Staying Hungry
I read an article recently by Tom Friedman in the NYT called, "The World is Flat." It's about the increasing competition from places like India and the hunger that people there have for the American lifestyle.
Meanwhile, in America, it's easy to get soft. I mean, you have your Tivo, er, Media Center PC (a Microsoft product), you have entire industries catering to leisure activities, and you think you are entitled to things like vacation, cheap gas, and Internet service. With the affluence that many of us have (we may not be super rich and of course we have monetary concerns, but we're not starving and many of our basic and advanced needs aremet), is it easy to get soft?
The question then: how do you keep hungry? Money is, to some extent a motivator, but who's going to give more of himself, the immigrant off the boat (or the remote technician in Bangalore) who is trying to save enough money to buy a house or send his kid to college, or the Ivy league educated lawyer who's got a house, 2 cars, takes vacations to Europe, and does yardwork on the weekends for fun?
For a while, that works. But Friedman points out that the challenges we face are greater now, there is more competition and you can't stand still. The paradigm for "making it" and having a career have changed. I've been told that when people reach a certain age or status, they start to "coast." Friedman's point is, you can never coast.
Is knowing that enough? How do you convince others?
I read about high school kids who drink and use drugs and have wild parties and wonder if that's symptomatic of having too much affluence. Are the other kids who have to prove themselves, learn English or whatever, going out and partying or are they home studying?
I saw a friend last night who's a bright guy, roughly my age, who said, "I don't read anymore. When I come home from a hard day's work, I want to be entertained, so I watch 24."
Some TV is good, but are we entitled to entertainment? I'm wondering if there's another guy who wants my friend's job is out there studying up on the field, thinking up the next big idea, and while 24 is on, is going to put my friend's livelihood on the line.
Maybe I've read too much of Andy Grove's "Only the Paranoid Survive."
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
One barrier to adoption of Vonage is the possible lack of “always on” phone.
We lost our Comcast for about 12 hours…and though we’re used to it, it’s still annoying. I think the ‘average user” is just not going to put up with that uncertainty, particularly when you’ve come to expect 100% uptime from your dial tone service.
Just a thought.
We lost our Comcast for about 12 hours…and though we’re used to it, it’s still annoying. I think the ‘average user” is just not going to put up with that uncertainty, particularly when you’ve come to expect 100% uptime from your dial tone service.
Just a thought.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
During WWII, the Flying Tigers were a group of US airmen stationed in India and SW China who were responsible for bombing the Japanese out of mainland China. My grandfather was a bombardier in that group.
Twice now, I've met immigrants from mainland China who, after learning that my grandfather was a Flying Tiger, reached over to me, vigorously and earnestly shook my hand, and said, multiple times, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
What a show of gratitude. What a contrast to the way we are viewed by the Europeans or the South Koreans.
Twice now, I've met immigrants from mainland China who, after learning that my grandfather was a Flying Tiger, reached over to me, vigorously and earnestly shook my hand, and said, multiple times, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
What a show of gratitude. What a contrast to the way we are viewed by the Europeans or the South Koreans.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Core Competency
We hear the term “core competency” thrown around a lot. I think about what my personal core competency should be so as to maximize my value to others over the long haul.
Exactly how to do that? Maybe next entry.
Monday, April 18, 2005
I know she's young, but I've started to think about the balance between my goals and dreams for Calanit and the fact that, when all's said and done, she's got to live her own life.
I've been reading some articles recently about the pending knowledge worker battle that is happening between folks in the Western world and folks in China, India, Russia. The basic theory is that the West is getting soft on math and science. I was thinking how I'd love the Pooka to develop strengths in those areas so she can ultimately compete in the tougher job market that is invariably coming.
Of course, I know she's going to do what she's passionate about (as she should) and live her own life, but then again, I can be a positive force for her in giving her some wisdom/perspective, without making her feel like she's suffocating, right?
I've been reading some articles recently about the pending knowledge worker battle that is happening between folks in the Western world and folks in China, India, Russia. The basic theory is that the West is getting soft on math and science. I was thinking how I'd love the Pooka to develop strengths in those areas so she can ultimately compete in the tougher job market that is invariably coming.
Of course, I know she's going to do what she's passionate about (as she should) and live her own life, but then again, I can be a positive force for her in giving her some wisdom/perspective, without making her feel like she's suffocating, right?
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Calanit and I explored a very large park that is basically in our backyard. We discovered a large lake and at that point, I took her out of the stroller to let her walk around a bit and stretch her legs. At one point, as I was taking pictures of her, with the lake in the background, I saw the sun glimmering off of water at just the right angle that I couldn't help but I think I was living in an Impressionist painting. I had the emotion at that moment that those artists, I think tried to convey.
As we saw the various flowers, trees, people, dogs, and more and I rejoiced at the excitement of Calanit seeing it all for the first time, I wondered if one of the roles that kids and grandkids play is to give adults a periodic "refresh" for how we look at the world.
It seems like it is so easy to get worn down by life, get jaded, and become withdrawn, but with kids, we have the option to get fully engaged, to enrich them, and in so doing, enrich ourselves and go through our own re-birth, if you will.
Kids know nothing, formally, about competition, but parents do. We ran into a 17 month old girl who had, by comparison, a very strong vocabulary. Calanit understands a ton, but really doesn't have more than a few words she says. Mostly she points and gets what she wants. It was all I could to hold back and remember, 'every kid is different and I'm sure that Calanit is doing fine," but still, for a moment, I felt the tinge of jealousy.
On the ride back, Calanit, as if motivated by the other kid, was really trying to 'find her voice.' I have an audio if you're interested, but it was as if she was a singer warming up before a show. Very cute.
A magical weekend, made even more so by my wonderful daughter.
As we saw the various flowers, trees, people, dogs, and more and I rejoiced at the excitement of Calanit seeing it all for the first time, I wondered if one of the roles that kids and grandkids play is to give adults a periodic "refresh" for how we look at the world.
It seems like it is so easy to get worn down by life, get jaded, and become withdrawn, but with kids, we have the option to get fully engaged, to enrich them, and in so doing, enrich ourselves and go through our own re-birth, if you will.
Kids know nothing, formally, about competition, but parents do. We ran into a 17 month old girl who had, by comparison, a very strong vocabulary. Calanit understands a ton, but really doesn't have more than a few words she says. Mostly she points and gets what she wants. It was all I could to hold back and remember, 'every kid is different and I'm sure that Calanit is doing fine," but still, for a moment, I felt the tinge of jealousy.
On the ride back, Calanit, as if motivated by the other kid, was really trying to 'find her voice.' I have an audio if you're interested, but it was as if she was a singer warming up before a show. Very cute.
A magical weekend, made even more so by my wonderful daughter.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Life Travels
In my 20's, I was fortunate to travel to many countries around the world. I loved the thrill of a new culture and new experiences. I was confident that one of the best ways to broaden your perspective was through jaunts to faraway lands.
That may be true, but I've realized another one.
It's the travels into the depths of your soul that comes from watching your child grow; from the feelings that come about when you have quiet moments alone and there's just music playing in the background and you think about the future, but not your own, somebody else's. This journey into the land of perspective helps you empathize with others, want to make the world a better place, and to treat others with kindness.
I loved my days globetrotting, but now I'm soul-diving.
In my 20's, I was fortunate to travel to many countries around the world. I loved the thrill of a new culture and new experiences. I was confident that one of the best ways to broaden your perspective was through jaunts to faraway lands.
That may be true, but I've realized another one.
It's the travels into the depths of your soul that comes from watching your child grow; from the feelings that come about when you have quiet moments alone and there's just music playing in the background and you think about the future, but not your own, somebody else's. This journey into the land of perspective helps you empathize with others, want to make the world a better place, and to treat others with kindness.
I loved my days globetrotting, but now I'm soul-diving.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
It's difficult to quantify how painful it is to watch Calanit in so much pain. It's probably some equation like
Take the most emotionally challenging experience of my life...
and multiply it by about 10,000
I feel so bad for her. She's in pain, doesn't know what's going on with her or why we won't let her have some of her normal foods. She's on the mend since Monday, but still not 100% and every few hours, has a bout of intestinal gas that causes her to writhe in pain.
It's all Tamar and I can do to just hold her...and cry for our inability to do anything to help her.
Take the most emotionally challenging experience of my life...
and multiply it by about 10,000
I feel so bad for her. She's in pain, doesn't know what's going on with her or why we won't let her have some of her normal foods. She's on the mend since Monday, but still not 100% and every few hours, has a bout of intestinal gas that causes her to writhe in pain.
It's all Tamar and I can do to just hold her...and cry for our inability to do anything to help her.
Monday, April 04, 2005
When we first had Calanit, someone told us that one of the most painful things you ever experience as a parent is when you have a sick child..."the whole world stops."
Well, we made it about 16.5 months before Calanit had any really serious sickness, but yesterday and today, she's had it bad. Throwing up, diarrhea, the whole nine yards and man, it is the worst. There's not much we can do for you and we just feel terrible. It's not that we don't think she'll overcome it, we're sure she will, it's just hat we hate to see her suffering.
It's really tough to watch and what's worse is, I know we'll have many more (and probably worse) of these.
Well, we made it about 16.5 months before Calanit had any really serious sickness, but yesterday and today, she's had it bad. Throwing up, diarrhea, the whole nine yards and man, it is the worst. There's not much we can do for you and we just feel terrible. It's not that we don't think she'll overcome it, we're sure she will, it's just hat we hate to see her suffering.
It's really tough to watch and what's worse is, I know we'll have many more (and probably worse) of these.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
The previous owner of our house was a mechanical (or electrical, I can't remember) engineer. It was clear that he did a pretty good job of upkeep around the house and probably knew every inch of it. He prided himself on doing a lot of the maintenance work himself.
Every time I do something manual or handy, I say "the spirit of Joel Cohen lives on."
Since we moved in, we've been installing the X-10 system (or I should say, it's been installed) which allows for remote control of the lights throughout the house. Most of the work was done by our contractor.
Two weeks ago, he installed the final light (the one which enables the outside lights to go on at dusk and off at dawn-automatically-throughout the year--it's calibrated to the latitude and longitude of the house), but in doing so, he made it impossible to turn on the dining room light.
Initially, I called him to repair it, but then I thought, "hey, if I'm the captain of this ship, I've got to know how to fix it all" (and this came on top of the fact that I'd spent many hours the week before up in the attic, repairing some insulation work). I shut off the electricity, opened up the switch, diagrammed it in color, made some hypotheses, tested, and eventually enabled all 4 lights that came together there, to work perfectly.
The spirit of Joel Cohen lives on....
Every time I do something manual or handy, I say "the spirit of Joel Cohen lives on."
Since we moved in, we've been installing the X-10 system (or I should say, it's been installed) which allows for remote control of the lights throughout the house. Most of the work was done by our contractor.
Two weeks ago, he installed the final light (the one which enables the outside lights to go on at dusk and off at dawn-automatically-throughout the year--it's calibrated to the latitude and longitude of the house), but in doing so, he made it impossible to turn on the dining room light.
Initially, I called him to repair it, but then I thought, "hey, if I'm the captain of this ship, I've got to know how to fix it all" (and this came on top of the fact that I'd spent many hours the week before up in the attic, repairing some insulation work). I shut off the electricity, opened up the switch, diagrammed it in color, made some hypotheses, tested, and eventually enabled all 4 lights that came together there, to work perfectly.
The spirit of Joel Cohen lives on....
Saturday, March 26, 2005
"Uncle John's Band" by the Grateful Dead contains some lyrics that have provided me comfort during times of transition.
It goes:
"Well, the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more. Cuz when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door."
When I first arrived in Germany in September, 1995, I recited these words as I struggled to overcome the challenges of being in a foreign country, not knowing anybody, and not really speaking the language.
I've thought of these words once again recently as I've started to come to terms with the challenges, mostly financial, of homeownership. Can we really do it? All of the things that are coming down the road at us?
I think about the first days being the hardest, take a breath, and move on.
It goes:
"Well, the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more. Cuz when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door."
When I first arrived in Germany in September, 1995, I recited these words as I struggled to overcome the challenges of being in a foreign country, not knowing anybody, and not really speaking the language.
I've thought of these words once again recently as I've started to come to terms with the challenges, mostly financial, of homeownership. Can we really do it? All of the things that are coming down the road at us?
I think about the first days being the hardest, take a breath, and move on.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Speaking of TCO....
Maybe I've watched too many movies or fancy myself in a larger role than I am, but I am caught up with the analogy of house as a ship.
Whenever it came out, my dad, brother, and I saw the movie "Master and Commander" and as we've been getting this house into shape, I think of myself as the captain and the house as the vessel that carries my crew through uncharted waters (life) on our way to some distant land.
One of the things about captains (and perhaps it's a misconception) is that they need to know every nook and cranny of their ship. So too with the house.
After my ridiculously high heating bill, I hired a firm that specializes in energy efficiency assessments and after receiving the report back, have begun implementing many of the suggestions. The pride of ownership motivates me as does the idea of lowering TCO over the long haul and making the house more "seaworthy," but I've spent a nice portion of today placing R-30 fiberglass insulation into the joints of the house where the main structure sits on top of the foundation so that air doesn't come in and change the temperature of the house thus negatively impacting my energy bills.
I never would have thought of this before (was up in the attic last week and will be going back soon to finish a job up there), but I'm enjoying getting to know every inch of my ship. As Captain, I need to.
(We can debate later whether I'm really in charge or not, but allow me to live in my fantasy world).
Maybe I've watched too many movies or fancy myself in a larger role than I am, but I am caught up with the analogy of house as a ship.
Whenever it came out, my dad, brother, and I saw the movie "Master and Commander" and as we've been getting this house into shape, I think of myself as the captain and the house as the vessel that carries my crew through uncharted waters (life) on our way to some distant land.
One of the things about captains (and perhaps it's a misconception) is that they need to know every nook and cranny of their ship. So too with the house.
After my ridiculously high heating bill, I hired a firm that specializes in energy efficiency assessments and after receiving the report back, have begun implementing many of the suggestions. The pride of ownership motivates me as does the idea of lowering TCO over the long haul and making the house more "seaworthy," but I've spent a nice portion of today placing R-30 fiberglass insulation into the joints of the house where the main structure sits on top of the foundation so that air doesn't come in and change the temperature of the house thus negatively impacting my energy bills.
I never would have thought of this before (was up in the attic last week and will be going back soon to finish a job up there), but I'm enjoying getting to know every inch of my ship. As Captain, I need to.
(We can debate later whether I'm really in charge or not, but allow me to live in my fantasy world).
Saturday, March 19, 2005
How a $25 discount will probably lead to a $20,000 sale.
As a student of business, I have to highlight the service that I get from my auto dealership, Fitzgerald auto mall.
When I bought my car there two years, I bought a service plan which entitles me to free and discounted service for oil changes, etc.
Since then, I have been blown away by their service. Whenever I call, they have availability. When I arrive, they are courteous. They offer me a free metro card (most times) when I have to leave my car.
On Friday, I went in and since I get low mileage, my months/mileage ratio is a bit off. The woman at the counter said, "just use the free oil change, don't worry about it."
That was at 7.30am. I was back at 2.30pm (they had called to say they were done) and picked up my keys. I noticed a charge for $23. I was a bit puzzled. Before I could say anything, the same woman came over to me and said, "Mr. Epstein, we noticed when we did the check of your car that the wipers were streaking, so we went ahead and changed them for you. We couldn't get in touch with you, so if you want, I can remove the charge."
Whoa. When someone asks like that, am I really going to quibble? No. Go ahead and charge me.
Then, as I examined the bill more closely, I noticed a $25 discount listed. I asked.
"Well, when the technician came in and told me about the wipers, I said, 'Mr. Epstein obviously takes care of his car, he's not going to care about $25 for new wipers.' But when the tech came back, he told me the wipers were $50. I thought that was too much, so I gave you a discount on the spot since you're a good customer."
This all happened without my involvement.
You know, with this next baby on the way, I've been thinking about the next car I'm going to have to buy, a minivan, and one of the concepts I've picked up during my career in the technology industry is TCO=Total Cost of Ownership. Not just how much does the car cost, but how much will it cost to operate, gas, oil changes, etc. What's great about my dealer is that they minimize TCO and hassle (which is a part of TCO).
I decided that though I didn't know what type of minivan I will buy, I'm pretty certain I'll buy it at Fitzgerald.
As a student of business, I have to highlight the service that I get from my auto dealership, Fitzgerald auto mall.
When I bought my car there two years, I bought a service plan which entitles me to free and discounted service for oil changes, etc.
Since then, I have been blown away by their service. Whenever I call, they have availability. When I arrive, they are courteous. They offer me a free metro card (most times) when I have to leave my car.
On Friday, I went in and since I get low mileage, my months/mileage ratio is a bit off. The woman at the counter said, "just use the free oil change, don't worry about it."
That was at 7.30am. I was back at 2.30pm (they had called to say they were done) and picked up my keys. I noticed a charge for $23. I was a bit puzzled. Before I could say anything, the same woman came over to me and said, "Mr. Epstein, we noticed when we did the check of your car that the wipers were streaking, so we went ahead and changed them for you. We couldn't get in touch with you, so if you want, I can remove the charge."
Whoa. When someone asks like that, am I really going to quibble? No. Go ahead and charge me.
Then, as I examined the bill more closely, I noticed a $25 discount listed. I asked.
"Well, when the technician came in and told me about the wipers, I said, 'Mr. Epstein obviously takes care of his car, he's not going to care about $25 for new wipers.' But when the tech came back, he told me the wipers were $50. I thought that was too much, so I gave you a discount on the spot since you're a good customer."
This all happened without my involvement.
You know, with this next baby on the way, I've been thinking about the next car I'm going to have to buy, a minivan, and one of the concepts I've picked up during my career in the technology industry is TCO=Total Cost of Ownership. Not just how much does the car cost, but how much will it cost to operate, gas, oil changes, etc. What's great about my dealer is that they minimize TCO and hassle (which is a part of TCO).
I decided that though I didn't know what type of minivan I will buy, I'm pretty certain I'll buy it at Fitzgerald.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Anniversary Thoughts...
On the occasion of our 4th wedding Anniversary
My grandparents have been married for 62 years and my grandfather, who is a bit of a jokester, likes to quip, "in all of the years of marriage, I've never once thought about divorce. Murder? Yes, but never divorce."
The funny thing about it, and everyone knows it, is that the two of them can't imagine life without each other.
Five years ago, if you had asked me about interdependence, co-dependence, or anything along those lines, I doubt that I would have been able to explain it in any meaningful way. I certainly didn't have a frame of reference for it.
Now, as I look back over these years, I see that Tamar and I have really begun to truly build a life with each other. There's so much that she does for me on a daily basis (and hey, let's be fair...I do a few things for her) that I'm at the point where life without her is indeed a scary thought.
Feeling that strongly about another person does indeed make you vulnerable. There are times when it's late and she's coming home from dancing and I worry about where she is...and my mind wanders....and naturally I think about the worst case scenario. Then, throw on top of that fact she works in downtown DC and we live in an era of the potential for weapons of mass destruction in the hands of terrorists and that Tamar and I were both in lower Manhattan on 9/11.
And I know it's worse for her, since the depth of her feeling and love is far more intense than mine. That's not to say that I don't love her, of course I do, but the way in which she loves carries such a pure depth to it that I can't even comprehend it, I fear.
Beyond the physical things that she does for me, she has truly "raised my game" in terms of my development as a person. The fact that we're both so committed to each other and to the joint adventure that is our marriage and life together makes the experience even more rich because in order for us to be "successful" I must integrate her feedback into the fiber of my being. It doesn't always go smoothly, of course, but I know I need to deliver or else "customer #1" is going to be unhappy and we can't have that, can we?
As life gets more hectic (or at least it seems that way), it's sometimes difficult to stop and smell the roses and genuinely express my gratitude to G-d for the beautiful (in all facets) woman who is my wife.
I am glad that we have chosen to celebrate wedding anniversaries. At least once a year, we pause and reflect on what we have.
I know we should do it more often, and I try, but at least we have this one moment in time.
Tamar Epstein, I love you. Thank you for marrying me.
My grandparents have been married for 62 years and my grandfather, who is a bit of a jokester, likes to quip, "in all of the years of marriage, I've never once thought about divorce. Murder? Yes, but never divorce."
The funny thing about it, and everyone knows it, is that the two of them can't imagine life without each other.
Five years ago, if you had asked me about interdependence, co-dependence, or anything along those lines, I doubt that I would have been able to explain it in any meaningful way. I certainly didn't have a frame of reference for it.
Now, as I look back over these years, I see that Tamar and I have really begun to truly build a life with each other. There's so much that she does for me on a daily basis (and hey, let's be fair...I do a few things for her) that I'm at the point where life without her is indeed a scary thought.
Feeling that strongly about another person does indeed make you vulnerable. There are times when it's late and she's coming home from dancing and I worry about where she is...and my mind wanders....and naturally I think about the worst case scenario. Then, throw on top of that fact she works in downtown DC and we live in an era of the potential for weapons of mass destruction in the hands of terrorists and that Tamar and I were both in lower Manhattan on 9/11.
And I know it's worse for her, since the depth of her feeling and love is far more intense than mine. That's not to say that I don't love her, of course I do, but the way in which she loves carries such a pure depth to it that I can't even comprehend it, I fear.
Beyond the physical things that she does for me, she has truly "raised my game" in terms of my development as a person. The fact that we're both so committed to each other and to the joint adventure that is our marriage and life together makes the experience even more rich because in order for us to be "successful" I must integrate her feedback into the fiber of my being. It doesn't always go smoothly, of course, but I know I need to deliver or else "customer #1" is going to be unhappy and we can't have that, can we?
As life gets more hectic (or at least it seems that way), it's sometimes difficult to stop and smell the roses and genuinely express my gratitude to G-d for the beautiful (in all facets) woman who is my wife.
I am glad that we have chosen to celebrate wedding anniversaries. At least once a year, we pause and reflect on what we have.
I know we should do it more often, and I try, but at least we have this one moment in time.
Tamar Epstein, I love you. Thank you for marrying me.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
A walk in the park
Sometimes I can’t help but think that old cliché of “my little girl is growing up so quickly.”
Yesterday, we took her to a park and for the first time, she was walking around in a pair of shoes. (Last week, she officially entered the Toddler stage). As Tamar and I helped her get used to walking outside and in shoes, I felt a lump in my throat. My little girl is walking around the playground, doing the things that “bigger kids.” I felt very paternal as I sat her on my lap and we went down the slide together and sat on the swings together.
Knowing all too well that these moments will soon be gone and a distant memory, I did my best to take a digital, mental snapshot of the moment in an effort (hopefully not in vain) to hold on to this feeling and cherish the moment
Saturday, March 12, 2005
On the formation of Identity
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
On the formation of Identity
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
On the formation of Identity
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
On the formation of Identity
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Sometimes we do things that we know will shape our identity. Marriage, graduation, changing jobs, whatever.
Sometimes our identity is formed without our knowledge.
As I was rocking Calanit today while giving her a bottle, a few thoughts crossed my mind. In a few months, this girl is going to become somebody’s big sister and she has absolutely no idea about that. Yet, it will be a critical part of her identity for the rest of her life.
While rocking her, I had a different and perhaps related thought about the lineage to which we both belong. I pictured my mother rocking me and my grandmother rocking her…all the way back. I thought about all of the hours of labor and the love what went into putting me into that chair at that moment so I could rock that sweet, little girl to sleep. Such an amazing testament to the human saga.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Chalk one up for Economics...
There's a concept in economics known as "Expected Value." Last night, it paid off for me.
Got a call from a market research firm. They wanted 20 minutes of my time to answer questions about my new computer purchase. In return, they offered me a 1 in 10 chance of a $50 gift certificate.
That make the "expected value" of my 20 minute $5. In other words, my time is worth $15/hour. Now, you could say, what would I do with the time otherwise? However, I quickly made the calculation and determined that I could potentially earn more than $5 by reviewing some stocks in my portfolio and taking an online course, which I did.
I told the guy that my time was worth more than that, said thanks, and hung up.
There's a concept in economics known as "Expected Value." Last night, it paid off for me.
Got a call from a market research firm. They wanted 20 minutes of my time to answer questions about my new computer purchase. In return, they offered me a 1 in 10 chance of a $50 gift certificate.
That make the "expected value" of my 20 minute $5. In other words, my time is worth $15/hour. Now, you could say, what would I do with the time otherwise? However, I quickly made the calculation and determined that I could potentially earn more than $5 by reviewing some stocks in my portfolio and taking an online course, which I did.
I told the guy that my time was worth more than that, said thanks, and hung up.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Getting into the rhythm of the house.
Since the time we decided to buy the house, I've kept a running project plan of things that have to get done. It's usually been about 3-7 items/day. I'm finally at the point (coinciding w/the 3 month mark which I originally set) where I'm down to a few per week. The list is quite long, but now they are "nice to do's" as opposed to "must do."
It's a good feeling.
Of course, I know it's only a matter of time until the next issue arises.
Since the time we decided to buy the house, I've kept a running project plan of things that have to get done. It's usually been about 3-7 items/day. I'm finally at the point (coinciding w/the 3 month mark which I originally set) where I'm down to a few per week. The list is quite long, but now they are "nice to do's" as opposed to "must do."
It's a good feeling.
Of course, I know it's only a matter of time until the next issue arises.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Paradigm Shift
I remember when I first learned the word 'paradigm.' I was in a Maryland state summer 'gifted and talented' program during High School.
The instructor showed us a new type of bicycle seat (one pad for each butt cheek) and talked about a new paradigm.
Recently, I bought a Media Center PC, which is a computer, but also a TV w/TiVo like functionality.
It still hasn't sunk in yet that the way I watch TV is changing, yet slowly it is.
I do pull-ups three times a week and usually do something in between each set (say write a few emails or what have you.) Last night, I was watching West Wing and at some point, it dawned on me that I didn't have to wait for the commercial to do the next set. I just paused it and was off, then returned. Same thing for when the phone rang.
Paradigm shift. What does it mean? Not sure entirely, but very cool.
I remember when I first learned the word 'paradigm.' I was in a Maryland state summer 'gifted and talented' program during High School.
The instructor showed us a new type of bicycle seat (one pad for each butt cheek) and talked about a new paradigm.
Recently, I bought a Media Center PC, which is a computer, but also a TV w/TiVo like functionality.
It still hasn't sunk in yet that the way I watch TV is changing, yet slowly it is.
I do pull-ups three times a week and usually do something in between each set (say write a few emails or what have you.) Last night, I was watching West Wing and at some point, it dawned on me that I didn't have to wait for the commercial to do the next set. I just paused it and was off, then returned. Same thing for when the phone rang.
Paradigm shift. What does it mean? Not sure entirely, but very cool.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Launched an unprovoked snowball attack on my neighbors this afternoon. Made me feel old and young at the same time.
They have 4 kids and three of them were outside. The 10, 7, and 5 year old. I had a great time playing with them. It was a fun way to let off some steam. Made me feel young.
During the course of the "fight," I noticed they never really came after me. I asked why they weren't attacking me. The eldest asked, "is it ok if we come in your yard?"
Man, now I'm the old guy who owns the yard next door. Made me feel old.
They have 4 kids and three of them were outside. The 10, 7, and 5 year old. I had a great time playing with them. It was a fun way to let off some steam. Made me feel young.
During the course of the "fight," I noticed they never really came after me. I asked why they weren't attacking me. The eldest asked, "is it ok if we come in your yard?"
Man, now I'm the old guy who owns the yard next door. Made me feel old.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friends and Longevity
Read an article once on a research project indicating a link between elderly people who successfully avoided Alzheimers and who also maintained highly active social lives and many friends.
I look at my grandparents (85 and 83) who, thank G-d, are 100% with us and whose social life is more active than most college students. They go out, easily, 5 times a week and invest heavily in their friends and friendships.
Since Tamar and I moved to Silver Spring, we have been blessed to meet many, many wonderful people. Our primary socializing activity is shared meals on the Sabbath, either Friday night or Saturday lunchtime. We typically have 4-6 adults and the same number of children over. These obviously require a ton of preparation work and are not the most inexpensive things to do.
Today, we had one of those gatherings and I really felt a blessing. I saw 5 or 6 girls (all girls today) playing in the various rooms of the house and looked around the table at the adults, our friends, and thought about the investment we were making (in time and money :-) in these relationships and, honestly, it just felt good.
I'm very financial focus and tend to think in terms like ROI, payback period, and cost-effectiveness. Much like children, quantifying the ROI on the dollar investment isn't easy, but you just know it's worth it...it's worth more than money, obviously (that's the thing I have to remind myself when I see the credit card grocery bill) and if it pays off in the long run in terms of longevity and mental clarity, well, there's another priceless ROI calculation.
Read an article once on a research project indicating a link between elderly people who successfully avoided Alzheimers and who also maintained highly active social lives and many friends.
I look at my grandparents (85 and 83) who, thank G-d, are 100% with us and whose social life is more active than most college students. They go out, easily, 5 times a week and invest heavily in their friends and friendships.
Since Tamar and I moved to Silver Spring, we have been blessed to meet many, many wonderful people. Our primary socializing activity is shared meals on the Sabbath, either Friday night or Saturday lunchtime. We typically have 4-6 adults and the same number of children over. These obviously require a ton of preparation work and are not the most inexpensive things to do.
Today, we had one of those gatherings and I really felt a blessing. I saw 5 or 6 girls (all girls today) playing in the various rooms of the house and looked around the table at the adults, our friends, and thought about the investment we were making (in time and money :-) in these relationships and, honestly, it just felt good.
I'm very financial focus and tend to think in terms like ROI, payback period, and cost-effectiveness. Much like children, quantifying the ROI on the dollar investment isn't easy, but you just know it's worth it...it's worth more than money, obviously (that's the thing I have to remind myself when I see the credit card grocery bill) and if it pays off in the long run in terms of longevity and mental clarity, well, there's another priceless ROI calculation.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Walking....almost.
We're getting close. She prances around the house with her little mini-walker device. If you hold her hand with only one finger, she can walk around. Yesterday, she took 4 steps on her own.
I have to say I love when she's awake, but when I'm putting her to sleep and I rock her back and forth in my arms and she puts her tired head on my shoulder...that's a feeling of eternity.
I get a bit emotional every time that happens as I think about the flash in time that will occur when she will be going to school, college, and getting married, which is why I cherish these moments all the more.
We're getting close. She prances around the house with her little mini-walker device. If you hold her hand with only one finger, she can walk around. Yesterday, she took 4 steps on her own.
I have to say I love when she's awake, but when I'm putting her to sleep and I rock her back and forth in my arms and she puts her tired head on my shoulder...that's a feeling of eternity.
I get a bit emotional every time that happens as I think about the flash in time that will occur when she will be going to school, college, and getting married, which is why I cherish these moments all the more.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Taxes and Tahara
What are life’s only guarantees?
On Sunday, I dealt with both of them. I spent the bulk of the afternoon assembling all of the various 1099’s, W2’s, etc. and in the evening went to perform a Tahara as part of the Chevra Kadisha.
The Chevra Kadisha is the Jewish burial society which has the solemn duty of ritually preparing the deceased for a Jewish burial. The Tahara means the purification process.
I’d done it once before, but in a billion years, I never would have thought I would do it for a former teacher of mine. He died of a sudden heart attack in his 50’s and was ostensibly in good health. He was svelte and was an active basketball referee.
Anyway, it sure makes you think. Not only that no matter what you do from a health perspective are you not immune from the inevitability of death, but as we spend so much time focused on the day to day banalities that there are much larger forces at work and you never know when your time is up.
Balancing the need for accomplishment on a day to day basis with the looming inevitability of certain death…at a time which no human predict, now that is a worthwhile life goal.
Friday, February 18, 2005
The Epitome of Homeownership
A few weeks ago, it was pouring rain. It was early Saturday morning and I turned to Tamar and remarked about how beautiful and nice it was to have a warm house and a roof over our heads during this tremendous storm.
I walked over to the window to see how intense the rain was, put my hand down...into a pool of water. A small hole in the top of the window frame was leaking.
Homeownership in a nutshell.
A few weeks ago, it was pouring rain. It was early Saturday morning and I turned to Tamar and remarked about how beautiful and nice it was to have a warm house and a roof over our heads during this tremendous storm.
I walked over to the window to see how intense the rain was, put my hand down...into a pool of water. A small hole in the top of the window frame was leaking.
Homeownership in a nutshell.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Friday, February 11, 2005
the price of heat...
When we moved into the house, I told myself that I'd take 3 months to just let things happen w/o worrying about money. I needed to get some sort of baseline.
I know that winter is obviously the time of the year when heating bills will be largest. I've prepared by putting storm doors on each entrance, adding insulation to the attic. We have 2 pane windows as well.
I got my first heating bill last month and it was 300. I was taken aback, but stayed calm-true to my word. I responded and set the thermostat to be lower during the day when we weren't at home and frankly, it was low when we were at home. Today, I am shell shocked. The bill came for 500! I am thinking "holy crap, I can't afford to live in this house." I have no idea how this happened and I wouldn't say I'm panicking, but I am quite concerned.
I'm open to ideas...or maybe this is just what heating costs these days.
I did put out a request for an energy efficiency audit, but the firm doesn't check the proper functioning of the furnace or hot water heater. Something is wrong, I think (I hope).
Thoughts?
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Excerpt from a letter to a friend...
“I owe you an apology that it has taken this long to respond. As I am sure you know, once you have kids (and a house for that matter), most things you’d really like to do take a back seat. Just the other day, however, Tamar (my wife) sent me one of the fwd’s (attached) that said, basically: “appreciate your friends and do it today,” so that has motivated me to take a moment out of my Sunday (which is my 1-1 day w/Calanit, my daughter, since Tamar works) to write to you.
We’ve had a good day, but now I need some quiet time for myself. I am gearing up for the Super bowl, which means I’ll watch it as I work.
I think the thing I struggle most with these days is, plain and simple, balance. Though I guess that’s a constant, but now it’s more pronounced as I certainly don’t want to miss my daughter growing up and I realize that long term, the time I spend with her now is the best thing for her, but of course, I have the pragmatic considerations of bills and mortgage. I do my best to “be here now” and focus on her, but sometimes, I will admit, the more mundane aspects of life get in my way. Trying to keep it in perspective, not always successful.”
“I owe you an apology that it has taken this long to respond. As I am sure you know, once you have kids (and a house for that matter), most things you’d really like to do take a back seat. Just the other day, however, Tamar (my wife) sent me one of the fwd’s (attached) that said, basically: “appreciate your friends and do it today,” so that has motivated me to take a moment out of my Sunday (which is my 1-1 day w/Calanit, my daughter, since Tamar works) to write to you.
We’ve had a good day, but now I need some quiet time for myself. I am gearing up for the Super bowl, which means I’ll watch it as I work.
I think the thing I struggle most with these days is, plain and simple, balance. Though I guess that’s a constant, but now it’s more pronounced as I certainly don’t want to miss my daughter growing up and I realize that long term, the time I spend with her now is the best thing for her, but of course, I have the pragmatic considerations of bills and mortgage. I do my best to “be here now” and focus on her, but sometimes, I will admit, the more mundane aspects of life get in my way. Trying to keep it in perspective, not always successful.”
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Strange as it may sound, sometimes I feel unworthy to be Calanit's father. This kid is just so good and pleasant. She's got a tremendous smile and a great curiosity.
Today, I organized a "Father's Helper" Day. Tamar works on Sundays and sometimes, well, I just run out of steam, so I enlisted the aid of 2 5-year olds to come over and play with Calanit. It was met with varying success and I think next time, we'll have two of them at the same time, since it's tough to get them excited about interacting with a 13 month old for too long.
Anyway, it was very cute and emotional to see how she interacted with the "big girls" and how she really wanted to be involved with what they were doing. I kind of imagined that in a flash, she'd be their age and I wouldn't be carrying her around anymore.
I try really hard to focus on her and give her attention. To stimulate her. Sometimes the banal demands of life, like working... take my focus away. I feel bad about that, but it's such a tough balance and there's so much I want to provide for her, but at the same time, I know that time is what I can provide the most and when she's young, is when it's the most important.
She's so good to me and sometimes I just feel like I don't reciprocate the way I should.
Today, I organized a "Father's Helper" Day. Tamar works on Sundays and sometimes, well, I just run out of steam, so I enlisted the aid of 2 5-year olds to come over and play with Calanit. It was met with varying success and I think next time, we'll have two of them at the same time, since it's tough to get them excited about interacting with a 13 month old for too long.
Anyway, it was very cute and emotional to see how she interacted with the "big girls" and how she really wanted to be involved with what they were doing. I kind of imagined that in a flash, she'd be their age and I wouldn't be carrying her around anymore.
I try really hard to focus on her and give her attention. To stimulate her. Sometimes the banal demands of life, like working... take my focus away. I feel bad about that, but it's such a tough balance and there's so much I want to provide for her, but at the same time, I know that time is what I can provide the most and when she's young, is when it's the most important.
She's so good to me and sometimes I just feel like I don't reciprocate the way I should.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
the Ocean of Life
I’ve traveled a lot in my day. Been to 50 countries or so. It’s part of my identity.
However, those days are behind me. In one of the trade-offs of life, I’ll be staying home for a while, figuring out how to pay for this thing and keep my family well protected.
I guess I kind of look at the house as the ship that will carry us as we travel the Ocean of Life. This is my/our newest, biggest adventure yet.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
One day, many years from now, I'm sure all of the new technologies I've acquired this week will be taken for granted. They'll just be a part of my day to day lives and the excitement I'm feeling right now will be a part of my past.
But for now, I am living in the moment, and really enjoying the wave of adrenaline.
For 4 years, Tamar and I were living with a 13" TV. We finally upgraded to a nice 32" one.
I also bought my first computer in 4 years, a Media Center PC, which allows me to watch, record, and pause TV, as well as manage pictures and music. It's quite impressive. I've been staying up to all hours just playing with it.
Now, I know that life is not about material things, but it's nice to be able to enjoy things and get benefit from them, when you can.
But for now, I am living in the moment, and really enjoying the wave of adrenaline.
For 4 years, Tamar and I were living with a 13" TV. We finally upgraded to a nice 32" one.
I also bought my first computer in 4 years, a Media Center PC, which allows me to watch, record, and pause TV, as well as manage pictures and music. It's quite impressive. I've been staying up to all hours just playing with it.
Now, I know that life is not about material things, but it's nice to be able to enjoy things and get benefit from them, when you can.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Kids and money...
As you may know, Tamar and I both come from large families. We were talking the other night about the number of kids we’d like to have (nothing to announce).
I said, “look, assuming I make it to 80 or 90, I know the greatest thing in the world will be to be surrounded by kids and grandkids. I also know that kids are expensive, so while the end will be awesome, I’m going to be stressed about money pretty much every step of the way.”
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
On helping out around the house...
I was speaking to a younger colleague of mine the other day and she was telling me how she was a bit concerned about her boyfriend. She suggested that he wasn't sensitive or thoughtful enough.
She asked me about my relationship with Tamar. When I was done telling her what I do and do not do, she said, "you know, I feel a lot better about Will now. I think I've been too hard on him."
Some of the winning examples include:
1. Tamar likes getting flowers on Friday afternoon before the Sabbath. When we lived in NYC, I was great at accomplishing this goal. Now, however, after a few weeks of failing when we first moved here, Tamar buys her own flowers and says they are from me.
2. Since we moved here 2.5 years ago, I've been to the grocery store maybe 5 times. I went to Costco for the first time last week (and only because I wanted to buy a TV)
3. The last time I was at Giant was Dec. 12, 2003 (and that was because Calanit was born 2 days before)
4. I haven't done laundry since we moved into the house.
These are but a few examples...now I do manage a lot of the finances and other tasks, it's not that I'm useless, but Tamar and I realize that we should each focus on our core competencies and if it's not one of my core competencies, I have no choice but to outsource (to her)
Also last week, I was talking to two friends of ours who are, unfortunately, contemplating divorce. I went through the same shpiel and by virtue of so doing, made the husband look pretty good. Don't know if it will save the marriage though.
So, now, if Tamar asks me to do something, say clean up after dinner, I tell her that I have to decline simply because these relationships are built upon the fact that I am an insensitive and unthoughtful husband. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.
I was speaking to a younger colleague of mine the other day and she was telling me how she was a bit concerned about her boyfriend. She suggested that he wasn't sensitive or thoughtful enough.
She asked me about my relationship with Tamar. When I was done telling her what I do and do not do, she said, "you know, I feel a lot better about Will now. I think I've been too hard on him."
Some of the winning examples include:
1. Tamar likes getting flowers on Friday afternoon before the Sabbath. When we lived in NYC, I was great at accomplishing this goal. Now, however, after a few weeks of failing when we first moved here, Tamar buys her own flowers and says they are from me.
2. Since we moved here 2.5 years ago, I've been to the grocery store maybe 5 times. I went to Costco for the first time last week (and only because I wanted to buy a TV)
3. The last time I was at Giant was Dec. 12, 2003 (and that was because Calanit was born 2 days before)
4. I haven't done laundry since we moved into the house.
These are but a few examples...now I do manage a lot of the finances and other tasks, it's not that I'm useless, but Tamar and I realize that we should each focus on our core competencies and if it's not one of my core competencies, I have no choice but to outsource (to her)
Also last week, I was talking to two friends of ours who are, unfortunately, contemplating divorce. I went through the same shpiel and by virtue of so doing, made the husband look pretty good. Don't know if it will save the marriage though.
So, now, if Tamar asks me to do something, say clean up after dinner, I tell her that I have to decline simply because these relationships are built upon the fact that I am an insensitive and unthoughtful husband. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
I heard the term "American Spanish" for the first time yesterday. Now, "American English," I'd heard, but never "American Spanish."
It's obvious that Spanish is becoming the 2nd language of the US. I just wonder sometimes what that means. Will we become like Canada? Will there be some people who never learn English? Just fascinating to think about.
It's obvious that Spanish is becoming the 2nd language of the US. I just wonder sometimes what that means. Will we become like Canada? Will there be some people who never learn English? Just fascinating to think about.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Back to real life....
We moved in on the 16th and then immediately hit the Holiday season. It was a great time to move, unpack, and get settled, but it was a little like a fantasyland. As we set up the house, we had plenty of time, we were spending money like it was going out of fashion-not on frivolous things, mind you-but just getting things set up.
My office is closed today, technically, but of course, people are working. Tomorrow is like the first day of school. Now, the long, hard process of actually paying for this house, of earning the right to live here is beginning.
We moved in on the 16th and then immediately hit the Holiday season. It was a great time to move, unpack, and get settled, but it was a little like a fantasyland. As we set up the house, we had plenty of time, we were spending money like it was going out of fashion-not on frivolous things, mind you-but just getting things set up.
My office is closed today, technically, but of course, people are working. Tomorrow is like the first day of school. Now, the long, hard process of actually paying for this house, of earning the right to live here is beginning.
A few years ago at my cousin Benjamin's bar-mitzvah, I had a conversation with his father, my first cousin, Leonard. We were on the topic of "the grass is always greener..." and he said, "don't ever think that, because everyone has 'their shit'". His were family medical problems. I think about this sometimes when I have to deal with certain challenges. Today, for example, I saw my brother in law, Ari Moskowitz, who doubles as my periodontist. He told me that I will need 2 additional surgical grafts this year to prevent the furthering deterioriation of my gumline. (I've already had two of these procedures.) Initially I bemoaned this setback, but then realized that "hey, this is just part of 'my shit.'" Hate to be crass, but I just think that Leonard's words are quite apropos.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Last week I saw the movie/documentary "Super Size Me." It addresses, in part, the growing problem of obesity in America.
I contrast this issue, which we see all around us, due in part, I suspect to our sedentary lifestyles (I spend most of my day in a car or behind a computer keyboard) with the people who have been helping me out with the house.
My contractor is in his mid-50's, as was the home inspector, and the foreman on the moving crew. These guys were all in GREAT shape. No secret why, but it was eye opening. They move briskly, look young, and smile a lot.
Perhaps a long time ago, truly manual labor, like working in the coal mines was a hard life. Now, with power tools and a bit of effort, as opposed to backbreaking effort, these guys live comfortable lives and they stay in shape.
Just something I thought was interesting.
I contrast this issue, which we see all around us, due in part, I suspect to our sedentary lifestyles (I spend most of my day in a car or behind a computer keyboard) with the people who have been helping me out with the house.
My contractor is in his mid-50's, as was the home inspector, and the foreman on the moving crew. These guys were all in GREAT shape. No secret why, but it was eye opening. They move briskly, look young, and smile a lot.
Perhaps a long time ago, truly manual labor, like working in the coal mines was a hard life. Now, with power tools and a bit of effort, as opposed to backbreaking effort, these guys live comfortable lives and they stay in shape.
Just something I thought was interesting.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
So we're not done done (and if there's one thing I've figured out about home ownership in the past 2 weeks it's that you're never actually done), but we're pretty much done. Every day I went over a list of "open items" with the contractor and today, there were no items left on the list.
Things are pretty much in the place they'll be for the next 20-30 years, I suppose. I think about that sometimes.
The family we bought the house from were in their mid-late sixties. Who knows what will happen, of course, but I feel like when I'm putting something in a drawer in the utility room or deciding where a bookshelf is going, there's a decent chance that someday, many years from now, it's from that exact same place that Tamar or I will remove it. Inertia is a pretty strong force. That's why I told Tamar that we had to unpack our boxes by Jan. 1st. If we weren't done, I knew those boxes would be there for the next 20 years.
Well, we moved in with about 60 and now there are only 3 left. There are a handful of items remaining, but now, we move from the "la-la land" of playing house and spending money like it's going out of style (we did some work on the house-my basic philosophy being it's much better to rip out walls and create dust for major infrastructure projects now than to disrupt our lives at some point in the future) to a family with a mortgage and a budget to live by.
Beyond that though is the thought that this is where the Epstein family will grow into itself. The first night we slept in the house and we put Calanit to sleep, we both cried. It's as if this house is a ship and with it, we will travel the rocky seas of life together.
I knew all along that the house would become an emotional purchase and now that the walls are painted, the rugs are down, the pictures are up, and of course, my little "man cave" of technology mission control is set up, I've finally allowed myself to feel that.
Now, we can get on with the business of life, as it were. I think about the rooms and the moments, both glad and sad, that we will inevitably experience in them. When Tamar is out and Calanit is asleep, I stand in the middle of the kitchen and listen to the sound of the house, looking out towards the the backyard, our backyard (well, the bank's, but you know what I mean) and think about what the future will bring.
There are times when I feel unworthy of this house. That it's such a blessing and we don't deserve the good fortune. When will the other shoe drop? Then, I just take a breath and appreciate where we are, when we are there.
Things are pretty much in the place they'll be for the next 20-30 years, I suppose. I think about that sometimes.
The family we bought the house from were in their mid-late sixties. Who knows what will happen, of course, but I feel like when I'm putting something in a drawer in the utility room or deciding where a bookshelf is going, there's a decent chance that someday, many years from now, it's from that exact same place that Tamar or I will remove it. Inertia is a pretty strong force. That's why I told Tamar that we had to unpack our boxes by Jan. 1st. If we weren't done, I knew those boxes would be there for the next 20 years.
Well, we moved in with about 60 and now there are only 3 left. There are a handful of items remaining, but now, we move from the "la-la land" of playing house and spending money like it's going out of style (we did some work on the house-my basic philosophy being it's much better to rip out walls and create dust for major infrastructure projects now than to disrupt our lives at some point in the future) to a family with a mortgage and a budget to live by.
Beyond that though is the thought that this is where the Epstein family will grow into itself. The first night we slept in the house and we put Calanit to sleep, we both cried. It's as if this house is a ship and with it, we will travel the rocky seas of life together.
I knew all along that the house would become an emotional purchase and now that the walls are painted, the rugs are down, the pictures are up, and of course, my little "man cave" of technology mission control is set up, I've finally allowed myself to feel that.
Now, we can get on with the business of life, as it were. I think about the rooms and the moments, both glad and sad, that we will inevitably experience in them. When Tamar is out and Calanit is asleep, I stand in the middle of the kitchen and listen to the sound of the house, looking out towards the the backyard, our backyard (well, the bank's, but you know what I mean) and think about what the future will bring.
There are times when I feel unworthy of this house. That it's such a blessing and we don't deserve the good fortune. When will the other shoe drop? Then, I just take a breath and appreciate where we are, when we are there.
Monday, December 27, 2004
It's a 3 Truck Day
Before we moved into the house, my cousin Lee from Ohio gave me advice of an indicator to know how expensive home ownership is at a given point in time. He said, 'look at your window and count the number of trucks, that'll tell you how much it's going to cost you."
Well, today is a 3 truck day for us. We've got the contractors here and the security alarm system being installed. My cousin, Barry from Dallas, who knows the home security alarm system as well as anyone said, "look, you live in a safe neighborhood, but sometime, someone is going to try and come into your house. Then, you're going to have a security system installed, so why not save yourself the hassle and stress and just do it now." So, that's what we're doing...
The moving day and pre-moving days were 4 truck days and we've been hovering at around an average of 1.5, I'd say.
On a different note, even though I've realized that homeownership is a never-ending project, Tamar and I have made tremendous strides in unpacking. We've got all but 5 or 6 of our 60+ boxes processed and thrown out (such a shame, but we couldn't find others to whom to give them) and our goal all along has been to have most things ready by the time I go back to work on Tues. the 4th. Well, I'm working this week, but it's a different feel when you send an email and no one responds...
Before we moved into the house, my cousin Lee from Ohio gave me advice of an indicator to know how expensive home ownership is at a given point in time. He said, 'look at your window and count the number of trucks, that'll tell you how much it's going to cost you."
Well, today is a 3 truck day for us. We've got the contractors here and the security alarm system being installed. My cousin, Barry from Dallas, who knows the home security alarm system as well as anyone said, "look, you live in a safe neighborhood, but sometime, someone is going to try and come into your house. Then, you're going to have a security system installed, so why not save yourself the hassle and stress and just do it now." So, that's what we're doing...
The moving day and pre-moving days were 4 truck days and we've been hovering at around an average of 1.5, I'd say.
On a different note, even though I've realized that homeownership is a never-ending project, Tamar and I have made tremendous strides in unpacking. We've got all but 5 or 6 of our 60+ boxes processed and thrown out (such a shame, but we couldn't find others to whom to give them) and our goal all along has been to have most things ready by the time I go back to work on Tues. the 4th. Well, I'm working this week, but it's a different feel when you send an email and no one responds...
Sunday, December 26, 2004
A house of immigrants Part II
The actual day of the move was more of the same. We had the movers (Viktor from Moldavia, Juan from Guatemala, and Mohammed from Somalia) take 10 hours of their lives to move us from our apartment to our new home. They did a fantastic job and even went above and beyond the call of duty (we had some trouble getting the box spring upstairs so Vikt0r-the foreman, disassembled it and then reassembled it). We even had the issue of the trash truck showing up and insisting that our moving truck get moved. Plus, the Dominican HVAC guys hit metal, where they didn't think there'd be any and Tamar and I were exhausted. I had been pulling 18 hour days.
Anyway, I've been meaning to write this entry for a week now, but we've been busy unpacking boxes. We're down to about 5 from our 60 or so--I'm very proud of Tamar for her efforts. Calanit is adjusting well, though for some reason, she doesn't like her bathroom.
As for me, I'm excited. Nervous too-can we really afford this thing? But, overwhelmed with emotion at the thought that this is where my family will be raised. Seeing Calanit crawl around her room, it's just a great feeling that I am in a position to provide her a safe place to sleep every night.
Next time, if things ever slow down (thank goodness we're doing this during the Xmas holiday season when work is relatively slow), I'll write about my "Man Cave," it's a thing of beauty.
The actual day of the move was more of the same. We had the movers (Viktor from Moldavia, Juan from Guatemala, and Mohammed from Somalia) take 10 hours of their lives to move us from our apartment to our new home. They did a fantastic job and even went above and beyond the call of duty (we had some trouble getting the box spring upstairs so Vikt0r-the foreman, disassembled it and then reassembled it). We even had the issue of the trash truck showing up and insisting that our moving truck get moved. Plus, the Dominican HVAC guys hit metal, where they didn't think there'd be any and Tamar and I were exhausted. I had been pulling 18 hour days.
Anyway, I've been meaning to write this entry for a week now, but we've been busy unpacking boxes. We're down to about 5 from our 60 or so--I'm very proud of Tamar for her efforts. Calanit is adjusting well, though for some reason, she doesn't like her bathroom.
As for me, I'm excited. Nervous too-can we really afford this thing? But, overwhelmed with emotion at the thought that this is where my family will be raised. Seeing Calanit crawl around her room, it's just a great feeling that I am in a position to provide her a safe place to sleep every night.
Next time, if things ever slow down (thank goodness we're doing this during the Xmas holiday season when work is relatively slow), I'll write about my "Man Cave," it's a thing of beauty.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
A house of immigrants...
Today was like an episode from the Apprentice, with an international twist, all with the goal of preparing for the move-in to the new Epstein abode tomorrow morning.
At 8am, I opened the door for Lena and her co-worker, from Brazil. They were tasked with cleaning the entire house after 2.5 weeks of dirt from renovations had accumulated. Soon thereafter, Diego, from Colombia, showed up. He touched up some paint and removed paint from some floors where it didn’t belong.
Next was Edwin, Jose, and Jorge, from El Salvador, Guatemala, and Bolivia. They tackled the insulation in the attic, some more painting, some closets, and re-tiling some bathrooms.
Right around that time, the internet wiring and tv cabling was completed by Jimmy and Lynn. They were from Baltimore.
Around noon, David and his two assistants, from Honduras descended to the basement to tackle some small electrical issues.
At 3pm, Antonio and his two compadres from El Salvador and Honduras as well, showed up to lay carpet and rug. As they were leaving, Max and Lucas (from the Dominican Republic) walked right in to inspect the heating and ventilation system.
What a day. Thank goodness my dad is from Texas and we’ve got family in Mexico or else I’d have zero Spanish to sling around (and a few choice Portuguese words I picked up along the way for Lena and her friend).
Beyond that, I was quite moved by the idea of all of these people coming to the US to better themselves. David and Jorge are staying. They’ve started their own businesses and raising their families here. Jose and Antonio-they just want to make enough money to go home to their families and live well.
I was a bit emotional as I thought about what this country represents in that it can give a chance to all of these people to better themselves and I appreciated it all the more as I recognized that the home we will inhabit is being built upon their backs and labor. They are a much of part of my family’s home and story as we are because of the role they play.
I loved the energy of the day in managing the various contingencies, but I also loved talking with Antonio about our views on illegal immigration (we both agree that the Fed Gov’t needs to crack down on illegals who abuse the system, but pay nothing in. We also agree that tax reform is necessary-we’re both upset that we have to pay someone else to prepare our taxes for us.) Jose told me that life in Guatemala is easier. You have no money, so you have no worries. Max tells me that in a few years, English won’t matter, since Spanish is taking over.
What they all agree on, unfortunately, is that reform of any meaningful sort is next to impossible in Latin America.
As for my role as Project Manager on the Apprentice, I’d say I won. We got the work done in preparation for tomorrow’s move, but more importantly, I learned a lot about the vision of the US through the eyes of her newest immigrants and citizens, some people I probably would not meet in the course of my day to day life, and, I suppose, myself.
At 8am, I opened the door for Lena and her co-worker, from Brazil. They were tasked with cleaning the entire house after 2.5 weeks of dirt from renovations had accumulated. Soon thereafter, Diego, from Colombia, showed up. He touched up some paint and removed paint from some floors where it didn’t belong.
Next was Edwin, Jose, and Jorge, from El Salvador, Guatemala, and Bolivia. They tackled the insulation in the attic, some more painting, some closets, and re-tiling some bathrooms.
Right around that time, the internet wiring and tv cabling was completed by Jimmy and Lynn. They were from Baltimore.
Around noon, David and his two assistants, from Honduras descended to the basement to tackle some small electrical issues.
At 3pm, Antonio and his two compadres from El Salvador and Honduras as well, showed up to lay carpet and rug. As they were leaving, Max and Lucas (from the Dominican Republic) walked right in to inspect the heating and ventilation system.
What a day. Thank goodness my dad is from Texas and we’ve got family in Mexico or else I’d have zero Spanish to sling around (and a few choice Portuguese words I picked up along the way for Lena and her friend).
Beyond that, I was quite moved by the idea of all of these people coming to the US to better themselves. David and Jorge are staying. They’ve started their own businesses and raising their families here. Jose and Antonio-they just want to make enough money to go home to their families and live well.
I was a bit emotional as I thought about what this country represents in that it can give a chance to all of these people to better themselves and I appreciated it all the more as I recognized that the home we will inhabit is being built upon their backs and labor. They are a much of part of my family’s home and story as we are because of the role they play.
I loved the energy of the day in managing the various contingencies, but I also loved talking with Antonio about our views on illegal immigration (we both agree that the Fed Gov’t needs to crack down on illegals who abuse the system, but pay nothing in. We also agree that tax reform is necessary-we’re both upset that we have to pay someone else to prepare our taxes for us.) Jose told me that life in Guatemala is easier. You have no money, so you have no worries. Max tells me that in a few years, English won’t matter, since Spanish is taking over.
What they all agree on, unfortunately, is that reform of any meaningful sort is next to impossible in Latin America.
As for my role as Project Manager on the Apprentice, I’d say I won. We got the work done in preparation for tomorrow’s move, but more importantly, I learned a lot about the vision of the US through the eyes of her newest immigrants and citizens, some people I probably would not meet in the course of my day to day life, and, I suppose, myself.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Feeling the love from my daughter
I felt so much love from Calanit this morning.
Tamar had already left for work when Calanit's caregiver came. I was leaving and Calanit kept reaching for me, refusing to let me go, and crying when I tried to leave the apartment. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time.
Another one of those beautiful moments of parenting, I suppose.
I felt so much love from Calanit this morning.
Tamar had already left for work when Calanit's caregiver came. I was leaving and Calanit kept reaching for me, refusing to let me go, and crying when I tried to leave the apartment. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time.
Another one of those beautiful moments of parenting, I suppose.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
On spending time with your kid(s)...
One of the things that I've struggled with most is the issue of balance between spending time with Calanit and spending time away from Calanit so that I can provide for her.
On the one hand, I look down the road and see these HUGE costs that are coming my way in terms of tuition, day care, hopefully more kids, etc. etc. etc.
On the other hand, I know that my daughter is growing up, and growing up fast. She's going to be one on Friday and I'll never have this time again.
She taught me a huge lesson the other day.
On Sundays, Tamar works all day and Calanit and I spend the day together. To be fair, more of it is Calanit going along with whatever I need to do, be it work, running errands, or dealing with the house. Well, not really what I need to do, but what I choose to do.
She's a great, low-maintenance kid and I don't want you to get the impression that I ignore her. We read, play, eat, and do many other things together, but there's plenty of time when she's in the room and I'm pre-occupied. Now, I don't think necessarily that every minute of every day needs to be centered on her, but I do need to be aware of the balance.
After a relatively busy day of running around and dealing with the electrician and locksmith, we came back and just lay down and started watching football. I was drained (since I also tend to stay up late on Sat. nights and now have to get up early on Sunday mornings), so I wasn't doing much with her.
She was getting fussy. I gave her a bottle. Didn't want it. I put her in her seat, didn't want to eat. I tried a bunch of things. Finally, I realized, "hey, she just wants me to pay attention to her." I did and we had a great time.
Even though she can't communicate verbally, she does communicate. What's more, she understands A LOT. I'll say "Touch Abba's nose" [Abba is father in Hebrew] and though we don't have a 100% success rate, she knows what to do. She really gets a lot of what you are telling her.
When Tamar was pregnant, I was in the habit of lying on the bed and talking to the fetus about my day. My first lecture was about Microsoft .Net and the importance of web services.
After she was born, however, here was an infant and I infantilized here (surprisingly enough). I've now swung back and will talk to her about whatever I want. Today, for example, I told her about the decision behind, and consequences of, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor (as it is December 7th-the 63rd anniversary of the event). I told her about my day and the challenges I'm working to overcome at work and regarding the anxiety of home ownership. It's fun to see her reaction. Then, of course, she can just be a kid and laugh when I hold an orange under my chin and let it roll down my chest.
I got a final dose of perspective when I called a long-time, dear friend, Jay Schwartzberg, who's celebrating his 43rd birthday today, but who has also been battling a brain tumor for about 7 years now. He's got an 11 and 7 year old. Very few people deliver perspective like Jay and he helped re-center my priorities around my life.
One of the things that I've struggled with most is the issue of balance between spending time with Calanit and spending time away from Calanit so that I can provide for her.
On the one hand, I look down the road and see these HUGE costs that are coming my way in terms of tuition, day care, hopefully more kids, etc. etc. etc.
On the other hand, I know that my daughter is growing up, and growing up fast. She's going to be one on Friday and I'll never have this time again.
She taught me a huge lesson the other day.
On Sundays, Tamar works all day and Calanit and I spend the day together. To be fair, more of it is Calanit going along with whatever I need to do, be it work, running errands, or dealing with the house. Well, not really what I need to do, but what I choose to do.
She's a great, low-maintenance kid and I don't want you to get the impression that I ignore her. We read, play, eat, and do many other things together, but there's plenty of time when she's in the room and I'm pre-occupied. Now, I don't think necessarily that every minute of every day needs to be centered on her, but I do need to be aware of the balance.
After a relatively busy day of running around and dealing with the electrician and locksmith, we came back and just lay down and started watching football. I was drained (since I also tend to stay up late on Sat. nights and now have to get up early on Sunday mornings), so I wasn't doing much with her.
She was getting fussy. I gave her a bottle. Didn't want it. I put her in her seat, didn't want to eat. I tried a bunch of things. Finally, I realized, "hey, she just wants me to pay attention to her." I did and we had a great time.
Even though she can't communicate verbally, she does communicate. What's more, she understands A LOT. I'll say "Touch Abba's nose" [Abba is father in Hebrew] and though we don't have a 100% success rate, she knows what to do. She really gets a lot of what you are telling her.
When Tamar was pregnant, I was in the habit of lying on the bed and talking to the fetus about my day. My first lecture was about Microsoft .Net and the importance of web services.
After she was born, however, here was an infant and I infantilized here (surprisingly enough). I've now swung back and will talk to her about whatever I want. Today, for example, I told her about the decision behind, and consequences of, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor (as it is December 7th-the 63rd anniversary of the event). I told her about my day and the challenges I'm working to overcome at work and regarding the anxiety of home ownership. It's fun to see her reaction. Then, of course, she can just be a kid and laugh when I hold an orange under my chin and let it roll down my chest.
I got a final dose of perspective when I called a long-time, dear friend, Jay Schwartzberg, who's celebrating his 43rd birthday today, but who has also been battling a brain tumor for about 7 years now. He's got an 11 and 7 year old. Very few people deliver perspective like Jay and he helped re-center my priorities around my life.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
On preparation...
It's just so obvious that a little preparation can go a long way. It's just so hard to always set aside time for doing so.
My most recent example is the house purchase (we're moving in on Dec. 16th).
Tamar saw the house on the Friday before Yom Kippur and decided she liked it. Though I hate to admit it, I spent about 65% of Yom Kippur preparing my negotiating strategy. In brief, here it is:
As I thought about my offer for your home, a few facts have entered into my consideration that I’d like to share with you.
The market is plateauing. If you’ve spoken to agents who know the area, they’ll tell you that. My wife and I have been in the market and there is inventory now and it’s been sitting idle for multiple months. (Yeatman, Claybrook, Kemp Mill Road, Monticello).
We’re at the end of a 9 year run up on prices and there’s certainly the possibility of a dip in the market for the short-term.
Interest rates are headed in the wrong direction. Fewer buyers are going to be able to afford your price as time goes on.
Finally, as you know, fall is not the best time to sell, as more people buy in spring and move in summer. Interest will probably not be as high now as later.
And though I'm not a master, I kept hammering away on these points and did knock $20k off the price in 1.5 hours using that approach!
Anyway, the point is, I thought about it, prepared, and it paid off.
It's just so obvious that a little preparation can go a long way. It's just so hard to always set aside time for doing so.
My most recent example is the house purchase (we're moving in on Dec. 16th).
Tamar saw the house on the Friday before Yom Kippur and decided she liked it. Though I hate to admit it, I spent about 65% of Yom Kippur preparing my negotiating strategy. In brief, here it is:
As I thought about my offer for your home, a few facts have entered into my consideration that I’d like to share with you.
The market is plateauing. If you’ve spoken to agents who know the area, they’ll tell you that. My wife and I have been in the market and there is inventory now and it’s been sitting idle for multiple months. (Yeatman, Claybrook, Kemp Mill Road, Monticello).
We’re at the end of a 9 year run up on prices and there’s certainly the possibility of a dip in the market for the short-term.
Interest rates are headed in the wrong direction. Fewer buyers are going to be able to afford your price as time goes on.
Finally, as you know, fall is not the best time to sell, as more people buy in spring and move in summer. Interest will probably not be as high now as later.
And though I'm not a master, I kept hammering away on these points and did knock $20k off the price in 1.5 hours using that approach!
Anyway, the point is, I thought about it, prepared, and it paid off.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
New and Improved Blog Location
http://spaces.msn.com/members/jer979/
With pictures...
(One month later: though I want to be a loyal MS employee, I have to say that Blogger is better on this count...i'm sure version 2 will be stronger. Stay tuned)
http://spaces.msn.com/members/jer979/
With pictures...
(One month later: though I want to be a loyal MS employee, I have to say that Blogger is better on this count...i'm sure version 2 will be stronger. Stay tuned)
Being the Virtual Salesperson
Another anecdote about the growing value of the J2J...
[next meeting details at the bottom]
Since the beginning of the J2J, we’ve reinforced the message that those who come to the meetings are not your potential clients/customers, they are your potential salespeople. We’ve also said that you need to keep coming in order for it to be effective.
I’ve heard this pitch over and over again. This morning, as I was taking a shower (hey, it’s where I do my best thinking!) I was ruminating on some very bad news I’d heard from two sets of friends of ours in the past week. One couple had decided to get divorced. In another, the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.
We had sent the usual sympathetic notes and calls; my wife made dinner for the cancer patient last night, however, it’s tough to know how to really help people in a time like this.
It then occurred to me that these people were definitely undergoing a major life transition and all were going to have to climb some serious financial mountains (in addition to the obvious emotional ones).
I reached out to them and basically said, “hey, I know you’re going through a rough time now and you’ve got a lot on your mind, so I’m sorry if this is inappropriate, but if you feel the need, I have a friend who is a solid financial adviser.”
They were appreciative and at this point, it doesn’t really matter what happens from a business perspective, because, honestly, it felt like I was doing a mitzvah by thinking about the needs that these people have and proposing a solution by a person I trust.
And the simple reason that I trust him (and thought about recommending his services to these people at this time) is because he’s been coming to J2J every month for a year, has positioned what a good lead for him would be, and has given 2 solid presentations about his level and degree of expertise.
The next meeting of the J2J DC will be January 11th @8.10am at the Microsoft offices. Directions attached.
For information on the J2J NoVa meeting times/locations, please contact Michael Drobnis (michael.drobnis@solution-works.com)
Happy Hannukah and Happy (secular) New Year.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
The New Homeowners
So, we did it. Closed on the 22nd of November.
Finally, the negotiating and haggling is over. We’re in. There are a whole new set of financial issues, of course, but as I stood in the empty house after the settlement, the larger spiritual consequences dawned on me. It is in this house where my child(ren) will be raised, where they will grow up, and where my wife and I will solidify our marriage. It is more than a house, it will be a home.
As the contractor’s three weeks of work begin, we are beginning to see the slow transformation of this house from the home of another to ours.
Daunting, yes. Anxiety-ridden…you bet. Exciting…Absolutely!
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Late night spirituality
Some of the most beautiful moments I’ve had as a father are when Calanit wakes up in the middle of the night and is hungry. I prepare a bottle for her and in the dark, sit in the rocking chair which my wife so wisely decided we should purchase, and feed her. As I do that, her eyes are half-closed and she is intent on her soy beverage. When she’s done, I put her on my shoulder and burp her. She’s gotten much larger than almost a year ago and that’s noticeable, but what’s really special is how still she is. These days, she moves around a lot, but late at night, she’s beat and she just lies there, gently, unconsciously stroking my chin or my face with her little fingers. It’s such a tremendous feeling to have this little person of my own creation connecting with me in such a simple, but profound way.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
From Bolivia to America
Sometimes we forget how damn lucky we are to live in the United States....
I was talking to my contractor the other night. He's got an amazing story. He came to the US from Bolivia at age 35, with $320 in his pocket, a wife and an 8 month old kid. He was a college graduate, with an engineering degree, but spoke no English. He landed a job for $8/hr. That was 15 years ago.
Now, he's got his own company, owns two houses, his kids are in Gifted and Talented programs in high school and he has his eyes set on retirement at age 60. It was completely inspirational. He spoke of setting goals, staying focused, and watching every penny. For three years, he said, they never went out, "not even to McDonalds." Then, they finally allowed themselves as a family treat to go to McDonalds once a month.
After 10 years or so, he took his first vacation.
I'd heard about the immigrant work ethic and sometimes wonder whether being born here has been a disservice in some way to me.
But what was most enlightening was his total intolerance for those who say that America is flawed, for those who say that freedoms aren't really freedoms here, for those who blame America for the world's problems. Here is a guy who sees nothing but good in America. I was getting emotional as I heard his story and his praise and gratitude for all that it means to be an American.
I was talking to my contractor the other night. He's got an amazing story. He came to the US from Bolivia at age 35, with $320 in his pocket, a wife and an 8 month old kid. He was a college graduate, with an engineering degree, but spoke no English. He landed a job for $8/hr. That was 15 years ago.
Now, he's got his own company, owns two houses, his kids are in Gifted and Talented programs in high school and he has his eyes set on retirement at age 60. It was completely inspirational. He spoke of setting goals, staying focused, and watching every penny. For three years, he said, they never went out, "not even to McDonalds." Then, they finally allowed themselves as a family treat to go to McDonalds once a month.
After 10 years or so, he took his first vacation.
I'd heard about the immigrant work ethic and sometimes wonder whether being born here has been a disservice in some way to me.
But what was most enlightening was his total intolerance for those who say that America is flawed, for those who say that freedoms aren't really freedoms here, for those who blame America for the world's problems. Here is a guy who sees nothing but good in America. I was getting emotional as I heard his story and his praise and gratitude for all that it means to be an American.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
I was completely alone this Shabbat (Sabbath) for the first time in a long time. For the second time in a month, my love and appreciation for my wife has grown. Calanit wasn't home either (they were in Albany for a dance weekend) and I'll tell you, I felt lonely. No, not the whole time. I kept myself busy, but there were those brief moments of clarity/epiphany when I realized or at least thought about how empty life would be without either one or both of them. No one likes to think these types of thoughts, but it's important. [I once read a book by the Dalai Lama called the Art of Happiness and he says that it's important to visualize and think about the things you don't want to happen so that a. you can be prepared if they ever do come and b. you will appreciate what you have right now.]
It was highly apropos as I sat in synagogue on Saturday morning and read the story of Isaac marrying Rebecca. The Torah makes a point of saying that Isaac first married Rebecca and then he loved her. The idea is that you marry for rational and logical reasons (at least according to the commentary I had) and over time the LOVE grows. The key point being that LOVE grows over time as we learn and live together.
It was highly apropos as I sat in synagogue on Saturday morning and read the story of Isaac marrying Rebecca. The Torah makes a point of saying that Isaac first married Rebecca and then he loved her. The idea is that you marry for rational and logical reasons (at least according to the commentary I had) and over time the LOVE grows. The key point being that LOVE grows over time as we learn and live together.
Monday, November 01, 2004
The Super Bowl in November
Ok, enough with the election. It’s a dead heat everywhere, we know that. No matter what happens, 50% of the people are going to be unhappy. We got it. It’s like the pre-game show of the Super Bowl, which lasts for hours and we’re now at the point where they are telling us about the obscure pre-game ritual of the mother of the kicker or something like that. Let’s just do this thing already.
On a different note, Calanit is making remarkable strides. She’s going to be 11 months old next week and is really progressing in her ability to almost crawl, almost stand, almost not make a total mess when she feeds herself. I guess it’s the “Almost Stage’ of her first year. It’s cool because we’re thinking about what we want to do for her first birthday and whereas before my attitude would have been “why bother, she’s not going to remember anyway,” now I realize that it’s more about our ability to mark the year with those we love than anything else, at least at this stage of the game.
On the other front, the house looks like it is going through. A ton of details to manage, that’s for sure, but it’s exciting. Got to manage the urge to spend a ridiculous amount of money though.
Ok, enough with the election. It’s a dead heat everywhere, we know that. No matter what happens, 50% of the people are going to be unhappy. We got it. It’s like the pre-game show of the Super Bowl, which lasts for hours and we’re now at the point where they are telling us about the obscure pre-game ritual of the mother of the kicker or something like that. Let’s just do this thing already.
On a different note, Calanit is making remarkable strides. She’s going to be 11 months old next week and is really progressing in her ability to almost crawl, almost stand, almost not make a total mess when she feeds herself. I guess it’s the “Almost Stage’ of her first year. It’s cool because we’re thinking about what we want to do for her first birthday and whereas before my attitude would have been “why bother, she’s not going to remember anyway,” now I realize that it’s more about our ability to mark the year with those we love than anything else, at least at this stage of the game.
On the other front, the house looks like it is going through. A ton of details to manage, that’s for sure, but it’s exciting. Got to manage the urge to spend a ridiculous amount of money though.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
I just did a sort/search of my personal contacts and found 21 people who live in battleground states (MN, OH, FL, PA, NH). I sent them the following letter. Feel free to do the same and/or forward.
«First»,
Since you are living in one of the identified “Battleground States,” I feel an obligation to at least reach out to see if you fall into the category of “undecided voters.” My hunch is that you’ve made up your mind, but if there’s even an inkling that you’ll switch your vote, let me know if you’re open to a conversation from a Pro-Bush voter.
Here’s to the great democratic experiment.
Jer
Note: this actually worked..I found one and called him.
«First»,
Since you are living in one of the identified “Battleground States,” I feel an obligation to at least reach out to see if you fall into the category of “undecided voters.” My hunch is that you’ve made up your mind, but if there’s even an inkling that you’ll switch your vote, let me know if you’re open to a conversation from a Pro-Bush voter.
Here’s to the great democratic experiment.
Jer
Note: this actually worked..I found one and called him.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
It's the little things...
Watching her develop is such an amazing process. She now fully realizes when she has to extend her arms through a sleeve and does it subconsciously like all of us do.
She’s also great at keeping herself occupied. She can play with the same blocks and books for hours and not get bored.
Watching her develop is such an amazing process. She now fully realizes when she has to extend her arms through a sleeve and does it subconsciously like all of us do.
She’s also great at keeping herself occupied. She can play with the same blocks and books for hours and not get bored.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Working at Microsoft...
Is kind of like being on the Yankees. You have a great track record and tend to win a lot. Some people love you. Some people hate your guts. And pretty much any player, if given the opportunity, would join the team.
The value of networking
About 14 months ago, with the help of a new friend, I started the DC chapter of a Jewish professionals networking group called the J2J network (www.j2jnetwork.org). Our mission is simple: to strengthen the Jewish community by facilitating commerce among our members.
Our approach is to have an ongoing series of events and meetings where professionals can present themselves as experts in their fields, identify the types of customers they serve, and build relationships with other individuals who can serve as “virtual salespeople” to provide a referral-based channel for business development. Furthermore, this network of individuals serves as a sounding board for ideas and a cost-effective way to obtain advice on a wide range of issues.
So far, we’ve created $2 million worth of business and countless introductions. I’ve personally benefited not only by introducing people to each other who share customer segments or goals, but also by growing and developing a large group of people who can offer me valuable advice on anything from tax planning to home buying and to whom I can provide tips and ideas as well based on my expertise.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Feeling the void
I missed my wife more during this trip of hers than any other previously. This was the first time she was gone since Calanit was born and because I had to do everything myself, I really began to appreciate her contribution to the family. I guess in the past, when she was gone, it was like being single again. Yes, I missed her, but I had survived before her without her. But this time, when I really experienced all that she does to help make this family run and I had the unthinkable thoughts of what I would do if she weren’t around, well, I felt a true love for my wife on a new level.
Monday, October 18, 2004
This parenting thing...
…is tough work. We made it and Calanit is alive and well. Tamar will be coming back this afternoon. I guess I was taking this test on a pass/fail mentality, knowing that if I took it for a grade, I’m probably get a C- from Tamar. If she graded on a curve, I might get an B+, since the standards are lower for me than for her.
After all, I did leave Calanit in her crib wide awake, probably hungry, as I slept. Of course I didn’t hear her, but for all I know, she was awake for 2 hours! I also took her outside for took long and she got cold and didn’t read to her nearly enough.
On the other hand, she’s been fed, cleaned, and clothed and I managed to get her to synagogue on Saturday morning (mostly so people would be in awe of my single parenting skills!)
I’ve got a new degree of empathy for mothers and for how much my wife gets done.
I told Tamar that this type of experience is like Yom Kippur. Once a year, she should go away for a few days and leave the kid(s) with me. I’ll remember how much she does, be exhausted, and then it’ll be over, she’ll come back and I’ll go back to my old routine, but with a newfound appreciation..
Friday, October 15, 2004
I'm playing "Mr. Mom" for a few days-or really-single parent.
For the first time since Calanit was born, Tamar has left us for a few days. She's off at a dance camp and for 4 days, it's just the Pooka (aka the "Tonkee", "the Garhonka") and me.
So it's not a disaster yet. Fortunately Calanit's 1 day a week caregiver laid out enough outfits for the duration of the period and at least my daughter will be dressed in a matching format.
What I'm starting to appreciate is the amount of work that is required. Frankly, Tamar does the bulk of it, but we're talking about food preparation, diaper bag preparation, just watching her (she's in the other room right now, but with her mobility, I need to check her every few minutes to make sure she's not at the outlet or cords-fortunately she's very good at playing by herself), and man, it's tough to get anything else done, that's for sure. I usually exercise every morning, but w/o Tamar here, I can't get on the Nordic Track when I want, it needs to be coordinated with Calanit's nap. And lastly, I've got to go to bed earlier...this girl wakes up at 5am usually...and don't tell Tamar this, but for some reason (I promise, not intentional), the monitor in the baby's room was off, so I didn't hear her and somehow I just woke up at 6.41am and Calanit was just lying in her crib, wide awake. I have no idea how long she'd been up. Anyway, she's fed now.
You've got to be really efficient, that's lesson #1 on Morning #1.
For the first time since Calanit was born, Tamar has left us for a few days. She's off at a dance camp and for 4 days, it's just the Pooka (aka the "Tonkee", "the Garhonka") and me.
So it's not a disaster yet. Fortunately Calanit's 1 day a week caregiver laid out enough outfits for the duration of the period and at least my daughter will be dressed in a matching format.
What I'm starting to appreciate is the amount of work that is required. Frankly, Tamar does the bulk of it, but we're talking about food preparation, diaper bag preparation, just watching her (she's in the other room right now, but with her mobility, I need to check her every few minutes to make sure she's not at the outlet or cords-fortunately she's very good at playing by herself), and man, it's tough to get anything else done, that's for sure. I usually exercise every morning, but w/o Tamar here, I can't get on the Nordic Track when I want, it needs to be coordinated with Calanit's nap. And lastly, I've got to go to bed earlier...this girl wakes up at 5am usually...and don't tell Tamar this, but for some reason (I promise, not intentional), the monitor in the baby's room was off, so I didn't hear her and somehow I just woke up at 6.41am and Calanit was just lying in her crib, wide awake. I have no idea how long she'd been up. Anyway, she's fed now.
You've got to be really efficient, that's lesson #1 on Morning #1.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Epochal Shifts of Time...
There are periods during life when the non-essential items just have to fall to this side. This past month has been one of them. Tamar and I have decided that now is the time for us to buy a house and as of last Wednesday, we have a contract on one. Nothing's final yet, but the inspection is scheduled for this week and if all goes according to plan (which if experience has taught me anything, it won't), we'll settle on 11/22. That's a pretty big step. My grandfather said to me once that the three biggest decisions you make in life are "whom you marry, when you have your first child, and when you buy your first house." They all involve major shifts in responsibility.
Speaking of shifts, I was speaking with Chuck Fox today and he said, "I think you're really an adult when you say to yourself, 'you know, it just makes more sense if I go to bed early.'" How true...
Calanit is 10 months old today and the big achievement of the past week was that we felt tooth #1 push its way through. "The days are long, but the years are short," sayeth my mother.
Balance...had a great talk with a friend, Felix Kushnir, while sitting in his backyard on an absolutely glorious Fall day. We were ruminating about the challenge that we felt as fathers between our desire to participate in multiple aspects of our childrens' lives (taking them to games, helping with homework, etc.), and the overwhelming pressure we feel to provide for them and our families in a financial way which requires, often times, absence from the home, or at the very least, an inability to pay attention while we ARE at home. Suggestions are welcome on how to manage this process.
Speaking of shifts, I was speaking with Chuck Fox today and he said, "I think you're really an adult when you say to yourself, 'you know, it just makes more sense if I go to bed early.'" How true...
Calanit is 10 months old today and the big achievement of the past week was that we felt tooth #1 push its way through. "The days are long, but the years are short," sayeth my mother.
Balance...had a great talk with a friend, Felix Kushnir, while sitting in his backyard on an absolutely glorious Fall day. We were ruminating about the challenge that we felt as fathers between our desire to participate in multiple aspects of our childrens' lives (taking them to games, helping with homework, etc.), and the overwhelming pressure we feel to provide for them and our families in a financial way which requires, often times, absence from the home, or at the very least, an inability to pay attention while we ARE at home. Suggestions are welcome on how to manage this process.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Microsoft's Dress Code
I wore a suit and tie to go see a customer yesterday.
Afterwards, got back to the office and the most frequent comments I heard were:
- who died?
- good luck on the interview
That’ll give you a small insight into the dress code around here.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Have you ever looked at your credit rating? You can do it online. There are three big agencies and it's amazing how much information they have about you.
Tamar and I are thinking about buying a house (more on that later). I'll tell you one thing I've learned in this process. Pay your bills, man. It's like big brother is watching out there.
Tamar and I are thinking about buying a house (more on that later). I'll tell you one thing I've learned in this process. Pay your bills, man. It's like big brother is watching out there.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
The Gift of Feminism
My wife likes to joke that in our marriage one of us has a body image disorder, is a feminist, and is overly emotional...the only thing is, it's me.
I've been thinking about feminism recently and started to think some potentially un-PC thoughts. I haven't come to a conclusion, but I am asking the questions.
So, it seems like with the women's liberation movement and the arrival of the two income family, that the expectations of what constitutes a middle class lifestyle increases in terms of economic consumption power. In order to maintain this lifestyle, two incomes are required, for the most part.
So, when a couple has a child, it's not entirely economically feasible for the wife (or the husband for that matter, but for the sake of 'tradition,' let's say the wife) to stay home and simply raise the children. She needs to go out of the home in order to generate the income.
What this does, however, is create a situation in which the raising of the children is effectively outsourced to someone with much less education than the woman who gave birth to the children. Whether there is a difference in cultural values and morals may be debatable, but certainly the woman outside of the home, for the most part, has greater earning potential, probably stemming from advanced education, than the woman (for the most part) hired to take care of the children.
What does this mean, then, for society in the long term? Does it matter really who raises the children? Or is stimulation and sunshine for a 1 or 2 year old impartial based on who is providing it?
In the short term, it's obvious that the family will have more income to support their lifestyle, but I wonder if having non-parents doing the work of parents (with the attached questions of whether someone who, at the end of the day, is working for the money) is a net gain, net loss, or a net wash-out for the children on the micro level and society on the macro level?
All of this came about during a conversation I had with a friend over Rosh Hashana. She's an attorney and with a 4 month old is fretting the decision about going to work. "This is feminism's greatest joke," she remarked. "You can have a job and have a kid, but if you want to raise your kid yourself, then what do you do?" Or something like that, but I think you get the point.
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I've been thinking about feminism recently and started to think some potentially un-PC thoughts. I haven't come to a conclusion, but I am asking the questions.
So, it seems like with the women's liberation movement and the arrival of the two income family, that the expectations of what constitutes a middle class lifestyle increases in terms of economic consumption power. In order to maintain this lifestyle, two incomes are required, for the most part.
So, when a couple has a child, it's not entirely economically feasible for the wife (or the husband for that matter, but for the sake of 'tradition,' let's say the wife) to stay home and simply raise the children. She needs to go out of the home in order to generate the income.
What this does, however, is create a situation in which the raising of the children is effectively outsourced to someone with much less education than the woman who gave birth to the children. Whether there is a difference in cultural values and morals may be debatable, but certainly the woman outside of the home, for the most part, has greater earning potential, probably stemming from advanced education, than the woman (for the most part) hired to take care of the children.
What does this mean, then, for society in the long term? Does it matter really who raises the children? Or is stimulation and sunshine for a 1 or 2 year old impartial based on who is providing it?
In the short term, it's obvious that the family will have more income to support their lifestyle, but I wonder if having non-parents doing the work of parents (with the attached questions of whether someone who, at the end of the day, is working for the money) is a net gain, net loss, or a net wash-out for the children on the micro level and society on the macro level?
All of this came about during a conversation I had with a friend over Rosh Hashana. She's an attorney and with a 4 month old is fretting the decision about going to work. "This is feminism's greatest joke," she remarked. "You can have a job and have a kid, but if you want to raise your kid yourself, then what do you do?" Or something like that, but I think you get the point.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
It's not that I didn't cherish life and living when I was younger, it's just that I thought...well, it's got to end sometime, so although it would be cool to live to 100, in reality, what difference does it really make if you go when you're 20, 50, or 100? Sure, you've seen and done a few more things and you gain some perspective, but it's over when it's over, right?
Well, now the thing is, when I think about death-which I do a lot more now that I have a daughter-I think about how the thing I don't want to miss out on is what type of person my daughter is going to grow into and become. I don't want to miss any stage of her development. That's what keeps me going. It's a great feeling in a way to live for something truly larger than yourself, I suppose.
Well, now the thing is, when I think about death-which I do a lot more now that I have a daughter-I think about how the thing I don't want to miss out on is what type of person my daughter is going to grow into and become. I don't want to miss any stage of her development. That's what keeps me going. It's a great feeling in a way to live for something truly larger than yourself, I suppose.
Friday, September 10, 2004
"She's been out as long as she was in."
Today is Calanit's 9 month birthday (and my half birthday!). She just had her check-up, is 17 lbs and is in the 45th percentile for height and 25th for weight (or maybe it's reversed), but the point is she's doing great.
Her personality is really developing. She's standing (with help) quite well and has a great smile. It's amazing.
Many people have said to me "once you have a kid, you can't think of life without her." Well, in the spiritual sense, that's true, but in the normal, convenience sense...well, I can remember not having to get up early to change diapers and not having to worry about child care, but it's all good. She's more than worth it.
I can't get over how much I love this little girl.
Today is Calanit's 9 month birthday (and my half birthday!). She just had her check-up, is 17 lbs and is in the 45th percentile for height and 25th for weight (or maybe it's reversed), but the point is she's doing great.
Her personality is really developing. She's standing (with help) quite well and has a great smile. It's amazing.
Many people have said to me "once you have a kid, you can't think of life without her." Well, in the spiritual sense, that's true, but in the normal, convenience sense...well, I can remember not having to get up early to change diapers and not having to worry about child care, but it's all good. She's more than worth it.
I can't get over how much I love this little girl.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
The latter half of this week has been like the Twilight Zone. On Wed. morning, I was responsible for a relatively large marketing event that required a great deal of preparation. I knew I had to be there by 7.30am, so I was planning to get to bed at 9.30pm on Tues. night. Being the nerd that I am, I checked email only to see that everything that I thought was under control wasn't. It's a long story, but basically I didn't get to bed until 1pm, got up at 5.15am and went to the event.
At 12.30pm, I left the event in Reston, VA, picked up my wife in Chevy Chase, drove to the Bronx (yes, you read that correctly) for a wedding at 6.30. We left the wedding at 11.15pm and we returned to my parents house (where our daughter was in the midst of her first ever sleep-over) at 3.45am. By 9.30am the next morning, I was back in my office.
Since then, I've been trying to recover. Man, do I need this Sabbath rest in a big way.
At 12.30pm, I left the event in Reston, VA, picked up my wife in Chevy Chase, drove to the Bronx (yes, you read that correctly) for a wedding at 6.30. We left the wedding at 11.15pm and we returned to my parents house (where our daughter was in the midst of her first ever sleep-over) at 3.45am. By 9.30am the next morning, I was back in my office.
Since then, I've been trying to recover. Man, do I need this Sabbath rest in a big way.
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