Paradigm Shift

I remember when I first learned the word 'paradigm.' I was in a Maryland state summer 'gifted and talented' program during High School.

The instructor showed us a new type of bicycle seat (one pad for each butt cheek) and talked about a new paradigm.

Recently, I bought a Media Center PC, which is a computer, but also a TV w/TiVo like functionality.

It still hasn't sunk in yet that the way I watch TV is changing, yet slowly it is.

I do pull-ups three times a week and usually do something in between each set (say write a few emails or what have you.) Last night, I was watching West Wing and at some point, it dawned on me that I didn't have to wait for the commercial to do the next set. I just paused it and was off, then returned. Same thing for when the phone rang.

Paradigm shift. What does it mean? Not sure entirely, but very cool.

Launched an unprovoked snowball attack on my neighbors this afternoon. Made me feel old and young at the same time.

They have 4 kids and three of them were outside. The 10, 7, and 5 year old. I had a great time playing with them. It was a fun way to let off some steam. Made me feel young.

During the course of the "fight," I noticed they never really came after me. I asked why they weren't attacking me. The eldest asked, "is it ok if we come in your yard?"

Man, now I'm the old guy who owns the yard next door. Made me feel old.

A new 'best practice' I discovered. Take digital pictures of the items you want to address before you go to Home Depot. I got a huge pat on the back for that one today.

Friends and Longevity

Read an article once on a research project indicating a link between elderly people who successfully avoided Alzheimers and who also maintained highly active social lives and many friends.

I look at my grandparents (85 and 83) who, thank G-d, are 100% with us and whose social life is more active than most college students. They go out, easily, 5 times a week and invest heavily in their friends and friendships.

Since Tamar and I moved to Silver Spring, we have been blessed to meet many, many wonderful people. Our primary socializing activity is shared meals on the Sabbath, either Friday night or Saturday lunchtime. We typically have 4-6 adults and the same number of children over. These obviously require a ton of preparation work and are not the most inexpensive things to do.

Today, we had one of those gatherings and I really felt a blessing. I saw 5 or 6 girls (all girls today) playing in the various rooms of the house and looked around the table at the adults, our friends, and thought about the investment we were making (in time and money :-) in these relationships and, honestly, it just felt good.

I'm very financial focus and tend to think in terms like ROI, payback period, and cost-effectiveness. Much like children, quantifying the ROI on the dollar investment isn't easy, but you just know it's worth it...it's worth more than money, obviously (that's the thing I have to remind myself when I see the credit card grocery bill) and if it pays off in the long run in terms of longevity and mental clarity, well, there's another priceless ROI calculation.

"Life is a never-ending series of challenges, but I think it is designed that way."

Walking....almost.

We're getting close. She prances around the house with her little mini-walker device. If you hold her hand with only one finger, she can walk around. Yesterday, she took 4 steps on her own.

I have to say I love when she's awake, but when I'm putting her to sleep and I rock her back and forth in my arms and she puts her tired head on my shoulder...that's a feeling of eternity.

I get a bit emotional every time that happens as I think about the flash in time that will occur when she will be going to school, college, and getting married, which is why I cherish these moments all the more.

Taxes and Tahara

What are life’s only guarantees?

 

On Sunday, I dealt with both of them. I spent the bulk of the afternoon assembling all of the various 1099’s, W2’s, etc. and in the evening went to perform a Tahara as part of the Chevra Kadisha.

 

The Chevra Kadisha is the Jewish burial society which has the solemn duty of ritually preparing the deceased for a Jewish burial. The Tahara means the purification process.

 

I’d done it once before, but in a billion years, I never would have thought I would do it for a former teacher of mine. He died of a sudden heart attack in his 50’s and was ostensibly in good health. He was svelte and was an active basketball referee.

 

Anyway, it sure makes you think. Not only that no matter what you do from a health perspective are you not immune from the inevitability of death, but as we spend so much time focused on the day to day banalities that there are much larger forces at work and you never know when your time is up.

 

Balancing the need for accomplishment on a day to day basis with the looming inevitability of certain death…at a time which no human predict, now that is a worthwhile life goal.

The Epitome of Homeownership

A few weeks ago, it was pouring rain. It was early Saturday morning and I turned to Tamar and remarked about how beautiful and nice it was to have a warm house and a roof over our heads during this tremendous storm.

I walked over to the window to see how intense the rain was, put my hand down...into a pool of water. A small hole in the top of the window frame was leaking.

Homeownership in a nutshell.

OK, a test of who really reads the blog (many claim to, but this should separate the wheat from the chaff).

We're having another baby. Due in August.

the price of heat...

When we moved into the house, I told myself that I'd take 3 months to just let things happen w/o worrying about money. I needed to get some sort of baseline.

I know that winter is obviously the time of the year when heating bills will be largest. I've prepared by putting storm doors on each entrance, adding insulation to the attic. We have 2 pane windows as well.

I got my first heating bill last month and it was 300. I was taken aback, but stayed calm-true to my word. I responded and set the thermostat to be lower during the day when we weren't at home and frankly, it was low when we were at home. Today, I am shell shocked. The bill came for 500! I am thinking "holy crap, I can't afford to live in this house." I have no idea how this happened and I wouldn't say I'm panicking, but I am quite concerned.

I'm open to ideas...or maybe this is just what heating costs these days.

I did put out a request for an energy efficiency audit, but the firm doesn't check the proper functioning of the furnace or hot water heater. Something is wrong, I think (I hope).

Thoughts?

Excerpt from a letter to a friend...

“I owe you an apology that it has taken this long to respond. As I am sure you know, once you have kids (and a house for that matter), most things you’d really like to do take a back seat. Just the other day, however, Tamar (my wife) sent me one of the fwd’s (attached) that said, basically: “appreciate your friends and do it today,” so that has motivated me to take a moment out of my Sunday (which is my 1-1 day w/Calanit, my daughter, since Tamar works) to write to you.

We’ve had a good day, but now I need some quiet time for myself. I am gearing up for the Super bowl, which means I’ll watch it as I work.

I think the thing I struggle most with these days is, plain and simple, balance. Though I guess that’s a constant, but now it’s more pronounced as I certainly don’t want to miss my daughter growing up and I realize that long term, the time I spend with her now is the best thing for her, but of course, I have the pragmatic considerations of bills and mortgage. I do my best to “be here now” and focus on her, but sometimes, I will admit, the more mundane aspects of life get in my way. Trying to keep it in perspective, not always successful.”

Strange as it may sound, sometimes I feel unworthy to be Calanit's father. This kid is just so good and pleasant. She's got a tremendous smile and a great curiosity.

Today, I organized a "Father's Helper" Day. Tamar works on Sundays and sometimes, well, I just run out of steam, so I enlisted the aid of 2 5-year olds to come over and play with Calanit. It was met with varying success and I think next time, we'll have two of them at the same time, since it's tough to get them excited about interacting with a 13 month old for too long.

Anyway, it was very cute and emotional to see how she interacted with the "big girls" and how she really wanted to be involved with what they were doing. I kind of imagined that in a flash, she'd be their age and I wouldn't be carrying her around anymore.

I try really hard to focus on her and give her attention. To stimulate her. Sometimes the banal demands of life, like working... take my focus away. I feel bad about that, but it's such a tough balance and there's so much I want to provide for her, but at the same time, I know that time is what I can provide the most and when she's young, is when it's the most important.

She's so good to me and sometimes I just feel like I don't reciprocate the way I should.

the Ocean of Life

I’ve traveled a lot in my day. Been to 50 countries or so. It’s part of my identity.

 

However, those days are behind me. In one of the trade-offs of life, I’ll be staying home for a while, figuring out how to pay for this thing and keep my family well protected.  

 

I guess I kind of look at the house as the ship that will carry us as we travel the Ocean of Life. This is my/our newest, biggest adventure yet.

 

One day, many years from now, I'm sure all of the new technologies I've acquired this week will be taken for granted. They'll just be a part of my day to day lives and the excitement I'm feeling right now will be a part of my past.

But for now, I am living in the moment, and really enjoying the wave of adrenaline.

For 4 years, Tamar and I were living with a 13" TV. We finally upgraded to a nice 32" one.

I also bought my first computer in 4 years, a Media Center PC, which allows me to watch, record, and pause TV, as well as manage pictures and music. It's quite impressive. I've been staying up to all hours just playing with it.

Now, I know that life is not about material things, but it's nice to be able to enjoy things and get benefit from them, when you can.

Kids and money...

As you may know, Tamar and I both come from large families. We were talking the other night about the number of kids we’d like to have (nothing to announce).

I said, “look, assuming I make it to 80 or 90, I know the greatest thing in the world will be to be surrounded by kids and grandkids. I also know that kids are expensive, so while the end will be awesome, I’m going to be stressed about money pretty much every step of the way.”

On helping out around the house...

I was speaking to a younger colleague of mine the other day and she was telling me how she was a bit concerned about her boyfriend. She suggested that he wasn't sensitive or thoughtful enough.

She asked me about my relationship with Tamar. When I was done telling her what I do and do not do, she said, "you know, I feel a lot better about Will now. I think I've been too hard on him."

Some of the winning examples include:
1. Tamar likes getting flowers on Friday afternoon before the Sabbath. When we lived in NYC, I was great at accomplishing this goal. Now, however, after a few weeks of failing when we first moved here, Tamar buys her own flowers and says they are from me.
2. Since we moved here 2.5 years ago, I've been to the grocery store maybe 5 times. I went to Costco for the first time last week (and only because I wanted to buy a TV)
3. The last time I was at Giant was Dec. 12, 2003 (and that was because Calanit was born 2 days before)
4. I haven't done laundry since we moved into the house.

These are but a few examples...now I do manage a lot of the finances and other tasks, it's not that I'm useless, but Tamar and I realize that we should each focus on our core competencies and if it's not one of my core competencies, I have no choice but to outsource (to her)

Also last week, I was talking to two friends of ours who are, unfortunately, contemplating divorce. I went through the same shpiel and by virtue of so doing, made the husband look pretty good. Don't know if it will save the marriage though.

So, now, if Tamar asks me to do something, say clean up after dinner, I tell her that I have to decline simply because these relationships are built upon the fact that I am an insensitive and unthoughtful husband. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

I heard the term "American Spanish" for the first time yesterday. Now, "American English," I'd heard, but never "American Spanish."

It's obvious that Spanish is becoming the 2nd language of the US. I just wonder sometimes what that means. Will we become like Canada? Will there be some people who never learn English? Just fascinating to think about.

Back to real life....

We moved in on the 16th and then immediately hit the Holiday season. It was a great time to move, unpack, and get settled, but it was a little like a fantasyland. As we set up the house, we had plenty of time, we were spending money like it was going out of fashion-not on frivolous things, mind you-but just getting things set up.

My office is closed today, technically, but of course, people are working. Tomorrow is like the first day of school. Now, the long, hard process of actually paying for this house, of earning the right to live here is beginning.

A few years ago at my cousin Benjamin's bar-mitzvah, I had a conversation with his father, my first cousin, Leonard. We were on the topic of "the grass is always greener..." and he said, "don't ever think that, because everyone has 'their shit'". His were family medical problems. I think about this sometimes when I have to deal with certain challenges. Today, for example, I saw my brother in law, Ari Moskowitz, who doubles as my periodontist. He told me that I will need 2 additional surgical grafts this year to prevent the furthering deterioriation of my gumline. (I've already had two of these procedures.) Initially I bemoaned this setback, but then realized that "hey, this is just part of 'my shit.'" Hate to be crass, but I just think that Leonard's words are quite apropos.

Last week I saw the movie/documentary "Super Size Me." It addresses, in part, the growing problem of obesity in America.

I contrast this issue, which we see all around us, due in part, I suspect to our sedentary lifestyles (I spend most of my day in a car or behind a computer keyboard) with the people who have been helping me out with the house.

My contractor is in his mid-50's, as was the home inspector, and the foreman on the moving crew. These guys were all in GREAT shape. No secret why, but it was eye opening. They move briskly, look young, and smile a lot.

Perhaps a long time ago, truly manual labor, like working in the coal mines was a hard life. Now, with power tools and a bit of effort, as opposed to backbreaking effort, these guys live comfortable lives and they stay in shape.

Just something I thought was interesting.