans, boots, and sweatshirts to the game.

In the early 90's the team moved to a new stadium and we went to the first game there, dressed as we always did.

When we got there, we saw that the environment had changed. I can still see a guy in his dockers and loafers with his cell phone and I was thinking, "man, this place has gone all corporate!" The real fans were left in SE DC.

Well now, a few years down the road, I find myself taking business associates to game and dressing that way. I was at Camden Yards a few weeks ago and next week, I am going back to RFK-the corporate yuppie has returned.

I've spent a LOT of time thinking, studying, and reading about the Holocaust. Lived in Germany. Visited concentration camps. Talked with survivors. It's a subject that can't be comprehended intellectually, in my opinion.

This afternoon, as my daughter was taking her nap, I took a moment to watch a documentary that a former babysitter of mine had produced based on the diaries of children survivors and non-survivors of the Holocaust.

One scene is etched into my mind. It was parents putting their young children on a train to save them from the coming Nazi menace, knowing that in all likelihood, they would never see their kids again.

I thought about my daughter upstairs and a new wave of emotion, one I had never experienced before when thinking about the Holocaust, overcame me. As a father, I now had an even deeper appreciation for the pain that people must have felt as they did everything they could to keep their children safe.

When she woke up, I told her how much I loved her, and gave her a big kiss and hug. And I just read this entry to her while she is having her dinner.

Whoa! I never realized how fast grass grows.

The lawn guy quoted me $500 for the entire summer and I thought about it, but at this stage, I've got to go with the philosophy that I point my money towards things that reduce costs and improve value. I can cut my own lawn (and ok, for a few days, the grass is really long), but resources are limited and need to be allocated wisely.

If there's one thing I've learned as a homeowner, it's that there's no end to the amount of money you can spend on upkeep of your home.

Calanit Says "No"

Somehow, my daughter has figured out how to say "NO." And she says it to everything, no matter what.

"Time to go to sleep."
"No!"

"Want to eat now?"
"No!"

Finally, I had a good time saying things like:
"how about you stay up all night and forget about your bath?"
"NO!"

"Ok," I said, "we can work with that."

I guess kids require some creativity. :-)

Balancing Present vs. Future Consumption

I minored in Economics in college and that subject definitely helps shape my perspective on the world. I remember from one of my classes, Macro, I think, that the trade-off between present and future consumption lies at the core of the discipline.

For many years, I was motivated by future consumption. I saved...relentlessly, thinking about the big expenses I would face down the road. Perhaps it was taught by my parents to me...deferred gratification or something like that, but I was very disciplined about it. I'm glad, because in many ways, it has made some of the things I've acquired less stressful.

On the other hand is present consumption. Now, I don't think I consume wantonly or just for the sake of consumption (at least I don't think I do), but as I've matured (or maybe just gotten older), I see that life is fragile and while we do need to live/save for the future, there is something to be said for rewarding ourselves in the present, because, as you know, you never know when it will end.

I don't mean to be morbid, of course, it's just a fact. The real challenge that I see is, as with everything, what's the balance? What is "instant gratification" or irrational consumption versus a legitimate enjoyment of the fruits of your labor. You can always say "I'll need the money later" and you will, but sometimes later never comes. Obviously, there's the flip side.

I just want to be responsible to myself today and myself tomorrow. Tough one.

You can view things as transactions or a chance to build a lasting relationship. It's your choice.

Went to my 10 year college reunion on Saturday night and I'm really glad I did.

It's great to have these periodic check-ins with people who affected (to varying degrees) the person I have become.

It's also interesting to see how different lives are playing out. Some people...well, they are doing exactly what I thought they would be doing. Others, a bit less so, and others, well, their lives are nowhere where I'd thought they be. This is great, because it forces me to think about judging people too early.

I was very glad to see many of these folks. It occured to me that the people who do take the time to come to reunions are those who view college as a relationship, not as a transaction, and frankly, we're all better off that way. Good for us, that we valued our time there and we made friends, developed into the people we are becoming, and continue to learn from each other.

The Knowledge Economy

Listening recently to a series of lectures on economics by a professor at U of Minnesota. It's gotten me thinking about how to stay competitive in the "Knowledge Economy."

It's clear from the data that those w/more education tend to receive higher wages. The question though is: what type of education? When is the right time? How do you know that you're going after the right credentials? Which credentials are the best?

Staying Hungry

I read an article recently by Tom Friedman in the NYT called, "The World is Flat." It's about the increasing competition from places like India and the hunger that people there have for the American lifestyle.

Meanwhile, in America, it's easy to get soft. I mean, you have your Tivo, er, Media Center PC (a Microsoft product), you have entire industries catering to leisure activities, and you think you are entitled to things like vacation, cheap gas, and Internet service. With the affluence that many of us have (we may not be super rich and of course we have monetary concerns, but we're not starving and many of our basic and advanced needs aremet), is it easy to get soft?

The question then: how do you keep hungry? Money is, to some extent a motivator, but who's going to give more of himself, the immigrant off the boat (or the remote technician in Bangalore) who is trying to save enough money to buy a house or send his kid to college, or the Ivy league educated lawyer who's got a house, 2 cars, takes vacations to Europe, and does yardwork on the weekends for fun?

For a while, that works. But Friedman points out that the challenges we face are greater now, there is more competition and you can't stand still. The paradigm for "making it" and having a career have changed. I've been told that when people reach a certain age or status, they start to "coast." Friedman's point is, you can never coast.

Is knowing that enough? How do you convince others?

I read about high school kids who drink and use drugs and have wild parties and wonder if that's symptomatic of having too much affluence. Are the other kids who have to prove themselves, learn English or whatever, going out and partying or are they home studying?

I saw a friend last night who's a bright guy, roughly my age, who said, "I don't read anymore. When I come home from a hard day's work, I want to be entertained, so I watch 24."

Some TV is good, but are we entitled to entertainment? I'm wondering if there's another guy who wants my friend's job is out there studying up on the field, thinking up the next big idea, and while 24 is on, is going to put my friend's livelihood on the line.

Maybe I've read too much of Andy Grove's "Only the Paranoid Survive."

One barrier to adoption of Vonage is the possible lack of “always on” phone.

We lost our Comcast for about 12 hours…and though we’re used to it, it’s still annoying. I think the ‘average user” is just not going to put up with that uncertainty, particularly when you’ve come to expect 100% uptime from your dial tone service.

Just a thought.

During WWII, the Flying Tigers were a group of US airmen stationed in India and SW China who were responsible for bombing the Japanese out of mainland China. My grandfather was a bombardier in that group.

Twice now, I've met immigrants from mainland China who, after learning that my grandfather was a Flying Tiger, reached over to me, vigorously and earnestly shook my hand, and said, multiple times, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

What a show of gratitude. What a contrast to the way we are viewed by the Europeans or the South Koreans.

Core Competency

We hear the term “core competency” thrown around a lot. I think about what my personal core competency should be so as to maximize my value to others over the long haul.

For a while now, I’ve said that “Change is the only constant,” and I think I’ve hit on what skill I am seeking to refine: Versatility.

Exactly how to do that? Maybe next entry.

I know she's young, but I've started to think about the balance between my goals and dreams for Calanit and the fact that, when all's said and done, she's got to live her own life.

I've been reading some articles recently about the pending knowledge worker battle that is happening between folks in the Western world and folks in China, India, Russia. The basic theory is that the West is getting soft on math and science. I was thinking how I'd love the Pooka to develop strengths in those areas so she can ultimately compete in the tougher job market that is invariably coming.

Of course, I know she's going to do what she's passionate about (as she should) and live her own life, but then again, I can be a positive force for her in giving her some wisdom/perspective, without making her feel like she's suffocating, right?

Calanit and I explored a very large park that is basically in our backyard. We discovered a large lake and at that point, I took her out of the stroller to let her walk around a bit and stretch her legs. At one point, as I was taking pictures of her, with the lake in the background, I saw the sun glimmering off of water at just the right angle that I couldn't help but I think I was living in an Impressionist painting. I had the emotion at that moment that those artists, I think tried to convey.

As we saw the various flowers, trees, people, dogs, and more and I rejoiced at the excitement of Calanit seeing it all for the first time, I wondered if one of the roles that kids and grandkids play is to give adults a periodic "refresh" for how we look at the world.

It seems like it is so easy to get worn down by life, get jaded, and become withdrawn, but with kids, we have the option to get fully engaged, to enrich them, and in so doing, enrich ourselves and go through our own re-birth, if you will.

Kids know nothing, formally, about competition, but parents do. We ran into a 17 month old girl who had, by comparison, a very strong vocabulary. Calanit understands a ton, but really doesn't have more than a few words she says. Mostly she points and gets what she wants. It was all I could to hold back and remember, 'every kid is different and I'm sure that Calanit is doing fine," but still, for a moment, I felt the tinge of jealousy.

On the ride back, Calanit, as if motivated by the other kid, was really trying to 'find her voice.' I have an audio if you're interested, but it was as if she was a singer warming up before a show. Very cute.

A magical weekend, made even more so by my wonderful daughter.

Life Travels

In my 20's, I was fortunate to travel to many countries around the world. I loved the thrill of a new culture and new experiences. I was confident that one of the best ways to broaden your perspective was through jaunts to faraway lands.

That may be true, but I've realized another one.

It's the travels into the depths of your soul that comes from watching your child grow; from the feelings that come about when you have quiet moments alone and there's just music playing in the background and you think about the future, but not your own, somebody else's. This journey into the land of perspective helps you empathize with others, want to make the world a better place, and to treat others with kindness.

I loved my days globetrotting, but now I'm soul-diving.

It's difficult to quantify how painful it is to watch Calanit in so much pain. It's probably some equation like

Take the most emotionally challenging experience of my life...

and multiply it by about 10,000

I feel so bad for her. She's in pain, doesn't know what's going on with her or why we won't let her have some of her normal foods. She's on the mend since Monday, but still not 100% and every few hours, has a bout of intestinal gas that causes her to writhe in pain.

It's all Tamar and I can do to just hold her...and cry for our inability to do anything to help her.

When we first had Calanit, someone told us that one of the most painful things you ever experience as a parent is when you have a sick child..."the whole world stops."

Well, we made it about 16.5 months before Calanit had any really serious sickness, but yesterday and today, she's had it bad. Throwing up, diarrhea, the whole nine yards and man, it is the worst. There's not much we can do for you and we just feel terrible. It's not that we don't think she'll overcome it, we're sure she will, it's just hat we hate to see her suffering.

It's really tough to watch and what's worse is, I know we'll have many more (and probably worse) of these.

The previous owner of our house was a mechanical (or electrical, I can't remember) engineer. It was clear that he did a pretty good job of upkeep around the house and probably knew every inch of it. He prided himself on doing a lot of the maintenance work himself.

Every time I do something manual or handy, I say "the spirit of Joel Cohen lives on."

Since we moved in, we've been installing the X-10 system (or I should say, it's been installed) which allows for remote control of the lights throughout the house. Most of the work was done by our contractor.

Two weeks ago, he installed the final light (the one which enables the outside lights to go on at dusk and off at dawn-automatically-throughout the year--it's calibrated to the latitude and longitude of the house), but in doing so, he made it impossible to turn on the dining room light.

Initially, I called him to repair it, but then I thought, "hey, if I'm the captain of this ship, I've got to know how to fix it all" (and this came on top of the fact that I'd spent many hours the week before up in the attic, repairing some insulation work). I shut off the electricity, opened up the switch, diagrammed it in color, made some hypotheses, tested, and eventually enabled all 4 lights that came together there, to work perfectly.

The spirit of Joel Cohen lives on....

"Uncle John's Band" by the Grateful Dead contains some lyrics that have provided me comfort during times of transition.

It goes:
"Well, the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more. Cuz when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door."

When I first arrived in Germany in September, 1995, I recited these words as I struggled to overcome the challenges of being in a foreign country, not knowing anybody, and not really speaking the language.

I've thought of these words once again recently as I've started to come to terms with the challenges, mostly financial, of homeownership. Can we really do it? All of the things that are coming down the road at us?

I think about the first days being the hardest, take a breath, and move on.