Breaking a promise to myself...

Once upon a time, I was on the board of a synagogue of which I was a member.

Being the Type A, profit-driven person that I am, I vowed that I would never do it again. The non-profit world wasn’t for me. I am motivated by efficiency and optimization. Actually, I should say that is built into my DNA.

Well, the other night, I was approached by my current synagogue to join the board. Initially, I was honored. Then, I realized I was probably the last person on the list and the only one who hadn’t said no yet! ?

The caller persisted and assured me that the time commitment would be small. He praised me as a “clear thinker.” [no better sales tactic than to flatter the customer.]

So, I relented and now am being put forth as part of the nominating committee process…or something like that.

Tamar asked me, “is this a sure thing?”

“Well, I think there is a formal nomination committee and then a vote,” I responded, “but as far as I know it’s pretty rubber-stamp…that is, unless I can rapidly mobilize and organize a groundswell of dissent to create a critical mass of activists fiercely opposed to my presence on the Board because of my controversial stand on…uh, something.”

Better get started…

Extolling the virtues of the 24/7 digital world

I go into my office about 1 day per week.

The rest of the time, I am out seeing customers and partners or working from home.

Thanks to the Internet, laptop, and cell phones, I am free to be as productive as possible whenever I want. The flip side of this is having the flexibility to NOT work during 9-5 hours and avoid the hassle and fatigue of commutes/commuting time.

If Tamar needs to go to the dentist, I can move things around to take care of the kids. If I need/want to travel, I am free to do so.

Part of this is that I am not paid by the hour, but rather by the results of my efforts. Of course, I need to coordinate schedules w/others, but I have had conference calls with colleagues at 10pm and 11pm.

I guess I read a lot about how the 24/7 world means we're always working, but not so much about how it has opened up freedoms and flexibility in a work-life balance that were previously unimaginable.

Preparing for Death III

One of the challenges that the family faces when the death of a loved one becomes more imminent is dealing with it. Each person has his/her own way of dealing with it and because it is so fraught with emotion, it may be difficult to remember that not everyone deals with it in the same way.

Not only do you have to grasp to understand your own feelings about the passing of a loved one, but you have to work extra hard to sensitize yourself to the challenge that others are feeling.

A difficult balancing act and the whole spectrum of emotion is represented.

Preparing for Death II

My sister just sent out a 3 page outline/project plan of things that need to be done after my grandfather (aka Poppy) dies.

Now, Poppy hasn't died and we pray that it will be a long time coming. However, I think the preparation is an important part of the process.

When the day comes, the last thing I want to do is to spend time worrying about which funeral home needs to be contacted or giving people directions to the cemetery. You know these things well in advance, so by spending the energy now to address these details, you give yourself the space/time to focus on the grieving/mourning/celebration of Poppy's life process. You can spend time with your family and loved one instead of on the phone with a stranger asking about how to get a death certificate processed.

Morbid? I don't think so. I think it's responsible and ultimately beneficial. It may be uncomfortable to deal with many of these issues, but you're going to have to deal with them eventually. Better to do it when the emotions are far less intense and the time constraints less of an issue.

Preparing for Death...

We all know that death is coming. It's no secret, of course. I wonder though, when you KNOW that the time is almost at hand, how does it feel to know that everyone else also knows?

My grandfather's illness is severe. It could be days, weeks, or months, but those who love him are starting to change their behavior and schedules to spend extra time with him. He's completely lucid and so he must know what is going on.

Does the extra attention feel good? Is he appreciative that people want to make sure they spend quality time with him before he passes on?

Does it increase the sense of foreboding and fear?

I mean, not only do you know, but you know everyone else knows and perhaps you start wondering if people are treating you differently. Well, you know they ARE treating you differently, so how does that in and of itself make you feel?

How many more?

I've been reading Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives I quote a section here that had me in tears.

"My listener David has two boys: Jonathan is five and a half, Nathan is four (July 1996). The following was inspired by a night when David, before going to bed, checked on his two sons who were aslep in their beds. Jonathan had fallen asleep on the floor, so David lifted him up and tucked him into bed, kissing him good night. Nathan, upon being relocated, awoked slightly and asked Daddy for his teddy bear:

How many....

How many nights do I have, God?
How many nights do I have to tuck each of my boys into bed with their teddy bears?

How many times do I have left, God?
How many times do I have left to lift my boys up onto my shoulders before they are too big?

How many more kisses, God?
How many more kisses do I get to give my boys after I've tucked them in at night?

How many pushes, God?
How many pushes do I get to give my boys on a swing befoer they out-grow it?

How many days, God?
How many days of hot summer do I have left to run through the sprinklers with my boys?

How many more tears, God?
How many more tears of joy will I shed at the end of each day that my boys have grown through?

How many more times, God?
How many more times will I get to lify my boys back into bed once they have fallen out?

How many more years, God?
How many more years before they come and lift me from the floor after I have fallen?

How many, God?
How many?

Looking down through time...

My grandfather had a stroke last week. The outlook isn't great.

I took Calanit to see him on Thursday in the hospital. Joining us was my mother.

I noticed that the three people in the room with my grandfather were the first-born of each generation of his direct lineage. My mother, his first-born. I am the first grandchild, and Calanit, the first great-grandchild.

Immortality eludes all of us in a physical form, but I imagine that when you are lying in a hospital bed towards the end of your life, you can feel a certain sense of eternity as you see your offspring standing at different waypoints on the road of life. And in the eyes of an 2.5 year old girl, your great-granddaughter, perhaps you feel some sense of comfort in the face of the unknown, final journey you are about to make.

Best Sabbat meal invite ever...

Normally people call or email us to invite us to share a Sabbath meal with them. WE've hit a new high, however.

Our friend, Gadi, sent us an Outlook meeting request for the date and time of the proposed meal. WE accepted it, he got confirmation, and it's on our calendars.

Love it!

Kenyan e-commerce...

Our Nanny is from Kenya. Her daughter is a graduating law student. Kenya was once a British colony so it maintains the tradition having legal graduates go to commencement wearing Barrister wigs (like this one).

For whatever reason, the cost of a wig in Kenya is about $600. Yes, you read that correctly.

The Nanny was telling me this and I said, “I can’t believe you can’t find a cheaper one on eBay.”

Well, apparently you can and eBay isn’t so popular in Kenya.

So, I purchased 4 wigs (after a few back and forths with the Nanny’s daughter) for a grand total of $125 (incl. s/h) for the daughter.

I offered to purchase more and sell them for a profit (for all I know the Nanny’s daughter is going to do that anyway), but that seemed too much of an effort.

Now that I think about it, I’ll push it.

Boys and Girls...

"Anyone who says there is no difference between boys and girls never had a boy and a girl," says my friend Paulie.

Here, in a nutshell, is the difference so far.

Calanit builds with the blocks, Erez destroys whatever Calanit builds.

Calanit finds a dangerous object and hands it to us, Erez finds it and seeks to hurt himself.

Calanit never puts something in her mouth that doesn't belong there; Erez never finds something that doesn't go into his mouth.

...there's more, but that's the basics. :-)

Having an older sister....

Poor Erez.

Today, we took the kids to the pool for the first time. There are special swim diapers that kids have to wear underneath their bathing suits. We had some left over from last year and today, my boy had to wear "The Little Mermaid" underneath his trunks.

Circle of Life...

My grandfather's health has deteriorated somewhat significantly in a short period of time. In the past 5 months, he's been diagnosed with cancer, hospitalized a few times, and yesterday morning had a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA)-a sort of mini-stroke.

My mother has devoted much of her time to taking him to doctors and appointments. Last night, my sister spent the night in the hospital in his room.

For some reason, Erez, who had begun to master (Finally!) the art of sleeping through the night got up at 12pm and was WIDE awake until 3 am. I kept him company as he, in the dark, sought to destroy everything in his path. It was exhausting work and made for a rough end to a 21 hour day. Fortunately it is a national holiday.

I called my sister this morning to get a report on my grandfather's progress. It had been a rough night for her...waking up hourly to escort him to the bathroom and administer to his needs of all sorts.

Her night sounded a bit like mine and it made me appreciate how "what goes around comes around." One day the time will come when my kids have to stay up all night for me.

Or maybe they won't, but that's in part up to me. I've got to give them the type of relationship where they will want to. Or maybe it's is a child's duty? Good question....I mean, does a child who is abused have to care for an aging parent?

Anyway, the point is I felt like my mom/sister and I were in parallel universes on the opposite sides of life's cycle.

Little things that make a big impression...

My wife is a master of details. She appreciates-almost too a fault-all of the little things that go into making an occasion special. She'll spend a lot of time working on the design of a yarmulke or a centerpiece for a table. I tell her that, when all is said and done, people don't really notice that stuff and only remember the big stuff.

Well, I'm not so sure.

Thursday night at a wedding, I ran into someone who had a Sabbath meal with us about 5 years ago.

He asked me if we still go around the table and ask people to share something that was good and not so good of the previous week (a kind of week in review.) We do.

He told me that 5 years later, he still remembers how he felt that it was a great idea and something that was special and unique. It was clear he was left with a positive vibe.

Made me feel good and made me realize that any little thing can indeed make a big impression. Who am I to know what people will or will not appreciate? If you want them to feel a certain way, you do need to pay attention to those little details.

Keeping your head in the game...

Athletes who are able to simply perform under pressure-filled situations are lauded for their ability to 'keep their head in the game.' That means they know what they have to do, just do it, and don't think about the implications of not achieving their best.

I think the same thing applies in your work life (and probably home life). Work is a pressure-filled situation and it is easy to think about what happens if you don't perform...no raise, get fired, etc.

Thinking about these things is really useless...but difficult to avoid. I mean, every ounce of energy you devote to the negative/undesired "what if..." scenarios is energy you are not devoting to making the positive/desired "what if..." scenarios a reality.

Now...how do you go about "keeping YOUR head in the game?"

Weddiquette....

Back in the early days of the Web, there was a concept (and still is I suppose) of Netiquette: how you behave online. This was of particular relevance as email "flame wars" became more and more common.

Thursday night, Tamar and I were at a wedding. As is common at many Jewish weddings, there was a fair amount of talking (or at least there's talking around me since I'm usually involved in it!). At one point, I pulled out my cell phone and started checking my email.

I turned to the guy next to me..."do you think it is rude to check email during a wedding?"

"Are you getting email from Bill Gates?"he asked.

"No, that was last week,"I replied [see post below].

He smiled. "Right, you and 5,000 other people."

"No, just me," I replied...and then told him the story...and contributed more to the buzz of talking in the background.

The power of networking and technology

About 6 years ago, I went to a panel presentation with one of the bigwigs in the Internet industry. We’re talking, pretty big here.

At the end of the session, a friend of mine and I approached her and asked her if she’d be willing to have breakfast with two young, aspiring entrepreneurs.

She agreed.

3 months later, we met and had a good chat. Towards the end, she instructed me to “keep me posted with quarterly updates.”

For 6 years, I’ve been doing that. Not once did I get a response from her, but I kept doing it nonetheless.

A few weeks ago, I read an RSS feed about a new energy company. The concept seemed very interesting, they are located in DC, and I thought it would be interesting to meet with the CEO.  I clicked on the link to the CNN article about the company. In the bottom paragraph, I saw that this same woman, the bigwig, is on the board of the company.

I emailed her and asked for an introduction to the CEO.

She agreed.

 

Wedding sizes...

I met a woman the other day who was stressed out about her upcoming nuptials.

“It’s such a big wedding, I don’t know what to do.”

“How big is the wedding?” I asked.

“200.”

“Yeah, I can relate. We had 750.”

I love when that happens J

24/7 economy...

It’s a blessing and a curse. You can work wherever and whenever you want. You can be productive when inspiration hits you, but you can easily lose the balance and perspective.

Erez woke me up at 3am the other night. After settling him in, I got in bed and my mind was racing. I had the urge to do some work/other things…RIGHT THEN, so I did.

Next thing I know, it’s 5am and I am exhausted for the next 2 days. 

On the other hand, I had 2 hours of focused time that were of very high quality.

 

Bathroom blog readers...

A friend of ours tells me that “now I don’t need to find bathroom reading. I just take my Treo in with me and read your Blog. It’s good stuff.”

 

Love hearing how people read and respond to the Blog. Keep ‘em coming!

"Can Stanley come out and play?"

My grandfather is a kid at heart. My grandmother tells a story of the kids in the neighborhood coming by when my mom was young, knocking on the door, and asking if "Stanley could come out to play?"

Over the past few weeks, my 10 and 8 year old neighbors have taken an interest in lacrosse. As a Hopkins alum, this happens to be a sport I have a passion for and I've enjoyed teaching them some rudimentary skills. We've played a few times.

Tonight, I reached a milestone in attempting to hit the high bar my grandfather has set in many realms of life.

The 10 year old knocks on the door and asks me, lacrosse stick in hand, if I can come out to play with them.

I called my grandparents to tell them I had a "Can Stanley come out and play?" moment.

Overnight Failure..

There's a lot of pressure we all put on ourselves to "make it big" and fast. It seems that patience, perseverance, and day-in/day-out hard work has almost gone the way of the Dodo Bird.

Back in the SilentFrog start-up days, Asher and I felt the pressure. Then, one late night, we saw an interview with Harrison Ford on "Inside the Actors Studio." He related how he had been a carpenter while trying to get his acting career off the ground and then, it still took him 15 years to achieve the fame/fortune level that he has.

I can't remember if it was Ford or the host who said, "15 years to an overnight success."

It's the little things and the constant pushing that is going to "make it happen" for most of us.

Seth Godin's blog post prompted this one.

Our Civilization is Performing Better Than You Think

http://www.nysun.com/article/33159

The "Friends of Jer" (FOJ) mailing list philosophy...

There are about 800 people on the FOJ list...they receive quarterly updates from me w/links to the blog, pictures of the kids, etc.

There are many who I have met once, some in random places, and some I will probably never see again. However, I keep them on the list. The exchange below explains my rationale.

EMAIL I RECEIVED
Jeremy - We're fine, thanks.... but I think you can take us off your email list. Don't know when we'll ever get to see you again, and tat will make your list just a little shorter.

Your kids look adorable!!


MY RESPONSE

Ok, you’re off.

Part of the reason I keep people like you on my list is precisely b/c I don’t know when I’ll see you again, but I do know this.

I enjoyed meeting you and wouldn’t mind seeing you again.

If you’re off my list, there’s no way I’d feel comfortable reaching out to you after 10-15 years or whatever it is. If you’re on it, at least we’ve maintained some type of contact.

Nevertheless, I understand that you have a different perspective. Good luck!

Carrying it forward...

I was rocking Erez to sleep tonight and it dawned on me that he could live to see the 22nd century. Granted, he'll be 95 years old, but it is certainly conceivable. Obviously, I'll be long gone by then (or most likely) and he'll be an old man.

Anyway, I was thinking that by that time, he will hopefully have raised and assisted his own family's development and perhaps see his great-grandchildren.

That made me think about our roles as parents and our responsibility to carry the tradition, the genes, or whatever it is to the next generation. And here I am, literally carrying my son, off to sleep and thinking that one day he, too, will carry it forward to his children.

Bill Gates e-mailed me today...

No, he really did.

One of Tamar's students from Hebrew school answered the essay of question of "A person who is repairing the world" by writing a two-page essay on Gates and his foundation's work. I scanned it in and forwarded it to him. Here's the thread.

________________________________
From: Bill Gates
Sent: Fri 5/19/2006 3:26 PM
To: Jeremy Epstein
Subject: RE: Shaping the Bill Gates legacy....

Thanks for passing it along.
________________________________
From: Jeremy Epstein
Sent: Friday, May 19, 2006 10:20 AM
To: Bill Gates
Subject: Shaping the Bill Gates legacy....

Bill,
You may appreciate the attached essay from a 9th grader in my wife's Hebrew School class.
"Repairing the World" or "Tikkun Olam" is one of Judaism's highest and most noble pursuits. Good luck and thank you for your efforts.
Respectfully,
Jeremy
P.S. Enjoyed the BI piece.

Riding the bike...

One of the things that Europeans do better than Americans is the appreciation of the bicycle as a means of transportation.

I just came back from a set of errands (barber, post office, and shoe repair) all done by bike with the help of a backpack.

Good exercise, easier mobility, fun, not a big time loss, and at $3 a gallon, more fuel efficient.

Protecting Your Assets...

Tom Peters wrote a book called "The Brand Called You" or "Brand You" or something like that. Bottom line: you are your brand (shocking, I know).

I'm a member of LinkedIn which is a business networking tool. The concept is neat even though I haven't gotten a ton of value out of it.

Yesterday, I got a request from one member of my network asking me to forward on a request on behalf of his friend for a job interview to another member of my network.

The email from my friend's friend was full of typos and grammatical errors.

I refused to pass on the request. I wrote in response:
"The email to XXX has many typos and grammatical errors. I am not going to forward something along that makes him question my judgment."

Got to protect the brand...

Transitions in time...

I'm wondering if there's some sort of theorem that correlates the number of major life transitions within a given timeframe to stress or some other reaction.

Let's say, for example, that my grandfather is right and that the three biggest decisions in a person's life are:
1. whom to marry
2. when to have your 1st child
3. when to buy your first house

Some people do all of this within 1 year others never do all of them.

In going through the normal trials and tribulations of life the other day, I was just struck by the fact that just over 5 years ago, I had made none of these decisions. Now, I've made all of them.

A scary sight in the park...

We were jarred out our playful state at the playground when I heard an elderly man (appeared to be the grandfather) SCREAM at what appeared to be his 5 and 7 year old grandchildren. All of them were of African origin. The man, in his 60's I think, had an accent. I couldn't tell if he was from Africa or Haiti.

Anyway, he YELLS, "PUT THAT STICK DOWN!"
Then, he runs up on the playground contraption and grabs the younger boy, jerking him wildly by the arm and demanding that he put his shoes on.

Both boys at this point are crying. The man yells, "Do you want me to take off my belt?" as he reaches for his belt.

The boys are hysterical. I'm in shock.

It's not like I've never raised my voice at my kids during a stressful moment and I have had to physically exert myself (say in taking a crying kid up to a bath), but this was just violent.

My mouth must have been hanging open as I stared and tried to figure out what I should do, if anything. Part of me wanted to say, "Man, what the HELL are you doing?"

It's not always easy to intervene. People want to avoid confrontation. I've noticed that line jumpers at airports rely on this fact and most people are content to let them slide in. I'm not. It's uncomfortable, yes, but it's the right thing to do.

As I watched the man drag the boys off, he looked at me and kind of nodded, saying "good afternoon" as if everything was ok.

It was surreal.

Caulking...

It could provide an insight into my personality, but I really like caulking. Yes, caulking.

As a homeowner, I feel like I'm in a continual battle vs. the elements and vs. time/the house. Somehow, when I find a hole or something that can be reinforced, I like to pull out my trusty caulk gun (maybe it's a gunslinger thing) and patch it up.

In my effort to drive efficiency, I feel like I've won a small battle :-)

How high do prices have to go?

This country is built on cheap energy. Suburbs, SUV's, the Wild West. It's all possible because we've had cheap fuel for so long.

Driving to a meeting today, I was wondering...where is the price point at which people really start to change their behavior?

And what does that mean for American society as we know it?
More telecommuting? Fewer big cities?

Achieving happiness...

My brother Asher writes:

 

Last week I saw Ted Leonsis [owner of Washington Capitals hockey team and former AOL exec] speak.

He said he has been studying happiness for a year and it boils down to three things.

1)       be an active member of multiple communities

2)       show gratitude

3)       give back

 

"Abba, I have a poopie..."

Speaking of the little things...

In the effort to potty-train Calanit, one of the tell-tale signs of readiness is when your kid tells you s/he is going.

For the first time, Calanit told me, "Abba, I'm making a poopie" (and she was, I checked :-)....

Ah the little milestones of parenting...

Double jogging stroller...

A few months ago, we got a jogging stroller and now that I am back into running, it's been a great asset to take one of the kids out in it and get a run at the same time.

The other day I was saying to Tamar, "you know, it'd be great to get a double jogging stroller." Well, sure enough on Freecycle, I saw one offered and snatched it up.

Today, since Tamar is away for the bris (ritual circumcision) of our newest nephew, I had both kids and was able to take them out for a 30 minute run thanks to the new stroller. (It's not new, it's used, but new to us).

Nowadays, it's simple pleasures like these that I relish. A double stroller...who would have thought?

The danger of posting...

10 years ago, there was an innocence to the web. You could write what you felt like writing and you didn't think about the fact that those words would be stored forever and potentially come back to haunt you.

Now, we think about emails (Microsoft vs. DOJ; the Frank Quattrone trial, and thousands of others) and we think about the fact that potential employers, investors, mates, and others will be checking us out online before they even meet us. There's so much room for pre-conceived notions to form and for misinterpretation.

What if you are feeling depressed at some point and you post about it as a way of self-therapy? Will someone reach the conclusion you are mentally unstable?

What if you are having marital problems? Will a potential employer shy away from someone whose homelife is shaky?

What if you have a period of suicidal thoughts because of some traumatic event? Does that mean you don't have it together?

For me, the blog and the emails that preceded them have been about authenticity and genuine communication with my circle of friends. It's upsetting to think that I have to be guarded in these efforts because of the possibility that there is a potential that somewhere, someone, somehow will use my words against me.

The age of Internet innocence was lost long ago (relatively speaking). I'm just blogging on it now. Maybe someone will think that I take too long to identify trends :-)

The value of the blog...

It's hard to measure the value of a Blog, unless it is a truly commercial venture.

One of Tamar's best friends growing up in Albany was a girl (now woman) named Ariella. I'd met her a few years ago.

As things are, the two of them lost touch...until a few weeks ago.

For some reason, Ariella decided to attempt to find Tamar and "googled" the two of us. She came upon this blog. After reading it, she apparently felt excited about the events of the family, felt closer to Tamar, and has since re-established connection.

I'd always thought of the Blog as a forum for
1. giving myself a place to just "vent" and capture my thoughts for posterity
2. give friends a place to go, if they want, to see what we're doing/I'm up to/thinking

Now it has become a vehicle to bring old friends back into the fold. That feels good.

Erez's Aggressiveness...

It's not that he's aggressive per se, it's that he's definitely got a more precocious, inquiring, and physical nature than Calanit did at that age (or does now). He's always reaching out, grabbing, and looking for a way to engage and explore with the world around him.

I'm curious if it is gender differences or just personality differences.

Limited dimensions...

Sometimes I worry that I'm not as well rounded as I could be. It seems that all of my time these days is either kid-related (not family-related b/c Tamar and I definitely do not get/make the quality time we should) or work-related. My hobbies are evaporating.

I may get out for a run or some exercise, but those are more because I feel like I have to, rather than I want to. Perhaps this is a trade-off for these years when your kids are young because when they are old, who knows...maybe you have all the time you need at that point? (assuming you make it, of course)

Books in your car...

With traffic the way that it is in most cities, I'd suggest that you give Audio Books a try. Just the concept, not endorsing a company. In three years, I've probably listened to over 50 books and since I don't have time to read at home, it's one of the best ways to "read."

Just finished a great book on the history of Sotheby's, the auction house.

If you're going to spend a lot of time in the car, fill your brain w/something that you can control and from which you'll learn something...or at least enjoy.

Thinking about your own funeral...

The man who funded the Nobel prize foundation was named, surprisingly enough, Alfred Nobel. He made his fortune improving the explosion power of dynamite.

One day, his brother died, and the paper in Stockholm, Sweden made an error and thought it was Alfred who had passed away. This gave Alfred the unique opportunity to read his own obituary before he died.

What dismayed him is that the newspaper gave him credit for making it more efficient and cost-effective to kill people through his invention. This prompted him to do something good with his money and hence, the Nobel Prizes.

I don't know what got me started on this train of the thought the other day, but I was thinking about my own funeral. About 6 months ago, I attended the funeral of one of our family's closest friends and there were hundreds of people there. Many of them, well beyond his immediate/nuclear family, were in tears. This was a man who obviously had touched many, many lives.

I fast-forwarded the movie of my life and started wondering...who would make the effort to attend my funeral? Would people outside of my inner circle cry for my departure?

Thinking about this metric as a guideline for my behavior on a daily basis is transformative.

Some of the conclusions I reached, however, dismayed me. I'm probably not at the people crying per capita ratio that I might like.

On the other hand, you could argue that this may not be a worthwhile standard to measure your contribution. Certainly a subject for debate.

My son, the activist...

Going the Extra Mile...

Some of the people on the "Friends of Jeremy" (FOJ) list are there by accident, sort of, or maybe shouldn't be on it still, but they are.

Two examples today...

About 3 years ago, a friend of mine from New York did a virtual introduction with a friend of hers who was moving to DC. We traded emails, but never got together. Put him on the FOJ list, which was probably a debatable move, but I did.

Last week, got an invite from him for his new son's bris (ritual circumcision) and since it was a Sunday morning, I figured there was no harm in going. It did feel awkward since I had NEVER met him and didn't even know what he looked like, yet here I was going to his house for his son's bris.

Bottom line, the kids and I had a really nice time. We met him and it turns out we have a number of friends in common. It was worth the effort and overcoming the initial awkwardness that I was feeling.

There is one guy on my list, Alex, who I bought a chair from 5 years ago. Since then I haven't seen him or even spoken with him, but in an era where I put pretty much everyone I met on the default FOJ list until they opted out, he responded to a request for his birthday. Today is his birthday, so I called him. He wasn't home.

I did hesitate to call. What would I say? What's the reason? Well, a birthday for one, but after that? Then I figured-why not? What to lose?

I guess what I've realized is that in these situations you are better off making the effort even though it may seem odd because most times, people will appreciate it, and you really don't have that much to lose.

Self-Discipline and Focus....

As much as I hate to admit it, it seems that "success" however you define it comes down to a few things. Having clear goals is one of them and hard-work/work ethic is big, but the more I look at it, the more I realize that it is simple things like focus on the priorities and self-discipline around them.

The most obvious example for me is my bedtime. I have a tendency to always try to do "one last thing" that may or may not be critical, but makes me feel good-like changing a light bulb. It can wait, of course, but I sometimes think that if I don't do it now, it won't get done. And, of course, it'll never be the highest priority item, but the consequence is I don't get enough sleep. And when that happens, I make dumb decisions and I am not on top of my game for the important things-family responsibilities, sensitivity to my wife, and my work.

The worst part is that even though I know it's critical, I don't always do it. That's the part of my psychology (and others-diet, exercise, smoking, etc.) that I would love to understand.

Kiddush Sponsorship...

There is a reception (kiddush) for the congregation every week after services at my synagogue. It can be large or small and people generall sponsor it for a lifecycle event.

I noticed over the past few weeks that for the particular service I attend, the synagogue itself has been sponsoring the reception, which means that no one congregant has made the offer.

That fact, combined with the fact that I hadn't done it in a LONG time, led me to offer to sponsor the reception this week.

I was asked, "what is the occasion?"

Now, I didn't really have one in mind, so I thought long and hard about it.

I figured I could have fun with it, so I said it was "in honor of the upcoming launch of Microsoft Windows Vista." What the hell, right? It would be a topic of conversation. Some people would appreciate it. My geeky friends would love it and it probably would anger some people that I've crossed the line. Just the type of controversy I enjoy.

Then, I saw another benefit. When you make a donation to a non-profit and you get something in-kind or food, it's not tax deductible. However, now that I am making this a commercial effort, it seems like this could be a tax deduction as a "non-reimbursed business expense." I'll have to look into this, but I may have opened up an entirely new category of philanthropy :-)

Uncharted Territory...

In the past few months, I've moved into a new role at work. It's somewhat of an entrepreneurial ventue, which is great, but not without anxieties.

On the one hand, you get to forge a path. On the other, you don't really have a good measure for how you are doing, since NO ONE HAS done it before! That's troubling sometimes. Of course, the anxiety makes things worse since you start making stupid decisions.

The challenge is to have the confidence of someone who has been there before and the awareness that no one has.

Remembering how you got there....

I bought my car at a dealer called Fitzgerald Auto Mall. Occasionally, you'll see ads with Jack Fitzgerald talking about the "Fitzgerald Way" and how he got where he did--customer service, blah, blah, blah.

Actually, I am extremely pleased with the car and the level of service I have received there. It really is superior.

Anyway, yesterday I had to pick up my car (cracked windshield) and I was waiting out front for the service guys to bring it around. I saw a woman escorting a man into his car and noticed her name tag "Dottie Fitzgerald."

I figured it was Jack's wife, but didn't think anything more of it.

For some reason, the process of getting my car to me took much longer than usual (normally very quick.) Maybe 8 minutes later, Dottie comes back and sees me.

"Are you waiting for your car, sir?" I nod.

She turns to someone and says, "this gentleman has been waiting a long time for his car. Please find out what is going on."

I was very impressed. This woman and her husband have built an auto retailing empire, but the little stuff still doesn't escape her.

How the mighty have fallen...

Went to visit one of my business partners today for a planning discussion. Until now, we had always met at customer's offices. He said to me:

"Jeremy, I don't think I've ever seen you in anything but a suit."

What has become of me?

I've come around to the idea that, yes, impressions do matter and when you meet a customer, going with a suit and tie can't really hurt the cause that much. It didn't hurt that I picked up a bunch of suits for free of course.

I remember when I lived in Frankfurt, I told someone that I never wanted to wear a tie to work. A friend there told me, "you'll come around" and while I don't wear one everyday, I suppose I'm a conformist now, aren't I?

104 degree fever...

has stricken the Tonka. It's one of the worst feelings around, that's for sure.

Gas prices...

Had a conversation with Tamar about how rising gas prices is going to make us (and other Americans) change our behavior. It led into a discussion about the possibility of oil companies price gouging and a tax on windfrall profits. (That was from Tamar's side.) I'd share my side, but my friend, Jacob Licht, did a pretty good job of summarizing it in an email to me the other day.

"All this talk about penalizing oil companies and giving Americans $100 rebates for gas is ridiculous.

Thought you’d enjoy this quick chart I made comparing profit margins at several companies where Americans spend their hard-earned dollars.


2005 Net Income 2005 Revenue NI as % of Rev

Microsoft 12,254,000 39,788,000 31%
google 1,465,397 6,138,560 24%
Ebay 1,082,043 4,552,401 24%
cisco 4,401,000 22,045,000 20%
exxon 36,130,000 370,680,000 10%
Apple 1,335,000 13,931,000 10%
Chevron 14,099,000 198,200,000 7%
Ford 2,024,000 177,089,000 1%

As you know, I have no interest in penalizing highly profitable companies (or those with low profits), so I don’t get the focus on the oil companies’ profits. In the scheme of things, they’re not such a profitable industry (see above). When you make a 7-10% margin on lots of revenue, your net income will be a large number, but at the end of the day, your margins are still only 7-10%.

You’ve studied some economics, right? When demand for a product declines, a new equilibrium between supply and demand occurs at a lower price. Shouldn’t we be focusing on reducing our demand for oil instead of penalizing the companies that are supplying it? We could also focus on increasing supply, but there’s not much that an average American can do about that. We can, however, reduce the amount of oil we consume.


I didn’t realize it until after I’d run my numbers, but Krauthammer’s op-ed today is along similar lines. It’s such a pity when economics makes politicians look dumb.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/04/27/AR2006042701693.html "

Between Licht and Krauthammer, the argument was summed up quite well. Thanks, team!

Inbox frequency...

Saw a friend of mine today at the Darfur rally and told him that I missed his quarterly updates. He responded that when he sat down to write it he felt very self-centered.

I told him..."look, I need these updates on a semi-frequent basis otherwise, we lose touch. If you're out of my inbox, you're out of my mind."

The digital age version of "out of sight, out of mind."

Darfur...

In about an hour, I'm taking the kids to a rally on the National Mall to raise awareness and demand action that the US government do something to stop the genocide in Darfur, Sudan.

What's particularly striking, at least to me, is how much attention the atrocities there have gotten within the Jewish world, across all of the denominations. There seems to be a tremendous desire to live the Holocaust mantra of "Never Again" and do our part to help the lesson be learned.

There are a few things that I haven't seen yet and I am curious if it will change after the rally.

In Darfur, the atrocities are being committed by Arab Muslims against Black Muslims. I haven't heard anything about the Arab-American or Muslim-American communities reacting and demanding a cessation.

I also am struck by the irony that the Jews (who I am confident will be overrepresented at the rally today) are going out to protest the slaughter of Muslims by other Muslims. I wonder if the Muslim community would feel this strongly if Jews (or anyone else for that matter) were perpetrating the slaughter of Jews. I think we know the answer there.

I also haven't heard much from the African-American community and will be looking for signs of awareness/participation there. This is a racial genocide on a massive scale.

Regardless, having spent 1 year living in Germany and studying the Holocaust, I am proud of the fact that my family (extended as well) and I have made this a priority for today.

Walmart...

When Tamar and I drove cross country, we stopped at Walmart in Cody, Wyoming. It was the first one we had ever visited. Land is cheap in Wyoming and the place was GI-NORMOUS!!

We bought a ton-for not a lot of money. I got a pair $19 hiking boots which I still have and are great.

There aren't any Walmart's in my area, really, but the past two days, I've been to two of them due to the location of some of my customers.

I know that Walmart takes a lot of heat for a lot of things, but man, it is impressive and frankly, I'm in favor of it. They drive prices down and that translates into value for the average consumer. Of course there are many side effects, but as a believer in the market, you've got to give some credence to the fact that so many people buy so much there every single day.

I controlled myself and only got $30 worth of things, which would have cost at least 1.5 to 2 times that at the regular stores. I'm happy with that.

Pay more to commute less...

Tokyo is notorious for ridiculously long commute times.

When I lived there, I didn't have a lot of extra cash and rents are ridiculously expensive. Nonetheless, my philosophy was to pay for a higher quality of life and avoid the daily grind of long commutes.

That came to mind today as I came back to Silver Spring from Frederick, MD and saw the miles upon miles of cars at a standstill, sitting in traffic on a gorgeous Spring day.

I was thankful that we were in a position to live where we do and avoid a VERY long commute (at least in our minds.)

Calanit knows how to spell her own name...

Tonight, we sat down in front of a keyboard and as we spelled it, she looked for and found (without any prompting) the correct letters. The original essay (copied from Notepad) is below [unabridged and unedited]

callllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt
cccccccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttt

ccccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllaaaaaannnnnnniiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttt
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIITTTTTTT
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

First tricycle...

Thanks to freecycle.org, Calanit got her first tri-cycle. It's a used, plastic one, but it does the job. We cleaned it up. I gave her a lecture about wearing a helmet (when outside) and then let her loose on the carpet in the basement.

Another milestone in parenting passed.

Home erosion...

I spend a fair amount of time trying to keep the house in top operational efficiency shape.

It's kind of like keeping a ship seaworthy so that you can complete the voyage around Cape of Good Hope.

Running up and down the stairs this morning, chasing Calanit, and holding Erez in one hand, I opened one door which bumped, ever so slightly into the open closet door behind it. Normally, nothing to think about, but for some reason, I thought about that same bump 100 or 1000 times down the road. It's one of those battles, like erosion, that is hard to win.

There's a Chinese proverb: It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe.

Each of those bumps is kind of like a grain of sand. Ok, maybe not, but I heard that proverb on the radio the other day and really liked it and now am jamming it into the blog post for today :-)

Hey, I've been up since 2.45am, completely wired, for reasons that I don't understand and it's now 8.36am. I was supposed to go to the dentist at 7.10am, but I gave that slot up to Tamar so she could have it and now I am on double child care duty.

Maybe the fatigue is the sand in my shoe and the bumping of one door against another is the erosion that wears down parts of the house.

My basic point is...no matter how much effort I put into upkeep, I will NEVER be on top of it all.

speaking of batteries...

My friend Shira Stutman astutely asks: “why is it that almost every children’s toy these days comes with a battery?”

It’s true, even some of Calanit’s books have battery requirements.

Dora the Explorer...

One of Calanit's favorite programs is "Dora the Explorer," which is generally described as "the adventures of a 7 year old Latina girl and her friend Boots, the monkey."

 

It's a very educational show and Calanit has learned a lot from it. It's also quite profitable as we have most products within the Dora merchandising pantheon (pillow, shoes, blanket, toothbrush, backback, cup, plate, books, videos...man, that's a lot of dineros).

 

They make a big point in the show of stressing safety. When they get in a car, they say “Seatbelts!! So we can be safe.” Same idea for boats, etc.

 

This is great.

 

Then, the premise on the show fully dawned on me.

 

Here is a 7 year old girl, running around with a friend that is a monkey by herself, jumping over cliffs, going across lakes, avoiding crocodiles, trolls, and other unsavory characters such as Swiper the Fox, and who relies on her other friends, a squirrel, a bull, and an iguana.

 

What message are we sending to Calanit?

 

Sure, it’s ok to run around by yourself (as long as you have your trusty backpack, of course), rely on your map reading skills to get you wherever you are going, and associate with semi-domesticated animals, but gosh darn it, you’d better wear a seatbelt!

Batteries...

Where are the "A" and "B" batteries?

We have AA and AAA and C and D. I'm sure if we look around the Net,
we'll find the answer, but I am curious.

my current investment philosophy....

I’m breaking my investment efforts into three “big bet” areas. We’ll see if it pans out.

 

1. Index funds.
   Following the Random Walk on Wall Street theory of “it’s difficult to beat the market so let it ride on the Index funds.” 

 

2. The Asher Epstein Big Three.
   My brother, Asher, is an evangelist for three companies in particular. Echelon Networks (ELON), CheckFree (CKFR), and Wind River (WIND). If you know my brother, you’ll know he studies these things like very few people (he knows the CEO of CKFR and the leadership team and participates in quarterly con calls with Wall St. analysts as well having deep relationships with the Investor Relations folks at all of them).

 

There are a few others in here (Blackboard.com, for example) but the Big Three is all you need.

 

3. The Energy Doomsday Scenario. Oil goes at least to $100/barrel and maybe higher.
   Read a book called “The Coming Economic Collapse” which helped to quantify and flush out main of the ideas that I’d had in my head. These were around
1. Rising oil prices due to increased Chinese/Indian/world demand
2. Vulnerability of supply due to oil’s location in volatile regions (Middle East, Russia, Venezuela)
3. Lack of truly viable alternatives (yet)
4. America’s addiction to oil
5. And, the biggie, militant Islam’s focus on castrating the West through disruptions of supply

 

The play here is in, to varying degrees, energy companies, Gold, inflation protected assets, real estate (maybe), China/India (maybe).

Confronting mortality...

My grandmother and I were talking the other day. She was lamenting her physical state due to her illness and the stress she is feeling due to my grandfather's illness.

She said, "if the Doctor I see tomorrow can't tell me what's wrong, I'm going to take a gun to my head. I don't want to live like this. I'm used to being active."

I paused for a moment and remembered a conversation I had with Tamar's now deceased paternal grandmother.

We were sitting in the den and Tamar's grandmother says, "you know, I think my time is up."

Tamar got very quiet, not knowing how to respond.

I figured, "she's just as scared as we are. It's not like she's ever been here before either," so I say to her grandmother:

"How do you know? Is there some internal alarm clock that is going off?"

It opened us all up to a very good conversation and relieved some of the tension.

So this past Sunday night, I took the same approach.

"Nana, I'm not going to argue with you that living like that would be easy, but you've got to reconsider the gun. I mean, first of all, it's so messy. It's also a lot of hassle...you've got to get a permit, background check in some cases, it just seems like a lot of work. Maybe you could do something cleaner?"

"What do you suggest?" she asked.

"I don't know, I'll leave that up to you, but I just think the gun is not the best way to go."

She laughed a hearty, solid laugh and the conversation moved on.

I guess my approach on these things is to think about how I would respond to someone who didn't think s/he was going to die any day or at least some time in the very near future and respond accordingly. That's living, when you treat the person as if s/he's fine and not as if s/he's already in the grave.

Bomb Iran...

I've come to the conclusion that we need to bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities. The risks are too great to see a diplomatic initiative run its course and ultimately fail.

A Tale of Two Cities...

Spent part of Passover in DC with my family and part of it in Albany with Tamar's family.

My family has 2 grandchildren, both mine. The result is that all of my siblings devote a nice chunk of their time to entertaining my kids. I was on vacation for 3 days.

Tamar's parents have 14 (going on 15) grandchildren.

In Albany, we had 12 adults and 12 kids 7 and under. Not only was I watching my kids, I was watching other people's kids. It was pandemonium...all the time, or as I said to one friend, "this is what I think a British soccer riot must be like."

Of course, there's a beauty in the madness and seeing the pure joy of my kids' faces as they played with their cousins made it all worthwhile.

Dealing with death...

The Dalai Lama wrote in his book "The Art of Happiness" that you are supposed to envision unpleasant scenarios and how you will deal with them should they occur. This, he states, makes it easier to handle them if/when they do arrive.

I just returned from a memorial service for the 58 year old mother of one of my longest-standing friends (since Kindergarten). She died of cancer and the tributes were truly beautiful. It's sad to see these types of things happen.

Last week, I was shocked to hear that one of my classmates from Japan, of whom I was quite fond, had died in an auto accident, leaving a widow and a 6 year old daughter.

And now I am faced with the illnesses of my beloved grandparents. One has cancer, the other lung-related issues.

Intellectually I know they (no one) lives forever. I just wonder if the Dalai Lama is right about this one.

Measurements....

Went for a run with Erez today. He's been a bit cranky lately and was crying a lot. Tamar and Calanit were sleeping so I figured I'd get him out of the house.

We picked up a jogging stroller, which I love, and combined with my new running shoes, I've had opportunities to take the kids out with me. It's nice bonding time....except for when your son is screaming his head off the whole time.

I had tried holding, feeding, and playing with him. Nothing worked.

All that was left was to make like Forrest Gump and just run. It became a contest of stamina and willpower. Who would outlast whom?

All I can say is that my son has an impressive set of lungs and has great stamina.

I started measuring the time of my run in terms of how long Erez was screaming. No watch and no objective other than have him cry it out.

It was a fresh perspective on measurement.

This made me think about the time I was spending with him (and had spent with him over the course of the day). We had really bonded the night before. It was 11pm and Calanit and Tamar were asleep (no, that's not all they do :-) and Erez and I were playing. I was teaching him colors, explaining women to him-well just explaining that women can't be understood--just kidding, sort of-and wrestling.

There's a saying in Pirkei Avot-Ethics of the Fathers: "Who is rich? He who is satisfied with his portion." I started thinking that I am rich because of the quality time I have with my kids and the fact that I am getting better and better at making them the priority. I still have moments of self-centeredness, but they are less frequent than before.

Measuring time in cries and wealth in time....I guess by the distributive property (I think) that means that wealth is measured by cries, which could be true. If I'm around to hear my kids cry (and hopefully make them feel better) perhaps I am richer than I realized (and this coming from a guy who is chock full of money neuroses).

What's in a name?

As a welcome gesture to my brother's new girlfriend, my two sisters and I thought it would be funny to post a list of 50 potential nicknames on the front door for her to consider.

We warned her that the final decision rested with us though we would take her opinion into consideration.

The subsequent brainstorming, ranking, and judging process led to a long debate about the characteristics of a nickname.

Some background: When I lived in Japan, I led a team of American students responsible for educating local Japanese citizens about America.

Students from other countries (Malaysia, Phillipines, Indonesia, etc.) took a fairly straightforward approach to their seminars, relying on maps, information, and history to tell their stories.

I figured that most Japanese could locate the US on a map (the reverse of course may not be true) and that they knew some of the basics. It was their perceptions that I needed to address.

Our seminar began, as baseball games do, with the Star-Spangled banner. We had a session on individuality, using Dennis Rodman as our case study, Blues and Jazz, with live guitar and dancing, and a session on nicknames.

We defaulted to using common suffixes like, -rino, and -ator, etc. and made name tags for the Japanese to wear proudly all day. We did have some creative ones and our guests enjoyed the looks on their friends' faces as they walked around proudly wearing tags such as "Yujinator,"
"Megumarino," and the like. We did make it clear that there were other ways of evolving nicknames.

When I married Tamar, I was introduced to her family's system of adding the letter "I" to pretty much every one's name. Tamar is either "Tamari" or "Mari." Akiva is "Kivi."

Coming from a family where my nickname is "Mirsky," I have one brother who is "Snead," a sister who is "Dunam" and one who is "Nerd" and a cousin named "Wefke," I didn't hold this art form of nicknames in high regard.

I've come to the conclusion that there are names of endearment and then there nicknames.

A name of endearment includes the original name. In other words, if you hear the name of endearment (NOE) you'd have a pretty reasonable chance of guessing the person's actual name.

A nickname, however, could have its origin in an NOE or be a character trait that is associated with the individual, e.g. "Slim", but when put to the reverse engineering test, it would be close to impossible to figure out the original name. There's an evolutionary process that can take you from an NOE to an actual nickname as well as a good story.

A good example of this is: Magic Johnson. There is no way to figure out from "Magic" that his real name is "Earvin."

When reviewing our list of 50 potential nicknames, we realized that many of them, though quite clever, witty and funny, were not actually nicknames, rather NOE's.

Using the new criteria we've settled on two candidates for the long term. Market forces will determine the winner and there's a good likelihood that they will further evolve so it's hard to say how it will end. In fact, it's an organism all its own.

The candidates are: Taco and Gatsby.

Her name is Rebecca.

How you expect things to turn out...

I'm in the middle of a good book now called "The Outside World" by Tova Mirvis. The basic plot involves a young Jewish boy who becomes extremely religious and his parents have to confront the challenge of their son not growing up as they had imagined.

It's made me think about my own expectations for my kids and at the same time made me think about what, if any, expectations I should have.

I wonder if, instead of creating a fantasized path they will follow, I should focus more on the type of character traits I want them to have. Then, they can use those traits on a path they choose. Clearly, some paths they choose would be more painful to me than others and hopefully, they will see merit in some of the paths I value more highly than others, but in the end, I can't control them. Seeking to control them defeats the end goal of my role as a father. It's almost contradictory.

On the one hand, give them the traits, education, and goals that you value, but at the same time, be prepared for them to interpret everything differently.

Airport security...

Got caught going through security with a Swiss Army knife. It was unintentional, the result of a series of unintended steps. Nevertheless, had a choice to face.

Either give up the knife or go back and figure out how to check it through and risk missing the flight.

I had received the knife as a bar mitzvah gift from my Dad. The thought of leaving it at the security gate of BWI was not the glamorous end I would have envisioned, so I took option 2.

The whole episode fomented the anger in me that I feel for the Arab terrorists who have changed the way we live.

On top of that, I was upset that all knife owners are viewed in the same light, when profiling-the way the Israelis do it-just seems to overlay some intelligence and analysis on top of otherwise banal facts.

Resistance is Futile...

There have been two times to date where I have had to forcibly hold Calanit down in order to compel her to sleep. I know that I am going to win the battle in terms of strength. I also know that I am doing what is best for her. It's still tough.

I don't want her to view me as someone who is holding her back, literally or figuratively. It's painful when she says, "Abba, don't snuggle me," which I suppose is about the nicest way you could say "get the hell off of me" that I can imagine.

Nevertheless, it's another one of those uncomfortable positions as a parent where your child doesn't necessarily understand or appreciate why you are doing what you are doing and there may be relationship damage as a result, but you still have to do it.

Unsecured wireless networks...

It's great to be able to get along thanks to other people leaving their
digital doors wide open :-)

The Green Revolution

One of the favorite rants of the left wing is that the rich have too
much money and it doesn't do anybody else any good. I don't agree with
that philosophy.

Today's Washington Post business section has a cover story about Bill
Gates and Steve Case (AOL), among others, who are using their fortunes
to invest in alternative energy business opportunities.

With oil hitting $70 a barrel, the private sector is going to try and
accomplish what the Green movement (and government as a notable failure)
have not been able to pull off. Using their wealth, they are going to
invest in potential technologies that will benefit all of us in a number
of ways

-cheaper fuel that protects us from funding terrorists
-sustainable, renewable energy to protect the environment

It's a neat alliance between the Greens and the Capitalists, but let's
remember that the capitalists with their money are the ones driving the
train.

Immigration issues

Haven't really blogged on this topic, but it is an area of concern.
Partially from a national security perspective, but mostly because I
think countries have the right to decide who should and should not be a
citizen.

There's no doubt that the illegal immigrant population does work that
Americans won't do. I'm not swayed that they are "taking away jobs from
low-income Americans."

What does bother me is:
-the possibility of amnesty or even a path to citizenship rewards
illegal behavior. What's more, it cheapens and causes resentment (as it
should) among those who play by the rules

-the entitlements that go to people who have broken the law. You need to
pay in to get a payout. It sends the wrong message.

Just some initial thoughts. More to come on this topic.

DTR...

A Mormon colleague was telling me about his pursuit of a young woman. He
described a recent conversation but said, "we didn't have a DTR or
anything."

DTR=Define the Relationship

When you mutually agree on the appropriate stage of your dating
relationship.

I thought the acronym was a good one

It's a small world...

I have a good friend from my days in Japan. He's Japanese and has, for
the time being, relocated to the DC area to work within the World Bank
organization.

Today, went to visit him with Calanit. After parking the car, saw a guy
I know from J2J Networking days, who happens to be his next door
neighbor!

Just thought it was pretty random that two people I know from opposite
ends of the earth happen to end up living right next to each other.

There's something happening here...

The Buffalo Springfield song "For What It's Worth" was penned as an
anti-Vietnam message, I believe. Regardless, when things get confusing,
I tend to think of the line "there's something happening here, what it
is ain't exactly clear," when I feel surrounded by change.

We don't get any newspapers at home (well any major ones at least) since
I am a firm believer in the Internet and frankly, just don't have the
time.

With the Passover holiday and a slew of family members around to help
with the kids, I was able to enjoy the Wall St. Journal and Washington
Post, reading almost every section.

There was something refreshing about it and I did come across articles I
probably would not have stopped to read online.

Something struck me. There's an undercurrent that is playing across many
of the stories in these papers. It's Globalization. We've talked about
it and now it's playing itself out.

-the student riots in France
-rising energy prices
-Iranian nuclear ambitions
-the immigration issue (both in the US and Europe)
-the problems at General Motors
-rise of China/US-China summit
-the number of foreign players in the NBA

It's definitely a force that not one of us can control individually.
What's more, I think we are powerless, pretty much as a whole, to stop
it. That leaves a Darwinian choice of monumental proportions. Adapt or
die.

Hate to put it in those terms, but I think that is what it is coming
down to. You need to study Globalization and think about it may/may not
impact you and just do what you can to make sure you are damn ready,
because it is here.

What's God got to do with it?

Is there a term that explains the propensity to question/blame God when things don't go well/our way and to just assume that "it is as it should be" when things do go our way?

There are definitely moments when things are going well when I pause and thank God for all that I have. No question.

I guess I just find that it's disproportionate to my God-centric thinking when things may not be going as I want them to go. I wonder "what is it that I did to deserve this?" Of course, when I think about my behavior and remove the justification lens that I use for everything, there are probably things that I have done to deserve this.

I'm not saying that God acts in this way at all. What's more, I don't think He does. It's just my instinct to think this way.

The Germans probably have a 20 letter word for this phenomenon.

3am clean up duty

It’s easy to get rattled at 3am when you hear your daughter vomiting in the other room. It’s easy to get thrown off as you realize your entire day is thrown for a loop. The nanny can’t come, you and your wife can’t go to work, and your kids are screaming. Plus there’s a ton of laundry to do and a bathroom to clean up.

 

But somewhere between moving a mattress into your kid’s room and scrubbing the floor with a Clorox wipe, you realize you wouldn’t trade this for anything.

60-Second Seder

 

For those who haven’t already seen, it’s the entire seder in 60 seconds, somewhere between techno and anime. It’s all Hebrew, but rock out and enjoy – and watch out for those Flash movie-induced seizures…

 

http://haggadah.z-kit.com/h.swf

 

Breakfast order...

My wife and I have different philosophies about how we should enable our children to experience the world.

I like to put Tabasco sauce on my food.

Calanit saw me do it and kept asking for some. We told her she wouldn't like it, but she persisted.

Finally, I said, "fine."

Now, when she sees it, she says, "I don't want that."

Yesterday morning, I asked her what she wanted for breakfast.

"Challah, cereal....and coffee." Completely seriously.

So I made her some. Well, it was really coffee flavored milk, but she liked it.

Of course, she put it down after two sips claiming not to want any more. :-)

Wearing a bib and Calanit's logical mind...

Calanit and I spent a lot of time running around in the backyard yesterday afternoon.

Normally, we have dinner, then she gets a bath before going to sleep. With all of the dirt, however, I gave her a bath first (and had to explain that no, she wasn't going to sleep).

So she sits down at dinner in her pajamas. She had made a big deal about wearing the purple pajamas, particularly the shirt.

Tamar says, "Calanit, if you want to wear your purple shirt, you should probably wear a bib..."
"No! I don't want a bib."

We try to put it on and Calanit resists aggressively.

"I think a bib makes a lot of sense."
"No bib!!"

We try again. To no avail.

Tamar looks at me...

"Calanit, given your desire to wear the purple sheet while you sleep tonight, it may be a wise decision to consider the deployment of a protective device for your shirt. This would ensure that any consumable which is supposed to reach your mouth but may not make it to the desired destination will not render your garmet unsuitable for sleeping.

While you have made significant strides in the past few months, there are moments when your execution is less than perfect. Given this, there is a higher probability that a shirt change will be necessary prior to going to sleep. Consequently, it is in your best interest, and I'd like to recommend, that you wear a bib."

"OK."

...and she let me put it on her!

You can't make this stuff up.

Looking for a change of pace this Passover?

http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/preview.php?id=15680

by my friend, Joel Haber

Dancing Douhboy...

Dancing Doughboy

You can also build your own dance…

 

Hitting the mark...for the most part

Calanit is very excited about the possibility of wearing underwear. She's been promoted from diapers to Dora the Explorer pull ups.

We've explained and shown her that once she recognizes that she has made a "poopie" it can be disposed of in the toilet.

In her exuberance to get the job done (a trait she receives from me), she has taken it upon herself to start doing this. Unfortunately, she didn't get the memo that she can do this by herself but it would be great if Tamar or I were present.

This morning, Idiscovered a dirty Dora the Explorer pull-up in the toilet (very impressed that she managed to do this) and my naked (and as of yet unsanitized) daughter sitting on the floor.

A for effort
B for results.

We'll get there.

Comments on the Blog...

Why, after all of the thought that I put into my Blog entries, is the one that gets the most comments about a potentially unique sequence of dates/time?

I’m sure there is a reason. I just don’t get it J

 

It is interesting though.

The sporting life

On Fox Sports Radio on Tuesday morning via XM Satellite on AirTran, the
radio personality was talking about the implied agreement of being a
sports fan. He was referring back to the rather boring Men's NCAA
Championship game and said:

"Look, when you are a sports fan, you make a deal. You agree to sit
through hours of really bad games so that you can have those few just
downright spectacular games. That's the life we have chosen!"

I chuckled, knowing full well what he meant.

Having gotten up at 4.30 am on 4 hours of sleep, I was pretty wiped out
that night. I got back to my room and saw the 1st half o the Maryland
Women's game in the championship game against Duke. They were completely
outplayed and down by 10 at halftime.

I was exhausted. I am now a "responsible" adult and have a duty to my
family and company to be well-rested for the "important" things.

I went to bed.

You know how this story ends...

Got up at 6.30am and went to the exercise room to hit the stairmaster.
ESPN was on TV and though I couldn't hear it, I saw that Maryland
won....in Overtime....and got there because of a 3 pointer over a 6 foot
7 inch opposing player with 6 seconds left.

I'm getting conservative, choosing to play it safe, and look what
happens...

jacke and tie...

XM Radio...

I don’t have it and have only been in a car that has it once before, but having it on the plane is truly enjoyable.

There’s something very interesting about the concept and capabilities of choosing from so many stations. It’s a continuation of what the Internet has begun, allowing people to find the narrow band of interest that they enjoy and tune in to it (notice metaphor ?)

This is both good and bad.

On the one hand, you get what you want (and advertisers get the audience they want.)
On the other, it continues to divide us because we share less and less of a common cultural bond.

What's more, you have the option of avoiding alternative thinking.

For example, channel 166 is Wall St. Journal radio. That's my style and I started listening to it.

Channel 167 is Air America, which I was pretty sure was not my style. I had to force myself to say "you know, I'd like to expand my mind and listen, really listen, to the opinions of people with whom I know I disagree. But it wasn't easy...

A tale of two customer service experiences

Somehow I missed payment of our March credit card bill. There are a ton of possible reasons for this, but suffice it to say, it doesn't happen all that often.

I call Chase and tell them what happened. The payment is on the way, I tell them. Can you waive the late fee ($39)? I'm a good customer.

The rep says to me: "It doesn't matter if you are a good customer. That's the policy. You can call back after we receive the payment and ask for a credit."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  How about "I understand, Mr. Epstein. As soon as we get the payment, we will immediately credit your late fee. Thanks for your business."

I'm on the plane to Atlanta now, flying AirTran and have to say, I'm impressed.  The seats are bigger (more legroom) and there is free XM Radio on the plane (and they don't sell headsets either...just hand them out.).  What's more, I got an email yesterday saying, "click here to print your boarding pass" which I did and saved me a few minutes during check-in.

Just nice and further proof that the little things make a big difference (at least for me.)

At the tone the time will be....

On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be
01:02:03 04/05/06.
This will never happen again! (well at least for another 1000 years)

Daylight Savings Time

Sometimes I wonder if all of the time we “save” with daylight savings time is lost in changing the clocks in our lives back and forth.

 

Mental Snapshots...

One phrase that Tamar and I use frequently is that of taking "mental snapshots." This is a deliberate effot to savor a moment in time, knowing that it will be fleeting and we should cherish it.

We particularly try to do this during times when we might otherwise be stressed. The other night, I was putting Erez to sleep and after rocking him and rocking him, I put him down, when of course, he would wake up again. As I stood there, stroking his head, I took a mental snapshot and really focused on the way his hair felt, on his breathing, and on my breathing, and everything else that was going on, saying to myself, "one day, I will be old and gray, my children will be grown, and when I look back on my life, this is one of the memories I am going to have."

The same thing happened on Friday when I met Tamar and the kids at the shopping center. I parked at the opposite end from where they were and when Calanit saw me, she began a sprint (or a 2 year old version of a spring saying "Abba!!!" with a huge grin on her face.) It's hard to beat that.

Mental snapshot...take one right now.

Daddy's Helper...

I've decided that instead of doing specific activities for the kids, I will do the activities that need to be done and make them kid-friendly.

This morning while Erez was sleeping, Calanit and I went outside. It was a GORGEOUS day. I had her help me caulk some cracks along the side of the house, clean up leaves, put sticks in the trash, and clean our ladder. At each stage, I made a point of explaining WHY we were doing what we doing and how the investment would pay off.

Of course, we did interject the work with some hide and go seek around the tree and some chasing in the backyard (and later w/Erez we went to the park), but I was fortunate to have a GREAT helper for some of the more mundane tasks, which made it all the more fun.

Champions for Life...

The American Red Cross frequent donor program is called "Champions for Life." I think you become a member if you donate 4 times a year or every 9 weeks or something like that.

There are perks in the program. The most notable being that whenever you show up at a donation center, you jump to the front of the line, no matter how many people are already waiting.

Clearly, this irritates some people and I'm told that some people get up and leave when they see this (shame on the ARC for not pro-actively telling people that this is a benefit and only doing so once people are already upset.)

Be that as it may, the question I was trying to deal with as I spoke with the phlebotomists on Friday was: is it worth it?

Of the people who donate on a weekly basis, how many are Champions for Life? How many people who leave in disgust would have otherwise become Champions for Life?

As a business, you want to treat your best customers best, to keep them coming back, but it's interesting to think what the law of unintended consequences does for those who are put off by preferential treatment for those who have earned it.

Wireless networks...

Ok, I've outgeeked myself. We now have 3 wireless networks (access points, I should say) in the house. One on each floor. :-)

Why? We don't really need it, but because we CAN!